


To Love You More

by southernmiss



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Disrupted Friend Group, Exes, F/F, F/M, M/M, sweethearts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-19
Updated: 2016-10-20
Packaged: 2018-07-25 08:16:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 120,596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7525156
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/southernmiss/pseuds/southernmiss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Clarke is deeply, madly in love with Lexa.  They are perfect together.  They are soul mates.  So, needless to say it surprises Clarke when Lexa ends their relationship of four years. They haven't seen or spoken to each other in five years.  Both of their best friends, Raven and Octavia, are torn between their two friends.  Clarke moves back home, and is surprised to find someone living there that isn't suppose to be.  Will Raven and Octavia be able to end the feud between their two best friends, or will they forever be torn?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This is my second work. If you read my first, 'Can't Help Falling In Love', thank you! If not, then I hope that you enjoy this! Here's the first chapter. Let me know what you think! :)

“You better hurry up, Princess, we’re going to be late!” A teasing voice called from the hallway. Clarke hated that nickname with a passion.

Clarke practically ran down the hallway to the front door of her apartment carrying an old, brown leather briefcase. “Why the hell do you insist on calling me that, Finn?” She tried her best to look agitated. “I’m not a damn princess.”

The floppy-haired boy leaned down and pressed as soft kiss to Clarke’s lips before pulling away and adjusting the backpack strap on his shoulder. “You’re MY princess.” He smiled and added a wink for good measure.

Clarke can only roll her eyes.

“Come on then. That plane isn’t going to wait for us, Clarke.” Finn says firmly.

Finn begins to make his way down the hallway of the apartment building and as Clarke grabs the doorknob, she turns back around to take on last glance over her home. Her old home now.

She is moving back to her hometown of Dallas, Texas. She hasn’t been back in five years. It was going to be strange being back there and being around familiar faces that she hasn’t seen in ages.

She left Dallas to pursue her dream of becoming an artist. Los Angeles has been her home now for the last five years. It’s where she became known for her paintings. It’s where her new friends are. It’s where she met Finn.

Finn was coming back to Dallas with her for a couple of weeks to help her get settled in, even though she has told him multiple times that she doesn’t need supervision.

Truth is, she’s a little bit terrified to be heading back there. That places holds so many amazing memories, but it also holds quiet a few bad ones as well.

She feels water forming in her eyes before she turns on her heels and closes the door, catching up to Finn at the end of the hall.

“You ready?” He asks.

“As I’ll ever be.”

 

 

A couple of hours have passed, and Finn is fast asleep on the plane. Clarke is far from being able to sleep. She hates flying. The height is one thing, but the turbulence and claustrophobic nature of planes terrifies her.

Clarke laid her head against the back of her seat, closing her eyes trying to keep all of those painful memories at bay. The thought of going back home has been exciting, but it’s also been painful. Her mind is flooded constantly with agonizing past.

She is glad that she doesn’t have to go back to her childhood house. She can’t go back without thinking of her father constantly. Her father, Jake, had passed away suddenly of a heart attack when she was twenty-two, just before her college graduation. Clarke’s father was her best friend. He could make her laugh anytime, he always gave her the best advice, and he never ever judged her. Unlike her mother.

Clarke and her mother, Abby, don’t have a very good relationship at all. They don’t hate each other; they just can barely be around each other without getting into some form of argument. Clarke feels as if they’ve both come to some form of conscious agreement to stay away and just chat on the phone every few weeks.

Abby never really agreed with Clarke’s lifestyle. And by lifestyle, she means she didn’t like the fact that Clarke like girls. Even though Clarke had only ever dated one woman in her life.

That was the other source of painful memories of going back to Dallas.

Lexa.

Clarke met Lexa in the tenth grade. Lexa transferred into Clarke’s high school as an eleventh grader and they became the best of friends. There was nothing romantic about their relationship. At first.

Lexa graduated a year before Clarke and headed off to college. It was only about an hour away, so they still got to hang out with each other very often. They shared mutual friends in Raven and Octavia. The four of them were always attached at the hip. Raven had graduated with Lexa, and Octavia had graduated with Clarke.

When Clarke and Octavia graduated, the joined Lexa and Raven in college. About half a semester in, Clarke and Lexa’s feelings for each other started to blossom into something more than platonic. And when those feelings became romantic, it came like a bolt of lightning. Out of nowhere and extremely powerful and electric.

They were perfect for each other.

Clarke was eighteen and Lexa was nineteen. They dated for almost four years before Lexa decided that she wanted to join the Army.

Clarke was very supportive of Lexa’s decision, but before Lexa left for training, she broke up with Clarke.

The blonde was heartbroken. Devastated. She felt like her heart had shattered into a million pieces and those pieces had settled into the pit of her stomach. She didn’t get much of an explanation, other than Lexa saying that she wanted Clarke to pursue her dream of becoming an artist and not waste her time worrying about Lexa.

They both had cried for hours with each other before Lexa left for North Carolina.

Clarke hasn’t seen her since.

It’s been five years, and Clarke still thinks about Lexa from time to time. She thinks about the way that she made her feel. She thinks about the way that Lexa had always looked at her. Like she was the most valuable thing on this earth. Clarke thinks about how goofy they would act together and tease each other constantly. She tries to push the thoughts, of Lexa’s lips on hers and Lexa’s hands on her body, away.

Clarke knows that she shouldn’t still think about these things after all of these years, especially now that she has Finn, but what she and Lexa had was electric. It was a once in a lifetime kind of love, and she didn’t know if she would ever truly get over her. She wanted to. That’s a definite. Lexa hurt her more than anyone else has ever hurt her in her life. Clarke was blindsided and she hated Lexa for that. 

She honestly did not want to run into Lexa, and she was going to try her best not to.

 

Clarke and Finn had finally landed in Dallas. They were walking through the terminal and Clarke spotted two familiar faces with a huge grins growing on both of them.

“Griffin!” Raven yelled.

“She’s back, bitches!” Octavia yelled, and it Clarke could feel her cheeks beginning to blush. She’s back on Texas soil for not even a minute and both of her best friends had already started to embarrass her.

The three friends brought each other in for a giant hug. It had been several months since they had seen each other. Raven and Octavia were very adamant about visiting Clarke in L.A. very often. They were great friends.

“How was the flight, guys?” Raven asked, flicking her eyes between Clarke and Finn.

“Way too long. That’s for sure.” Clarke groaned.

“It was fine.” Finn said. “Of course, Clarke complained the whole time.” He teased.

“I did not!” Clarke rebutted. 

Her boyfriend rolled his eyes, “Okay, Princess. Whatever you say.”

Raven started leading her friends outside to her Jeep that was waiting for them right in front of the door.

“Raven, you know you’re parked in a fire lane, right?” Clarke asked and then looked over to Octavia who just shrugged.

“Yeah. So?” Raven said, nonchalantly. 

Clarke just rolled her eyes and she and Finn threw their luggage into the back of Raven’s Jeep.

“How did you not get towed?” Finn asked as they started to drive away.

“I’m just good like that.” Raven smiled.

Everyone in the vehicle rolled their eyes that time, before Octavia chimed in.

“So, Ray and I checked out your new apartment. All of your things have already been moved in.” The brunette hands her a key. “Here’s your key. If you ever need another copy, just ask the landlord.”

“Thank you guys so much.” Clarke said with a smile. “You’re the best.”

Octavia works for a large real estate firm in Dallas, and she was damn good at her job. She helped Clarke get set up in the apartment that they were now headed to.

Raven is the youngest engineering professor at a private college in Irving right outside of Dallas. She had been an actual engineer before she had her car accident a few years back, which left her crippled in one leg. It had almost destroyed her, but Raven is a fighter and she fought back. She’s still not able to what she once could, but she settled in to teaching, and she actually likes it.

She is so proud of her friends.

 

“Welcome to your humble abode.” Octavia says with some form of Vanna White gesture to the door of Clarke’s new apartment. Clarke and Raven let out light chuckles and Finn just stands there with a small smirk on his face.

“Why thank you, madam.” Clarke says with a British accent before walking into her new home.

The space was perfect. It had the loft-type feel to it. Very open and spacious with a couple of brick walls, while the others were painted a flat white. She had let Raven and Octavia be in charge of picking out her new furniture from here in Dallas. She trusted them to pick out the best stuff, and they had.

Everything was perfect.

“It’s looks amazing guys!” Clarke exclaims. “Doesn’t it, babe?” She looked up to Finn.

He leaned down to give her a light kiss before saying, “Sure does, Princess.”

Clarke once again rolled her eyes. She had to stop doing that. Her eyes were bound to get stuck up inside her head one of these days.

“Well,” Raven said. “We will let you too get unpacked and settled in. I’ve got a long day ahead of me tomorrow, as does O I’m sure.”

Octavia nods. “Yeah. What she said.”

Clarke gave both of her friends tight hugs before they left.

“We will see you Wednesday at the gallery, right?” Raven asked.

“Duh, Raven.” Clarke smiled. “It’s my gallery, and the grand opening. Of course I will be there.”

“Oh yeah. Right.” Raven said before walking out the door.

Finn began walking back towards the back of the apartment where he assumed that the bedroom was. “I’m going to check out the bed. I’m beat.”

“Alright. I’m just going to look around.” Clarke said. “If you’re going to take a nap, I may run down and check out the gallery set up. They should have my paintings there already.”

“Alright, babe.” Finn called back. “Be careful.”

Clarke could not wait for her gallery opening on Wednesday. Just two more days and she would get to see more of her old friends; Monty, Jasper, Harper, Maya, Miller, and Zoe had all already RSVP’d.

She grabbed her purse before heading out the door and walking the short distance down to her gallery. 

When Clarke arrived at the building that housed her gallery, she took in the site from the outside. The sign hanging above the door was made out of modernized steel and read ‘C.J. Griffin’. That was the name that she chose to place on her work several years back. She was trying to attain some level of anonymity. She couldn’t help the smile that came across her face. She was so proud of herself and how far that she had come.

She had moved out to L.A. about six months after her father died, when she was twenty-two. She wanted to make a name for herself in the art industry, and she did. She didn’t have her own gallery out in California, but she generated a lot of buzz for her work around setting up pop-up galleries. Clarke had made a few friends pretty quickly when she moved out there, and they helped her as much as possible.

Clarke had been afraid that after her father’s death and Lexa leaving her that she wouldn’t be able to paint again. Her art wasn’t entirely the same as before; it was just a bit darker.

Clarke grabbed the set of keys out of the inside of her purse and unlocked the shiny red door. Inside, the walls were covered with brick, clearly original to the building. Her art was scattered throughout the open room. There was no sequence to their hanging, just the way that Clarke liked it.

She walked around the room, taking in every piece of her work and smiling at each. It would be hard to see some of them go. She had become quite fond of a few of them; although there was a few that she just couldn’t bring herself to sell. Well, more than just a few. She had to rent out an entire storage unit to house them. They were the ones that she wouldn’t let anyone see.

As she finished her tour around the gallery, she saw a woman, about her age, peeking through the front window. Clarke walked towards the front door and waved the woman in. She honestly didn’t know why she was letting a stranger in her unopened gallery, but the woman did look curious. ‘Time to start making new friends’, she thought to herself.

“Hi.” Clarke said. “Please, come in.”

The black-headed girl came in and her face held the biggest grin. “Thank you so much. I didn’t mean to bother you.”

“No. It’s fine.” Clarke replied with a smile. “What can I do for you?”

“Oh nothing really. When I saw the workers hanging up the sign a few weeks back I could not believe that C.J. Griffin was putting in a gallery here of all places.” The woman sounded really excited and it brought yet another smile to Clarke’s face. This one was more genuine. “His work is amazing!” The girl said.

Clarke could only chuckle and say, “Well, I really appreciate that, but he’s a she.”

The woman looked a bit confused and then her eyes grew wider as the realization began to dawn on her. “Wait. You’re C.J. Griffin?”

Clarke nods her head with a grin and then holds out her hand to the other girl.

“Oh my gosh!” The girl exclaimed. “I am so sorry. All of these years I thought you were a guy!” The woman grabbed Clarke’s hand excitedly. “I’m Costia. I’m a huge fan.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Costia.” Clarke says. “But did you say years?”

“Yes. I have been following your work for sometime. Something about your work just speaks to me.”

Clarke was beyond flattered at this point. How did the girl even know of Clarke’s work? Other than L.A. and the Internet, she didn’t think her hometown people would care.

“That means so much. Thank you.” Clarke started in genuinely. “How did you find my work?”

“A close friend of mine lives in Los Angeles. He’s bought several of your pieces I believe. As have I.”

“Really?” Clarke sounded surprised.

“Yes! I am so glad that you decided to set up a shop here. When do you head back to California?” The dark-haired girl asked curiously. 

Clarke only smiled and said, “I don’t. I’m originally from here in Dallas. Thought it was time to move back home and give my art a shot out here.”

“That’s awesome! Well, thank you so much for letting a random peeping tom in here.” The girl smiled. “It’s been a pleasure.”

“No problem. Thank you for your support, and tell your friend I said thank you as well.” Clarke said with a grin. She still couldn’t believe that she had already found a person that knew of her and her work.

Just as Costia made her way out of the door, Clarke remembered something and called out for the girl. “Costia!”

The girl stopped and stuck her head back inside the door. “Yes?”

“My grand opening is tomorrow. You should come. It starts at seven.” The blonde said.

Costia’s smile widened even more and shook her head almost to excitedly before replying. “Thank you. That sounds great! See you then, C.J.” She said before walking off.

Clarke laughed at the name. She really should have told the girl her real name, but decided where’s the fun in that?

 

 

It was five-thirty on the day of her grand opening and Clarke had been so nervous that she barely spoke the entire day. Finn had had to call in reinforcements early.

“Griffin!” Raven yelled as she and Octavia barged into the gallery where they saw Clarke and Finn sitting on the counter in the back of the room where the drinks were located.

“You’re early.” Clarke said, not that she cared. She was very glad to see her two best friends. She honestly didn’t know if she would have been able to make it through the night without them.

“Yeah, well, we thought that we could do a little pre-gaming.” Octavia grinned.

“This is my gallery opening, O. I’m not getting wasted.” Clarke said with not kind of emotion showing on her face. “I have to come off at least slightly professional.”

“So, I invited some more people.” Octavia said, and the way that she said it scared Clarke to death.

Clarke knew that Raven and Octavia were still just as much best friends with Lexa as they were with Clarke. They made Clarke the promise not to ever mention Lexa to her. Clarke didn’t want to know anything about her. She didn’t care. At least that’s what she told herself.

Obviously Clarke’s eyes had given her away because Raven stepped up to lay a steadying hand on Clarke’s shoulder before saying, “Relax, Clarke. We invited your mom. Not Lex-“

Octavia swatted at Raven’s arm to try and stop her, but it was just a little too late.

“Sorry.” Raven said.

“It’s fine. I’m a big girl. I’m over it.” She said quietly so that Finn couldn’t hear what they were saying. She had never told Finn about Lexa. It never felt comfortable. She didn’t even know what she would say. 

She was the love of my life, my best friend, and I don’t think that I will ever find someone that I loved as much as her. That might have scared him off.

“Whatever you say, Griffin.” Raven rolled her eyes. Raven and Octavia hated that they were torn between their two best friends. Clarke knew that and she hated that for them, but she couldn’t bring herself to talk about Lexa, much less be around her. She wondered all of the time if her two best friends talked to Lexa about her or if Lexa had made them vow the same vow that Clarke had made them.

She figured that it was the latter. She doesn’t know why Lexa would care. She’s the one that left her. For no reason.

The four of them sat around the gallery making small talk until the guests started arriving. Most of them were complete strangers, probably just passers by who were curious of the new business in their area. Clarke did see several familiar faces though: Monty, Jasper, Maya, Miller, Harper, and Zoe had all come to support her. 

All of the old friends became reacquainted with one another over art and drinks. Clarke had missed this. She loved L.A., but there was something about being home and with the people that she grew up with.

“So,” Jasper said, looking at Octavia. “What’s Lexa been up to? It’s been a while since I’ve seen her.”

Octavia glanced over to Clarke, hoping that she didn’t hear, but she did. Sadness was already growing on the Clarke’s face. Clarke could pretend all she wanted, but she was so not over the breakup. It’s been five years. ‘Something’s gotta give,’ Clarke thinks. She hates Lexa, so why does she always feel like this?

“She’s good.” Octavia begins, hoping to bring an end to the conversation before it really started. “Just keeping busy.”

“She always does. What’s with her? It’s like she never has time for us anymore.” Jasper says with an over exaggerated pout.

“That’s something that you would have to ask her.” Octavia says fairly sternly.

“She still got the bar?” Monty asked. This question caused Clarke to spin her head in their direction. She was trying her hardest to avoid this conversation at all cost, but did Monty just say a bar? Was Lexa not in the military anymore? Raven and Octavia hadn’t mentioned it, but then again, Clarke had asked them not to.

“Yeah.” Raven interjected, trying to take some of the pressure off of Octavia. “She practically lives there.”

“We need to all have a night there one night and surprise her.”

“You know how much she hates surprises.” Clarke spoke, surprising herself in the process. She received two very strange looking glances from her two best friends, before she looked back down at the drink between her hands. “I really need to go mingle with my guests.” She said quietly as she walked off.

“Who’s Lexa?” Finn asked, now curious as to what had caused Clarke to start acting rather weird.

“Oh, she’s Cl – “ Jasper started before Octavia interrupted him.

“She’s a friend of ours from school.”

Finn just nodded and went back to drinking his whiskey and avoiding the rest of their conversations.

“Close call.” Raven murmured to Octavia. “Nice save.” They both glared at Jasper who obviously had no clue what was going on.

 

 

Clarke was mingling with her guests when she noticed a familiar face in the crowd. “Costia.” She said, getting the girl’s attention. She spun around to see Clarke and that smile was back in full force.

“Well, if it isn’t my favorite artist.” Costia said.

“Thank you for coming.” Clarke smiled.

“Are you kidding? I wouldn’t have missed it.” The other girls replied. “Sorry I was late though. I was trying to talk my girlfriend into coming, but she didn’t want to leave work. Plus she’s not that into art.”

Clarke smiled. “It’s fine. I’m glad that you could make it.”

“What’s with this painting?” Costia said as she pointed to a canvas that was off of the walk and leaning against the back door of the gallery.

Clarke took a deep breath before replying. “Oh. That – That was suppose to go to my storage building and not the gallery.”

“May I see?” Costia asked and Clarke only nodded.

“It’s old. Probably around six years.” Clarke said and the memories of when she had painted it slowly began to haunt her.

Costia picked up the canvas gently and spun it around in her hands. Clarke heard a light gasp come from the woman’s throat.

“This is beautiful.” She said. Clarke leaned over to see the painting as if she had never seen it before. The painting was of a pair of eyes. Green eyes. Her eyes. Eyes that have seemed to haunt her for too long now. “I love me some green eyes.” Costia laughed.

All that Clarke could respond was, “Hmm…”

“Whom do they belong to?” Costia asked curiously.

Clarke was suddenly very interested in her feet, but decided to answer Costia the best that she could. “No one in particular. I just began painting them one day.”

“Hmm…would you be interested in selling?” Costia asked nicely.

“No.” Clarke replied a little too quickly and it might have even come off a bit harsh. “I’m sorry. It’s just – it’s one of my favorites. I don’t think that I could ever get rid of it.” That was the truth.

“Fair enough.” Costia smiled before sitting the piece back down. “Well, I better get out of here. My girlfriend should be getting off work right about now. It was good to see you again, C.J.”

Clarke smiled. She had to make herself do that. Not that she didn’t like Costia, but she was suddenly feeling very emotional after looking into those green eyes again, even if they weren’t the real thing.

“How about I give you my number just in case you decide to sell that piece?” Costia said politely.

Clarke laughed and grabbed Costia’s phone and entered her number. “Call me and we will get coffee sometime. It’s good to have met a new friend.” Clarke said as she hand Costia’s phone back to her.

“Will do.” The girl said with a smile before leaving the gallery.

 

Meanwhile, while Clarke was talking with Costia, Raven and Octavia were in panic mode across the gallery.

“Why the hell is Clarke talking to Costia? Why the hell is Costia even here?” Raven said frantically.

“I honestly have no clue, Ray.” Octavia replied as she paced back in forth, occasionally glancing over towards Clarke and the black-headed girl.

“Are they friends? Clarke is acting like she knows her.” Raven rambled once again.

“Raven. I need you to chill. I’m sure there is some sort of explanation to this.” Octavia said.

“Costia’s cool and all, but why would Clarke befriend Lexa’s girlfriend, O?”

“She probably doesn’t know. She just got back into town. It’s probably just some sort of coincidence that she knows Costia.”

“Guys!” Monty called out, interrupting their conversation. “Friday night. We are all going to Lexa’s!”

“Her house? Why” Raven asked confused.

“No! Her bar.” Jasper interjected. “It’s about time all of us went out together. We will surprise Lexa and make her hang with us. She can’t say no to all of us.”

“You actually believe that?” Raven questioned with a raised eyebrow.

“Let’s just do it.” Monty said, and Raven and Octavia nodded in agreement.

“Alright. We will see you guys, then. Tell Clarke that we said ‘goodbye’.” Monty said softly.

“And bring her with you Friday!” Jasper yelled as they walked through the front door.

Raven and Octavia look at each other, both knowing what the other was thinking.

“No way, Raven.” Octavia said, breaking the silence that had grown between them.

“Oh come on, O. I am so sick of having to split my time between two of my best friends. They need to just see each other and talk to each other. Maybe they can reach some sort of mutual agreement to at least be on neutral ground and not hate each other.” Raven said.

“I think that is the exact opposite of what they think about each other. You know that they still love each other. Obviously Clarke is still in love or she wouldn’t act like this all of the time.” She waved her arm in Clarke’s direction who was sitting at a table by herself, drinking her champagne.

“Yeah. She’s clearly miserable with old that old Finnhead over there.” Raven said with a smile as she looked toward Finn who was flirting with one of the cater waiters.

Octavia laughed at Raven’s nickname for him. “Okay. So we will drag Clarke with use Friday.”

Raven asks, “How are we going to do that? You know she won’t go anywhere near Lexa.”

“She won’t know.” Octavia said with a devilish grin.

There’s no way that this plan could blow up in their face. Right?

 

 

Clarke wakes up early on Friday morning, and not by her own accord. She hears a loud banging coming from the front of her apartment. Luckily, Finn doesn’t hear it. He’s such a grumpy morning person, especially if you wake him up.

She stands, and grabs some shorts out of the dresser beside her bed. She slides them up her legs and then slips on her house shoes. She had found the concrete floors in her apartment to be very chilly, especially in the mornings.

The banging is even louder now and she quickens her pace towards the front door. When she swings the door open, Raven is standing there with a huge grin on her face. “Mornin’, Sunshine.”

Clarke lets out a loud groan before turning back towards the kitchen, leaving the door open for Raven to come inside. “Why are you here?”

“That’s no way to greet your best friend.” Raven said matter of factly.

“Yeah, yeah.” Clarke murmured as she placed a K-Cup in her Keurig machine and leaned over onto the counter.

“I forgot how grumpy you are in the mornings.” Raven said.

“I’m not usually grumpy. It’s – “ Clarke looks over to the clock on the wall above the stove. “It’s 7:00AM, Raven. What gives?”

“Nothing.” Her friend shrugged. “Just wanted to see what you had planned for tonight.”

“You came to my house to wake up at seven in the morning just so that you could ask me what my plans are for tonight?” Clarke groaned.

“Well, yeah.”

Clarke rolled her eyes before grabbing her coffee mug from the machine and going to sit on the couch in the living room. Raven was right on her heels.

Obviously, Clarke wasn’t planning on speaking, so Raven spoke up again. “O and I are meeting Monty, Jasper, and Maya for drinks tonight. You should come.”

Clarke sipped on her coffee for another minute or so before responding. “Sure. I don’t have anything better to do. What time should Finn and I meet you?”

“Ugh. Does Finn have to come?” Raven grumbled.

The look that Clarke gave Raven only made the brown-headed girl laugh.

“He’s my boyfriend, Raven and he flew out her to be with me for a couple of weeks to get settled in. I’m not leaving him here alone on a Friday night.” Clarke said.

“How long have you two been dating again?” Raven asked.

“What does that have to do with anything?” Clarke responded. “About 8 months.”

“Hmm…”

“Why?”

“No reason.” Raven said as she grabbed a blanket off the back of the couch and cuddled up underneath it, laying her head on Clarke’s shoulder. “Do you love him?”

“Raven.” Clarke warned. “Please, don’t.”

Raven let out a small sigh before continuing. “Clarke, this may be over-stepping by boundaries as a friend, but you’re not happy. You don’t seem happy at all.”

“You’re right.” Clarke started. “You’re over-stepping.”

Raven said nothing. Clarke was obviously pissed. She always gets defensive when Raven brings up relationships. At least ever since Lexa. They sat there in silence for what seemed like hours before Clarke finally spoke.

“I’m sorry for being an ass.” Clarke apologized. “It’s just that…I know.”

“You know what?” Raven looked up at Clarke with a raised brow.

“I know that I’m not as happy as I should be, but I have to keep trying. I can’t just give up on every relationship that I start just because it’s not as good as another.” The blonde sighed.

“That’s understandable, but don’t you feel like you’re settling?” Raven bravely asked. “I mean, you are one of the lucky few that’s been able to find their soul mate in this crazy world. This can’t feel anywhere near as right as it did with her.”

There was a long silence before Clarke was able to speak again. Raven’s words cut her deep. She hasn’t talked about feelings or relationships in a long time. Lord knows that Finn doesn’t talk about feelings, but Raven is right. Would Clarke be miserable the rest of her life? There was no way that she could ever find a love like she shared with Lexa, right? This made her hate Lexa even more. It feels like she literally stole Clarke’s heart, and now no one else can have it.

“Raven….” Clarke breathes. “I will never be able to fall in love with anyone ever again. That’s what I feel and it really freaking sucks. I know that nothing will ever compare and that makes me hate her even more.”

“Don’t say that, Clarke.” Raven says sadly. It really breaks her heart to see Clarke like this, and she knows that Lexa goes through the same thing, even though she has Costia. “You don’t hate her. You’re just still pissed, and rightly so. I know that she kind of just up and left you, but she knew that you would follow her, giving up your dreams in the process.”

“Don’t.” Clarke hissed. “Don’t defend her.”

“I’m not defending her, Griffin.” Raven hissed back. “But you have to see where she was coming from. She was leaving. Going to the other side of the country for months and months at a time. She knew how much you wanted to go to L.A. and pursue your art, and she also knew that you would have given that up to be with her.”

“Because I loved her!” Clarke exclaims, almost a little too loudly. She had forgotten that Finn was still in bed.

“And she did that because she loved you. It was both selfless and selfish. There’s no denying that. She should have at least talked with you about it first, but you have to see it through her eyes.”

Once again, silence.

“How long have you been practicing this speech?” Clarke said and Raven swore she saw a hint of a grin.

Raven just shrugs and says, “What can I say? I need to stop being torn between my two best friends.”

“I’m sorry, Ray.” Clarke said softly. “I’m sorry that we stuck you and O in between us.”

“Make it up to me by going to drinks tonight?” Raven smiled.

“I told you that I would, and after this talk, I definitely need a drink.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! Sorry that it took so long! Life has been crazy to say the least. Thank you all for being patient. Hope that you like it. The next chapter will definitely have more Clexa in it.
> 
> I'm trying to get more into this whole social networking thing (I know. I sound ancient. lol.) so feel free to come follow me on Twitter. @asuzh90

“Clarke Jane Griffin.”  Raven said with a firmness in her voice.  “You are not wearing that out tonight.

The blonde throws her hands onto her hips and gives her best friend a glare.  “And why the hell not?”

“You have to look hot. That – “ Raven points towards Clarke and begins to wave her finger up and down, gesturing towards the girl’s outfit.  “That looks like something Abby would wear.”

“What? It does not!” Clarke exclaims and throws her arms across her chest.

“It does, Clarke. I’m going to start calling you Mama Griffin from now on if you don’t change your outfit this second.” Raven says firmly and points her finger straight down to the ground.  She tries her hardest to not smile, but she can’t help it, a small grin begins to take its place on her face.

“Ugh…” The blonde groans and walks back into the bathroom to strip for like the twentieth time.  “Why does it matter so much what I wear anyways?  I already have a boyfriend.  There’s not going to be anyone there that I want to impress.”

“Sure about that?” Raven smirks even though she knows that Clarke cannot see her.

At that, Clarke pokes her head out of the bathroom with a raised eyebrow.  “What’s that suppose to mean?”

Oh shit.  “You don’t want to impress me?” Raven says teasingly, and that seemed to do the trick at least for the moment.  Clarke stuck her head back into the bathroom to finish doing whatever it was that she was doing.

“What’s your problem today, Ray?” Clarke asks a few minutes later as she dug through her closet, looking for something that Raven would approve of as ‘hot’. “You’ve been acting weird today.”

“You act weird every day, but I don’t ask you what you’re problem is.” Raven said matter of factly.

“Fine.  Don’t tell me.” Clarke pretended to pout.

Raven just stuck her tongue out instead of replying to the comment.

 

 

A couple of hours later, Clarke and Raven are finished getting ready for their ‘night out on the town’ as Raven was calling it.  They two girls walked into the living room of Clarke’s apartment where Finn was waiting for them.

“It’s about time.” Finn said with a smile, walking over towards his girlfriend and pressing a soft kiss to her temple. “You look amazing, Clarke.”  She was wearing black skinny jeans, a tight white tank top with a red and black plaid button-up opened over it.  She wore black boots with a stiletto heal and she knew that she would regret it in the morning.

The show of affection that Finn had just shown her, almost surprised Clarke.  Finn had been acting weird the past few days and she did not know what his problem was.  “Can I talk to you really quick?” He looked over towards Raven and then immediately back to Clarke. “Alone?”

“Yeah, yeah.” Raven huffed. “I’ll be outside.”

As soon as Raven was out the door, Finn turned back towards his girlfriend as he displayed a small smile.  It was almost as if it were apologetic in some way.

“Clarke,” The boy started.  “I wanted to apologize for the way that I have been acting.”

“What are you talking about?” Clarke asked, even though she knows that he has definitely been acting strangely here of late.

Finn ran a hand through his long brown hair and cleared his throat.  “I’ve been an asshole, Clarke, and I’m sorry.”  Clarke looked at little shocked at his confession, not expecting him to just come right out and say what she’s been thinking.  “It’s just…this whole thing.  You moving back here and me staying in L.A., it really sucks.” Finn said quietly, but Clarke heard every word.

It took Clarke a minute, because she was a little baffled that Finn was actually going to miss her.  She’s been getting the feeling that he was ready for her to leave.  She steps forward and throws her arms around his neck. “Finn, it’s okay.  I really appreciate the apology, but we will make it through this.” She says with a smile in her boyfriend’s direction.  “We can do this long distance thing.”

“Yeah?” Finn asked with a smirk. “We are pretty badass as a couple.  I think we got this, but it doesn’t mean that I won’t miss you any less.”  He puts his arms around Clarke’s waist and pouts out his bottom lip.

Clarke can’t help but laugh.  Finn is so cute.  She’s missed his playful side. “I’ll miss you too, but we can do it.”  Clarke leans up to kiss him.  The kiss is slow and tender, and she tries her hardest to make sure that Finn feels a little more comfortable with the situation.  Finn pulls away and grabs Clarke’s hand in his own.

“Let’s go have some fun.  I can’t wait to meet the rest of your friends.” He smiles before dragging Clarke out the door to where Raven was waiting for them in the hallway.

“Finally!” Raven huffs. “You two lovebirds ready?”

“You bet.” Finn says proudly before slinging his arm around Clarke’s shoulders, pulling her close and following Raven out the building towards the car.

 

 

It wasn’t a long drive at all and Clarke realizes immediately where she’s at.  She hasn’t been here in years.  Not since her father passed.  She would recognize the old brick building anywhere.  The space sits in downtown Dallas amongst other bars, clubs, and little boutiques.  It’s her father’s bar.  Jake had owned this bar for many years, ever since Clarke was born, but after he died, her mother had sold it to the highest bidder.  It made Clarke sad to think of anyone other than her father owning this place.

“Clarke?” Octavia asked quietly.  She had just met up with Raven, Clarke, and Finn and they would all go in to meet with Monty, Jasper and the rest of the gang. “Is everything okay?”

Clarke pointed her index finger up towards the building to the sign that hung across the top. “It’s still called ‘Jake’s’?” She was surprised and confused as well.  Why would someone keep the name of her father’s bar? It was named after him. “Why?”

Octavia shrugs even though she knows full well why the bar is still named after Clarke’s late father. “I guess the owner like’s the name.”

“Weird.” Clarke says almost silently.

“You good, Griffin?” Raven asked.

The blonde turned to her friends and smiled.  “I’m good.  Let’s do this.” Before taking Finn’s hand and dragging him through the front door.

Everything looked the same as she remembered it.  Dim lights surrounded the space.  It was fairly well opened for a bar.  Her father had installed a small stage for open mic nights and such.  The actual bar fit alongside almost the entirety of the right wall. Clarke could see one bartender, although there was plenty of room for another. The lone bartender looked very familiar.  She would recognize the tall, dark and handsome man anywhere. 

Clarke made her way over to the bar, with Finn in tow.  She sidled up to the corner of the bar with a huge grin on her face. “Wells Jaha!”

The young man immediately spun around to see who had beckoned him, his stoic expression quickly turning into a smile. “Clarke?” He said, almost confused, walking rather quickly over to the blonde. He pulled her into a tight bear hug.  “Where the hell did you come from?” He asked after he finally released her.

“Ya miss me?” She grinned before pulling Finn in closer.  “Finn, this is Wells.  Wells, this is Finn.”  The two men shook hands and exchanged smiles.  “Wells and I grew up together.  We have been friends since the beginning.” She smiled towards her boyfriend.

“It’s nice to meet you, man.” Finn smiled genuinely. “It’s interesting meeting Clarke’s friends.  Got any good stories?” He asked, quickly glancing over to his girlfriend and then back to Wells before continuing quietly. “Like juicy ones?”

Both guys started laughing before Clarke interrupted. “Uh uh. I don’t think so.” Clarke growled.  “That’s not why we came here.”

“Ahh…Come on, Clarke.” Wells began, still grinning from ear to ear.  “Just one? For old times’ sake?”

Finn couldn’t help but smile at how cute Clarke looked when she was frustrated….or nervous? He couldn’t tell.

“Ugh….” Clarke groaned, throwing her arms across her chest and sitting in the nearest bar stool along with Finn. “One story.”  She leaned over to place a kiss to Finn’s cheek. He smiled.  “But I get to pick which one.” Clarke said definitely.

 

 

Meanwhile, on the other side of the establishment, Raven and Octavia sit with Monty, Jasper, Maya, and Bellamy.  Bellamy had surprised the gang by showing up, telling them that he and his band, known as ‘The Ark’, were going to be the entertainment tonight.  ‘The Ark’ played every few weekends at ‘Jake’s’.  The crowd there really likes their style of music.

“So, where’s blondie?” Bellamy questioned, moving his eyes between his sister and Raven.

Raven and Octavia quickly finish chugging their beers and slam the glasses onto the long table where they and their friends sit.  “Take that!” Raven exclaims with a pleased grin on her face.

“Oh, bullshit, Raven!” Octavia shouts. “You know I definitely won that round!”

The two girls growled at each other before Bellamy interrupted.  “Aren’t you two a little old for drinking games?”

“We’re twenty-six and twenty-seven, Bell.” Octavia said. “Not sixty.”

“Whatever.” He laughs. “You going to answer my question or not?”

“She’s at the bar.” Raven points as she stands from the table, gesturing for Octavia to follower her.  “O and I will go get her.  We need more beers anyways.”

The two dark-headed girls walk slowly together towards the bar, scanning the room thoroughly with their eyes.

“I’m so damn nervous.” Octavia finally said. “Raven, I think we should leave.”

“No.” Raven replied firmly.  “Hell no. This needs to be dealt with sooner rather than later.”  Octavia’s shoulders slump and Raven clearly notices because she places a gentle hand on her friend’s arm.  “I’m nervous too, O.  Clarke will probably murder us when she finds out, but it will be fine.” She smirked and Octavia could help but chuckle.

“The things that we do for our friends.” Octavia said. “So where is she?”

“Who?” Raven questioned, her eyes still scanning the entirety of the room.

“Who do you think, dipshit? Lexa.” Octavia said, pronouncing the name a bit quieter.

“Well, I don’t see her down her amongst the crowd.  She must be up in her office.  I bet she – “ Octavia notices how tense Raven seems to get and tries to follow her friend’s gaze.  Her eyes land on a dark- haired girl across the room.

“Shit.” Octavia growls. “I was praying that she would not be here tonight.  Of all nights.”

The girl that they both spoke of was none other than Costia, and she was now headed straight for them.

“Raven! Octavia!” Costia waved and the two girls threw on their best fake smiles and waved back, exchanging glances with one another before Costia was upon them. “I was hoping that you guys would be here tonight.”

“How come?” Raven said a bit more harshly than she meant to.  She really did like Costia.  She’s a nice girl, but she’s not Clarke.

“I need your help planning Lex’s birthday.  It’s in two weeks.” Costia said.

“Yeah. We know.” Raven stated, before taking an elbow to her ribs from Octavia. Raven grunts but then continues. “What do we need to do?”

“If you guys could just let your friend’s know the details, I will text them to you.  I still don’t know a lot of the people that Lex hangs out with, so that would be the most help.” Costia smiles.

“We can definitely do that.” Octavia chimes in.  “No problem.”

“Thanks guys.” She suddenly wraps her arms around both Raven and Octavia, bringing them both in for an unexpected hug. “You’re the best.”

Costia pulls back and starts to walk off.  “I’m going to find my seat. ‘The Ark’ should start playing in a bit.”

Octavia and Raven exchange looks before Raven speaks. “Ok. Let’s go get Clarke.  We need her beside us at all times.” 

Octavia chuckles and then says, “Now look who’s nervous.”

“Shut it.” Raven snaps as the both walk towards the bar.

 

 

 

About twenty minutes later, Clarke and Finn have joined the rest of the gang at the long table in front of the stage and Clarke notices how nervous and jumpy her two brown-headed friends seem to be, but doesn’t say anything.  Bellamy and his band are playing and they sound really good.  It’s been so long since she’s been able to hang out with all of her true friends like this.  She’s missed it.

“Another drink, babe?” Finn asks Clarke over the sound of the music, his breath tickling her ear.

“Please.” She places a soft kiss against his lips and smiles. “Ultra please.”

“One Ultra coming right up.” He smiles before standing and heading towards the bar.

“I saw that look.” Clarke comments and turns towards her friends.

“What look?” Raven asks.

“There was no look.” Octavia then chimes in.

Clarke leans back in her chair and pulls her arms across her chest.  “Look, I know that you two don’t necessarily like Finn, but he’s a good guy. Stop being assholes.”  Clarke grins. “I mean that in the nicest way possible.  I know that you are both just looking out for me after everything, but I’m fine. Really.”

Before Raven or Octavia can say anything, Costia plops down in a seat beside Clarke. “C.J. Griffin! What on earth are you doing here?”

Raven almost chokes on her beer from laughing that the whole ‘C.J. Griffin’ thing, but immediately starts freaking out because, ‘Shit. Costia knows Clarke?’

“Costia!” Clarke says cheerfully before pulling the girl into a quick side-armed hug. “How are you?”

“I’m great. How are you? What are you doing here?” The other woman asks.

“Just hanging out with my friends.” Clarke gestures over towards her friends and then over to the stage. “And enjoying ‘The Ark’s’ set tonight.”

“Wait. You know Octavia and Raven?” Costia asks, as she looks over towards the two girls and notices Octavia beating on Raven’s back while the girl is clearly choking to death.

Clarke looks a little confused to say the least, but the smile never leaves her face.  “They’re my best friends.  I’ve known them the majority of my life. You know them?”

“Of course! They’re my gir – “

Costia isn’t able to finish before Octavia immediately interrupts.  “We’re her girls!” Octavia laughs maniacally. “We have mutual friends.”

Now Costia is confused and she starts to say something else, but is stopped immediately when Bellamy, on stage, says into the microphone, “How about we get my good friend Clarke up here? Huh, guys? I know that it’s been a while since she’s played here.”

The crowd cheers and claps and Clarke feels completely lost. “What?” She looks up towards Bellamy who is on the stage with a large grin.

“Come on, Princess. Play the folks a song.”

“Bell, I can’t.  I’m out of practice.”

Raven jumps into the conversation.  “Clarke, get your cute ass up on that stage right now and sing us a damn song.”

Clarke can’t help but chuckle and then she notices how everyone is still clapping, encouraging her to get up on the stage. “Fine!” She stands from her chair and throws her hands up in surrender.

“Babe? Where you going?” Finn says as he appears back at the table.

Clarke laughs and she steps onto the small stage and sits down at the keyboard, “My people need me, Finn!” She laughs again and her boyfriend just sits and smiles.  He stares at her in awe.  Almost as if he didn’t even know that she played.

Clarke looks out into the crowd and grins. “Alright, guys.  Bear with me. It’s been a while.”

“Do your thing, Clarkey!” Octavia hollers from the table where all of her friends sit.

She sees Raven talking to a very confused Costia, more than likely telling her that ‘Clarke’ is her real name. She smiles.  “Alright. Here we go.”

Clarke immediately starts playing the keyboard in front of her and she has to admit that it’s like riding a bike.  She picks up almost instantly with the first song that popped into her mind.  It was originally a soft rock song, but she turned it into a piano cover.

She starts to sing and everything falls into place.  She’s actually missed playing and she notices the shocked look on her boyfriend’s face when she begins to sing.  She hopes that it’s a good shock.

‘LOOK AT ME, MY DEPTH PERCEPTION MUST BE OFF AGAIN

‘CAUSE THIS HURTS DEEPER THAN I THOUGHT IT DID

IT HAS NOT HEALED WITH TIME

IT JUST SHOT DOWN MY SPINE

YOU LOOK SO BEAUTIFUL TONIGHT

REMIND ME HOW YOU LAID US DOWN

AND GENTLY SMILED BEFORE YOU DESTROYED MY LIFE

 

WOULD YOU FIND IT IN YOUR HEART

TO MAKE THIS GO AWAY

AND LET ME REST IN PIECES

WOULD YOU FIND IT IN YOUR HEART

TO MAKE THIS GO AWAY

AND LET ME REST IN PIECES’

She continues playing the piano and smiles down at her friends at the table below before she feels her eyes pulling her, like magnets, to the top of the staircase coming down from her dad’s old office.  She thinks that she feels her heart stop and she immediately stops breathing all together, she thinks.  Clarke has no clue as to how she is still managing playing the piano.

Their eyes are locked.  Those all too familiar green eyes locking onto her blue ones. 

Lexa.

She sees the familiar brunette almost tumble down the stairs when she sees Clarke.  Clearly the last person that they both expected to see here.  ‘This has got to be a dream.’ Clarke thinks to herself. ‘No…I mean a nightmare…right?’

Clarke realizes that it’s time for her to sing again, but she’s honestly not sure if she can.  Her throat feels dry, and the lump forming inside acts as if it doesn’t want to budge.  She clears her throat and tears her eyes away from the green ones fumbling down the stairs.  Clarke decides to just ignore Lexa’s presence.

She could do that. Right?

Clarke takes a gulp of air and begins again, staring down at the ivory keys of the keyboard.

‘LOOK AT ME, MY DEPTH PERCEPTION MUST BE OFF AGAIN

YOU GOT MUCH CLOSER THAN I THOUGHT YOU DID

I’M IN YOUR REACH

YOU HELD ME IN YOUR HANDS

 

WOULD YOU FIND IT IN YOUR HEART

TO MAKE THIS GO AWAY

AND LET ME REST IN PIECES?

WOULD YOU FIND IT IN YOUR HEART

TO MAKE THIS GO AWAY

AND WOULD YOU LET ME REST IN PIECES?

Clarke repeats the chorus multiple times before finally ending the song.  She feels as if she’s been up on that stage for hours, when in reality it’s been no more than five minutes.  She stands from the keyboard and plasters a small grin on her face, looking out at the crowd for only a split second before stepping off the stage and heading back down to the table where her friends sit.

“Can we head home?” She whispered in Finn’s ear, almost a little too anxiously. “I’m not feeling so good.”

Finn’s face filled with concern when he looked up at his girlfriend. “Sure, babe. Let’s get you home.” The floppy-haired man stands and intertwines his fingers with Clarke’s before turning back to the table full of Clarke’s friends. “Hey, um, guys…We’re going to head out.”

“Suit yourself!” Jasper exclaimed from the end of the table.

“Already?” Monty asks.

“Yeah. Clarke’s not feeling well. It was nice meeting you all.” Finn comments.

“You too, brother.” Monty says with a smile. “May we meet again.”

Finn nods before dragging Clarke towards the door before they are stopped by Raven and Octavia.

“Where are you going?” Raven asks.

“Finn, may I talk to my friends alone for a minute?” The firmness in the way she said friends did not go unnoticed by Raven and Octavia.

‘Shit.’ Raven thought to herself before throwing a knowing glance over to O.

“You bet. I’ll run go get us a cab.” He said before leaning down and placing a kiss on Clarke’s cheek.  She turns to watch him walk outside the door of the bar, before turning around and letting loose.

“Tell me that you didn’t know that she would be here.” Clarke exclaims. “Tell me this is just a bad freaking coincidence. “

The two girls in front of her exchanged looks before looking back at the blonde.  Raven wanted so bad to play dumb and pretend like she had no idea about who Clarke was talking about, but she knew better than that.  Clarke was too smart.

“We knew that she would be here.” Raven says softly, looking down at her feet in the process.

Octavia stepped forward towards Clarke before placing a hand on the blonde’s bicep. “She owns it, Clarke.” The shock and confusion on Clarke’s face was very apparent to Octavia. “She bought it after your dad passed.”

Clarke couldn’t breathe.  How had Lexa bought her father’s bar without her knowing?  Why would she?  She was supposed to be going off to basic training.  That was the whole reason that she had broken up with Clarke.  What the hell?

“And why in the hell did you not tell me? Did you not think that I deserved to know that my ex, the love of my l -,” She stopped herself realizing what she was saying. “The girl that pulverized my heart bought my dad’s favorite place in the world? A place where I practically grew up?” At this point she was livid and all that her friends could manage to do was look down at their feet.

“You didn’t think that that was something that you two should have mentioned before bring me here tonight? Before bringing Finn and I?” She finished her thousand part question for the time being.

“Clarke…” Octavia started, but it was Raven who interrupted.

“We’re sick of you two pulling us apart!” Raven exclaimed and Clarke’s eyes widened and immediately she felt a little bit of guilt. “We know that you both don’t mean to, but what do you expect? O and I are still best friends with the both of you, yet you haven’t seen each other in like five years.  You’ve both sworn us to secrecy.  Neither of you would let us tell you any information on the other.” Raven takes a breath before beginning again. “That’s why we didn’t tell you that Lexa bought ‘Jake’s’.  You live here now, Clarke.  You’re back.  You both run with the same group of people.  It was going to happen at some point or another.”

“Clarke, we know that you don’t want to, we know that it will be hard, but please?” Octavia asks politely.  “Please do this.  Not for us, but for yourselves.”

Clarke doesn’t speak immediately.  She was trying to mull over all of the information that her two best friends had just given her.  She had no clue that the two of them felt the way that they did. “I’m sorry.  I didn’t mean to drag you both into this.” Her eyes finally leave her feet, where she had been staring for the last several minutes, before absentmindedly scanning the room.

“Did she know?” Clarke asks softly before meeting her best friends’ gaze.

“Know what?” Octavia asks. “That you would be here?” Clarke nods.

Raven steps forward and places a hand on Clarke’s shoulder. “No.  She didn’t, but you damn well better believe that she will get this same speech.” Clarke couldn’t help but grin, but the grin didn’t last long before a figure came out of nowhere from behind Raven and Octavia.

“Clarke…” The green eyes were still wide from the shock of seeing the blonde-haired girl after all of these years, and she almost immediately regretted coming over when Clarke’s jaw clenched and her body clearly tensed up.

Clarke looked like she was ready to make a run for the door, but do did Raven and Octavia. They both looked as if they were about to piss themselves.

“Lexa…” Clarke finally managed to say and the sound of her name rolling off of Clarke’s tongue made Lexa shiver a little.  Her voice was just as low and raspy as she remembered.  She loved it. ‘She used to love it.’ Lexa told herself.

“How – how are you? How’ve you been?” Lexa finally stutters out her question.

“I’m well.” Clarke says in a monotone, and there was absolutely no emotion in her voice or reflected on her face.  She tried desperately making eye contact and tried showing Lexa that she was not at all intimidated by this whole conversation. “And you?”

Lexa was staring like a damn idiot.  She knew that she was.  “I’m good. I just -,” She was immediately interrupted by a kiss to the cheek.

“Hey, babe!” Costia said with a smile before looking back to Clarke and her friends.  “I see that you know, C.J….I’m sorry…Clarke.” She adds another smirk.  “You sounded amazing up there, Clarke.  Who knew that you could sing too?”

Babe? Wait…Lexa is Costia’s girlfriend. Shit. Just freaking great.  Clarke feels her heart sink further into her stomach.  She doesn’t know why she should care, but the sight of Costia intertwining her fingers with Lexa’s makes her almost sick to her stomach.

“Thank, Costia.” She finally managed to say. “And I’m sorry about the whole ‘C.J.’ thing.”

The brown headed girl smiled.  “It’s quite all right. Raven explained to me the whole anonymous artist thing.”

“C.J.?” Lexa asks softly and almost to herself, but Costia hears her.

“Yeah, Lex.” And Clarke’s swears that she physically cringed hearing Costia call her ‘Lex’. “Clarke here is the one and only C.J. Griffin.  The girl I’ve been telling you about.”

Lexa and Clarke are still staring at each other as if to search the other’s soul.  Clarke is the first to say something.  She had to get out of there.  The longer that she stayed the more she felt as if she couldn’t breathe. “Well, it was good to see you all, but Finn is waiting.”

The look of curiosity on Lexa’s face at the mention of Finn’s name did not go unnoticed by Clarke and she felt a little too proud.  Lexa has a girlfriend and she has a boyfriend.  They are no longer in each other’s lives and that is fine.  They have others now.  Clarke turns on her heels and walks out the door, not bothering to look back.  She doesn’t think that she could leave if she caught sight of those green eyes again.  She wanted to hate them, but that was nearly impossible.

“You ready, babe?” Finn asks outside wrapping his arm around Clarke’s waist. “You don’t look so good.”

“Yeah. Please…” Clarke says firmly, and for some reason, she just wants to go home and cry into her pillow like a teenager. “Let’s just get the hell out of here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twitter: @asuzh90


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait guys, but Clexa finally has a conversation! Hope that you all like it! Let me know what you think in the comments. Thank you all for reading! :)
> 
> Follow me on Twitter @asuzh90

The weekend comes and goes, and it’s Monday morning. Clarke still doesn’t want to get out of her bed. She’s stayed there ever since Friday night. Ever since she had her first run in with Lexa. She doesn’t know how long she can just act like she’s sick and not just upset.

“Morning, beautiful.” She hears Finn’s soft voice coming from where he’s standing in the doorway of her bedroom. Clarke slowly lifts her head off of her pillow to look up and over to him.

She gives him a small smile. “Morning.”

“I made breakfast. I thought you’d need a good meal to start your day. “ It’s Clarke’s first official day at her gallery after her grand opening. She already has several orders to fill and she really should be excited about getting up to go paint for her job, but all she wants to do is lie there in her bed and wallow in her own misery.

She makes herself get up, however; Finn has waited on her hand and foot over the past few days, thinking that she was actually sick. The least that she can do is get up and enjoy the morning with him before he has to leave to head back to Los Angeles.

“Smells good.” Clarke grin, sitting up in bed and pulling her long golden locks up into a messy bun. She stands and walks over to her boyfriend, throwing her arms around his neck and pulling him into a kiss. “You’re too good to me.”

“Nah.” He smiles and places a kiss to the tip of her nose. “You got that backwards.”

Clarke grabs his hand and pulls him into the kitchen. “Let’s eat.”

//

After breakfast, Clarke is still in the kitchen cleaning up the dishes that she and Finn used. After a few minutes, Finn appears with his luggage in tow and an over exaggerated pout on his face.

“When do you leave?” Clarke asks sadly. She would miss him. She didn’t know how she would fare living alone.

“Now.” He responds. “I’m sorry that I have to leave so soon.”

Clarke walks over to him and pulls him into a hug, laying her head against his chest and letting out a sigh. “Don’t be sorry. You have work. That’s understandable.”

“We’ll make this work, Clarke.” He sighs. “We can do it.”

“I know.” She says softly before releasing him from her arms.

He places a kiss to the top of her head. “I have to go. Don’t want to miss my flight.”

“Be safe, babe. Text me when you land.” Clarke smiles.

“Will do.” He says, turning the doorknob. “I love you.”

“You too.” She smiles and she notices how Finn’s smile falters a little bit. It breaks her heart, but she’s trying. She does love him, but is she in love with him? It’s just something too hard for her to say nowadays.

After Finn leaves her apartment, she finishes cleaning up the kitchen and heads back to her bedroom to get ready for the day. She slings on some old ripped up skinny jeans and a UCLA t-shirt that she stole from Finn. She decides to leave her hair up in a messy bun and slips on her Chuck Taylors before heading out the door.

//

Around lunchtime, Clarke decides to take a break from her painting. She really shouldn’t because she hasn’t gotten too much done. Not as much as she needs to. There are too many things running through her mind. Too many things to focus on at one time.

She grabs her cell phone from out of her old leather briefcase, her father’s briefcase, and checks her notifications.

5 New Text Messages In Group.

RAVEN (10:53AM) – Want to do lunch today?

RAVEN (10:57AM) – We’re sorry about the whole ‘Lexa-gate’ situation.

OCTAVIA (11:03AM) – Is that what we’re calling it now?

OCTAVIA (11:04AM) – But I’m always down for food.

RAVEN (11:07AM) – We know, O. Yo, Griffin? You in or what?

Clarke can’t help but laugh at her friends. ‘Lexa-gate’? Really? And she can’t deny that she’s hungry. She just really hopes that her friends do not make her talk about Lexa. That’s the last thing that she wants to talk about now, but then again, she does have a lot of questions. She shakes her head to gather her thoughts before sending a text back to her friends.

CLARKE (11:38AM) – I’m down. Where and when?

//

Lunch is going well with Raven and Octavia; they make small talk about Clarke’s gallery, Octavia’s clients, and Raven’s students.

“So, when’s your next class, Ray?” Clarke asks, looking up from the spring salad that she’s been devouring.

“Not until three. The last of the day.” Her friend answered.

After that, there’s a long silence and it slowly begins to turn awkward. The silence begins to consume Clarke and she wants to ask her friends all of the questions that have been running through her head all weekend. She starts to think, ‘what the hell?’

“Ok.” Clarke breaks the silence. “For now, I will allow you both to break the vow of silence that I made you make.”

Octavia and Raven exchange curious glances, both of their eyes wide. They both look like small children when their parents tell them that they can have a piece of candy after supper.

“You mean about ‘She-Who-Shall-Not-Be-Named’?” Raven asks almost a little to excitedly and Clarke just nods.

“What do you want to know?” Octavia asks her blonde friend.

Clarke starts to shift uncomfortably in her seat, trying to figure out the way that she wants to word her question. “Well, for starters, is she not in the army?”

There. Let’s just get right down to it. Lexa had said that that’s what she was doing all of those years ago. That’s why she left Clarke in the first place.

“Not anymore.” Octavia answered.

“So she was?” Clarke asks curiously and Octavia nods.

“Almost as soon as she finished training, she was deployed to Afghanistan.” Octavia started. “She was gone for maybe a month before the accident.”

Clarke’s face grew even more curious. “What accident?”

Octavia looked over at Raven before looking back to Clarke. “She and a few others were in some village assisting with some of the civilians there. Lexa went into a house with a couple of elderly women to make sure that their house was secure. She walked into a room and a little boy came out. Lexa said that he couldn’t have been more than six or seven.” Octavia swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat before finishing the story. “He had a gun and before Lexa even noticed, he pulled the trigger.”

Clarke’s heart stopped in that moment. Clearly, Lexa is okay. She had just seen her a few days ago, but she still felt sick.

“The boy shot her.” Raven started in, finishing where Octavia had left off. “Shot her in the stomach. If the other soldiers with her wouldn’t have been part of a medical team, I don’t know what would have happened to her.” 

Clarke could see tears starting to form in both of her friends’ eyes and she felt the same thing forming in her own.

“It took her months to tell us what happened to her.” Octavia chimed in. “The doctors told her that it was a miracle that she lived. The bullet barely missed her lungs.”

Clarke doesn’t breathe for what feels like hours. So many emotions were running through her body. So, Lexa hadn’t lied about going into the military. She just wasn’t there very long.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Why – why didn’t she tell me?” Clarke fights to hold sobs back.

“She was back home and recovering before we even knew about it, Clarke.” Raven said. “We didn’t want you to worry. Plus, you said you didn’t want any information about her.”

Octavia also offers an answer to the second part of Clarke’s question. “Lexa didn’t want to worry you, Clarke.”

“She left me for the army.” Clarke glared at her friends then. “She left me to join the military and then when this happens and she gets to come home, she doesn’t tell me?”

“I know, Clarke.” Raven says, placing a hand over her friend’s. “But it’s a lot more complicated than that.”

“What do you mean?” Clarke asks with an eyebrow raised to her friend.

Raven just shakes her head and looks over to Octavia before looking back to Clarke. “That’s something that you will have to ask her. It’s not my place to say.”

Clarke let out a very audible sigh before asking another question that has been on her mind every since Friday night. “Why did she buy dad’s bar?”

Raven starts shaking her head again. “Nope. Nuh – uh. I can’t answer that either.” She gives Clarke a very small smile. “I’m telling you, Clarke, you need to have a conversation with her if you want some of these questions answered.”

“I can’t talk to her, Ray.” Clarke begins. “I can’t even look at her.”

“That’s not what it looked like Friday.” Octavia smiles. “It looked like you two couldn’t keep your eyes off of each other.”

Clarke rolls her eyes. “We were in shock, O. We hadn’t seen each other in five years and here she is walking around in my father’s bar when I thought that she was probably half way across the country.”

“Yeah, yeah. Okay.” Raven says. “We get it. You were shocked. Time to have a little sit down with Lexy.” Raven nods towards Octavia and Octavia picks up her cell phone and begins to text.

“Wait. What are you doing?” Clarke asks immediately and she seems really nervous all of a sudden.

“Setting up a play date for the two of you.” Raven smirks.

Clarke practically leaps across the table to grab Octavia’s phone from her hands, “The hell you are,” but she’s too late.

“Done.” Octavia smirks.

“I hate the both of you.” Clarke pouts. “I don’t want to talk to her. I can’t.”

“Yes you can, Griffin. You have to do it. For yourself.” Octavia says. “You never know, it may help.”

Clarke sits back in her chair and slings her arms across her chest. She feels like her chest is about to implode. No. She feels sick. Very sick. “I seriously doubt that.”

//

Later, that very same afternoon, Lexa made her way to her best friends’ apartment. Without hesitation, she fiercely knocked against the door waiting for someone to answer.

“I’m coming!” She heard a girl say from the other side of the door. “Just one sec.” 

And just a few seconds later, the door was being flung open revealing the short, brown-headed girl that lived there. One of them at least.

“Lexa!” Octavia smiled. “What’s going on? You never come by here.”

“Yes I do…. It’s just – It’s been a while.” The taller brunette stuttered.

Octavia moved out of the way of the door, gesturing for Lexa to come in. “Well, come on in.”

The two friends make there way over to the couch in the living room, both of them plopping down at the same time. “Where’s Raven?” Lexa asked her friend.

Octavia picked up the remote that was lying on the arm of the sofa to turn the TV off. “She has a class until four.” Lexa laid her head backwards, resting it on top of the couch and let out a very audible sigh.

“Let’s hear it.” Octavia said as she spun her body around on the sofa to face her friend, crossing her legs under her.

Lexa lifted her head just a bit and pointed her eyes toward the girl next to her. “Hear what?”

“I’m not an idiot, Lexa. I know when something’s on your mind. Plus, as I said earlier, you never come by anymore…. something’s gotta give.” Octavia smiled.

The green-eyed girl leaned up from the back of the couch and pulled her knees up against her chest, wrapping her arms around them. “Why didn’t you tell me, O?”

“Tell you wh – “

The girl wasn’t able to finish before Lexa interrupted. “Don’t start that shit. You know what. Why did you bring Clarke to the bar? A little bit of a freaking warning would have been nice, O.”

“Just like the warning you gave her before you just up and left.” Octavia growled back. She immediately regretted saying that, but it was too late now.

Lexa’s head fell as she sighed. “That’s not fair. You know that I was just doing what I thought was right.”

“I know, Lex.” Octavia placed a hand on her friend’s shoulder. “I’m sorry. That was a dick move.”

They both sat in silence for several minutes before Lexa began to speak. “So, what’s this you and Raven trying to set up a ‘play date’ for Clarke and I?” Lexa asked as she raised any eyebrow.

Octavia smirked, but soon enough her face turned into a serious look. “You need to talk.” She said. “The both of you.”

“I can assure you that she doesn’t want to speak with me.” Lexa said softly, focusing on her hands.

“You’re right. She doesn’t, but that doesn’t mean that it shouldn’t happen.”

“What am I suppose to say, O? ‘Hey Clarke, sorry that I dumped you all of those years ago out of nowhere.’”

Octavia rolled her eyes at her friend. “That’s a start, but try not to sound like such a smartass next time.”

It was Lexa’s turn to roll her eyes. She didn’t miss the silence that had fallen over them, but just the thought of having to talk to Clarke made her feel nauseous. All of a sudden she felt as if she couldn’t breathe.

Octavia could tell how tense Lexa seemed to be getting. She could see the girl’s fists start to clench together and her jaw tightening. She immediately put a hand on Lexa’s knee, letting her friend know that she was there and it was going to be okay. Eventually.

“Lex.” Octavia began. “It’s alright. Just talk to her. I know she has some questions, and you’re the only one that can answer them. She deserves to know everything.”

“I know, Octavia.” Lexa finally breathed. “She deserves so much more than that.”

They sit there for a couple of more minutes before Octavia speaks. “Does Costia know? About you and Clarke?”

Lexa only shakes her head no.

“Are you going to tell her? Because she seems to really like Clarke. She’s been telling Ray and I that we should all hang out soon.”

“I know. All she talks about is Clarke’s art. It blew her mind when she found out that ‘C.J.’ wasn’t her actual name.” Lexa replied. “What was up with that anyways?”

“What? C.J.?” Octavia asked. “She was just trying to stay as anonymous as possible. I don’t really know why. My first thought was so that you couldn’t find her.”

To Lexa, that felt like a stab in the chest, but she knew that she deserved that and so much worse for the way that she ended things with Clarke and everything that has happened since then.

“Where is she?” Lexa asked quietly.

“Who, Clarke? Like right now?”

Lexa nodded.

“I think she’s at her apartment. Finn left earlier and I think that she just wanted to go back home and chill.” Octavia replied.

“Who’s Finn?” Lexa asked and it was almost as if she had spit out his name, because deep down she knew.

“Nope. Nuh-uh. You don’t get to play the jealous ex, Lexa.” Octavia said looking over to her friend with a glare. “You lost that right a long time ago. You know that.”

“What? Who said anything about being jealous? I just asked who he was. Jesus.” Lexa hissed.

“I know that look, Alexandria Woods.”

“Octavia, I have a girlfriend, whom I love very much. I am not jealous.”

“Is that so?” Octavia growled.

“I’m not doing this with you now.” Lexa stood up from her place on the sofa. “I have to go. Text me the address.” She said firmly as she walked towards the front door.

“What address?” Octavia asked with a confused look on her face as she spun around to glare at Lexa.

“Clarke’s.” Lexa said firmly. “I’m going now. If I have to wait for this so called ‘play date’, I’ll back out. It’s now or never.”

“Wait! Lexa! You can’t just show up over there after all of this ti – “ But it was too late. Lexa had already slammed the door and took off down the hallway.

“Well, shit.” Octavia said to herself. She pulled her phone out of her pocket and texted Lexa Clarke’s address.

OCTAVIA (3:53PM) – 100 Nation Circle APT#307

//

Around 4:30 in the evening, Clarke was woken up from her nap on the couch in her living room. There was a loud knock on her door. She knew that more than likely it was Raven or Octavia. Or both.

She got up off the couch before stretching her arms out as wide as they could possibly go. She ran her hand through her hair, trying to untangle the mess that her nap had caused. Walking over to her door, she suddenly realized that if it were Raven or Octavia that they would have just barged right in. She was curious. Maybe it was her mom. She has yet to see her since she’s moved back, but it was very unlike her mother to stop by unannounced.

Another knock at the door. “I’m coming.” Clarke said politely, not knowing who was behind the door. She reached for the doorknob and turned, opening the door slowly. It took everything within her not to immediately shut the door back and lock all of the padlocks that she had installed.

“Lexa….” Was all that she managed to get out.

“Clarke. I know that I am the last person that you want to see right now. Or ever for that matter, but I would like to speak with you.” Lexa said quietly, as if she were scared that speaking too loudly would scare the girl ever farther away.

Clarke absentmindedly starts to close the door little by little. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”

“Please.” Lexa pleaded, bring her hand up to stop the door from shutting any further. “I know that I don’t deserve to speak to you, but this needs to happen, Clarke.”

The sound of her name rolling off of Lexa’s tongue was the final nail in the proverbial coffin. Clarke loved the way that Lexa said her name. She always has and she’s afraid that she always would.

“Fine.” Clarke groaned, opening the door a bit wider. “Come in.”

A small grin formed on Lexa’s face as she entered the apartment, trying to hide it from Clarke.

“You can have a seat there.” Clarke said, pointing over to the dinner table beside the living room. “Tea? Water?” Clarke asked, trying to be at least a little bit hospitable.

Lexa shook her head no.

The brunette girl made her way over to the table to sit down while Clarke rummaged through the kitchen cabinets looking for a glass. She grabbed one and then grabbed a bottle of whiskey that she just carried with her to the table.

She was definitely going to need this to get through this conversation. She already knew that.

Clarke ignored the look that she received from Lexa as she sat down at the table across from her. “Alright. Let’s hear it.” Clarke said as she took a big gulp of the whiskey she had in her hand.

“Umm… well I know that – I just –“ Lexa was hella nervous. She brought her hand up behind her neck and rubbed, trying to think of how she should even start this conversation. It’s been five freaking years. She should have at least a glimmer of something that she wanted to say.

“Well?” Clarke asked.

“You’re not making this easy, Clarke.”

“Oh, I’m sorry. Was this supposed to be easy?” Clarke asked with sarcasm dripping from her words. “A conversation five years in the making after you just up and dumped my pathetic ass after being together four years?”

“Clarke…” Lexa managed.

“No. Let me do this, because obviously you don’t have the guts to.” Clarke basically spit. “Why, Lexa? Why did you leave? Let’s just start there.”

“I didn’t – I mean I – “ Jesus Christ, Lexa. Get it together. “It was never my intention to just up and leave, Clarke. You know how bad I always longed for something to do with my life. I never had something like you did with art. I never had any talents. I needed something worthwhile to do with my life, Clarke. I had to find a way to make my life matter in some way. What better way than to join the army? Huh?” Lexa chuckled a little hearing her own sarcasm in her voice.

“Your life did matter, Lexa. It mattered to me. You mattered to me, and I thought that I mattered to you too. Obviously I was mistaken.” Clarke said before taking another big gulp of her drink and pouring herself another glass.

“You did matter to me, Clarke.” Lexa said softly. “You still do. You always will.”

Clarke couldn’t help the sarcastic laugh that came from her throat.

“It’s true, Clarke. I’ve never loved anyone the way that I loved you. You were my best friend. We did everything together, and that was one reason that I had to let you go.”

Clarke looked at Lexa with a confused look on her face before Lexa continued.

“You had so much to look and work forward to in your life, Clarke. I knew that you wanted to go to L.A. to pursue your dream of being an artist. I knew that when I told you that I was moving to North Carolina for basic that you would drop everything and come with me.” Lexa said shaking her head, trying to hold the tears back in her eyes.

“And that was a bad thing? You’re damn right I would have followed you anywhere. I would have followed you to space and back, Lexa, because I loved you that much!” Clarke too had tears forming. She couldn’t tell if it was from sadness or anger or both. Probably both.

“I didn’t want you to give up on your dreams, Clarke. You’re so talented and look at everything that you’ve accomplished!”

“You were my dream!” Clarke yelled as she stood up from her chair in the dining room and walked over to the windows that flooded the living room with light. She was mad at herself for showing so much emotion. She wanted to be strong. She didn’t want Lexa to see how much she affected her.

Lexa laid her head in her hands on the dining table. They both lived in the silence for what felt like hours before Clarke began to speak. “You weren’t gone that long.” The blonde said, causing Lexa to raise her head. The brunette’s eyes were red and puffy and she was glad for the distance between her and Clarke.

“What?” Lexa asked.

“After basic. You got shot. Ray and O told me. Why didn’t you tell me? Why didn’t you come back to me then?” Clarke asked softly and Lexa swore she heard the girl sniffle.

Lexa stood from her place at the table and walked silently around the room. “I broke your heart, Clarke. I hated myself. There were nights when I didn’t want to wake up in the morning. The nights that I didn’t think that, I was wanting to wake up next to you.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.” Clarke said, turning around to face Lexa from where she was looking out the window. “Why didn’t you come back to me, Lexa? You didn’t even come home when dad died! You didn’t even come to his funeral, Lexa! He loved you just as much as he loved me!”

Lexa could see the tears falling from Clarke’s face and she took a few steps towards her before Clarke raised a hand to stop her.

“I did.” Lexa finally managed to say, shaking her head. “I was there. At his funeral.”

“What?” Clarke asked dumbfounded.

“I kept my distance, but I was there. I was devastated, Clarke. Jake was like a father to me. There’s no way that I wouldn’t have been there.”

“I needed you, Lexa. I need you there with me. You were the only person that I wanted to be there with me, to hold me and tell me that everything was going to be alright.” She was crying now. She couldn’t help it.

“Clarke, I am so sorry. I wanted to hold you. That’s all that I could think about when I looked at you that day. You’re the only person that I saw that day, as I stood behind that tree.” Lexa replied.

“Then why didn’t you? Why not come back? Our lives could be so – we could have been together Lexa!”

Lexa had finally had enough. She knew that it was her fault, but she couldn’t hold back the word that came out of her mouth next.

“Abby.” Lexa said so softly that Clarke almost didn’t hear her. Almost.

“What?” Clarke asked with a raised brow.

“When I left you, Abby told me to stay away from you and not come back, and when Jake died, she threatened me. Told me stay away from you. That I had already hurt her family enough. She didn’t want me at the funeral, which is why I kept my distance.”

“That doesn’t make any sense.” Clarke shook her head, looking over at Lexa.

“Clarke, your mother has never liked me. You know that. Even when were just friends in high school. She didn’t want you to be around me. So, when she finally found her out, she took it.” Lexa said, crossing her arms across her chest.

There were several minutes of silence before Clarke spoke. “How did you manage to buy my dad’s bar from her then?”

A smirk formed on Lexa’s face. “I had a friend from basic buy it. As soon as the papers were all in his name, I bought it back from him.”

“Why?” Was all that Clarke could ask.

“I couldn’t bear the thought of anyone else having that place. We loved that place, and I honestly couldn’t bear to see the name changed. That’s why I kept it ‘Jake’s’.”

Clarke nodded her head.

“I loved him so much, Clarke.” Lexa said stepping forward, closer to Clarke, but Clarke didn’t hold up a hand this time. “He was like a father to me. He was my family. You were my family. You were my home and I screwed it up, and for that I apologize. I know that that doesn’t even make up for a fraction of the pain that I caused you, and that it never will, but I’m sorry.”

“Thank you.” Was all that Clarke managed to say before she surprised even herself and pulled Lexa in to a very quick hug.

“For what?” The brunette asked.

“For telling me everything. Finally.” Clarke finally let go and Lexa started walking towards the door, knowing that their conversation was over. At least for now. 

“I have to go to work.” Lexa said, grabbing the knob to the front door and twisting it. The door opened and she began to walk out before turning back to face Clarke and saying, “I never stopped loving you, Clarke.” That was the last thing that she said before walking out the door.

“Me too.” Clarke mumbled to herself, a steady stream of tears falling from her cheeks. “Me too.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait! Life's crazy right now! I am in three weddings coming up at the end of the month, and I am a firm believer that the showers and bachelorette parties will be the death of me.
> 
> Thank you all for being patient. Let me know what you think of the update!
> 
> Follow me on Twitter @asuzh90

“Clarke!” The blonde hears as the front door of her apartment is abruptly swung open and she sees her two best friends walk through the door. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

“What are you talking about, Ray?” Clarke asked, raising an eyebrow at her friends in confusion.

The two short, brunette girls both stopped in their tracks and exchanged glances before walking the rest of the short distance over to the couch where Clarke was sitting.

“Oh, umm…. well Le – “ Raven started, but Octavia finished.

“Lexa text us and ask us to come check on you. What the hell is she talking about?” Octavia asked.

“She asked you to come check on me?” Clarke asked, clearly thrown off by the statement.

“Yeah. She did, Griff. What the hell happened?” Raven chimed in.

Clarke turned back around on the couch facing the TV, her mind still racing not only from her earlier encounter with Lexa, but from the fact that she had text their best friends to make sure that she was okay. Honestly though, why does she even care?

“Earth to Clarke.”

“What?” Clarke growled, not bothering to turn around and look at her two best friends. The other two girls quickly moved to stand in front of Clarke so that she could not see the television, both of them giving her a fierce look, one that she knew all too well. There was no getting out of this conversation.

“She came over here earlier and we talked.” Was all the Clarke managed to tell them.

“You talked?” Octavia quipped. “You mean you two had an actual conversation? Not just a conversation, but like a real civilized conversation?”

“Yes. Okay. We talked. Although, I don’t know if I would call the entire conversation ‘civilized’.” Both of her friends still stood in front of her, uncrossing their arms from their chests and holding them out to their sides as if to say, ‘And?’

“She started off apologizing.” Clarke was quick to roll her eyes. “And I asked her most of my questions. The obvious ones.”

“Like?” Raven asked, obviously very intrigued by the conversation that had happened between Clarke and Lexa.

The blonde-haired girl let out a very over exaggerated, audible sigh. “Like…. Why in the hell she left me, first of all, why she didn’t come back to me when she was released from the military, why she didn’t call me when my father died, or even come to his funeral, why she bought his bar… Those types of questions.” Clarke finished.

Clarke could suddenly see a change of body language between her two friends, and she once again let out a sigh. “You both knew didn’t you? That she did come to dad’s funeral…”

Both girls moved to sit down on either side of their friend. Raven threw her arm around Clarke’s shoulders and Octavia grabbed the blonde’s hand and took it in her own. “We’re so sorry, Clarke.” Octavia said softly.

“Yeah. We have been shitty friends.” Raven added.

“It’s okay.” Clarke began; looking back and forth between her friends, water clearly forming in her aqua-colored eyes. “You were doing what Lexa asked of you.”

There were several minutes of silence, as the three best friends sat there on Clarke’s couch. Clarke had so many emotions and thoughts running through her mind, and it was extremely tiring. She had not woken up that morning, expectant on what all would happen throughout the day, but in a way, she was glad that she had finally had the chance to speak with Lexa. The past five years have really eaten away at her mind, body, and soul, and from the way that Lexa spoke earlier, the years had been rough on her as well.

“Did you guys know about my mom? About her asking Lexa to stay away from me?” Clarke finally asked, breaking the silence in the room.

Octavia leaned up from where she was resting her head on Clarke’s shoulder and gave the girl a knowing look, followed by a nod. “We did, but not until very recently. We were really grilling Lexa before you came back and she finally broke. It was the first time that I’ve see her cry in ages.”

“Yeah and I wouldn’t really call it ‘asking’ either.” Raven chimed in.

“What do you mean?” Clarke asked, shooting up an eyebrow.

Raven quickly glanced over towards Octavia and then her eyes fell back on Clarke. “Your mom pretty much threatened her.”

“Lexa mentioned threats, but I thought that she was exaggerating. What are you talking about? What kind of threats?” Clarke asked frantically. She could feel her heart racing in her chest at the question.

It was Octavia’s turn to speak again. “She told Lexa to keep away from you. Not just you, but the funeral. She didn’t want her speaking to you, calling you, texting you, having any form of communication with you. Abby told her that if she contacted you in any way, that she would cut of the money that she was giving you for art school.”

“And of course Lexa obeyed. She wanted nothing more to see you achieve your dream of becoming an artist.” Raven added.

Clarke could feel the stinging pressure building up behind her eyelids as she closed her eyes. Octavia could feel the grip that had become tighter on her hand from Clarke’s. The blonde’s jaw clenched and both of her friends just knew that she was about to snap.

After a few minutes, Clarke opened her eyes slowly and looked up at the ceiling taking in a deep breath. “Why? What was it to my mom? She had no right to make that decision for Lexa or for me.”

“Are you kidding, Griff?” Raven asked. “Abby has always had something against Lexa. Ever since we were kids, and especially after the two of you started dating.”

Clarke stood then and there and walked over the key rack beside the front door. “You two can stay here. I’ll be back later.” The blonde grabbed her keys and turned the knob of the door.

“Where are you going?” Octavia shouted.

“I think that it’s time that I see my mother.” Clarke said before quickly exiting the apartment.

“Oh shit.” Raven said, looking over to Octavia.

“Oh shit is right.” The other girl said.

Raven began to pull out her cellphone and start texting. “Lexa has got to hear this.”

“Do you think that’s something that she needs to know right now?” O asked her friend cautiously.

“Hell yeah it is! Lexa is going to love the fact that Clarke is about to go rip Abby a new one.”

Both girls laughed before Octavia said. “I hope that you’re right.”

RAVEN (6:37PM) – This is not a drill. Abbygeddon is about to go down. I repeat, this is not a drill.

RAVEN (6:37PM) – Or does Armagriffin sound better? :)

LEXA (6:42PM) – What are you talking about, Raven?

RAVEN (6:44PM) – Clarke is about to go ape shit on Mama G.

LEXA IS CALLING…

“Reyes’ Porno Palace. What’s your pleasure?” Raven joked as she answered her phone.

“What?” The voice on the other end of the call asked, obviously taken off guard.

“What?” Raven repeated back with a smirk on her face, even though Lexa could not see her.

“Cut the crap, Reyes. What are you talking about ‘Clarke going ape shit on Abby’?”

“Well… She just left Octavia and I here at her apartment. Said she was going to see her mom.” Raven stated.

“And? What did you and O do, Raven?” Lexa was getting a little frustrated with her friend. She doesn’t even really know what she’s asking because she already knows subconsciously. The two idiots told Clarke about Abby’s threats.

“Aren’t you supposed to be working?” Raven asked, clearly nervous. Lexa could always put the fear of God in her.

“Raven!”

“Okay, okay.” Raven surrendered. “O and I might have told Clarke about Abby threatening Clarke’s college degree if you had any communication with her.”

There was nothing but a quiet sigh on the other end of the phone, and Raven swore that she heard a sniffle come from her friend.

“Lex?” Raven asked, her voice softer than it had been being.

“I never wanted this. I shouldn’t have told Clarke about the threats.” Lexa finally spoke.

“If you wouldn’t have told her, she would have continued thinking that you hated her.” Raven added.

“I would rather her hate me than her own mother, Raven.” Lexa spoke so softly, that Raven was afraid that the girl was going to break at any moment.

“We both know that that’s not true.” Raven said. “Plus, Abby’s a bitch.”

Lexa surprised herself by letting out a quite chuckle. Raven was right. Abby is a bitch. Has been the whole time that she’s known her.

“I have to go.” Lexa finally said.

“I’m sorry for telling Clarke.” Raven said into the phone, glancing over at Octavia who was watching her friend intently. “But not really.” Raven laughed.

“Why are we friends again?” Lexa asked teasingly.

“You love me, Woods. Now get to work.” The phone call ended and Raven once again looked over to O. “Well, that went a little better than expected.”

 

//

 

It’s been about six months since the last time that Clarke Griffin saw her mother, and now she was standing right outside the door to her childhood home, too afraid to knock on the door. She wasn’t afraid of her mother. Not by a long shot. She hadn’t been in years, but she was afraid that the anger that was filling her up in this moment would cause her to say some extremely hateful things, but right now, she didn’t care. After finding out what Abby had done, to her and to Lexa, that was the final straw. It was time to confront her mother about it, so she balled her hand up into a fist and knocked on the door three good times.

It felt as if she had waited for an eternity. Clarke was beginning to think that her mother wasn’t even home, but then the door swung open and Abby’s face was sporting a very bright smile. Clarke could not let that affect her though.

“Clarke!” Abby exclaimed, throwing her arms around her daughter and pulling her into a tight hug. “I wasn’t expecting to see you tonight.” Abby pulled back once she realized that Clarke was not returning her hug. “Come inside. Marcus is in here and I am sure that he would love to see you.”

“I can’t stay.” Clarke said firmly. “I just needed to let you know something.”

“What’s that?” Abby asked, her smile turning into a frown. She was clearly very aware of Clarke’s mood now. “What could you possibly have to let me know?”

Clarke’s anger automatically got worse by her mother’s tone of voice. It’s like Abby likes to fight and argue with anyone. Even her own daughter. Clarke immediately closes her eyes and takes in a deep breath, letting her mind wander to how upset Lexa was earlier that day. She was clearly taken aback by the fact that her mother had threatened Lexa, not just threatened Lexa, but threatened Clarke’s future.

“I know what you did.” Clarke said, slowly opening her eyes so that she could find her mother’s. 

Abby’s eyes immediately grew wide. She knew exactly what Clarke was talking about. It had obviously haunted her. “Clarke, I – “

“No!” Clarke cut her mother off. “You don’t get to speak. What were you thinking? That I would just never find out? That I wouldn’t care that you told Lexa to stay away from me? That you threatened her by using me? How could you do that? What kind of person are you?”

“Clarke, I am your mother and you will listen to me!” Abby exclaimed.

“No!”

“Yes you will! I was doing what was right for you, Clarke. Lexa left you. She didn’t care about you. She was just a burden. A burden that you didn’t need, especially after your father. She hurt you enough, and I wasn’t about to let that happen again.”

“That wasn’t your decision to make, Abby!” It made Clarke feel better to use her mother’s name and not just ‘mother’. “I loved her! You knew that even though she left, that I still needed her! Especially after dad.” Clarke could feel the tears starting, but she wouldn’t dare cry in front of her mother. She didn’t want to look weak. “She was my life…and you had a big hand in me never being happy again. Not as happy as I was with her.”

At that, Clarke walked away, back towards her car, but before she had time to enter it she heard her mother say one more thing. “I will not apologize, Clarke.” The words should have hurt her more than they did, but they didn’t. Clarke realized that if her mother truly cared about her and her happiness, then she would have at least tried to fight or apologize. Something. Clarke got into her jeep, buckled her seat belt, and never looked back towards the house where her mother stood.

 

//

 

A few days had passed since ‘Abbygeddon’ and Clarke was just getting back to her apartment after a long day at the gallery. She had actually managed to get a lot of work done today and she was very proud of herself for all of the business that she was obtaining.

When Clarke opened the door to her apartment, she saw Raven sitting on her couch eating chips and watching TV.

The blonde rolled her eyes to herself before speaking. “Don’t you have your own apartment?”

“Yeah, but O’s not there and I knew you’d be home soon.” Raven said with a mouth full of chips, not even bothering to turn around.

“I’m going to need my spare key back.” Clarke said teasingly, moving over to sit by her friend on the couch.

“Why?” Raven asked look at the blonde and wagging her eyebrows. “Finally going to ask Lexa to move in?”

“Oh my god, Raven.” Clarke grunted before slapping her friend’s shoulder and stealing the chips from her hands.

“Hey!”

“They’re my chips, punk.” Clarke said, turning her head to the TV.

The two sat there for about half an hour, watching re-runs of ‘Friends’ before Raven grabbed her cellphone after it kept buzzing.

OCTAVIA (5:42PM) – Let’s go out tonight. I need a drink.

RAVEN (5:45PM) – Where to?

OCTAVIA (5:46PM) – Jake’s.

RAVEN (5:47PM) – Good deal. I’ll bring Griffin.

“Get up.” Raven said as she stood and raked the chip crumbs off of herself, receiving a glare from her best friend. “Octavia wants to go get drinks.”

“Ok.” Clarke grunted, getting up from the couch herself. “But you’re driving.”

 

//

 

“Why are we here? Are you guys trying to kill me?” Clarke asked firmly, looking over to Raven and then back up the sign that read ‘Jake’s’ over the door of the bar.

“Chill out, Clarke. She’s not even here. It’s game night. Remember?”

“She still goes to those?” Clarke asked with a raised brow.

“Umm… hell yeah she does. If someone you knew gave you free Cowboys’ tickets all of the freaking time would you not go?” Raven asked before holding the door open for Clarke.

“True.” Clarke huffed before entering the all too familiar bar. 

It was clearly a slow night. There weren’t very many people in the bar at all and Clarke figured that it was because most of the customers around this neighborhood did usually go to the games. You could actually hear the roar of the stadium outside. That’s how close the bar was.

Clarke quickly noticed Octavia sitting at the bar, talking to the bartender. It wasn’t Wells tonight, but Costia.

“Hello, Clarke.” Costia said with a smile before nodding towards Raven. “Raven.”

“Hi, Costia.” Clarke said, still feeling extremely awkward about the whole Lexa-Costia situation, but the girl was nice. “I didn’t know you worked here.”

“Oh. I don’t. I just come in to help out on game days since Lex isn’t here.” Clarke jaw clenches from the way that the other girl says ‘Lex’.

“Why don’t you go with her?” Clarke asked. She truly was curious because she always use to go with Lexa to the games. Ever since Anya became a lead member of the Cowboys’ merchandising team, she was getting them tickets. 

Octavia almost spit out her drink at Clarke’s question. Once the girl swallowed, she began laughing. “Please! Costia at a football game?” The girl continued laughing only to be joined by Raven.

“Shut up.” Costia glared at them and then rolled her eyes. She turned her focus over to Clarke then. “I don’t really do sports. I don’t know anything about them.”

“Oh please.” Raven said, clearly wanting to join in on the fun. She loved picking at Costia. She was a nice girl, but she really didn’t like her being with Lexa. “When Lexa took you to that first game, you asked her how many shots they had to make to win.” Octavia snorted before Raven started again. “And how many points a ‘hole-in-one’ was.”

Clarke couldn’t help but laugh at that. A ‘hole-in-one’ in football. She herself snorted at that and wondered how Lexa dated someone who was so clueless about sports, being that Lexa was so obsessed with them.

“Not you too, Clarke! I thought that we were friends.” Costia exclaimed and pouted out her lip.

“I’m sorry, Costia. It’s just a little funny is all.” Clarke was still trying to hold back her laughter.

After a few minutes, everyone’s laughter had subsided and the four girls enjoyed some small talk.

“So, Lexa’s party is coming up on Friday. Are you all coming?” Costia asked.

Shit. Her birthday. How could Clarke forget? She remembered how she always tried to make Lexa’s birthday so special, but she also remembered how much she hated surprises.

“Ummm… duh we’ll be here.” Raven said, rolling her eyes. “Wouldn’t miss our baby girl turning the big ‘2-8’.”

“I’ll be here!” Octavia chimed in and then all three girls looked over to Clarke expectantly. 

“Oh, umm – I think that I – “ Come one, Clarke… you got this… Just come up with an excuse. “I have a ton of work to do at the gallery this week, so I doubt that I will make it.” There. Good enough. Believable. 

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Costia said, turning back around to clean the glasses on the bar.

“Come on, Clarke.” Octavia said.

Clarke could only give her a look, and Octavia knew to stop pressing the subject then.

 

//

 

It was Friday night, and Jake’s bar was packed. Most of the crowd was there for Lexa’s party. The surprise didn’t really surprise Lexa at all; although, she was clearly irritated that everyone was buying her gifts and talking to her all night. She didn’t like the attention to be on her. She hasn’t looked forward to a birthday in a long time.

“Lexxxaaaaa!!!” She heard someone yell and she turned around to see Raven stumbling towards her. Lexa couldn’t help but chuckle at how silly her friend looked and sounded.

“You alright there, Reyes? Do I need to cut you off?” She grinned.

“I am perfectly capable of holding my alky-haul, Woody.” Raven stated matter-of-factly.

“Whatever you say.” Lexa smiled, but then looked over to Wells and ran a finger across her own throat signaling him to cut her friend off. She obviously didn’t need anymore to drink.

“Do you feel older? Cause you look it.” Raven added.

“Thanks, I think.” Lexa said as she rolled her eyes.

“Uh oh, here comes Miss Buzzkill.” Raven looked behind Lexa, but quickly turned to run away. Literally run away. Like she knocked over a couple of people. Lexa could only roll her eyes once more before turning around to see whom Raven had been talking about.

“Hey, babe.” Costia said as she approached Lexa and swung her arms around the tall brunette’s neck, placing a chaste kiss to her lips. “Having fun?”

“I’m really not feeling too well. I think I am going to go take a walk.” Lexa said quietly as she pressed a kiss to her girlfriend’s forehead.

“Did you not like your party?” Costia asked with a frown on her face.

“No. I loved it, but I am just not big on crowds. You know that, Cos.” Lexa said, releasing her grip on Costia and grabbing her coat from behind her. “Thank you for thinking of me on my birthday.”

“Always.” Costia stated.

“Do you care to lock up when everyone leaves?” Lexa asked.

“I can do that. I’ll see you at home?” Costia asked as if Lexa was going to run away or something.

“Of course.” Lexa said before pressing a kiss to Costia’s cheek.

“Tell me what’s wrong.” Costia said, taking Lexa a little bit by surprise, but not really. Costia was always grilling her about something. It’s like she wasn’t allowed to have an off day emotionally.

“What?” Lexa asked.

“You’re being weird. Did I do something wrong? Was I not supposed to throw my girlfriend a party?”

“Costia….” Lexa sighed.

“What? I’m curious. You have been very distant these past few weeks. Why?”

“I haven’t been distant. I’m still the same old Lexa.”

“No. Because that Lexa loved me, or at least I thought she did.” Costia said, a little more harshly than she meant for it to come out.

“I do love you, Costia. Where is this coming from?” Lexa asked, but mentally she was so over this conversation. She felt like they had one or two every week now. 

“I don’t know. I just – I feel like you just don’t want me anymore. I get this weird vibe that I am holding you back from something.”

“Costia.” Lexa said, bringing her hands to rest on her girlfriend’s shoulders. “You are not holding me back from anything. I’ve just had a lot on my mind, and I am sorry that it’s affecting you. I didn’t realize.”

Costia didn’t say anything; she just looked up to Lexa and nodded.

“I am sorry that you’ve felt that way. I will try to be better. Okay?” Lexa asked.

“Alright.” Costia replied.

At that, Lexa leaned down to capture her girlfriend’s lips with her own, but only for a second before she finished pulling on her jacket and walked out the door.

Lexa really didn’t have any idea of where she was walking to, but she realized that she suddenly had a craving for ice cream and her favorite stand wasn’t too far from where she was now. The walk only took about ten more minutes before she reached the stand. As she was rounded the corner of the building right beside the ice cream stand, she bumped into someone and caught the girl in her arms before she could fall. She wasn’t able to save the girl’s cone though.

“Oh my gosh. I am so sorry. I just – “ Once Lexa realized who she was holding onto, she quickly let go and she could feel the blush rushing her facial features. “Clarke.”

The blonde was quickly startled as well. Her bright blues eyes widening as they met those all too familiar green ones. “Lexa.”

“I – um- I am sorry. I wasn’t paying attention.” Lexa said, suddenly interested in her feet and the world around her, trying her best to keep her eyes off of the blonde.

“It’s fine.” Clarke said, clearly not wanting to have this run-in at all.

Of course, their internal freaking magnets would draw them together like this. Lexa was sure that the universe hated her. Not only had she just had yet another argument with Costia, but she left to clear her head and ran into the problem that was causing her to be hazy in the first place. Shit.

“Come on.” Lexa finally broke the awkward silence. “I’ll get you another cone.”

“No. It’s fine. Really.” Clarke grumbled.

“Clarke, this isn’t comfortable for me either, you know? But we have to get use to the fact that you live here now and we live in the same neighborhood. We will be bumping into each other.” Lexa stated bravely.

“I get that we will occasionally bump into each other, Lexa, but when we do, you don’t have to talk to me. You don’t have to buy me another cone.” Clarke said, clearly aggravated and uncomfortable.

“Clarke”

“Don’t, Lexa. Please. Just don’t.” Clarke interrupted. “I know that we talked a bit and got a few things out of the way, but it still doesn’t really change anything.”

The blonde started to walk away, but clearly Lexa was not having that. “Clarke Jane Griffin, get your ass over here. I am buying you another cone and you will like it. You don’t have to talk to me. Matter of fact, I will leave as soon as I buy them.”

Clarke spun around and the glare that she gave Lexa would have given a small child nightmares for days, but not Lexa. She had been on the receiving end of that glare far too many times.

All the blonde-headed girl did was sigh and cross her arms across her chest. Lexa gave her that annoying grin that she used to always get when they were together before turning towards the ice cream stand. Clarke used to think that it was the most adorable thing in the world, but she couldn’t allow those thoughts to seep through again. No. She was mad at Lexa. Wasn’t she?

Clarke was only standing a short distance away, but she could hear Lexa placing the order for their ice cream. 

“Hey. I need two scoops of chocolate in a sugar cone and two scoops of butter pecan in a waffle cone for my friend over there.” Lexa said to the big man behind the stand.

The blonde tried to hide the grin that she could feel pulling on her lips. Lexa remembered her ice cream order. After all of this time.

A few minutes, Lexa was back by Clarke’s side, handing the other girl her waffle cone. “Here you are.” Lexa said softly, as if speaking too loudly would set Clarke off in some way.

“Thanks.” Clarke said before looking up to Lexa. Clarke wanted to bust out into a fit of laughter when she noticed the chocolate ice cream that Lexa had gotten on the top of her lip, but she didn’t. She didn’t want Lexa to know that she had any kind of affect on her. She wouldn’t giver her that satisfaction. “You’ve got a little – “ Clarke said, motioning with her hand around her own face.

“Shit.” Lexa said, swiping her tongue up to try and rid herself of the chocolate that was on her face. 

Clarke finally broke and laughed a little bit at how ridiculous Lexa looked. She was nowhere close to reaching the mess. Clarke walked back over to the stand and grabbed some napkins before returning. 

“Here.” Clarke said, handing one to the girl in front of her.

“Thank you, Clarke.”

‘Why? Why does she have to say my name? It gets me every time.’ Clarke thinks to herself. 

“I need to get going.” Clarke said firmly. “Thanks for the ice cream.”

“Would you like me to walk you?” Lexa asked, but then immediately regretted it, knowing that she needed to just turn away from the blonde and go home to her girlfriend.

“I don’t think that would be best.” Clarke said before turning and walking away. Before she was out of sight, she turned her head slightly to turn back and look at Lexa. The girl was still standing there watching the blonde and the way she was looking at her made her heart fall in her stomach. 

Clarke quickly turned back around and walked back to her apartment. She could not have these feelings anymore. She wouldn’t allow herself. Not after everything that has happened. Plus, she had Finn and Lexa had Costia.

This wasn’t healthy. As soon as she reached her apartment building, she pulled her cellphone out of her back pocket and text Finn.

CLARKE (10:32PM) - I miss you.

FINN (10:36PM) – Miss you too, beautiful.

She smiled to herself, but deep down she knew that she had just sent that text to try and get her mind off of someone else. It didn’t work for long.

She swung her apartment door open to find a very passed out Octavia and Raven on her couch. She laughed to herself, but a sudden thought ran through her mind. 

They had been at Lexa’s party. Why wasn’t Lexa there? Was something wrong?

As bad as she knew she shouldn’t, Clarke snuck over and grabbed Raven’s cellphone from the coffee table, searching through her contacts before she found the one that she was looking for. She quickly entered that number into her own phone and went to her bedroom. 

Kicking off her tennis shoes, and ridding herself of her blue jeans, she plopped down onto her bed and covered up with her duvet. She pulled her cellphone up to her face before she started typing her message. She was extremely reluctant to send it, but she did.

UNKNOWN NUMBER (11:03PM) – Happy Birthday, Lex.

LEXA (11:05PM) – Clarke?

Of course she knew that it was Clarke. Probably the only other person who calls her ‘Lex’ is Costia.

LEXA (11:09PM) – I thought you had forgotten.

Clarke’s heart sunk. She knew how Lexa had always hated her birthday, until they had started dating. That’s when Clarke would go out of her way and do everything in her power to make sure that Lexa had an amazing day each year. It had been so long, but Clarke could never forget. Lexa meant too much to her and even though she was still furious and heartbroken, she never wanted Lexa to feel alone. Especially not on her birthday.

CLARKE (11:11PM) – Never.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's up, guys? I hope that all is well with you! Here's the next update. I hope that you like it!
> 
> Follow me on Twitter @asuzh90

“Clarke!” Raven yelled as she opened the front door of Clarke’s gallery late one evening. “You still here?”

“Back here!” The blonde called from the back of the store, where the supply closet was located.

“Is there a reason that you’re still here at,” Raven glances down at the silver watch she wears on her wrist and then back up to Clarke. “8:00?”

“Yeah. It’s called ‘work’, Ray.” Clarke turns towards her friend and smirks. “You should try it sometime.”

“I resent that comment.” Raven says, sticking her tongue out in the process. “Anyways, O and I are meeting up with some people at ‘Jake’s’. Want to come?”

Clarke crosses her arms in front of her chest and turns her head just slightly. “Some people?”

“Our friends.” Raven replies and Clarke just gives her a knowing look and doesn’t say anything. “Ok… So we’re meeting Lexa and Costia for drinks.”

“And you thought that I’d want to go?” Clarke asks, rolling her eyes. “To have drinks with my ex and her current?”

“Ok. I know it sounds a little odd, but I thought that maybe you and Lexa were kind of working through things and Costia loves you!” Raven inches closer to her best friend, trying to explain herself.

A soft sigh comes from the blonde-headed girl and Raven lays her hand on her shoulder. “We haven’t worked through anything, Ray. At least not in my opinion.”

“Okay.” Is all that Raven can manage to say. It was still awkward trying to talk to both Clarke and Lexa about… well, Clarke and Lexa.

“I don’t think that I will ever be ready to just go ‘hang out’ with her. It’s just different. It will never be the same. You understand?” Clarke asked, hoping that her friend would back off from trying to always set up her ‘play dates’.

“I get it, Clarke. It’s okay.” Raven commented calmly, backing out of the supply room. “If you change your mind, you know where we’ll be.” With that, the short, brunette girl walked of the gallery and left Clarke standing there alone.

 

//

 

“Hi, Octavia! Hi, Raven!” Costia yelled from the table that she had set aside for the four of them in Lexa’s bar.

“Hey, Costia!” Octavia smiled. “How are you? It’s bee a couple of weeks since I’ve seen you.”

“Yeah. I think it’s been since Lex’s party.” The girl replied. “But, I’m all right.”

“Sup, Woods?” Raven nodded her chin in the direction of the taller brunette girl who was now walking towards them.

“Hey, Raven.” Lexa said as she plopped down in the seat beside Costia, and Raven could immediately since the tension in the room. Was it coming from Lexa? Or from both Lexa and Costia? She couldn’t tell.

“So… How’s your guys’ week been?” Raven asked, trying to break the silence that seemed to form around them. It was beginning to feel really awkward and she didn’t know why.

“It was pretty good.” Costia said, glancing over towards Lexa. “This one’s been busy all week. She’s hardly been home, if only to sleep.”

“What’s up, Lexa?” Octavia chimed in, clearly noticing how quite Lexa was being.

The green-eyed girl looked up across the table and her friends and smiled. “Nothing. Just trying to keep busy. Got a lot going on.”

“Hmmm….” Raven and Octavia both hum in unison.

“Why didn’t Clarke come?” Costia asked, not noticing the tensing in her girlfriend’s body when she mentioned the blonde’s name.

Raven set her glass down on the table after taking a swig of her beer. “Oh… Umm – she had some work to finish up. Things have been crazy at the gallery.”

“Well, I am glad that things are going well for her.” Costia grins.

“Yeah. Things seem to be all right.” Raven replies, glancing over at Lexa who is still very interested in her hands that are lying in her lap.

The four girls sit there, drinking their drinks and communicating with small talk for the rest of the evening before Lexa excuses herself saying that she didn’t feel well and was going home.

Costia agrees to stay at the bar until closing to lock up for her girlfriend and Raven heads on home because of an early class she has in the morning.

“What’s wrong with Lexa?” Octavia finally asks Costia when they’re alone. “Something seems off.”

“You saw that too, huh?” Costia asked, slumping down in her chair at the table.

“Well, yeah. She’s usually fun to be around and full of energy. What’s her problem?”

Costia sighs before speaking. “That’s just it, I don’t know. The past few weeks have been really weird. Mostly since her party. We argued a bit that night and then she left to go home early. She’s just been so distant. I feel like she just doesn’t want me anymore… Like I’m not good enough.”

Octavia sees Costia eyes become glassy and she sighs before reaching across the table and taking the other girl’s hand in her own. “Hey…it will be okay. I’m sure things will get better. She’s just going through a phase. It’s not completely unlike her.”

There is a comfortable silence that settles between the two friends before Costia looks over to Octavia. “She’s drinking a lot, you know?”

“She is?” Octavia asked, with a bit of a shocked look on her face. “She’s never really been big on drinking.”

“I know.” Costia replied. “That’s one reason I’m worried. She’s trying to hide it from me, but I’ve been finding the bottles, and I can smell it on her most of the time. It’s just – It’s so unlike her.”

“It will get better, Cos.” Octavia says before standing. “I, uh – I have to go.”

“Okay.” Costia sighs. “Have a good night, Octavia.”

 

//

 

Bang. Bang. Bang.

There are three loud knocks on Lexa’s door and she really doesn’t feel like getting up.

Bang. Bang. Bang.

Lexa lets out a loud groan before practically rolling off of the couch and walking slowly over to the door. She slings the door wide open, only to see her shorter friend standing there with a worrying look on her face.

“What do you want, O?” Lexa grumbled before turning around and heading back over to the couch before plopping down and grabbing the half empty bottle of whiskey and pouring herself another drink.

Octavia comes through the door and closes it behind her, taking a seat beside her friend on the couch. “What’s going on?”

“I’m having a party.” Lexa smiled. “Can’t you tell?”

“Lexa…”

“Octavia…”

“Costia’s worried about you and so are Raven and I. What’s wrong?” Octavia asks.

“Nothing’s wrong. Can’t a girl just have a drink or two every once in a while?” Lexa says as she falls back on the couch, spilling a little bit of the drink that she holds in her hand.

“No. You can’t. Not you.” Octavia says firmly. “You never drink, especially like this…” Pointing around the living room where there are different types of empty bottle scattered throughout the room.

“I’m a big girl, O.” Lexa hisses.

“Is that about Clarke?” Octavia asked bravely. Might as well go ahead and speak about the elephant in the room. 

Lexa’s eyes seemed to widen and she doesn’t say anything. She just sits there in silence as she feels Octavia’s eyes bore a hole into her.

“I take it from your silence, that it is.”

“What do you know, Octavia?” Lexa said harshly. “You know nothing about what I’m going through.”

“That’s what I’m trying to figure out, Lexa. I’m not a freaking psychic. I want to help you. I want to be here for my friend, but you won’t talk to me or Raven.” Octavia says, putting a hand on Lexa’s knee. “You’re starting to scare, Costia.”

“Yeah. Well, “ Lexa starts before gulping down what’s left in her glass. “Maybe she should be scared.” She leans up and starts to pour yet another glass before Octavia jerks the bottle away from her.

“I think you’ve had enough.” Octavia says softly.

“What the hell is your problem, Octavia?” Lexa stands up, clearly frustrated. “Can you not just leave me the hell alone?”

“No. I’m not leaving you alone. You’re one of my best friends and you’re hurting. Please talk to me.”

“Yes! Okay. It’s about Clarke. It’s always been about Clarke.” Lexa finally yells.

“Okay. What happened?” 

Lexa paces around the room, obviously agitated and full of so many different emotions right now. She grabs a beer out of the refrigerator while receiving a death glare from Octavia. “I was doing so much better.” Lexa says softly and Octavia swears that she hears her start to sob.

“What do you mean?” Octavia asks, still sitting in her place on the couch, to afraid to stand up and stand near her friend.

“I was a wreck these past few years.”

“You’re not telling me anything that I didn’t already know, Lexa.” Octavia said and tried to grin at her friend a little to calm her down a bit.

“I thought that I was getting better, but now… Seeing her – seeing Clarke, just brings up all of that shit again.”

“What shit?” Octavia asks, curious as to what her friend was mentioning.

“All of the shit – the feelings, the emotions, everything.” Lexa tries to hold back her tears. “I know that it was my fault. Everything has been my fault. I ended it, but it doesn’t mean that I didn’t hate myself. I still hate myself. I’m an idiot.”

“Lexa…”

“I feel like I am betraying Costia, which makes it even worse.” Lexa groaned.

“Why do you feel like you’re betraying Costia, Lexa? You just feel bad for ending things with Clarke the way you did. That’s normal.” Octavia tries to explain.

“That’s not just it!” Lexa yells before throwing her beer bottle at a wall, shattering it into a million pieces. Octavia jumps up and runs over to her friend, placing her hands on Lexa’s shoulders.

“Lexa. Calm down. Just breathe.”

It doesn’t take long for Lexa to begin crying. It’s only the second time that Octavia has seen her friend cry after knowing her for so many years. Both times were about a certain blonde friend that they shared. Octavia brings Lexa’s head to her shoulder and they stand there for what feels like hours. 

The tears finally seem to stop falling, for the moment anyway, and Lexa lifts her head up from her friend’s shoulder. “I thought that I was completely over her, and now that she’s here, it just makes it that much harder. How am I supposed to go on? Every time I see her, I’m faced with what I did. It was selfish to make that decision for her. It wasn’t any better than what Abby did. Clarke hates me. That’s completely understandable because I hate myself, but it kills me. It kills me that I can’t talk to her the way I use to, that we can’t just all hang out anymore. I ruined it. I ruined it for all of us.”

“Okay. Look, Lexa. What you did was definitely selfish, but that was so long ago. It’s time to be strong and move on. We are all still your friends and even though Clarke’s not around you anymore, doesn’t mean that she doesn’t still care. If she knew what you were doing to yourself and to Costia, she would be devastated. Just – please stop all of the drinking. You’re not helping anyone.

“How do I do that, O? How do I move on? I’m hurting Costia. I’m not good enough for her.” Lexa says.

“I can’t answer that, Lexa. I think that you need to talk to her about that.”

“Tell Costia about Clarke and I?” Lexa looked confused.

“Whatever you think will help.” Octavia said. “Now, come on. You can come stay with me and Raven tonight. I’ll text Costia.”

 

//

 

 

A few days later, one Saturday evening, Clarke was at her apartment waiting for Raven and Octavia to get there. They had planned an old fashioned slumber party, even though they were all over the age of twenty-five. Age didn’t matter.

“Clarkey!” Octavia yelled as she bust through the front door.

“God, O! Give me a damn heart attack why don’t you!” Clarke exclaims, grabbing her chest above her heart.

“You ready to party like it’s 2009, Griffin?” Raven asked, wagging her eyebrows up and down.

“I didn’t realize that we were partying. Just Netflix and chill?” Clarke said, realizing what a dud she sounded like.

“Yeah, yeah. We can at least Netflix and chill with some sushi and wine.” Raven added.

“Sounds good to me.” Octavia chimed in.

A few hours later, the girls were all piled on the couch together, in the middle of an episode of ‘Orange is the New Black’, all three of them just a bit tipsy from the wine they had all been drinking.

“I have a confession to make!” Raven exclaimed from her seat on the couch, gathering the attention from her two best friends beside her. “I have a giant crush on Ruby Rose!”

Both Clarke and Octavia busted out into a fit of laughter before Octavia spoke. “Who doesn’t have a crush on Ruby Rose?” She asked, rhetorically. 

“But, it’s good to know that I’m not the only bi girl here.” Clarke smiled.

“Yeah, yeah.” Raven grumbled. “So, speaking of a bi Clarke…”

Clarke giggled. “What?”

“Have you spoken to a certain green-eyed girl lately?” Raven asked, grinning from ear to ear.

Clarke’s smile fell into a slight frown. “You know I haven’t, Ray.”

“Why not?” Raven asked with an over exaggerated pouty face.

“Why would I?” Clarke replied, a bit more harshly than she meant to.

“Because she mis – “ Raven’s comment was drowned out by Octavia slapping her hand over her mouth. The moment obviously didn’t go unnoticed by Clarke.

“She what?” Clarke asked, raising an eyebrow in Octavia’s direction.

“Nothing.”

“Something’s going on and I want to know what it is, you guys.” Clarke stated.

Octavia slowly releases her hand from its place over Raven’s mouth and gives her a look. The three of them just sit there as if they were in a starting contest, until Clarke breaks the silence once more.

“Well?”

Octavia let’s out a loud groan before speaking. “She’s just going through a lot right now.”

“Like?”

“Like she had a breakdown with O the other day.” Raven chimed in.

“Raven!” Octavia gave the girl beside her a glare.

“A breakdown?” Clarke asked, her eyes a little more widened and her brain a little more alert to the conversation now.

Octavia was still glaring at Raven, but then turned her focus to the blond in front of her. “She’s not doing to good, Clarke. With everything.”

Clarke was clearly looking very confused, so Octavia continued.

“Costia was worried about her, so I went to see her and try to figure out what’s been going on in her head. She was a complete wreck. The worst I’ve ever seen her. She’s drinking herself into a stupor every night. Her apartment is a train wreck. Broken glass everywhere from where she’s shattered bottles…. It’s bad, Clarke.”

“What’s wrong with her?” Clarke croaks out. She is really baffled by all of this. Lexa doesn’t drink. That’s always been something that the girl hated. It’s one thing that she and Lexa fought about the most. When Clarke would drink too much, Lexa would be furious, but she understood that Lexa was raised in an alcoholic home.

“All she kept telling me was that she hates herself. She hates herself for the ending things with you. She said that she thought she was over everything, but when you showed back up, all of those feelings came rushing back. It’s just another reminder of how bad she screwed up.” Octavia explained.

“She said that?” Clarke asked.

“Well, yeah. I’ve never seen her like this.” Octavia says, shaking her head while looking down at her hands in her lap.

“It’s obvious that she is still in love with Clarke.” Raven said, to no one really. The look on her face made it seem as if she were just thinking it and didn’t mean to actually say it out loud. 

“She doesn’t love me, Raven.” Clarke glares. “And even if she did, it wouldn’t matter. It’s over. I’m with Finn.”

“Please, Clarke. You know Finn in probably in L.A. screwing you over as we speak.” Raven said, fearlessly.

“Excuse me?” Clarke exclaimed.

“Clarke…” Octavia chimed in. “You know how much we love you and how much we want to see you happy, but you can’t honestly say that you love Finn. You know that he sleeps around.”

“I don’t know that.” Clarke said flatly, looking around the room, trying not to look at her two best friends in the eyes.

“But you think it.” Octavia said.

“I have to, umm…I have to go call him.” Clarke said, standing from her spot at the couch and walking to her bedroom.

CALLING FINN…

“Hello?” The boy answered his phone.

“Hey, babe.” Clarke smiled into the phone.

“Clarke? What’s up?”

“Nothing. I’ve just missed you.” Clarke said, noticing the loud music coming from the background in the phone. “Are you out?”

“Yeah. Out with some – umm, friends. Did you need something?”

“Just wanted to talk to you.” Clarke said softly.

The blonde swears she hears several girls giggling in the background and she hears Finn says something away from the receiver, before he turns back and says, “I’m a little busy right now, Clarke.”

“Busy, huh?”

“Clarke….”

“I’m you’re girlfriend, Finn. What’s more important?”

“Oh, please, Clarke. You know that this isn’t working. This whole long distance thing.”

“So, what? You’ve been banging you way across Los Angeles? You didn’t have to guts to end things with me? Or you just wanted me to be another one of your little side pieces when you were out of town?” Clarke practically spits.

“Like you haven’t been screwing around with that tall chick that owns that bar? Please, Clarke. I’m not an idiot.” Finn said harshly.

“What? Lexa? You’re obviously an idiot because I haven’t been with her. Not in a long time…there’s nothing going on with me. This is all you.” Clarke exclaimed, furious at the fact that he was trying to peg their relationship problems on Clarke.

“Whatever, Clarke. It was nice knowing you.” Finn said sarcastically before hanging up the phone.

Clarke was devastated. How could she have been so blind? So stubborn? Why did no one want her? Tears began to stream down her cheeks and she turned to bury her face into her pillow.

“Clarke?” Octavia asked softly, sticking her head in through that crack in the door.

“You were right, O.” Clarke said and Octavia started to walk into the room, but Clarke stopped her. “Please. I just need to be alone right now.”

“Okay.” Octavia said before walking back out the door. “We’ll be out her if you need us.”

After and hour or so of crying, there was really only one person she wanted to talk to, but she couldn’t. She was still furious at Lexa, but she was also the one person that she could talk to about anything. She really knew that she shouldn’t, but she just needed to hear her voice.

CALLING LEXA…

“Hello?” A soft voice called from the other end of the line. Clarke didn’t say anything. She honestly just needed to hear her voice. She still didn’t understand why. She guesses that it was just a moment of weakness. Clarke hasn’t seen or heard from Lexa in a couple of weeks, since her the day of her birthday. “Clarke?” The voice asked, even softer this time.

Before she could bring herself to speak, she ended the call. This was a big mistake. She shouldn’t have called her. She rolled back over in her bed, laying her phone on the pillow beside her. She could feel the tears start to roll again.

Almost fifteen minutes passed, and then she felt her phone buzz. The light of her phone was almost blinding. She slid her thumb up the screen to turn the brightness down before she could read the message. When she saw whom it was from, her stomach sank. 

LEXA (12:03AM) – I’m here.

Even though Clarke was mad and upset with Lexa, still she felt a warmness fill her body. Lexa was there. She was there for Clarke still. Clarke could only think back to earlier in the evening when Raven and Octavia told her of Lexa’s ‘breakdown’. It really did break her heart, even though it was Lexa’s fault that they were in this position in the first place. She couldn’t be mad in this moment though. She wanted Lexa to be comforted too. The thought of Lexa lying in her bed right now in a drunken stupor made Clarke’s heart ache for the girl. This is not what she wanted.

CLARKE (12:11AM) – Me too.

Within a few minutes, Clarke was sound asleep, but it didn’t last long. She was woken up by the sound of her cellphone ringing right beside her head. Clarke groaned before looking at her clock to see what time it was. 3:21 AM.

Who the hell is calling at this hour?

She grabs her phone to answer it without even looking at the caller ID.

“Hello?” Her voice was raspy and groggy from her sleep.

“Clarke!” It was Raven. Why is Raven calling her at this hour? And is she not in my living room right now?

“Raven?” Clarke sits up in her bed. “What is it?”

“Umm…I’m at the emergency room.”

“What? What’s wrong? What happened?” Clarke asked frantically.

“I’m here with Lexa. She cut her hand pretty badly.” Clarke could hear screaming in the background.

“What is that?”

“Uh – that’s her. She’s really drunk, Clarke. I wouldn’t do this if I didn’t have to, but I need your help.” Raven replied.

“Okay.” Clarke sighed. “I’ll be there soon.” She says before hanging up her phone and grabbing her shoes beside the door.

 

//

 

It only took about twenty minutes for Clarke to get to the emergency room after she hung up the phone from talking with Raven. She is practically running towards the emergency wing of the hospital when she hears a very familiar voice yelling throughout the halls.

She turns into the room that noises are coming from and that’s when she sees them. Raven is standing behind Lexa trying to hold her back slightly, even though Clarke knows how strong Lexa is and it’s completely pointless. When she sees the doctor treating her, however, that’s when she understands why Lexa is so furious.

“Mom.” Clarke says loud enough to get her mother’s attention. The woman was standing to Lexa’s side trying to stitch up the girl’s hand.

“Clarke.” Abby said with a shocked look on her face, looking up from Lexa’s hand. “What are you doing here?”

“I came to check on – Lexa.” She said after a brief pause.

Clearly, Lexa hadn’t yet noticed Clarke because she was still jerking about on the table, trying to prey herself loose from Raven and Abby’s grips. “Get off of me, you crazy bitch!” Lexa yelled at Abby. “Please! Just leave me alone!” 

Clarke could see tears forming in Lexa’s eyes. She had never seen her like this before. All anger, sadness, and drunkenness running through her body.

The blonde headed girl stuck her head back into the hallway and grabbed the first doctor that she saw. “Hey, excuse me. My friend is in desperate need of some stitches and I really think that Dr. Griffin’s being here is a conflict of interest. Do you think that you could do it? Please?” Clarke asked politely.

“I’m extremely busy, ma’am.” The older man said.

“Can’t you just swap with Dr. Griffin for a bit? Please?” Clarke batted her eyelashes.

“Okay. Okay.” The man said before walking into the room to speak with Abby.

“Dr. Griffin would you please go check on the patient in room 307. I will take this one.”

Abby immediately glared at Clarke when she let go of Lexa’s hand and walk towards the door.

“Stay away from her, mom.” Clarke glared back and Abby said nothing more before exiting the room.

“I’m afraid that there can only be one of you in this room right now.” The other doctor said softly, looking back and forth between Raven and Clarke.

“I’ll go.” Clarke said.

“Clarke?” She heard Lexa ask. “You saved me.”

Clarke couldn’t help but giggle. Lexa was so drunk. “What?”

“You saved me from Abby the evil bitch.” Lexa said, her face as stoic as ever and Raven busted out into a fit of laughter.

“Okay.” Clarke said with a smirk. “I’m going to the waiting room.” She stated towards Raven.

“Please stay.” Lexa said, taking Clarke by surprise.

“I’ll leave.” Raven said. “I’ll be right outside if you need me.” She started again, laying a hand on Clarke’s shoulder.

Whenever Raven walked out of the room, the older doctor pull up a chair and grabbed Lexa’s hand to begin the stitching process. “I’m sorry, Miss Woods, but this is going to hurt a bit and it will probably take quite a few.” He said looking at Clarke, knowing that Lexa was too drunk to know what he was talking about.

Clarke walked over to stand beside the table where Lexa was laying.

“Are you okay?” Clarke asked.

“No.” Lexa said firmly.

“What happened?”

“I cut my hand on a broken bottle.” Lexa groaned at the feeling of the first few stitches being placed in her hand.

“Why have you been drinking so much, Lexa?” Clarke asked.

Lexa sighed, not wanting to make eye contact with Clarke, even in her drunken state. “It helps get’s my mind off of things.”

“You never drink.”

“Nowadays it’s all I do.” Lexa stated truthfully. “I want to talk to you.”

“Not now.” Clarke said. “Not when you’re like this.”

“Then when?” Lexa asked, pouting her bottom lip out.

Clarke couldn’t help the small grin that grew on her own face. “When you’re sober.”

“Okay.” Lexa pouted.

Not long after that, the doctor was finished stitching up Lexa’s hand and the nurse brought in the release form for Clarke to sign.

“Someone will have to change out the dressings on her wound every day for the next few days. Is there someone that can do that for her?” The nurse asked Clarke.

“Umm - yeah, I know how to change dressings.” Clarke said

“Very well. You all keep safe.” The nurse said with a smile.

“Thank you.” Clarke said before hollering at Raven to come in and help her carry Lexa to the car.

 

//

 

 

It wasn’t long before the three girls pulled up to Raven and Octavia’s apartment. Raven had insisted that Lexa stay the night with them since Costia was out of town that weekend.

Raven and Clarke managed to get Lexa upstairs and into Raven’s bed. The other girl said she would just sleep on the couch. Raven went into the kitchen to poor Lexa a glass of water for her to take with the pain medicine that the doctor prescribed, leaving Clarke alone with the green-eyed girl.

Clarke began to walk out of the room, after tucking Lexa in under the duvet, but a surprisingly quick hand grabbed her wrist.

“Clarke.” Lexa said softly. “Thank you.”

“No problem.” Clarke said with a small grin. “Please stop drinking though.”

“It’s hard.” Lexa pouted once again.

“I know, Lex. Whatever you’re going through right now, it will get better. Trust me.”

“I don’t think so, Clarke. Not this time.” Lexa huffed.

“We will talk later, Lexa. I promise.” Clarke said before releasing her arm from Lexa’s grip and walking towards the door. “Goodnight.”

“Night, Clarke.”

 

//

 

 

Several hours later, Clarke was sleeping wonderfully in her own bed. Obviously Raven wasn’t there because she went home to stay with Lexa and Octavia had woken up early to go show a house to some young couple.

The blonde was quickly awakened by loud knocking on her door. She was more than happy to get up. She need to anyways. She assumed that it was around lunchtime already. 

She threw on her silk robe, around her tank top and shorts, and tied it tightly before walking through her apartment to go answer the door. She turns the knob and is shocked when she sees the figure standing in front of her. The tall, brunette girl with beautiful green eyes looked to the girl with the blue eyes in front of her. 

“Lexa.” Clarke said softly, still surprised to see the other girl.

“Clarke.” Lexa nodded with a small grin. “I’m here for our talk.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that this update took so long, guys! It's my little sister's wedding week and it's been crazy! I hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think. Kudos and comments are greatly appreciated. :)
> 
> Follow me @asuzh90

Clarke threw on her silk robe, around her tank top and shorts, and tied it tightly before walking through her apartment to go answer the door. She turns the knob and is shocked when she sees the figure standing in front of her. The tall, brunette girl with the beautiful green eyes looked to the girl with the blue eyes in front of her.

“Lexa.” Clarke said softly, still surprised to see the other girl.

“Clarke.” Lexa nodded with a small grin. “I’m here for our talk.”

 

//

 

Clarke was fairly certain that her eyes could not go any wider. She honestly didn’t know why she was so shocked that Lexa was here asking her to talk. She remembered Lexa wanting to talk, just a few hours before, but Clarke was sure the girl was too drunk to remember it.

Guess not.

What was she going to do? She really didn’t want to have a conversation with Lexa right now and, quite frankly, not at all. This was not going to be a good way to start her Sunday morning off right.

“What?” Clarke finally asked, with an unsure tone, her hand still gripping the doorknob tightly. “Now?”

“I’m sorry.” Lexa apologized, bringing her hand up to rub the back of her neck, clearly nervous. “I shouldn’t have come over without asking. It’s just… I – I couldn’t sleep. I need to talk to someone.” She continued, unsure of herself and what she was attempting to say. “I need to talk to you, but – I can go. I shouldn’t have come. Sorry.” Lexa finished her ramblings and turned to walk back down the hall.

“Lexa, wait.” Clarke blurted out, surprising her own self in the process. The brown-headed girl turned around slowly and hesitantly. Her eyes were visibly glassy, tears starting to form inside them, but Clarke chose to not mention it. “We can talk. Coffee?” She asked before turning back into the apartment and heading towards the kitchen, leaving the front door open as an invitation.

A few minutes later, Clarke was finished making coffees for herself and her surprise guest. She walked over to the dining table, where Lexa was sitting quietly, also where they had had their last conversation, and sat down.

“Her you go.” Clarke muttered before handing her favorite black and gold mug to the girl across from her.

“Thank you.” Lexa grinned shyly.

The two sat in silence for the first few minutes, sipping slowly on their beverages. Every once in a while, Clarke would catch Lexa stealing a glance in her direction, but chose not to say anything. Not yet. She would allow Lexa to say what she needed to.

Clarke noticed Lexa wince in pain a little when the girl went to grab for her mug again. “How’s your hand?”

“It hurts.” Lexa said with a tight-lipped grin.

“I’ll need to changed the dressing on it later this evening.” Clarke said, not looking up from her own mug.

“There’s no need for that, Clarke. I’m more than capable.” Lexa shook her head. The last thing that she needed was to be a helpless burden on Clarke Griffin.

“I know that you’re capable Lexa, but that doesn’t mean that you’ll do it.” Clarke replied, knowing full well that Lexa would not change her dressing. She was too stubborn and would leave it for another day.

Neither girl said anything else for a few more minutes, until Clarke couldn’t handle the silence anymore. “Why did you come here, Lexa?”

With that, green eyes looked up and met blue. Lexa was undoubtedly regretting making the decision to come here. “I – um, I’m going to tell Costia.” Lexa stuttered, and that’s honestly not how she wanted to start the conversation, but that’s how it came out. “About us.” She concluded, catching the confused look on her ex’s face.

Clarke leaned back in the dining chair that she was sitting on and crossed her arms. “Whatever you need to do.” Was all that she said. She was beginning to get a little aggravated, hoping that that’s not what all of the fuss of this ‘talk’ was about.

“I just think that it would be best.” Lexa stated. “I know that she truly likes you, but I wanted you to have a heads up.”

“That’s fine, Lexa. It’s not like I plan on being BFFs with her or anything.” There was a bit of a bite in the blonde’s tone.

Lexa sighed a very audible sigh and slumped back into her chair, before bringing her hands up to her face.

“What is it, Lexa? What’s so important that you just had to talk to me?” Clarke finally asked, tired of waiting for Lexa to step up to the plate.

“Nothing, Clarke.” Lexa stood up quickly and began walking towards the door. “This was a mistake.”

“Are you kidding me right now?” Clarke flew up out of her chair, startling the other girl. “That’s what your best at, isn’t it? Running away?” Clarke practically spit, and almost immediately regretted it, because she was supposed to have already forgiven Lexa for that.

Clearly she didn’t.

“Clarke…” Lexa sighed, turning back around to face the blonde.

“Why were you drunk last night? Why have you been drinking at all? You hate drinking.” Clarke said aggressively. “Tell me. What has the mighty Lexa Woods all tore up, huh?”

“You, Clarke!” Lexa exclaimed, bringing both of her hands up into her hair and looking around nervously. She couldn’t breathe. She had to get out of there. Lexa felt her body start to shake a bit, and could feel sweat starting to form on her body. She felt physically sick, so she leaned over and placed her hands on her knees, trying to catch her breath.

Clarke took quick notice of what seemed to be Lexa having a panic attack. She quickly forgot about what they were arguing about and ran to Lexa’s side, squatting down beside her. “I’m here.” She said quietly, taking her hand and absentmindedly rubbing circles between Lexa’s shoulder blades. “Just breathe, Lex.”

Eventually, she had Lexa calmed down enough that she was able to move her over to the couch. “Are you okay?” Clarke asked softly, her tone so much nicer than what it had been just a few minutes beforehand.

“Mmmmm…” Lexa hummed, assuring Clarke that she was going to be okay.

“Okay.” Clarke replied.

“I’m sorry.” Lexa finally managed to say, waving her hands in the air. “For all of this.”

“What?”

“You just wanted to know what my problem has been, and I freaked out. It’s just hard to talk about, y’know?” Lexa said, too afraid to catch a hold of Clarke’s stare.

“What did you mean that it was me who had you drinking?” Clarke asked nervously. She wasn’t sure that she wanted the answer to that question.

“Not just you.” Lexa began. “Me. Us…. More specifically. I had the same problem about five years ago.” The brunette said, finally looking over to the blue eyes beside her. Clarke nodded, telling the brunette she knew what she was talking about. “Drinking, that is. It took me a long time to overcome it, but I finally did.”

“What made you start again?” Clarke asked, hesitantly.

All that Lexa had to do was give Clarke a single look, and she knew what had caused her to start all of this up again.

“Me?” Clarke asked, and she almost wanted to sob. She can’t imagine why she would cause Lexa to start drinking again.

“It’s not your fault, Clarke.” Lexa said, obviously catching the worrying look on Clarke’s face. “This is all me. I started drinking five years ago because I couldn’t cope with what I had done to you. To us. I was responsible for breaking your heart. I was responsible for breaking my own, and pretty much destroying my life.”

“You didn’t destroy your life by breaking up with me, Lexa. You have so much going for you now. The bar, lots of friends, Costia….” Clarke wanted to cry, but she didn’t. She couldn’t. Not in front of this girl.

“Yeah, but I don’t have you.” Lexa said, standing up and walking towards the window in the living area, not wanting to look at the blonde beside her. “I just can’t deal with the pain anymore. I did this. I did this to us, Clarke.” Lexa was crying, and her hands shaking.

“That was in the past. It was a long time ago and we have both moved on. Don’t worry yourself with what happened to my heart back then, Lexa. Just worry about your own. Go talk to Costia.” Clarke said, standing up. “You’ll feel better once you talk to her.”

Lexa turned to look at Clarke. Had they? Had they both moved on? Because it sure didn’t feel like it. Not now. Not standing here in front of each other, pouring out their feelings like this.

The brunette walked towards the front door of the apartment, but quickly felt a hand on her shoulder. “Don’t do this to yourself, Lexa. We may not be friends anymore, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t forgive you. I do. Don’t let this sit heavy on your heart. If you ever feel like you are about to lose it, you can call me. You’re not in this alone.”

Clarke pulled Lexa into a hug, and it’s exactly what they both needed. The warmth of each other’s body soothing the other. Both girls wanted to stay there forever and not worry about anything else, but this was real life and they both knew they had to let go. So they did.

“Thank you.” Lexa said, nodding towards Clarke.

“Don’t thank me, Lexa. Just fight. Be strong. You always were the stronger one.” Clarke gave a small grin and Lexa snorted.

“Okay. Goodbye, Clarke.”

“Text me your address. I’ll have to change your dressings later.” Clarke said before closing the door.

As soon as she reached the couch back inside the living room, she lost it. She couldn’t contain all of those emotions anymore. She sobbed uncontrollably. It broke her heart all over again knowing what she did now. Lexa was putting herself through all of this pain. Yes. It was Lexa who had ended their relationship, but she still couldn’t help herself from thinking that this was all her fault. 

Clarke cried for what felt like hours, before she eventually cried herself to sleep on the sofa.

 

//

 

A couple of days passed, and Octavia and Raven had been really worried about their two best friends. Both of them had seemed rather down and out and it was really frustrating not knowing what to do to help them both. They hated seeing their friends in pain like this.

Clarke had allowed Raven and Octavia to at least come into her apartment to talk to her, even though the blonde said that ‘it was not her story to tell’ when they asked her about Lexa.

Lexa, on the other hand, had been dodging her friends’ calls and texts for the past two days. She was in no mood to have yet another conversation as to why she was such a damn mess.

Needless to say, when Lexa heard a knock at her apartment door, she didn’t have to see to know who it was.

“It’s about time, Woods.” Raven said with a grin, sticking her head into the apartment as soon as Lexa slung the door open. “We thought you were dead.”

“Not yet…” Lexa murmured.

Her two friends followed her into the kitchen where she removed a beer from the refrigerator. She popped the cap off and took a swig, waiting for them to interrogate her. She knew that it was coming.

“Where’s Costia?” Raven asked, eyeing her surroundings, waiting for the other woman to pop out at any moment.

“Not here.” Lexa replied, taking yet another swig.

“Shit. You told her about Clarke didn’t you?” Octavia gasped, but then Lexa started shaking her head immediately.

“No. I haven’t. Not yet, anyways.” Lexa said before spinning around to go find a seat in the living room on her sofa. “I don’t know when to bring it up. How do you bring up something like that?”

Raven plopped down annoyingly beside her. “It’s really not that big of a deal, Lexa. It’s just like bringing up any ex to your current. Costia will understand.”

The glare that Raven received from Lexa was extremely intimidating to say the least. “Not that big of a deal?” Lexa’s voice somewhat harsh. “You know that Clarke has always been more than just ‘any ex’.”

“Yeah. You’re right. I’m sorry.” Raven apologized.

“It will be tough. “ Octavia chimed in. “But if Costia loves you, she will understand. It will be clear to her why you’ve been a little distant lately.”

“I think that the only thing that she will take from any conversation that I try to have with her, is that I still have feelings for Cla – “ 

Oh shit. 

Did that just happen? Did she just admit to, not only her friends, but to herself that she still had feelings for Clarke Griffin?

She couldn’t have feelings for Clarke? Right? Not after all this time. Not while she was with Costia. She loves Costia.

“Wait. What?” Raven asked. If her eyes were to get any wider, they might bug out of her head.

“Nothing.” Lexa shrugged, trying to brush off what just happened. She could feel the rush of heat take over her ears and then her cheeks.

“You have – “ Raven started in again, but was cut off my and elbow to the ribs and Octavia stepped in.

“Look. Lexa. Ray and I are your best friends. We support you with everything that you do. You have to do what’s best for you. We know that you think that you did some God-awful things in the past…. And yeah, a few them were really sucky.” Octavia grinned, finally catching Lexa’s eyes with her own. “But every one of us makes mistakes. You just have to find a way to get past yours, okay?”

“I’m trying. Honestly.” Lexa said, looking down at the bottle that she still held in her hands. Leaning forward, she sat the bottle down on her coffee table. “Starting with this shit. If you two see me go for a drink at any time, you stop me. I’m sick of feeling this way. Feeling weak.” Lexa stood up and looked down at her two best friends.

“Deal.” Both girls chimed in unison.

“Where are you going?” Octavia asked as Lexa made her way to the front door.

Lexa grabbed her keys off of the countertop beside the door and opened it. “To tell Costia.” Is all the Lexa said before rushing out the door.

“How do you think Costia will take it?” Raven asked, looking over to Octavia with wondering eyes.

“I honestly have no clue.”

 

//

 

“Cos?” Lexa called, as she opened the door to her girlfriend’s office. Costia was sitting at her desk, currently talking to the phone with someone. She waved her hand, motioning for Lexa to come in and sit.

Lexa slowly walked into the office and sat on the couch against the eastern wall. She had so many thoughts running through her mind right now. She definitely wasn’t ready to tell Costia about Clarke, but she knew that she had to. It was really only a matter of time before Costia found out on her own, and that would not be good at all.

A few minutes later, Costia ended the phone call that she was on and quickly moved over to the couch, straddling her girlfriend and placing a soft kiss to her lips.

“I’ve missed you.” Costia whispered and Lexa let out a small giggle. 

“Cos, it’s only been like three hours since you left the apartment.” Lexa smiled.

“Doesn’t mean that I can’t miss my lovely girlfriend though.” She kissed the tip of Lexa’s nose and pulled back to flash her a bright smile.

“This is true.” Lexa grinned.

Costia was in such a good mood, but Lexa knew that she needed to just go ahead and rip the Band-Aid off, so to speak. 

Here goes nothing.

“I need to talk to you.” Lexa said quietly, but Costia heard her clearly. The girl’s eyes widened and she quickly rolled off of Lexa’s lap and sat beside her on the sofa.

“You’re breaking up with me, aren’t you?” Costia asked, not daring to look into Lexa’s beautiful green eyes.

“What? No!” Lexa exclaimed, leaning forward and taking Costia’s hand in her own, giving them a tight squeeze. “I am most definitely not breaking up with you, Costia.”

The other woman looked up with a sense of relief in her eyes and grinned. “Okay. What did you need to talk to me about, Lex?”

Lexa didn’t really want to think it, but she did. Costia say ‘Lex’ didn’t nearly make her feel what Clarke saying it did. She shook her head, trying to get the thoughts of Clarke out of her head. She knew that it was wrong to be thinking of another woman while she was sitting here with her girlfriend, hand in hand.

“You know Clarke, right?” Lexa held her breath. This was going to freaking suck.

Costia grinned. “C.J.?” She laughed. “Yes, Lexa. I do know Clarke.”

“Well, umm….” Dammit. How is she supposed to do this? She lifted her hand to bring it to the back of her neck and rub. She felt a sick feeling in her stomach. “She and I…. We used to…” Lexa kept trailing off. Not sure how to word what she wanted to say.

“Date?” Costia finally asked, and Lexa was sure that her heart was about to pound out of her chest.

Lexa nodded. “But, she was more than someone that I dated.” Lexa added, because it was the truth. Lexa Woods had dated many women in her twenty-eight years of life, but never had she felt the way with any of them as she had with Clarke Griffin.

Costia raised an eyebrow in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“Well…” Lexa began.

Just do it, Lexa. You got this. Just tell her that you loved Clarke Griffin. Maybe leave out the part that you still harbor feelings for her.

“I loved her.” Lexa sighed, waiting for a yell that never came. Waiting for any form of rebuttal. After a moment of silence, Lexa looked up from their intertwined hands to see Costia with a knowing look on her face. It was a soft, understanding look and Costia nodded her head a little, allowing Lexa to continue.

“I mean she was always more than just someone I dated. We were best friends for years throughout high school. We loved each other. In college, we realized that it was more than just a platonic love. It got to the point that I was ready to spend the rest of my life with her. We were together for around three years.”

Costia nodded in understanding and swallowed the lump that was forming in her dry throat. “What happened?” She asked softly.

Lexa let out an audible sigh. “I got scared. I ended it. I was going to join the military and I didn’t want to hold her back from her dream of moving to L.A. and pursuing art.”

“You made that decision for her?” Costia asked, acting as if she were a little bit annoyed.

Lexa eyes widened. “I, uh – I know that I screwed up with Clarke, Costia. That’s why I am telling you this now. I wanted you to know about our past. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”

“I understand wanting to hide something like that. Is this why you’ve been so distant with me? It started when Clarke moved back into town.” Costia asked. “Do you still have feel – “

“No!” Lexa exclaimed almost a little too fast. She squeezed Costia’s hand. “No. I was just reminded of what an ass I had been. I broke someone’s heart because I was too scared. I was selfish. Seeing Clarke just reminded me of that.”

“Thank you for telling me, Lex.” Costia said, leaning over and placing a soft kiss on her girlfriend’s cheek.

“So, you’re not mad?” Lexa was astonished. She was expecting yelling and some sort of long-winded argument. Here lately, it’s like all Costia wanted to do was argue, but maybe she was just scared of the way that Lexa was acting towards her.

“I’m not mad.” She stood up from the couch and pulled Lexa up with her. “What’s for dinner tonight, babe?”

It couldn’t have been that easy? Could it?

 

//

 

“Clarke Jane Griffin!” Bellamy yelled as he entered Clarke’s gallery one Tuesday evening.

“Yo! Princess! Get your cute ass out here!” Bellamy called, grinning from ear to ear.

Clarke entered the foyer of her gallery, donning an apron covered in various colors of paint, teeth shining from her smile. “Bell!” She ran to give the man a huge bear hug. “It’s been a few weeks.”

“Yep. Ever since you sang at ‘Jake’s’, am I right?” 

Clarke nodded. How could she forget? That’s the day that Lexa freaking Woods fell back into her life.

“That’s actually why I am back in town. ‘The Ark’ and I are playing at ‘Jake’s’ again this weekend. I was hoping that you would actually help us out.” Bellamy commented, grinning his signature dopey grin.

Clarke crossed her arms across her chest. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea, Bell.”

“And why not?”

“Have you forgotten who owns the place?” Clarke asked.

“Clarke, we’re adults. Plus, I thought that you and Woods had talked it out.” He shrugged.

“Just because we talked it out, doesn’t mean that we are over it.”

“Griffin. You are performing with us on Saturday whether you like it or not. Text me your set list, and the band and I will work it out.” Bellamy practically sprinted towards the door before Clarke could protest. “See you later, Princess!” He yelled before running out the door.

Clarke quickly ran over to her desk and grabbed her cellphone from her purse, frantically typing out a single message.

CLARKE (3:42PM) – I hate you.

BELLAMY (3:47PM) – You love me.

Why were they friends again?

 

//

 

“This can’t seriously be your set list for Saturday…” Raven laughed as she sat down on the sofa in Clarke’s apartment on Thursday night. The dark-haired girl quickly leaned over to show the list to Octavia who was sitting on the opposite end.

“Clarke…” Octavia grinned. “Seriously? Could you be more obvious?”

The blonde walked from where she had been cooking in the kitchen over to the living room to sit beside her friends. “What’s wrong with my set list?”

Both of her friends turned to glare at her, giving her very knowing looks.

“There’s nothing weird about it. I picked out songs that I feel comfortable playing, and that will sound good with a band.” Clarke threw in, leaning back onto the sofa.

“Clarke… ‘Love Don’t Live Here’ and ‘Why Ya Wanna’? Seriously?” Raven asked.

“Could you both stop saying ‘seriously’? The blonde groaned.

“Okay… Okay.” Raven threw her hands up in surrender. Clearly Clarke was not budging on her song choices. They were really good songs, but the girl was being extremely obvious about who she would be singing to.

“You’re going to be great, Clarke.” Octavia chimed in, realizing that the blonde was getting a little bit nervous about having to perform with her brother’s band in just a couple of days.

“Thanks, O.”

“So….” Raven sighed.

“What, Raven?” Clarke groaned, knowing full well that Raven was just itching to talk about Lexa. She really didn’t want to. Not now.

“Oh, nothing… I was just wondering if you had spoken with L – “

“No, Raven. I have not spoken with Lexa. Nor do I really care to. I mean… I don’t hate her; it’s just easier to be away from her. No drama.” Clarke replied.

The silence between the group of friends lasted for a while. It wasn’t awkward silence. It was comfortable. All three girls knowing what the others were thinking about. Honestly, it was like they were all linked together. 

It’s always been like that with her friends. They’ve always been so close. The only difference is… There used to be four of them. It’s almost like there’s a vital part of her missing, and the hurt in Clarke’s chest only grew with time.

She wouldn’t let anyone know that though.

“What are you guys wearing on Saturday?” Clarke asked, finally breaking the comfortable silence. The question brought Raven and Octavia back to life, both popping up from the back of the couch and looking at Clarke with bright smiles.

“Well, I was thinking about that new tight, red dress that I bought a couple of weeks ago… With black pumps.” Raven replied.

“Oh, cute!” Octavia exclaimed. “I’m going with my black, leather skinnies and grey flowy top.”

“Ahh…The one from H&M?” Raven asked.

“Yep.” Octavia smiled, making the ‘p’ pop loudly. “What about you, Griffin?”

“I’m not sure yet. I’ve been putting it off, honestly.” The blonde responded, only to see the pouty faces of her friends in reply. Clarke smiled at how pitiful her friends looked. “You guys want to pick it out?”

“Hell yeah!” Raven exclaimed, jumping off of the couch and practically sprinting towards Clarke’s bedroom.

“Thought you’d never ask.” Octavia grinned, as she followed in pursuit of Raven. “Come model for us.”

“On my way.” Clarke smiled as she rose from the couch.

 

//

 

“You ready for this, Griff?” Raven asked Clarke, gripping her hand tight as they stood outside of the familiar bar.

“Ready as I’ll ever be.” And Clarke didn’t really know if they were talking about the gig or the fact that she was going to have to see Lexa again. She thinks that she’d rather play the gig in her underwear as to have to face the green-eyed girl again right now.

“Let’s go.” Octavia chimed in as the three girls made their way into the bar and Clarke quickly started walking towards the stage area where she saw Bellamy and the rest of the band getting ready.

“Glad you could make it, Princess.” Bellamy smiled his million-dollar smile. Clarke gave him a little grin and glanced around at his band mates. “This is Sinclair, Emori, and Ryder.”

Sinclair and Emori both smiled at Clarke, but Ryder came towards her with a big goofy grin almost as bad as Bellamy’s. He was attractive, tall and muscular build. He stuck out his hand. “Clarke.” He spoke and Clarke smiled and reached out hand out to him. He was quick to lift her hand up and press a soft kiss the back of her hand. “It’s nice to finally meet you. We’re looking forward to backing you up.”

Clarke could feel a bit of a blush rushing her facial features and she smiled. “Thanks, Ryder. It’s good to meet you.”

“Alright, Romeo.” Bellamy stepped in between them. “Let’s get this party started, shall we?”

Clarke nodded and stepped up on stage to where she was immediately met with loud cheers. Of course they were from Raven and Octavia. The blonde laughed and shook her head. Of course her best friends would embarrass her first thing.

Bellamy nodded towards Clarke as she grabbed walked up to the microphone and grabbed her acoustic guitar from it’s stand. “Hey, guys.” Clarke spoke into the microphone, trying to fill her self up with confidence that she somehow felt she was lacking tonight. “I’m Clarke and this…” She said as she turned around and gestured towards the band. “Is ‘The Ark’.”

The cheers picked up then, several of the people in front of them began to stand up before they even started playing. Clarke was smiling at the faces in front of her. There were lots of familiar ones and even more unfamiliar. 

Her smile soon began to fade though when she caught sight of the most familiar face of all, standing in the back near the bar. Green eyes bore into blue ones, and Clarke wasn’t finding it too difficult to look away.

Dammit. Why did this always happen? 

She thinks that she’s over all of the feelings and everything, but then all it takes is a glance into those forest-green eyes and she turns into a lovesick fool.

No. Not love. Not anymore. That was a long time ago.

She finally managed to pull her eyes away and she cleared her throat as the band began playing the first song in her cover set. It was a more upbeat type country song, but with the sound of Bellamy’s band, they were able to give it a sort of rock feel.

“This is ‘Love Don’t Live Here’” Clarke said into the mic before it was her time to start singing and the crowd began cheering.

WELL THIS HEART OF MINE HAS BEEN HARDENED LIKE A STONE  
IT MIGHT TAKE SOME TIME TO GET BACK WHAT IS GONE  
BUT I’M MOVIN ON AND YOU DON’T HAUNT MY DREAMS  
LIKE YOU DID BEFORE OH WHEN I WOULD CURSE YOUR NAME  
HEY

The band was sounding amazing and Clarke was proud of herself for the way she was sounding tonight and her confidence began to flow through her. She finally got the nerve to look back over to the bar, as she strummed the beat on her acoustic, tapping her foot.

When she caught Lexa’s stare again, those green eyes were wide. Clarke didn’t know if it was because she was clearly singing this song to Lexa or the outfit that Clarke had on tonight.

Octavia and Raven had settled on the blonde wearing light colored denim skinnies that were ripped in several places. They paired them with a plain white V-neck hugged Clarke’s curves in all the right places. She opted to tie a navy and black plaid shirt around her waist for good measure. Her long golden locks were down and flowed over her shoulders in a messy look. Raven and Octavia assured her that she looked hot, so she believed them.

Could that be what Lexa was looking at with widened eyes?

No. Surely not.

The rest of the song, she tried to stay focused and confident, glaring over at Lexa with her own big blue eyes. Clearly Lexa couldn’t pry her own eyes away even though Clarke noticed a very pretty Costia sidle up to Lexa.

Lexa looked down at Costia and grinned quickly before returning her eyes to the stage. Green meeting blue once again.

WELL I HEARD THE NEWS THAT YOU WERE BACK IN TOWN  
JUST PASSIN THROUGH TO CLAIM YOUR LOST AND FOUND  
BUT I’M OVER YOU AND THERE AIN’T NOTHIN THAT  
YOU COULD SAY OR DO TO TAKE WHAT YOU DID BACK  
WELL YOU GOT NERVE TO WALTZ RIGHT IN  
AND THINK WHAT’S MINE IS YOURS AGAIN

Clarke had looked away from Lexa after the first few lines, but she definitely made sure to look back up at her ex to sing the chorus of the song.

Just to make sure she got the message. Even though Clarke wasn’t one hundred percent sure that she believe it herself.

CAUSE I’VE BEEN DOIN FINE WITHOUT YOU  
FORGETTIN ALL THE LOVE WE ONCE KNEW  
AND GIRL I AIN’T THE ONE THAT SLAMMED THAT DOOR  
BUT NOW YOU SAY YOU’VE CHANGED YOUR THINKIN  
BUT I AIN’T GOT A HEART FOR BREAKIN  
SO GO AND PICK YOUR BAGS UP OFF MY FLOOR  
OH CAUSE LOVE DON’T LIVE HERE ANYMORE

WELL BABY YOU CAN TRY TO TELL ME HOW IT IS  
AND TRY TO JUSTIFY EVERYTHING YOU DID  
BUT HONEY I’M NO FOOL AND OH I’VE BEEN DOWN THIS ROAD  
TOO MANY TIMES WITH YOU  
I THINK IT’S BEST YOU GO  
WELL I GOT ONE THING LEFT TO SAY  
IS YOU CAN LAY IN THE BED YOU MADE

Clarke sang the chorus a couple of more times before the song ended. The crowd was whooping and hollering. She saw beer being slung everywhere and Octavia and Raven were practically climbing the stage. She couldn’t help herself from the giggle that left her throat. Clarke had to admit.

That felt really good.

She noticed that Lexa and Costia were now sitting at the bar; both with their backs to the blonde and Clarke couldn’t help the slight pang of guilt in her chest. She noticed Costia rubbing small circles on to the small of Lexa’s back. It looked like she was trying to comfort her.

Clarke felt physically sick. Had she hurt Lexa’s feelings? She knows that she probably shouldn’t care, but she couldn’t help it. Lexa didn’t deserve that. She shouldn’t have sung that song.

Luckily, the other songs in her set list were just random songs. Nothing to do with her feelings towards anyone in the room.

Another hour or so went by and the band was about ready to quit before the house music came back on. They had one more song to play though. Clarke grabbed her water bottle that was sitting at her feet. Bellamy came up besides her holding a stool and sat it down for her, allowing her to sit.

Clarke sat comfortably on the stool with her guitar in her lap. She smiled at all of the people in front of her before she started strumming out the chords to the last song.

She noticed that Costia and Lexa had moved to a nearby table, she assumes at Costia’s wish. She knows that Lexa more than likely didn’t want to sit up close. Raven and Octavia had joined them, so she could use her friends as an excuse to look over in that direction.

She started singing and she regretted it almost immediately because she realized how this might look to anyone that knew about her and Lexa’s relationship. It might seem as if she still had feelings for the woman, and she really didn’t want people to think that. Especially Lexa and Costia.

OUT OF ALL OF THE PLACES IN THIS LITTLE TOWN  
YEAH YOU HAD TO COME WALKING IN HERE AND SIT DOWN  
I’M HIDING AND HOPING MY FACE AIN’T TOO RED  
SINCE WE’VE BEEN OVER BEEN TRYIN LIKE CRAZY TO GET YOU OUT OF MY HEAD  
SO WHY YA WANNA SHOW UP IN A OLD T-SHIRT THAT I LOVE  
WHY YOU GOTTA TELL ME THAT I’M LOOKING GOOD   
DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU WERE THINKING YOU WERE DOING  
MOVING IN FOR A HUG LIKE YOU DON’T KNOW I’M COMIN UNGLUED  
WHY YOU GOTTA WHY YA WANNA MAKE ME KEEP WANTIN YOU

 

Clarke was quick to take a deep breath as she kept playing her guitar in between verses. She looked over to the table where her friend set and smiled at Raven, her eyes moving a little to the right meeting those damn green ones. She hastily averted her gaze, looking back into the crowd. 

She couldn’t look at Lexa anymore; not without losing it completely. Why did this girl constantly make her feel like this? 

Clarke started to feel tears well up in her eyes, but she was strong and held them back as she started singing the next verse.

I WISH YOU HAD ON SUNGLASSES TO COVER UP THOSE GREEN EYES  
I WISH YOU SAID SOMETHIN MEAN MADE ME GLAD THAT YOU SAID GOODBYE  
WHY CAN’T YOU LOOK OFF SOMEWHERE IF YOU CATCH ME STARING AT YOU  
WHY CAN’T YOU BE COLD LIKE ANY OLD GOOD EX WOULD DO  
SO WHY YA WANNA SHOW UP IN A OLD T-SHIRT THAT I LOVE  
WHY YOU GOTTA TELL ME THAT I’M LOOKIN GOOD   
DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU WERE THINKING YOU WERE DOING  
MOVING IN FOR A HUG LIKE YOU DON’T KNOW I’M COMING UNGLUED  
WHY YOU GOTTA WHY YA WANNA MAKE ME KEEP WANTING YOU

WHY WHY WHY WOULD YOU TELL ME THAT YOU’D CALL ME UP SOMETIME  
MAYBE WE CAN GET A DRINK AND JUST CATCH UP  
LIKE THAT’D BE ENOUGH NO THAT AIN’T ENOUGH

Clarke sang the chorus a couple of more times before the song ended. The crowd cheered for them and clapped as Clarke waved and smiled before stepping off of the stage and heading directly for the bar.

“Wells…” Clarke said as she sat down at the bar. “Two shots of Fireball.”

“Sure thing, Griffin.” Wells smiled. Clarke quickly downed her two shots, enjoying the burn as the liquid slid down her throat.

“Whoa there.” A slightly familiar voice said from behind her and she felt the weight of an arm being slung over her shoulders. “Fireball, huh?”

Clarke turned her head a bit to see Ryder standing beside her with a wide grin. She only nodded her head. “You sounded great, Clarke. Thanks for performing with us.”

“Thanks, Ryder. You guys are awesome.” She smiled and patted the seat beside her, which he gladly took. “Four more shots, Jaha.” Clarke said, ignoring the look that both him and Ryder gave her.

“Want to talk about it?” Ryder asked softly.

“Nothing to talk about.” She threw on her best fake smile. “Want to dance?” The blonde asked before she downed two more shots of Fireball and anxiously waited for Ryder to do the same.

“Sure thing.” He smiled before knocking his two shots back too. “Let’s do this.” He said, grabbing Clarke’s hand and dragging her onto the dance floor where the music was blaring over the speakers.

Raven and Octavia were dancing with each other right beside them, both girls whistling at Clarke and Ryder. Clarke had to admit that it’s been a while since she danced with anyone. Even Finn. He never danced with her, but it didn’t take her long to get back into the groove.

 

//

 

“Lex?” Costia asked, pulling Lexa out of whatever trance she was in. “You okay?”

“Yeah, babe.”

“You’ve been staring down at your hands for the past several minutes.” Costia pointed out.

“I’m sorry, Cos. I was just thinking.” Lexa grinned. She had been so out of it the past week or so; ever since she and Clarke talked and Lexa had swore to stop drinking. It was tough, but so far she had managed. 

“Want to dance?” Costia asked Lexa as she grabbed her girlfriend’s hand.

Lexa groaned and looked up at Costia. “Do I have to?”

“No, but do you want me to go dance on some other hot chick?” Costia smiled.

Lexa grinned and stood from her chair at the table, taking Costia’s hand in her own. “Come on. Let’s show them how it’s done.” Costia laughed and followed her woman out onto the dance floor.

As soon as Lexa and Costia reached the dance floor, Lexa immediately regretted being there. The space wasn’t that big and they found themselves right close to Clarke and a member of Bellamy’s band.

“Clarke!” Costia called out, surprising both Clarke and Lexa.

“Hi, Costia.” Clarke gave a shy grin, and quickly glanced over to Lexa. “Lexa.” She said before returning her eyes to Costia. “How are you?”

“I’m well. You sounded amazing! You will have to come sing more often. Who knew you could sing and paint?” Costia smiled genuinely. 

“Thank you.” Clarke grinned. “But I think that that was probably the last time I do that for a while. It was good to see you.” Clarke said hastily, trying to end the conversation and get back to dancing. She swore she could feel Lexa’s gaze boring into the side of her face.

Lexa danced with Costia for a while, but needless to say that her focus was elsewhere. Clarke was dancing with the man beside them and Lexa did not like the way that he had his hands all over Clarke. His hands ended up on the swell of her backside and Clarke threw her arms around his neck and smiled. The big man leaned down and whispered something in the blonde’s ear, although Lexa couldn’t tell what he had said.

Moments later, the man spun Clarke around and he pushed her backside up against his crotch, both of their hips swaying in one motion together. Lexa could feel the heat rush her face. She was furious, and she didn’t know why. Costia could obviously tell something changed in Lexa’s demeanor because Lexa absentmindedly tightened her grip on Costia’s waist.

“What is it, Lex?” The girl asked, looking at Lexa curiously. Lexa didn’t answer, she could only stare at the way that the man was touching Clarke and squeezing her. It almost looked as if Clarke was beginning to feel a little uncomfortable. “Lexa…” 

Before Costia could finish, Lexa had left her side and walked over the couple beside them, pulling the man’s shoulders and pushing him back from Clarke.

“Hey. What’s the deal?” Ryder said, sending a very pissed off looking glare towards Lexa.

“I think that” She used her hand to gesture between Clarke and Ryder. “Is enough.”

“And who the hell are you?” Ryder said, turning his bodily completely towards Lexa. “You jealous?”

Lexa scoffed. “The name’s Lexa and if I were you, I’d get the hell up out of here.”

“Lexa…” Clarke and Costia both said in unison, exchanging glances with each other.

“Now.” Lexa said, glaring at the man, completely ignoring the two women beside her.

“Look, bitch, I don’t know who you think you are, but if I want to grind up on some hot piece of ass – “ Before Ryder could finish his sentence he was knocked back onto the floor. He immediately grabbed for his nose. Blood was coming out everywhere, flowing through his fingers as he held his face.

“Lexa!” Clarke exclaimed. “What the hell?”

“Get this man out of her.” Lexa yelled to the security guys at the front door. “Now.”

“Lexa!” Clarke tried again, grabbing Lexa’s wrist and spinning the brunette towards her.

Lexa was suddenly embarrassed. She had let her feelings and temper get in the way. What was she thinking? What were Clarke and Costia thinking about her now? How was she going to explain this?

“He – he was touching you.” Lexa sighed, not being able to look at Clarke in the face.

Clarke scoffed and then let out a sarcastic laugh. “People are allowed to touch me, Lexa.” Clarke called. “I’m not yours.” She added before she walked out the door of the bar, not bothering to turn back and look for her friends.

“Lexa…” Costia said softly. “What was that about?”

“Everyone out!” Lexa screamed. “Now!”

The bar emptied quickly and she was left alone with Costia, sitting at the bar.

Now how was she going to explain this.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Here's the next update! Hope you all like it! Let me know in the comments. :)
> 
> Follow me on Twitter @asuzh90

Costia finally talked a very upset Lexa into going back home to their apartment. They had managed to close up shop at the bar after the whole Clarke incident, if that’s even what you would call it.

When Costia got out of the shower to get in the bed and cuddle up with her girlfriend, she noticed that Lexa wasn’t there. She heard the television on and slowly walked into the living room to find Lexa sitting in the recliner watching TV.

“You coming to bed?” Costia asked softly.

“Not yet.” Lexa replied, looking over to Costia slightly a giving her a half grin. “Can’t sleep right now.”

Costia sighed and walked over to kneel down in front of Lexa at the recliner. She brought both of her hands down to rest on Lexa’s knees and looked into her girlfriend’s green eyes. “Lexa, you need to tell me what all of that was about.”

“It was nothing. That guy was being inappropriate. That’s all.” Lexa said, her eyes not leaving the TV. Costia stood up, right in Lexa’s line of sight and crossed her arms. 

“That wasn’t ‘nothing’, Lexa.” Costia sounded a little bit harsher this time when she spoke. “That was about Clarke.”

Lexa’s eyes snapped up to her girlfriend’s at the mention of the blonde’s name. “Why would you even say that? It was most definitely not about Clarke.”

“You care about her.” Costia said. It wasn’t a question. Just a fact that was so obvious to clearly everyone but Lexa and Clarke.

Lexa stood up to tower over her girlfriend. She looked at her and tears started to form in her eyes, but she wasn’t about to let them fall. The brunette walked away from Costia and went to lean up against the windowsill in the big room.

“It’s okay if you still care about her, Lex.” Costia commented, moving slowly up behind her girlfriend and putting her arms around her waist. “You can’t help that.”

There was a long silence. Lexa couldn’t believe how understanding that Costia was being. If it had been anyone else, they would have already hit her multiple times and probably thrown stuff at her. How was Costia not just absolutely livid with her right now? They stood there in silence for what felt like an eternity before Costia spoke up again.

“Do you still love me?” Her girlfriend’s voice was so soft, it was barely audible. Lex heard it though. The green-eyed girl spun around in her girlfriend’s arms, eyes red from where she had held back her tears. 

Lexa placed both of her hands on Costia’s face, cupping her cheeks, and leaned down to place a soft kiss on her lips. “Of course I love you, Costia.”

Costia nodded, tears now starting to fall down her own cheeks. “I know you love me, Lex.” Costia grinned a little. “But are you still in love with me?”

Lexa was a little taken aback by the question. Okay. A lot taken aback. Costia was right though. As soon as Clarke Griffin walked back into her life, everything else just faded into the background; including her relationship with Costia. 

Never in a million years would she have hurt Costia like this on purpose, but it was not fair of her to stay with her knowing that she could never fully love anyone again. Not like she had Clarke.

Lexa wasn’t saying that she was in love with Clarke now, but she knew that she would never be in love with anyone else.

“It’s okay, Lexa.” Costia said, breaking Lexa out of the spell that she was in. Lexa was shaking her head and Costia reached up to grab her face. “It’s okay.”

Lexa was crying. She was tired of holding back her tears. Tired of being afraid of being weak. She owed it to Costia to show her how upset she was about all of this. “I di – I didn’t want this.” Lexa managed to say in between sobs and deep breaths. “I never wanted to hurt you.”

“I know. I know that you didn’t. You’re too good.” Costia spoke.

“Ho- how can you say that? I hurt you over another woman.” Lexa sobbed.

“Lexa.” Costia said. “You didn’t cheat. You’ve been hurting these past few weeks, and I should have seen it. You were trying to push back your feelings for Clarke so that you could continue loving me. How is that fair for me to keep you from your love?”

“She hates me, Costia.” Lexa said and Costia pulled her into a tight hug. “There will never be anything else between us. Not after what I did to her.”

Costia pulled away from Lexa and smiled. “If it’s meant to be… it’s meant to be.”

“You’re going to make someone entirely too lucky one of these days. You know that, right?” Lexa asked, tears still slowly falling down her face.

“I know.” Costia smiled. “So are you.”

The two stood there holding each other for what seemed like hours before Costia pulled back to say that she was going to go stay with her friend Echo.

“No. You’re already ready for bed. Get some sleep, Cos.” Lexa said. “I’ll go stay with dumb and dumber.”

Costia let out a soft giggle. “I bet that Raven and Octavia just adore those nicknames.”

“Goodbye, Costia.”

“Goodbye, Lexa.”

 

//

 

“Jesus! Hold up! I’m coming!” Raven yelled as she threw on her robe over her sports bra and boy shorts. She didn’t know who they hell could be knocking on their door at this time of night.

She finally made it to the front door and unlocked all six of their locks and deadbolts. Octavia had gotten really panicky about things here lately and made Raven install more than enough locks to keep them safe. Raven swung the door open slowly to see one of her best friends; hands full of bags and eyes as red as apples.

“Lexa?” Raven asked, rubbing her eyes. “What’s wrong?”

“Costia and I… We broke up.” Lexa said quietly, never looking up into her friend’s eyes.

“What? When? Just now? Holy shit, Lex. Are you okay?” Raven asked, grabbing the bags from her friend’s hands without permission. 

“Is it okay if I stay here tonight?” Lexa asked, meekly. “I’ll be out by tomorrow evening.”

“Stop, Lexa. You know that you can stay here as long as you like.”

“Thanks, Ray.” Lexa said as she walked through the door, following Raven into their spare bedroom.

Raven opened the door to her and Octavia’s spare bedroom and placed Lexa’s bags at the foot of the bed. She quickly went and pulled back the sheets of the bed, getting it prepared to be slept in.

“There’s shampoo and soap in the shower.” Raven pointed towards the guest bath. “Use whatever you need. Get some sleep, Lex. I’ll see you in the morning, yeah?”

Lexa lunged towards Raven and pulled her into a tight bear hug. Raven wrapped her arms snug around her friend in an attempt to comfort the girl. “Thanks, Raven. I don’t know what I’d do without you and O.”

“No problem, Woods.” Raven smiled as she let go from the hug and started to walk out of the bedroom door. “Love you.”

“Love you too, Ray.”

 

//

 

Sunday morning came and Lexa had just barely woken up. She was still lying sleepily in the guest bed at Octavia and Raven’s place when the bedroom door swung open and Octavia stood there with wide eyes.

She stepped halfway back out the door, turning her head towards the kitchen to yell at Raven.

“Raven! Why is there a lesbian in our guest room?” Octavia was soon met with a pillow to the head and a slight chuckle rang from Lexa over in the bed. “Boo. You bitch.”

Octavia made her way over to the side of the bed and plopped down beside Lexa. Not long after Lexa filled Octavia in that she and Costia had broken up, Raven sauntered in and jumped onto the bed with her two friends. Lexa quickly moved over so that the three of them could fit semi-comfortably.

The three girls lie there for several minutes, Octavia and Raven both not knowing what to say. It was Lexa who finally broke the silence. “So… I still have some feelings for Clarke.”

“No shit, Sherlock.” Raven said, followed by Octavia.

“So that’s why you punch some random dude out?” Both girls laughed.

“Shut up.” Lexa groaned as she pulled the sheets up over her face. She quickly pulled her head back out from under the sheets, coughing and gasping for air.

Raven was laughing uncontrollably. “Sorry.”

“God, Raven…” Lexa gasped.

Octavia laughed along with Raven before starting the conversation again. “So did you tell Costia that?”

Lexa let out a sigh before sitting up and scooting her back to where it was propped up against the headboard. “She sort of realized it on her own. She was amazing though… She wasn’t mad. I would have been furious.”

“It’s not like you cheated, Lex.” Octavia said. “It’s not really surprising that Costia took it so well. She’s a really great person.”

“Yeah. She is.” Lexa said softly.

There were a few minutes of silence before it was quickly broken by the rudeness of Raven Reyes.

“So…. Is it cool if I tap that now?” Raven teased before pillows from both Lexa and Octavia bombarded her. “I surrender! I was just screwing around!”

“What do I do, you guys?” Lexa finally asked. “Clarke hates me.”

“Give her time, Lexa. You kind of betrayed her.” Octavia noticed the wince Lexa let out. “No offence. It’s going to take time. Be patient with her. “

Lexa nodded before Raven chimed in. “Remind her why she fell in love with you in the first place.”

“Come on. “ Lexa said as she stood from the bed and stretch out all of her appendages. “Let’s go get breakfast. My treat.”

 

//

 

Lexa took Raven and Octavia out to eat breakfast not long after she had woken up. It had been a while since the three of them had hung out and just spent time together. She didn’t realize how much she missed it. It still hurt knowing that the fourth member of their crew wasn’t with them, and wouldn’t be as long as Lexa was there.

“O, who are you texting?” Raven asked with a mouthful of waffles and Lexa rolled her eyes, sipping on her coffee.

“Hmm?” Octavia hummed. “Oh… It’s Bell.”

“Mhmmm…” Raven mumbled in between bites.

 

OCTAVIA (10:37AM) – Clarke. I have news.

CLARKE (10:39AM) – What’s up, O?

OCTAVIA (10:40AM) – Lexa and Costia broke up…

Octavia waited for a while and noticed that Clarke kept typing something, and then obviously deleting it because it was taking her way too long.

CLARKE (10:52AM) - And?

“Excuse me, guys.” Octavia stood up from her chair with her phone in hand. “This is a work call. I need to take it.”

Lexa and Raven both nodded their heads before Octavia disappeared outside to call her other best friend.

“What, O?” Octavia heard Clarke answer on the other end of the line.

Octavia sighed before replying. “Why are you being like that?”

“Like what?”

“You’re being an ass, Clarke.”

“Excuse me?”

“Yeah. You heard me. An ass.” Octavia made sure to draw out the last line. “Our best friend just went through a break up and you’re being an ass.”

“Our best friend? O, Lexa and I haven’t been friends in a very long time. I’m not being an ass, I just don’t know why you think that I would care that she and Costia broke up.”

“Clarke Jane Griffin. Are you hearing yourself right now?” Octavia gritted her teeth. She couldn’t believe that Clarke was behaving that way. She gets that Lexa did her wrong and all that, but it was time to grow up and be there for each other.

Octavia heard a very audible sigh come from the other end of the line. “How is she?” Clarke asked and the question caused Octavia to smile. “I can hear you smiling from all the way over here, O. You wanted me to be ‘worried’ about her… So… How is she?”

“She’s actually doing pretty good, considering. Costia was very understanding with the whole thing.” Octavia replied.

“So she ended things with Costia? Shocker…” Clarke commented.

“Clarke!”

“What?”

“You’re doing that thing again…. you know…the one where you’re an ass.” Octavia said harshly.

“What do you want me to say, Octavia?”

“You have no idea what she’s going through, Clarke. How about when you get over yourself, you give us a call?” Octavia said before ending the call. She was livid. If Clarke only knew the whole reason that Costia and Lexa broke up in the first place, maybe she would understand a bit better, but it wasn’t her place to tell Clarke. It was Lexa’s.

Octavia sauntered her way back to her seat with Raven and Lexa, where she exchanged a small smile with her green-eyed friend.

“Everything okay?” Lexa asked, sensing a small amount of worry coming from Octavia.

“Everything’s fine.” Octavia lied.

Lexa cleared her throat, and looked at both of her friends. “I just want to say thank you… To both of you. I couldn’t have asked for better friends. Thanks for being here for me, guys.”

Octavia reached over and grabbed Lexa’s hand. “Of course, Lex. You know we’re always here for you.”

“Ditto.” Raven mumbled, while still eating her waffles.

 

//

 

Clarke was just hung up on by Octavia, and her mind was reeling. She had so many different emotions running through her head; Anger, sadness, confusion were just a few of them. She knows that she should have been a little nicer to Octavia. The girl was one of her best friends and she was just trying to help Lexa.

Lexa.

The blonde-headed girl started to feel dizzy just thinking about her. Why had she and Costia broken up? They seemed so into each other the few times that Clarke had seen them.

Clarke shook her head. It wasn’t any of her business. Lexa wasn’t any of her business anymore. Especially after the stunt she pulled at the bar with Ryder.

That had definitely been odd though. She had to admit that she didn’t like Ryder touching her the way that he was, but why did Lexa care? How did she even notice? She had obviously been looking, and it didn’t go unnoticed by Clarke at how hot Lexa looked when she laid the guy out, although Clarke would never admit that.

A few minutes later, Clarke was seated on the couch, lost in her own thoughts, when she heard a knock at the door. She quickly got up, thankful that she was already dressed in her jeans and tank top.

When she opened the door, she was shocked to say the least. Costia was standing there in front of her.

“Costia… Wh – What are you doing here?”

“Hi, Clarke. I know that this is a very random visit,” Costia giggled. “But I really needed to talk to you.”

Shit.

“Umm… yeah. Yeah sure.” Clarke said, rubbing the back of her neck with her hand. “Come on in.”

Costia walked into the apartment and looked around, taking in all of the beautiful artwork that decorated the space. “I hope that you don’t mind, a mutual friend of ours gave me your address.”

“That’s fine, Costia.” Clarke smiled. “Would you like some coffee?”

“No. Thank you, though.”

“What can I help you with?” Clarke asked, trying to sound neutral. She didn’t want the girl to notice how confused and uncomfortable she was with her here. Not that Costia was someone that she didn’t like, she just knew of the situation that Costia was in and she still wasn’t sure if Lexa had told the girl about their past.

“Well, the first order of business,” Costia grinned, still looking around the room. “Is I am definitely going to need a custom piece by C.J. Griffin.” Costia smiled. “There are gorgeous, Clarke.”

Clarke laughed, feeling a little more comfortable around the woman. She had forgotten when she first met Costia; the woman was just a fan of her work. Not Lexa’s girlfriend. Ex-girlfriend now. “I think I can make that happen.” Clarke beamed.

Costia nodded. “The second is Lexa.” The woman added, and Clarke swore that she felt her stomach tangle into knots right then and there.

“Lexa?” Clarke croaked out, and Costia grinned a small grin.

“Yes, Clarke. She told me several days ago.”

“Oh.” Was all that Clarke could manage. She felt entirely to sick to be having this conversation right now.

“I’m sure you know by now, that Lexa and I decided to end things.” Costia stated, matter-of-factly.

“Umm… Yes. I – I’m sorry to hear that.” Clarke said, her eyes falling to the ground, trying to look anywhere but at the woman in front of her. “Octavia told me this morning.”

“Thank you. We’ve been together for a while and it hurt, but the decision was an easy one to be made.” Costia said.

“Really?” Clarke asked, and she could feel her eyes widen. How could anyone find it easy to leave Lexa Woods?

Costia giggle. “The decision was easy, Clarke because I knew that she loved someone else.”

“What?” Clarke asked, confused. “She was with someone else?”

“No.” Costia shook her head. “Lexa would never cheat, but she was definitely with someone else mentally. I couldn’t keep her from that person. As much as I loved her, that would be entirely too selfish of me. She deserves happiness, Clarke… And so do you.”

“Me?” Clarke asked, stepping forward. “What does this have to do with me?”

“Everything, Clarke. Ever since you came back to Dallas, Lexa’s world has been flipped upside down. I noticed how distant she was being with me, and it’s because her mind was always on someone else. She couldn’t help but think of you. She’s hurting. Lexa knows what she did all of those years ago hurt you… And that hurts her.”

Clarke was silent. She had nothing that she could put into words. Clearly Lexa had told her everything about their breakup and Clarke would be lying if she said that she didn’t hurt for Lexa. She thought that knowing how bad Lexa was hurting about the whole situation would make her feel better, but it didn’t. She feels awful. She shouldn’t have kept treating Lexa the way that she did.

“Clarke.” Costia said, putting a soft hand on the blonde’s shoulder. “It’s not your fault… Lexa and I. It’s no one’s. We just weren’t meant to be.”

Clarke nodded, still feeling an overwhelming feeling of sickness.

“Please forgive her.” Costia said. “Please give her another chance at being the friends that you use to be. Who knows? Maybe you could still be something more.”

“I’m not sure that’s possible. I think that the damage is done. It’s been too much. It’s been too long.” Clarke stated in a monotone. It’s like she was having an out-of-body experience. 

“Just try, Clarke.” Costia said, walking for the door. “She still loves you, even if she doesn’t admit it. It’s kind of hard to miss the feelings that she has for you… And quite honestly, I know you still feel for her too.”

Costia walked out of the door before Clarke could manage words. She was left there stunned. Had that conversation really just happened? Was Costia right?

Was Lexa still in love with her?

Was she still in love with Lexa?

 

//

 

Lexa Woods never gets nervous.

Well, she’s only been nervous a handful of times in her life, and she’s fairly certain that every time that she was, had to do with Clarke Griffin.

Lexa knew that she definitely needed to apologize to the blonde over the scuffle that she caused a few days ago in her bar. She had acted like a barbarian. Over the past several years, she had taught herself how to act mind over matter or head over heart, but ever since Clarke stepped foot back into her life that strategy got tossed out the window.

Punching a guy for dancing with Clarke was completely stupid. She knew that, and what hurt even worse, were the words that came from Clarke’s mouth that night. 

“I’m not yours.”

That had hurt her far more than it should have. She knows, that in the end, it was all of her fault in the first place… That Clarke wasn’t hers.

Lexa reached inside the drawer of her desk in her bar office to retrieve her phone. She stared down at her phone for far too long before she finally began to type.

LEXA (12:07PM) – Can we talk?

She waited for what felt like an eternity, but she knew that Clarke always had her phone attached to her hip.

CLARKE (12:16PM) – As much as I’d rather not, I believe that we should.

Lexa had to admit that that did sting just a little bit.

Okay. It stung a lot.

LEXA (12:19PM) – Should I come there?

LEXA (12:19PM) – Or do you want to come to the bar?

CLARKE (12:25PM) – I’ll be there at 6. I may need a drink.

Lexa knew that that comment was pointed towards her, obviously, but she couldn’t help the small smile that grew on her face. She always smiled at Clarke’s sassiness, no matter what the topic.

This was it though. Maybe the last time that Lexa would have to make any sort of amends with Clarke Griffin. If she screws this up, then Clarke may never forgive her. Their relationship, friendly or romantic, hangs on this conversation.

No pressure.

 

//

 

“Lexa! Calm the hell down!” Raven exclaimed, throwing several peanuts at her from a bowl that was sitting on the bar. “You’re going to be fine. You and Clarke are endgame.”

“What the hell does that even mean?” Lexa asked, as she paced around the bar staring at her feet in the process. She was really freaking out about her upcoming conversation with a certain blonde. She looked up to the clock above the front door to see that it was 5:15. Only forty-five more minutes. Okay… Now she was really freaking out. “What does a heart attack feel like?” She rhetorically asked Raven.

“Not sure. It’s been a while since my last…” Raven deadpanned.

“Why are we friends again?” Lexa growled. “You’re not helping in the least bit.”

“Look, Lexa… I’m just here for the peanuts and beer.” Raven grinned and tossed another at her friend’s head.

“I think it’s time you leave.” Lexa said, grabbing Raven by her arm and walking her towards the front door. “Clarke will be here any minute now.”

“And you’re throwing me out?”

“I don’t need your commentary throughout our conversation, Raven. I have a feeling it’s going to be bad enough as it is.”

“Don’t say that, Woods. I believe in you!” Raven smiled, walking out the door. “Call me afterwards?”

“Not a chance.” Lexa halfway grinned and then closed the door.

Lexa walked back over towards the bar and plopped down onto one of the stools there. “Alright, Lexa… You’ve got this.” She said aloud to herself. “It’s Clarke. Just breathe.” Several more minutes passed until she heard a soft knock on the door. If she hadn’t have been waiting for it, she probably wouldn’t have heard it.

She wonders if Clarke was just as nervous as she was… But why would she be?

Lexa was sure that her heart beat out of her chest somewhere between the bar and the front door. She felt physical sick and had to practically drag herself to answer the door.

Once she opened the door and took in the sight of the blonde-haired beauty in front of her, she felt some of her nerves trickle away. Lexa didn’t know how anyone could be so beautiful, let alone in ripped-up jean and a white t-shirt with paint stains, but Clarke definitely pulled it off. The girl could probably get away with wearing a potato sack and Lexa would think that Clarke was the most beautiful woman she’d ever seen. She can’t remember a time where she was in the presence of the girl and didn’t feel butterflies.

“Hello, Clarke.”

“Lexa.” The girl nodded, stepping in through the door and past Lexa to walk towards the bar and sit on one of the old stools.

“Okay…” Lexa murmured to herself, following behind Clarke. This was going to be interesting.

“Can I get you something to drink?” Lexa asked politely, coming up from behind Clarke and walking behind the bar.

“Are you drinking?” Clarke asked softly, not bothering to look up and catch Lexa’s gaze.

Lexa shook her head. “No… Not anymore. I’m trying to – “

“That’s good.” Clarke half-grinned.

“So no drink for you then?” Lexa asked again.

“No.” Clarke said quietly. “Thank you.”

There was a bit of silence while Clarke took in the space around her. She looked around as if she had never left this place. It looked different without all of the bodies filling the floor, but it was her father’s place… That was for certain. “Where is everyone?”

“I’m not opening up until after our conversation.” Lexa tried swallowing the massive dry lump that seemed to be stuck inside her throat. “I didn’t want any distractions.” You’re enough of a distraction, Lexa thought.

Clarke only nodded her head, still looking around the room as if trying to find a place to start talking.

Lexa cleared her throat. “How was your day?”

Clarke looked up to meet those gorgeous green eyes that happened to look full of sorrow at the moment, and spoke. “’How was my day?’ Seriously? That’s what you start with? Small talk? Aren’t we past that?”

“Jesus, Clarke.” Lexa sighed rather loudly. “I was just trying to be polite.”

The blonde across from her let out a sarcastic laugh and shook her head. “I think that we’re past that too.”

Lexa let out a loud laugh and turned her back to Clarke, running her hands through her own hair and looking towards the ceiling. This girl was definitely going to be the death of her, somehow or another.

“Well?” Clarke spoke, but Lexa didn’t turn back around the face her. “Let’s hear it this time, shall we?”

Lexa finally turned back around and her green eyes bore into blue ones from across the counter. Even after all of this time, even in the midst of fighting, those sapphire eyes still did ungodly things to her. No matter how furious she was with Clarke’s shitty attitude right now, she couldn’t help but feel her heart melt under the girl’s stare.

“I wanted to apologize.” Lexa started, not taking her eyes off of Clarke’s. “For how I acted the other night.”

“You mean the night that you punched the man I was trying to dance with?” Clarke shot back.

“I’d hardly call that dancing.” Lexa snapped, her temper was starting to get the better of her. Thinking back to that night, all she could think of was that guy’s hands rubbing all over Clarke as if she were just some piece of ass. He didn’t appreciate or respect Clarke. Not like she needed to be appreciated.

Clarke stood from her place at the bar with a huff. “Is that all then?”

“No, Clarke. God! That’s not all.” Lexa exclaimed. “Don’t you want this to be over?”

“Yes… As a matter of fact I do.”

“I meant all of the fighting.” Lexa said, rolling her eyes even though her heart broke at Clarke’s last statement.

Clarke didn’t say anything. She walked around the open area, where the dance floor was usually set up, trying to think of something to say or at least wait until Lexa said something else. Clarke honestly didn’t think that she would make it through this conversation alive. She felt like her lungs were going to collapse at any moment. The air between them felt thick.

“I hate fighting with you, Clarke.” Lexa said gently, breaking the silence.

“And you think that I like it?” Clarke spun around to look at Lexa. “You think that I want to hate you, Lexa?” Clarke noticed Lexa wince at the word ‘hate’. “What do you want me to say? What do you want from me?”

“I don’t want anything from you, Clarke. I don’t deserve anything from you… I know that. I just want to be - I don’t want to lose you.”

“I think that it’s a little late for that.” Clarke stated, tears clearly starting to fill her blue eyes.

“Clarke…” Lexa stepped forward. “Please tell me that that’s not true. I don’t think that I could bare not having you in my life somehow.”

“You’ve managed for the last five years.” The blonde spoke quietly, turning back around with her back facing Lexa so that her tears could begin to fall. She looked up towards the ceiling to take in a deep breath, and it didn’t come. She could feel her breaths quickening.

Lexa was by her side immediately, rubbing circles into the girl’s back trying to calm her down. After several minutes, Clarke’s breathing returned to somewhat normal and Lexa began to speak again. 

“I can assure you, Clarke, I haven’t ‘managed’ anything.” Lexa sighed, still rubbing small circles into the middle of Clarke’s shoulder blades, absentmindedly. “After I – after I left you, my life was a living hell… And I deserved every bit of it, but I would go through a torture one-hundred times that just to have you as a friend in my life again.”

A friend? Is that honestly what she wanted?

Both girls were thinking it.

After some time, Clarke looked up, her eyes still red from her tears, and she slowly pulled away from Lexa. “I’m sorry too.”

“What?” Lexa asked, in shock. “What for? You have nothing to apologize for.”

“I have been terrible to you, Lexa.” Clarke stated. “Yet, you still try and apologize to me over and over again.”

“I’ve deserved all of your treatment, Clarke.”

“Maybe some of it…” Clarke half grinned making Lexa let herself smile a bit. “I’m not sure that things will ever be the same with us, unfortunately… But it doesn’t mean that we can’t be somewhat friendly since we share two mutual best friends.”

Lexa was sure that her heart broke. Things will never be the same? In the back of her mind, she knew that to be true already, but it hurt so much worse coming from Clarke’s lips.

“I want to try…” Lexa said tenderly, looking into Clarke’s eyes. “To be friends again. I’d do anything for you, Clarke.”

That was the truth. She would do anything for Clarke Griffin. Could they be friends again? Looks like only time will tell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think that I really want to see some time with the 'Four Amigos' known as Clarke, Lexa, Raven, and Octavia... What about y'all? :)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry the update took so long! Let me know what you think in the comments. Kudos are much appreciated. ;)
> 
> Follow me on Twitter @asuzh90

“Clarke!” Raven yelled from the kitchen in Clarke’s apartment. “Where’s the beer?”

The blonde slowly walks out of her bedroom towards the kitchen, pulling her hair up into a messy bun as she walks. “What beer?” She asks her friend.

“I don’t know.” Raven shrugged and spun around to look at Clarke. “Just any beer… You always get the good stuff.”   
“I’m out.”

“What? Why?” The dark-haired girl asked with an over exaggerated pouty lip.

“Raven. What the hell? Why do you always raid my fridge?” Clarke asks, rolling her eyes as she walks up to the refrigerator and closes the door.

“Because, Clarke… That’s what friends do.” Clarke laughs out loud at how big of an idiot her friend is.

“Well I’m sorry, friend, but I’m fresh out.” Clarke turns back towards her room to finish getting ready for their night out. “I’ll buy some tomorrow.” She waves her hand in the air as she steps back in her room.

“That’s why I love you!” Raven yells after her.

A few minutes later, Raven walks into Clarke’s bedroom and plops down onto her soft bed with a sigh. “Hey… Watch the bed. I just made it.” Clarke says from the full-length mirror that she stands in front of.

“You should totally find someone to bring home tonight and help you mess it back up.” Raven says teasingly.

“Hmm… That sounds like a good idea.” Clarke replies as she finishes putting on her mascara.

“Wait. Really?” Raven asks quickly, jumping up off the bed.

“No.” Clarke laughs.

“Damn you and your sarcasm, Griffin.” Raven says as she tosses a pillow at her friend’s head. 

Clarke turns to smile and stick her tongue out at Raven before saying, “Ready?”

“Been ready, Blondie. Just waiting for you.”

“Let’s go.”

 

//

 

“Remind me again why we had to come to Lexa’s bar.” Clarke says as she and Raven wait for their drinks at the bar. She had really not wanted to come here of all places, but she had told Lexa that they could try to be friends again. 

It had been almost a week since she and Lexa had their ‘showdown’ at the bar, and Clarke had yet to see or hear from Lexa. She assumed its because they’re both scared of what to say or do.

This was definitely not going to be an easy process. That’s for sure.

“Look, you and Lexa agreed to work at this ‘friendship’ thing with each other.” Raven said, throwing her hands up and putting air quotes around the word ‘friendship’. “You asked me to be here for you, so that’s what I’m doing. We can leave if you want though.”

“No.” Clarke said softly, reaching for her beer that the bartender had just set down in front of her. “You’re right. I have to try. Thanks for being here, Ray.”

“No problem. Sorry that O is being an ass.”

“You don’t have to apologize for her. She was just protecting Lexa.” Clarke replies, before taking a sip from her beer.

“You and Lexa don’t need protection. You’re both adults. We should have let you both handle your business and stayed out of it.” Raven shrugged.

“Maybe you’re right, but that’s in the past. It’s time to look forward.” Clarke half smiles while moving her arm in a forward gesture.

Raven scoffs and nudges Clarke with her shoulder. “Nerd.”

 

//

 

Meanwhile, up in Lexa’s office at the bar, she and Octavia were having a conversation of their own.

“So that’s it? She said that she would try?” Octavia asks Lexa, this being the first time that they’ve gotten to see each other since Clarke and Lexa’s talk.

Lexa nods while looking down at her desk, skimming through stacks of papers that littered the area.

“I just don’t understand why she keeps playing the victim card. It’s been five years.” Octavia adds and this time Lexa looks up and glares at her friend.

“It’s because she is the victim, Octavia. I screwed up. I hurt her.” Lexa said, her glare turning into a look of sadness and sorrow. “Don’t start this shit again.”

“Geez. Sorry for trying to be a good friend.”

“Clarke is supposed to be your friend too! One of your best friends, so please… Get over yourself.” Lexa said firmly, and it came out a lot harsher than she meant for it too. She sighs and shakes her head. “Look, I’m sorry. I get that it might be hard to be friends stuck between us… But you have to remember that this is about us. Not you. Not Raven. Us.” Lexa says quietly. “Please, don’t let me find out that you’ve been being an ass to Clarke.”

There was a long moment of silence before Octavia spoke up again. “You’re right, Lex. I’m sorry. I should have taken both yours and Clarke’s feelings into account.” Octavia sighed. “Just so you know… Clarke and I haven’t spoken in a week. I was being an ass to her. I guess I should go apologize for that.”

“Just please… Let us work on our own problems.” Lexa said softly.

“Will do, Lex.” Octavia half-grins trying to cheer her friend up. The shorter girl spins around to head for the door of the office.

“Where are you going?” Lexa asked, thinking that she and Octavia were going to head down to the bar together when she was finished with her paperwork.

“To apologize to Clarke.” Octavia grins and sees the look of confusion on Lexa’s face. “She and Raven are down stairs.”

Lexa’s eyes go wide and she feels her throat become a little drier. “What? She’s here? Like right now?”

“Yep.” Octavia replies, popping the ‘p’ in ‘yep’. “Now let’s go see your ‘friend’.” 

 

//

 

Clarke and Raven are sitting at a small table near the stage in Lexa’s bar. It’s comfortable there tonight. There’s not a live band, just the music that’s playing through the speakers. The bar isn’t busy at all, seeing as it’s only a Wednesday night, and Clarke thinks that she likes the bar like this better. It feels more like home to her.

She thinks of her dad and is reminded of the pain that she feels when she misses him too much. Sometimes, it’s almost as if she can’t even breathe, but she pushes the thought back for another time. Tonight is friend time.

Speaking of friends, Clarke suddenly sees Octavia walking towards their table and immediately tenses. She and Octavia haven’t been on the best of terms over the past couple of weeks.

“Hey, O.” Raven calls to their friend and pats the seat beside her.

“Hey, Ray.” Octavia smiles and then turns to smiles at Clarke, but before she sits down, she walks over to Clarke’s side of the table and pulls her blonde friend into a tight hug. The hug definitely startles Clarke, but she quickly hugs her friend back. “I’m so sorry for being the major dick that I have been over the past few weeks.” Octavia says, pulling back from Clarke and sitting down beside Raven. “I was putting Lexa’s feelings before yours and it wasn’t right. I just have to learn to stay out of it.” The girl shrugged.

“Thank you.” Clarke says with a half-grin. “It really means a lot that you apologized… And that you admitted that you were being a major dick.” Clarke smiles this time, teasing her friend.

“Yeah, yeah.” Octavia grins.

“Enough with the mushy stuff. Let’s get another round of drinks!” Raven yells so that the bartender can hear her.

“Are you harassing my employees again, Raven?” A very familiar voice came from up behind them and rested her hand on Raven’s shoulder. 

Lexa nodded at Octavia and then looked over to those all too familiar sapphire colored eyes and smiled a big smile. She only received a small one in return, but that was better than nothing.

“Shut it, Woods.” Raven replied. “If it weren’t for me and my love for alcohol, you probably wouldn’t even be in business.”

Lexa laughs out a little before turning towards the bartender and motioning for him to bring on more drinks. “Fair enough.” She states. She points towards the last chair left at the table, the one beside Clarke, and asks, “May I?” Looking over in Clarke’s direction.

“Of course.” The blonde says, scooting over a bit so that she is just a little bit closer to Octavia than Lexa.

Lexa takes her place at the table. It feels extremely weird at first, because she hasn’t been with all three of her friends in so long. It almost feels like she’s stepped into a time machine and traveled back to five years ago when they would all party together.

Except this time, Clarke pretty much hated her.

“So….” Octavia drags out, obviously trying to think of something to start a conversation with her friends.

“How’s the art business, Clarke?” Lexa asks, looking over towards the blonde.

Clarke finishes the sip of her beer that she was taking and places the glass down on the table. “It’s doing pretty good. I’m staying really busy. I’ve actually gotten so many orders that I have to fill… It’s crazy.”

“Well I am glad that your business seems to be thriving.”

“And yours too.” Clarke smiles.

“Okay…” Raven lets out a very audible sigh. “Enough boring talk.”

“I’m sorry.” Lexa snaps at Raven. “Do mine and Clarke’s successful businesses bore you?” She says sarcastically.

“Umm… Yeah. I thought I made that pretty clear.” Raven smiles before Clarke throws a wadded up napkin at her.

“If my bar bores you so much, then I hereby kick you out.” Lexa says, her face emotionless, although Clarke can tell that she is trying really hard not to smile.

“Bullshit.” Raven glares at Lexa.

“Try me.” 

Octavia and Clarke bust out into a fit of laughter at how scared Raven looks. Like Lexa would actually kick her out of her bar. Lexa joins in on the laughter too, and they all four feel a bit more comfortable, at least for the night.

 

//

 

Later that night, after getting in from the bar with her friends, Clarke takes a shower and throws on her pajamas before pilling in bed with her laptop. She decides to do some online shopping for more supplies for the gallery when she hears her phone buzz on her bedside table. She reaches across to grab it, when she notices the name that pops up on the screen, and she reads the message.

LEXA (11:53PM) – I’m glad that we got to hang out a bit tonight. Thank you.

CLARKE (11:54PM) – Why are you thanking me?

LEXA (11:56PM) – After everything I’ve done… You’re at least trying to give me a chance. You could have easily walked out of the bar tonight when you saw me.

Clarke sat there in the darkness of her room, the only light coming from her lit up cellphone. She though about what to say to Lexa, but she didn’t really know what to say. She sees the effort that Lexa has been making to apologize and be back in her life, and even though Clarke is trying to completely forget about all the romantic feelings that she’s ever had for Lexa, she can’t help but see just green. 

Green everywhere. It’s like she’s being blinded by it. Those eyes have always found a way to look deep into her soul. The thought of them makes Clarke’s heart flutter and she quickly shakes her head to try and rid herself of her thoughts.

Clarke knows that she wants to give Lexa another chance at friendship, so she decides to let Lexa know that by trying to comfort her just a little bit.

CLARKE (12:03AM) – I’m glad we got to hang out too.

LEXA (12:05AM) – Yeah?

Clarke doesn’t notice a smile that absentmindedly finds its way on to her own face. Even though she’s not there, she can see the bewildered look on Lexa’s face, and she decides right then that she does want to see Lexa and her other friends again sooner rather than later.

CLARKE (12:09AM) – Yep. 

CLARKE (12:09AM) – Lexa, I don’t hate you.

LEXA (12:10AM) – You should.

CLARKE (12:12AM) – I thought that I did. For a long time, that’s all that I saw. Hate. I still don’t understand why you left me in the first place. Why you left us. But I do know that it hasn’t been easy for you either.

CLARKE (12:14AM) – I honestly don’t know if I could ever truly hate you.

The blonde doesn’t notice how fast her heart has begun to beat, or the tears that start to well up in her sapphire eyes. She can’t believe that she just admitted that to the other girl, but she did and there’s no going back now.

LEXA (12:17AM) – I was an idiot. I am an idiot.

CLARKE (12:18AM) – What?

LEXA (12:19AM) – For leaving you. Worst decision of my entire life… And I’ve made a lot of those.

Clarke stared at the last text from the brunette for what felt like an eternity. Why was she telling her this? Lexa talking like this made her feel something. She wasn’t sure what it was, and honestly, she was too scared to find out.

CLARKE (12:25AM) – Have you been drinking, Ms. Woods?

LEXA (12:26AM) – No. I told you that I wouldn’t do that anymore. Sometimes I just have to talk to someone… To get certain things off my chest.

CLARKE (12:26AM) – You can talk to me…

LEXA (12:27AM) – Why are you being nice to me?

CLARKE (12:28AM) – I’m trying. That’s all that I can say.

LEXA (12:28AM) – That’s why you’re you.

Clarke sat there once again, in the silence of her apartment, stuck in her thoughts of her relationship with one Lexa Woods. So many emotions and thoughts and feelings were running through her mind and she didn’t know how to stop them. 

She wasn’t completely sure if she wanted them to stop.

LEXA (12:34AM) – Goodnight, Clarke.

CLARKE (12:42AM) – Goodnight, Lexa.

 

//

 

A couple of days later, Raven and Octavia burst through the doors of Clarke’s apartment and startling the blonde woman laying on the couch.

“Good morning, beautiful!” Raven exclaimed, walking towards Clarke and sitting down beside her. “We come bearing gifts.” She continued and handed Clarke a cup of coffee.

“You both just scared the shit out of me. Do I need to take my spare key back?” Clarke groaned as she leaned up from her lying position on the sofa.

“Sorry, Princess.” Raven grinned.

“Why are you on the couch?” Octavia chimed in, taking a place on the other side of Clarke.

Clarke took a sip of her coffee and then sat it down on the coffee table in front of her. “I just haven’t been able to sleep in the past few nights.”

“How come?” Octavia asked. “Are you alright?”

“Yes. I’m fine… Just haven’t been feeling well.”

“I think that you need a movie night with your best friends.” Raven smiled.

“That does sound tempting.” Clarke half-grinned. 

“Good. What about tonight?” Octavia looked at her two friends to see if they were available so soon.

Clarke smiled and stood up to stretch. “That’s fine with me. I have no plans.”

Octavia and Raven both let out loud ‘woops’ as they jumped from the couch and started to walk towards the door. 

“You’re leaving?” Clarke asked, with a raised brow. “You just got here.”

“We are going to go get some groceries. What would you like for dinner tonight?” Octavia smiled and Clarke was relieved that they had worked out there problems. Octavia had been apologizing for a few days now and Clarke assured her that she had been forgiven.

“Surprise me.” Clarke smiled.

“You got it, Princess.” Octavia grinned and walked out the door.

“We will be here around five. Does that sound good to you?” Raven asked Clarke.

“That’s fine. See you both then.” 

When her two friends left to go to the store, Clarke took it upon herself to go and take a shower, hoping that it would make her feel at least a little bit better. She stayed in the shower with the hot water beating down on her back until she was sure that she had used the entire buildings hot water supply. She jumped out and dried off before going to her room and throwing on her most comfortable blue jeans and an oversized UCLA t-shirt. 

Before she went into the bathroom to blow dry her hair, she had a small thought enter her mind. She walked slowly over to her nightstand, as if she were contemplating not doing what she was about to do, but she grabbed her cellphone and did it anyway.

CLARKE (11:34AM) – Movie night at my place tonight with Raven and O. You in?

The blonde laid her phone down and sauntered into her bathroom where she began to dry her hair. When she was done, she went ahead and threw on a little bit of make up, thinking that it might make her feel better not looking like a zombie. 

She then went to the kitchen to make something for a late breakfast. She realized why Raven and Octavia had to go to the grocery store. She was out of almost everything. She settled on using the last avocado that she had and quickly made some toast. Avocado and toast was one of her favorite breakfasts anyway.

Clarke finished eating her toast and went back into her bedroom to grab the cellphone from her nightstand. She had one new message.

LEXA (11:47AM) – I would love to, but it’s a Saturday and I own a bar.

Clarke grinned. She could hear the sarcasm in Lexa’s voice, even though she wasn’t audibly speaking to her.

CLARKE (12:32PM) – Get Wells to cover

LEXA (12:33PM) - …Maybe they won’t burn the place down without me there.

Clarke giggled to herself and then shook her head. It was very confusing as to how Lexa managed to make her smile even through a text. She would never admit that though. She can’t show any kind of weakness. Not to Raven. Not to Octavia. And especially not to Lexa.

CLARKE (12:34PM) – The bar will be fine. I on the other hand could definitely use some back up here. I barely survived my last movie night with Ray and O.

LEXA (12:35PM) – I’ll be there, Clarke.

CLARKE (12:35PM) – That was easy.

LEXA (12:36PM) – Yeah. Well, I don’t know what’s come over me.

CLARKE (12:37PM) – I’ll see you at 5? I’m headed to the gallery for a couple of hours.

LEXA (12:39PM) – See you then.

Clarke quickly tucked her phone in her back jean pocket and grabbed her purse. She stood there for sometime before taking a deep breath and walking out the door.

 

//

 

Clarke got lost in her thoughts as she tried to finish a painting that she was working on. She made more of a mess than she had originally intended to. She was just glad that she wore and old t-shirt today. 

The blonde took a step back to admire the piece that she had been working on over the past few days. She didn’t know whom it was for; she had just received an email discussing what kind of work they were looking for. She thinks that she knocked her mystery clients expectations out of the park. At least she hoped so.

A few minutes later, Clarke heard a rap on the front door of the gallery. It was Saturday and she was closed, but she walked to the front to check and see who it was anyway.

When she got closer, she saw a very familiar face staring at her through the glass in the door, smiling and waving. She wiped her hands on her already ruined shirt and opened the door.

“Costia?”

“Hey, Clarke. How are you?” Costia smiled.

“I’m doing well. How are you? It’s been a while.”

“I’ve been better, but I’m dealing.” Costia replied.

Clarke realized that Costia was talking about Lexa more than likely and she really didn’t know what to say. “Oh. I’m sorry about you and Lexa.”

Costia grinned and shook her head. “It’s fine. I could never be selfish and keep her from her feelings for someone else.”

The blonde was definitely confused by Costia’s statement. Lexa had feelings for someone else? So that’s why they had broken up. She thought that Costia and Lexa were happy with one another and had wondered why they ended things so abruptly. Clarke just sighed and smiled. She didn’t have a clue as to what to say to that.

“Would you like to come in?” Clarke asked.

“Actually, I’m here to pick up a painting.” Costia smiled.

“Really?” Clarke was freaking out internally. Had Costia ordered something from her and she completely forgot to do it.

“I assumed you got an anonymous email a few days ago about a piece for a loft space?” Costia replied.

“That was you?”

“Guilty; though I didn’t mean for it to be anonymous really.” Costia smiled.

“Thank God. I thought that I had forgotten to paint you something.” Clarke smiled. “It’s back here. I just finished about half an hour ago. Would you like to see?”

“Of course.”

“I will run and go grab it.”

A few minutes later, Clarke entered the main area of her gallery once more holding a good-sized canvas. She spun it around so that Costia could see it and she really hoped that the widening of Costia’s eyes was a good thing. “Well, do you like it?”

“Clarke…” Costia said softly, as if she were in awe. “This is beautiful. You definitely exceeded all of my expectations. I can’t believe that I will finally have a C.J. Griffin original of my own.” The woman smiled and Clarke couldn’t help but laugh.

“I’m glad that I could capture what you wanted, Costia.” Clarke grinned.

“I have a perfect place for this in my loft.” Costia smiled and dug something out of her purse before handing it to the blonde across from her. “Here. It’s the amount we agreed on plus a little more.”

“Costia… The amount that I gave you was perfectly fine.”

“I knew that you would knock this piece out of the park before I even got here, Clarke. You deserve it.”

“Thank you, Costia. It means a lot.” Clarke smiled and handed over the painting to the girl in front of her.

“I have to get going, Clarke, but we should hang out sometime and get coffee or something.” Costia smiled a friendly smile.

“Definitely.” Clarke smiled before Costia pulled her into a tight hug and held her there.

Costia squeezed her tight and said, “You’re one lucky girl, Clarke Griffin,” before she headed towards the door and never looked back, leaving a very confused Clarke standing alone in the gallery.

“What just happened?” Clarke asked herself out loud.

 

//

 

Lexa decided that she should maybe pay Clarke a visit at her gallery and bring her some coffee. She had yet to see Clarke’s gallery and thought that today would be as good a time as any. She grabbed two coffees and two oatmeal raisin cookies before making the short walk to the gallery.

When Lexa walked up the sidewalk across the street from her friend’s business, she was suddenly stopped dead in her tracks. Through the window of the gallery, she could see a very happy looking Clarke holding an equally happy looking Costia.

She knew that she had absolutely no reason to be jealous or mad or sad, but that’s what she began to feel and she was mad at herself for feeling those things. Clarke Griffin was not hers and Lexa had made damn sure of that. She had really no hope for a romantic future with Clarke, but still, seeing her holding onto her ex-girlfriend made her sick. She turned on her heels and threw the coffee and cookies into the first trashcan that she found.

 

//

 

“Smells good.” Clarke exclaimed, smiling as she walked through the door of her place. “Maybe it’s a good things I gave you guys a spare key.”

Raven and Octavia both chuckled. “We made your favorite homemade pizza.” Octavia grinned.

“I can’t wait to take a bite. Let me run in the bedroom and change shirts real quick.” Clarke said, walking towards her room. “And sorry I’m a little late… I know that we said five.”

“It’s fine. We are in no big hurry.” Raven said, plopping down on the couch with the pizza in front of her.

While Clarke was changing, she heard a knock on the door. “Can one of you get that?”

“Sure thing!” Octavia yelled from outside the bedroom. The small girl walked to the door and opened it revealing two big green eyes.

“Lexa?” Octavia asked, with confusion written all over her face. “What are you doing here?”

“I believe I was invited.” Lexa said, stepping in through the opened door. Octavia glanced over to Raven who was equally as shocked and Raven just shook her head as if to say ‘It wasn’t me.’

About that time, Clarke came walking into the bedroom, still tucking in her new shirt that she threw on, and immediately stopped when she saw another person in the room. She had almost forgotten that she invited Lexa. She had been so busy today that she hadn’t really thought about much of anything. And quite honestly, she didn’t expect Lexa to show up. “Lexa. Hi. I’m glad you came.” Clarke grinned.

“Hello, Clarke.” Lexa said, but Clarke didn’t see that sweet smile that she un-admittedly loved to see on the girl.

Raven and Octavia looked between their two friends, with confused looks on their face before Raven said. “Who’s hungry?”

Clarke smiles and groans, “I’m starving.” She takes the seat in the recliner so that Lexa could sit on the sofa with Raven and Octavia. “What movie are we watching this time?”

“The Goonies.” Raven said.

“Hell yeah.” Octavia smiled.

“I love that movie and haven’t seen it in ages. It’s good with me. Okay with you, Lexa?” Clarke asked, turning slightly to the side so she could face Lexa who was on the sofa next to the recliner.

“That’s fine.” Lexa said shortly, and Clarke wondered what was wrong with her. It wasn’t like Lexa to be real short, and it was almost as if she were irritated about something. If her mood didn’t lighten, then Clarke was going to have to figure out what was bothering her.

The movie ended and all that was lighting up the living room was a blue television screen. Clarke was barely able to watch the movie because Octavia and Raven took it upon themselves to act out every freaking scene…Word for word. Clarke did, however, love Raven’s interpretation of the ‘Truffle Shuffle’. The whole room was basically in tears from laughing so hard.

Well… Not the whole room. Lexa only cracked a smile. Clarke was going to find out what the girl’s problem was.

Raven was asleep on the couch with her legs stretched out and in Lexa’s lap. Octavia was lying in the floor with a dozen pillows and blankets. Both of them were snoring and Clarke couldn’t help but laugh and roll her eyes at her sleeping friends.

She and Lexa hadn’t really said much to each other the whole night, especially seeing as Lexa wasn’t in the best of moods. They sat there in quite for a while after the movie ended. Clarke actually thought that maybe Lexa had dozed off too. She was too scared to look over and meet those green eyes that still haunt her everyday. This whole friendship thing was definitely not going to be easy.

After a few minutes, Lexa moved Raven’s legs out of her lap and headed to the kitchen to make some coffee. Clarke isn’t too sure why she did, but she quickly got up and followed her. “Need some help?”

“No.” Lexa said without turning around to face Clarke. “Thank you.”

“Did you like the movie?”

“We’ve watched that movie a hundred times, Clarke. I liked it just as well as I have those other times.”

“Okay.” Clarke said harshly and suddenly grabbed Lexa’s forearm from where she was about to reach for a coffee mug. “What is wrong with you?”

The look that Lexa gave Clarke then, much to Clarke’s surprise, wasn’t a look of anger or annoyance like she expected, but rather a look of sadness. Clarke was an expert in all things Lexa… At least she used to be. She could see that somber look in the girl’s eyes from a mile a way.

“There are many things wrong with me, Clarke.” Lexa said, shaking her head and continuing to reach for the mug. “I’m not sure what you mean.”

“Bullshit, Lexa. Something’s been bothering you since you got here. You haven’t spoken two words to me all night.” Clarke dropped her grip from Lexa’s arm. She hadn’t realized that she was still holding on. “I thought that we were going to try for this whole friendship thing.”

“It’s nothing, Clarke. I’m just being irrational and stupid.”

“About?”

Lexa hadn’t expected a question back from the blonde. She still wasn’t entirely too sure why she was feeling like this. She knew that neither Clarke nor Costia would ever do that to her, even though she knows that she deserves it in ten fold. She didn’t know whether she should say anything or not, but the words slip out before she can contain them. 

“I came to the gallery today.”

“My gallery?”

Lexa nods and lowers her gaze to the tile floor of the kitchen. “I saw you there with Costia.”

Clarke still wasn’t quite sure that she understood what Lexa was talking about and what it had to do with her being in such a shitty mood all evening. “Okay… So you didn’t come in because Costia was there? That’s understandable.”

“No. I mean yes – I mean… I don’t know. I saw you two together. Smiling… And touching.”

Clarke is sure that her eyes are wide enough now that they are bulging out of her head. How could Lexa possibly think that anything was going on between she and Costia? “Lexa. Whatever you saw was just two friends being friends. Costia ordered a painting from me and she was just there to pick it up.”

Lexa wouldn’t even look at her and so Clarke continued. “You know what, Lexa? This is all bullshit. Do you really think that little of me? That I would actually date your ex?” Clarke began pacing around the kitchen and she could feel Lexa’s eyes on her now. “If you still have feelings for Costia then you should let her know that. I thought that you and I were going to try to make this – whatever this is – this friendship thing try and work. We cant do that if you get mad at every little thing that you think that you see.” 

Clarke is extremely irritated at this point. She starts to walk out the door before she realizes that this is her apartment. She thinks about it for a moment, before reaching for the door and leaving her home.

She finds herself walking down the sidewalk, in front of her apartment building, going towards the park just a few blocks over. She had seriously thought about making things work with Lexa. She wanted to try and start over. She knew that it would be hard, but she was willing to go through with it. 

Now… She wasn’t too sure if she could.

“Clarke!” She heard a voice call from the dark of the night behind her. She turned to see Lexa’s face lit up under the light of a street lamp. The brunette girl was out of breath. Clearly she had been running to catch up with Clarke.

“What do you want, Lexa?”

“I’m sorry.” The taller woman said, walking more towards the blonde. “I shouldn’t have jumped to conclusions. To be honest, I didn’t really jump to conclusions. I know that you and Costia would never do that to me, it’s just that I – “ Lexa looks around as if she’s trying to find the words that she wants to say.

“Spit it out, Lexa.” Clarke says harshly, still pissed at her for being this way.

Lexa finally sighs and looks over towards Clarke. She almost gets lost in those sapphire eyes before she realizes that they are in the middle of a conversation. “I don’t have feelings for Costia.”

Clarke stares at Lexa for what feels like forever. The blonde is very confused as to why Lexa would be acting like this if she didn’t still have feelings for Costia. The thought suddenly hits her like a brick straight to the face. She doesn’t know why she hasn’t seen it before now. 

Could Lexa possibly have feelings for her?

No. That’s not possible. Lexa is the one that ended that relationship, and it was a long time ago. They were past romantic feelings for each other. Weren’t they? Clarke doesn’t know why she does, but she decided to prod the subject a little bit further.

“Then why did you act like that? Why were you jealous?”

Lexa’s eyes widened at the sound of the word ‘jealous’. She had a feeling that she was caught now, and if she gave in then there was no going back. “I, uh… I don’t know.”

Clarke lets out a sarcastic laugh before bringing her glare back to Lexa. “You don’t know? Jesus Christ, Lexa. We’re supposed to be friends! I knew we are kind of new to the whole situation, but it’s like you’re the one that’s not trying. This is your fault if you don’t remember correctly. It’s taking every fiber of my being to be strong and work at this relationship. What is your damn problem? Huh? Tell me, please! Friends are supposed to tell each other things – “

“It’s you, Clarke!” Lexa yells and interrupts Clarke’s rant. The blonde shuts up and stares at Lexa like she suddenly grew two more heads. Lexa sighs and brings a hand to her forehead. “I don’t have feelings for Costia… Because I have feelings for you.”

Clarke is sure that her heart just stopped. She couldn’t decide if she was mad or sad or what. She honestly couldn’t think straight at all. She walked over and slid down the side of a brick building, taking a seat on the sidewalk. She brought her knees up to her chest and hugged them with her arms, tightly. 

There was a while of silence before Lexa walked over and crouched down beside her. “Clarke… Please say something.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“I honestly don’t know. You said that I could talk to you about things…I know that you were definitely not talking about the admittance of feelings, but…”

“You’re damn right I wasn’t talking about the admittance of feelings, Lexa.” Clarke sighed loudly. “I don’t know what you want me to say to that… You are the one that did this to us, and now five freaking years later, after I’ve healed and moved on you decide that you have feelings for me again?”

“I’ve never not had feelings for you, Clarke.”

Clarke shook her head and then met Lexa’s gaze. “Then why in the hell did you leave me?” She all but yelled.

“Clarke… You were way too good for me. I could have never given you the life that you deserved. I’ve told you this. Look how successful you are. I would have done nothing but been a hindrance to you and your dreams. I would have never forgiven myself for keeping you from all of that.”

“I did have a lot of dreams… But I didn’t want any of them as bad as I wanted you. We were supposed to build a life together. We were best friends. Soul mates. And you threw that all away for nothing.”

Lexa slides the rest of the way down the building and sits down beside Clarke. “I know that you’re sick of me saying, ‘I’m sorry’, so I won’t say it again if that’s what you want.”

“I’ve never told anyone this…but after you left me and I moved to Los Angeles, I wanted to die. I felt like I was dead on the inside anyway…I had nothing really to love or look forward to anymore. My life revolved around you. You were my life.”

“Don’t you see, Clarke? I knew that, because my life revolved around you too. You would have given up everything to be with me.”

“You should have let me make that decision, Lexa. You and my mom…you both did that for me.”

“Clarke…”

“Look, Lexa… As I’ve said, I have healed. I’ve moved on. I may still be mad about some of the shit you did, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t want to continue to try and be friends.”

“What?” Lexa asked in surprise.

Clarke looked over to Lexa and caught the gaze of the forest green eyes in front of her. “I still want to try.”

“Even after everything I said tonight? The way that I acted?”

The blonde nods her head. “Especially now. We can both deny it all we want, but we both need each other in our lives somehow or another. Friends fight sometimes, we’ll work through it.”

“You’re too good, you know?”

“I know.” Clarke grinned and stood up before offering Lexa a hand. The brunette quickly grabbed the blonde’s hand and they began to walk back towards Clarke’s apartment.

“I think that we should wake Raven up and make her do the ‘Truffle Shuffle’ again.” Lexa said with a smile towards Clarke, clearly trying out the whole friend thing.

Clarke let out a genuine laugh before saying, “Twenty bucks if you can get Octavia to do it with her.”

“Oh. You’re so on, Griffin.”

 

//

 

Lexa decided not to stay the night at Clarke’s apartment with her friends. She went home a couple of hours later. She suddenly felt that all too familiar feeling of loneliness sweeping up inside her. 

She went to the kitchen to pour herself a glass of water, before going to the bedroom and sitting the glass on her nightstand. She sits on the edge of the bed before sighing aloud to herself. “I can do this. We can be friends.” She says to no one in particular. Before she lies down on her bed, she reaches to one of the posts of her headboard and slowly unscrews the knob that decorates the top of the post. The knob comes off, revealing that the top portion of the post is hollow.

Lexa reaches in without looking, as if it’s something she does more often than not, and grabs for something. She pulls out a small, black velvet box. She looks at it, turning it in her hand slowly. Her long fingers move to open the box, revealing a stunning, yet simple diamond ring. “Hello, old friend.” She says, looking at the ring. “Why do I still have you? After all these years…”

Lexa shakes her head, catching herself in dreams that are long gone, because of her own doing. She places the ring back safely into the velvet box before returning it to the bedpost and screwing the top back on.

“Maybe someday…” She says quietly before lying down on her bed and drifting off to sleep.

All that she dreams of that night, like most nights, is blue…

 

//

 

A few miles away, a certain blonde tucks herself under the duvet of her bed before dozing off and dreaming of green… and for the first time in a long time, it almost feels right.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another one! Two in a matter of three days! :) Go me. I believe that this one might be a little bit shorter than the others. Maybe. Maybe not. Let me know what you think of it in the comments and kudos are definitely much appreciated. :) Thanks for reading!

RAVEN JUST ADDED YOU AND TWO OTHERS TO GROUP CHAT.

Clarke read the message that popped up on her phone and thought to herself, ‘This should be good.’ The blonde and her three friends have hung out a couple of times all together in the past two weeks; once in Lexa’s bar and the other at Raven and Octavia’s apartment for game night. 

The word ‘disaster’ comes to Clarke’s mind when she thinks of the former. Lexa and Raven had gotten into a heated ‘Guitar Hero’ battle; resulting in two broken controllers and one broken coffee table.

Clarke had to admit that it was rather funny though; two adult women acting like competitive children over a video game. She laughs to herself at the thought.

Her phone buzzes again, this time with an actual message from Raven’s newfound group chat.

RAVEN: I’m feeling a bit nostalgic.

CLARKE: Aren’t you supposed to be at work?

RAVEN: My students have their phones out…why can’t I?

OCTAVIA: Why couldn’t we have had a teacher like you when we were in school?

LEXA: We would have all failed. 

RAVEN: We’re getting off subject here, my friends.

CLARKE: Let’s hear it.

RAVEN: Remember when we were in college…

OCTAVIA: ????

RAVEN: And we drove out to that small town about an hour from here…

LEXA: Oh God. No.

CLARKE: What?

RAVEN: And we would go to that honky-tonk bar…

LEXA: Nooooooo……

RAVEN: And line dance with all of the old folks…

OCTAVIA: Hell yeah! I am so down!

LEXA: That’s a big ‘nope’ from me.

CLARKE: Raven… I told you to stop accepting those brownies from strangers.

RAVEN: Guys, I am serious! Come on. It will be so much fun. Let’s just get out of town for a night.

OCTAVIA: You’ve got my vote.

RAVEN: Plus, I have really missed getting to see Woods shaking it on the dance floor.

LEXA: There’s no way in hell that I am going honkey-tonking.

CLARKE: Could be fun.

LEXA: Not you too.

RAVEN: Yes! Okay, Woods… Are you ready to shake it?

LEXA: ………..

RAVEN: That’s a ‘yes!” See you guys Saturday!

Clarke laughs at her friends. This entire conversation and the whole idea are just ludicrous, but Raven is right. It could be fun to get out of town for a while and do some of the things that they used to do together. She definitely has to admit that she can’t wait to see Lexa dance though. When they were in high school and college, Lexa was actually an incredible dancer. She was one of those people that just knew how to move. She could dance to anything and learn a dance in no time flat.

One thing is for certain though; Clarke will not be dancing. Clarke doesn’t do dancing. Well… just slow dancing, but that’s completely different. It will be fun to watch her friends make fools of themselves though.

Clarke puts her phone back in her jean pocket and gets back to painting the canvas that she is working on for a new client when she hears the bell to the gallery door ding, notifying her that someone is there. She wipes her hands on her apron and gets up to walk out front of the shop.

The blonde is frozen in her tracks when she sees the woman that is standing there in front of her.

“Hello, Clarke.” Abby says, with absolutely zero emotion showing on her face.

“What the hell are you doing here? Can you not take a hint? I don’t want to see you.” Clarke practically spits.

Abby huffs out a loud sigh and glares at her daughter, and Clarke thinks that she can feel daggers stabbing her in the chest just from that glare alone, but she doesn’t care. “Clarke, I am your mother and you will not speak to me that way.”

“A mother doesn’t destroy her daughter’s life.” Clarke says, shaking her head and she’s afraid that she may cry she’s so angry.

“That was Lexa. In case you’ve forgotten.” Abby bit back. “Don’t you think that you’re being a little over dramatic, Clarke?”

Clarke lets out a very sarcastic laugh, and looks around the room as if she is completely baffled by Abby’s comments; which she is. “Over dramatic?” She replies. “Lexa may have been the one to end things between us, but you… you made sure that she never came back… by threatening to pull my college funding. What kind of mother are you? What kind of person does that?” The blonde is practically screaming at this point, and then she hears yet another ding coming from the front door. 

“We’re closed!” Clarke yells without looking.

“Clarke?” She hears a soft voice say, and Clarke is pretty sure that her heart just jumped up into her throat. She looked behind her mother and saw the face that matched the voice.

“Lexa?”

“What’s wrong?” And as soon as Lexa gets the question out of her mouth Abby spins around to face her. “Abby…” Lexa groans.

“Ms. Woods. Can I ask what you’re doing here? You have no business with my daughter.”

“Mom. You really need to keep your mouth shut and get the hell out of my shop.” Clarke exclaims.’’

Abby glares at Clarke again before turning back to the brunette. “Are you here to ruin her life again?”

Clarke could tell that those words ‘ruin her life’ hurt Lexa. She could see the girl wince when they were spoken. “I… I just – “ Lexa stutters and shakes her head. The brunette can’t bring her eyes to meet Clarke’s now.

“Mother. Get out! Now!” Clarke yells as she walks closer to Abby. “Lexa has a lot more business here than you do.”

“Don’t tell me that you’re slumming it with her again.” Abby bites and throws a thumb in the direction of Lexa. Her mother barely got finished with her sentence when she was met with an open-handed slap to the face. “Clarke!” The older woman yelled, shocked that her daughter had the audacity to do such a thing.

Clarke was definitely in shock too. She honestly never meant to hurt her mother, as much as she hated her, but the things that she was saying about Lexa were entirely wrong and out of line.

Lexa steps forwards then, and places her body right beside the blonde’s to look at Abby. “You should go.” Lexa says in a surprisingly calm voice. “Now.”

Abby glared at the two younger women for a second before turning on her heels and walking out the door; slamming it in the process. Lexa immediately turned to look at Clarke, placing both hands on the blonde’s shoulders. She felt Clarke flinch a little at the touch, but she didn’t pull back. “Clarke… Are you okay?”

Clarke was still in shock. She pulled some sort of half grin onto her face; her eyes filled with unshed tears. She shook her head in disbelief. “Why, Lexa? Why would a mother do something like that?”

Lexa honestly didn’t know what to say. She shook her head. “I don’t know, Clarke. Maybe she just really, really doesn’t like me.” Clarke looks up to look at Lexa’s face and sees the small grin that she wears. The blonde can’t help but to laugh and push Lexa, teasingly.

“You’re insufferable.” Clarke smiles. How was it that Lexa could make her feel so at ease and temporarily forget about what had just happened? Clarke felt that warm feeling in the pit of her stomach and it scared the hell out of her. She shook her head. “I can’t believe that she had the nerve to show up here.”

“I’m sorry.” Lexa commented. There was a little bit of a silence that settled between them; not uncomfortable though. Lexa thought carefully about what she said next. She didn’t know if it would make things better or worse, but she had to say it anyway; if not just to get it off her own chest. “I should have come back anyway.”

Clarke looked up to meet Lexa’s gaze. “What?”

Lexa sighed; the memories of the past still haunting her. She knew that she deserved every bit of it. “I should have come back even after your mother threatened me; or you really. I knew then how badly I had messed up by leaving you. I wanted nothing more than to come home and beg and plead for your forgiveness for my idiotic mess. I should have. I should have taken care of you when Abby decided to stop paying for your education.” Lexa felt tears in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall.

Clarke felt as if she couldn’t breathe; her heart was beating rapidly. What would life have been like if Lexa would have come back to her? She knows that she would have definitely taken her back then; in a heartbeat. “Lexa…”

“You don’t have to say anything, Clarke.” Lexa sighed. “I just think about all of the ‘what ifs’ all of the time. I should have taken care of you.” She repeated.

The blonde stepped forward a bit and placed a gentle hand onto Lexa’s forearm, causing the green-eyed girl to look up at her. “That’s in the past now, Lexa.” She said softly. “We can’t dwell on it any longer. It will eat us both alive. We have to live in the now and work on rebuilding our friendship.” Even to Clarke, the word ‘friendship’ made her sad, but she didn’t let it show.

Lexa nodded her head and halfway grinned at the girl with the blue eyes that stood in front of her. “You’re right.” She sighed. “I promise to put my all into this.” Clarke smiled at the brunette and could tell that she was absolutely genuine. Lexa cleared her throat and turned to get two coffees off of the counter behind her. Clarke didn’t know where they came from. Lexa must have been holding them when she walked into the argument earlier. She turned around and handed one of them to Clarke. “I came here to bring you coffee.”

Clarke giggled, and Lexa thought that she felt her heart melt. “You got more than you bargained for, huh?” The blonde joked.

Lexa smiled back at her and held her cup up in the air and Clarke did the same. “To friends.” Lexa said.

“To friends.” Clarke replied.

 

//

 

“I can’t believe that we’re doing this.” Lexa huffed as she jumped out of the driver’s seat of her jeep. It was Saturday night and the four friends had just pulled up outside of one of their old ‘haunts’ as Raven called it. They drove about an hour north of Dallas to a tiny town at the foot of Mount Weather. There was literally nothing there but this honkey-tonk bar that they were about to enter. When they were in college, they would come here at least once a month and join in on the line dancing. There was no one that came here that was under the age of fifty, besides them. They had absolutely no reason to come and line dance, other than they thought that it would be fun to get drunk and dance with old people. Little did they know that the ‘old people’ kicked their ass at line dancing.

“You think they remember us?” Octavia asked, as the four of them stood outside the bar.

“Octavia. Let’s get real. They’ve probably all croaked by now.” This comment earned a Raven a slap on both arms from Clarke and Lexa.

“I can assure you that most of us are all alive and well.” The girls heard a voice call from behind them.

“Mr. Wallace?” Lexa asked. She was honestly shocked that he was still able to get out and come to these things. She remembers that he does own the place though.

“Ms. Woods. It’s good to see you again. It’s been a while.” He pulls her into a tight hug, shocking the girl and the others beside her. “Ms. Griffin, Ms. Blake, Ms. Reyes.” He nods to the other three girls. “It’s good to have you back.”

“How on earth do you remember us?” Raven gaped. “It’s been like six years.”

“I may be old, Ms. Reyes, but I will always remember the four girls that used to bring the house down with their…” He trailed off, thinking about what he wanted to say. “Colorful dance moves.” Mr. Wallace then smiled.

The four girls laughed before following the old man inside. Literally nothing had changed inside the building. It looked as if they were just here yesterday. It was packed, of course. It always was. 

“Drinks?” Octavia asked, looking around at her friends.

“Yep. I’m definitely going to need some liquid courage for this.” Lexa sighed.

“Wait.” Clarke said as they walked up to the side of the bar. “You mean that you’re actually going to dance?” 

“Shit yeah, Griffin.” Lexa smirked, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. “I didn’t drive all of this way for nothing.”

“That’s what I like to hear.” Raven chimed in, patting Lexa on the back. “I always need someone that can keep up with me.”

The other three girls laughed before Lexa added, “Please, Raven. I have literally never seen someone as bad as line dancing as you are.”

“Look, just because I don’t know how to line dance like somebody…” She wiggled her finger in front Lexa. “Doesn’t mean that I don’t know how to have a good time.”

“Trust me. We know.” Clarke commented.

Octavia turned back around to her friends after receiving their shots from the bartender. “Shots!”

“Is that Fireball?” Clarke asked and Octavia nodded. “Oh God. It’s going to be a long night.”

Raven took the extra shot from Octavia’s hands. “I’ll take that.” Octavia gave her a pointed look. “What? Lexa doesn’t drink…I’ll gladly take her shot.”

After the girls got a pretty good amount of alcohol in their systems… well, all except for Lexa, They decided that it was time to dance. “I can’t do this.” Clarke said to Lexa. Raven and Octavia had already run out onto the dance floor. The dance floor was massive. It reminded Clarke of a basketball court with its size and shiny hardwood floors, and it was packed to the brim with people dancing.

“What do you mean? You have to.” Lexa said, pretending to pout.

“Nope.” Clarke groaned, shaking her head. “No way in hell.”

“I will have you out on this dance floor by the end of the night. You mark my words, Griffin.” Lexa gave her a teasing glare before walking backwards onto the dance floor.

Mr. Wallace was in charge of the music, and when he saw Lexa, Raven, and Octavia come out onto the dance floor he was giddy with excitement. The song that was playing ended before the girls could begin to dance. Mr. Wallace pulled his microphone over closer to his face and said, “We have very familiar faces in the crowd tonight. Y’all might want to back up for this.” He said smiling over at Lexa who had a big dopey grin on her face.

The people had begun to line up in several staggered lines across the floor, and the music started. Clarke immediately knew the song, although she didn’t make it a habit to listen to a lot of country music. It was ‘The Shake’ by Neal McCoy, and she can recall dancing to this song quite a few times with her friends all those years ago.

It had a short instrumental intro before the words began to play, and when they did the whole room went nuts and started dancing into a synchronized line dance. She saw that Raven and Octavia were kind of just doing their own thing, but Lexa was amazing, of course. She always was an amazing dancer. The first line of the song was:

SOME MEN ARE ATTRACTED TO A PAIR OF BIG BLUE EYES

And when Lexa winked at Clarke, the blonde swore that the blush was rushing through her neck all the way up to her ears. Lexa quickly looked away from Clarke though, as she was still taking in all of the movements that the people beside her were doing.

To Clarke, the steps looked complicated, but they way that Lexa flowed through them made it look terrible easy. Lexa was sticking to the beat of the song, but she was getting in at least twice the amount of flicks and kicks as everyone else. She was a natural and Clarke doesn’t think that she’s seen Lexa look this happy in a long time.

The bridge of the song was coming up, if Clarke remembered correctly and she started slightly freaking out when she looked up to see Lexa coming her way with a smile as bright as the sun itself.

The slower part of the bridge was playing when Lexa grabbed Clarke’s wrist and began to pull. “Hell no.” Clarke said firmly, trying to hide the grin that was fighting its way to her face.

“Clarke Griffin… You get your ass out here right now or I will tell everyone about time you were in the hot tub and – “ Lexa was interrupted.

“Okay!! Shut up! I’m coming.” Clarke surrendered. She couldn’t have anyone knowing about that.

Clarke was trying to do the same steps as the people beside her to the rest of the song. She knew she was butchering it, but it couldn’t have been as bad as Raven and Octavia. At one point, she swore that she looked over and saw Octavia doing ‘The Sprinkler’ and Raven twerking.

The song ended and all four girls were out of breath; Lexa was laughing hysterically at Raven who was doubled over, leaning on her knees.

“We can’t be friends anymore.” Clarke said, glaring at Lexa teasingly.

Lexa raised an eyebrow. “You didn’t like dancing with me?”

“I didn’t dance with you. I danced by myself beside a lot of other people.” Clarke commented, crossing her arms as if she were truly mad.

A slower song started to play over the loud speakers, and they noticed that people started to pair up and dance together; Raven and Octavia being one of those pairs. Lexa and Clarke both chuckled at the sight. The brunette turned her attention back to the blonde in front of her and hesitantly held out a hand. “Well, would you like to dance with me?” She said quietly and grinned. Clarke raised an eyebrow. “What? Friends can’t dance together?”

Clarke looked at Lexa just a little bit longer before placing her own hand in Lexa’s. Lexa used her left hand to hold onto Clarke’s right one and she slowly put her other hand on the blonde’s waist; looking up to her as if to get her consent. Clarke nodded and hesitantly put her free arm over Lexa’s shoulder and placing the hand gently onto her upper back. She swore that she felt Lexa jump at the contact. They started rocking slowly and Lexa surprised her when she sang the first few words of the song.

EVERYBODY NEEDS INSPIRATION. EVERYBODY NEEDS A SONG.

Clarke chuckled at A: That Lexa was even singing and B: At how terrible she sounded.

Lexa looked down at her and raised a brow. “What? You don’t like my singing?”

“Big Miley Cyrus fan, huh?” Clarke joked, poking the tip of her tongue out of between her teeth when she grinned.

“It’s a good song, Clarke.”

“Didn’t say it wasn’t, Lexa.” She poked, still grinning.

Now that Clarke had time to think about a little, this song was extremely emotional and she could feel her heart beating rapidly, and it could have had something to do with the fact that she couldn’t pull her eyes away from Lexa’s.

Lexa could feel the seriousness of the situation that they were in growing, and she wondered if Clarke was uncomfortable. She didn’t want to make the girl uncomfortable. She needed to try and distance her self, for at least a few second, from the girl.

At the beginning of the chorus, when the crescendo hit, she took both of Clarke’s hands in her own.

YEAH, WHEN MY WORLD IS FALLING APART  
WHEN THERE’S NO LIGHT TO BREAK UP THE DARK

She gently pushed Clarke out in front of her, but only for a second. She twirled her and smiled the biggest smile that she’s felt in a long time when she saw the girl laughing. After she twirled her, she brought her back into the same position that they were in only seconds ago. She placed her hand on her waist, but it was firmer this time, and Clarke’s hand was now the spot just under Lexa’s neck.

Their eyes were locked together, but Clarke was feeling overwhelmed. She knew that she should step away. She knew that feeling that she was getting in her stomach all over again; those butterflies. She couldn’t step away though, so she broke their gaze and laid her head down on Lexa’s shoulder; immediately feeling the brunette’s breath hitch.

THAT’S WHEN I, I LOOK AT YOU  
WHEN THE WAVES ARE FLOODING THE SHORE  
AND I CAN’T FIND MY WAY HOME ANYMORE  
THAT’S WHEN I, I LOOK AT YOU

WHEN I LOOK AT YOU, I SEE FORGIVENESS  
I SEE THE TRUTH. YOU LOVE ME FOR WHO I AM  
LIKE THE STARS HOLD THE MOON  
RIGHT THERE WHERE THEY BELONG  
AND I KNOW I’M NOT ALONE

When the chorus hits again, Lexa does the same move again, and this time it feels more elegant. She twirls Clarke, and this time she only sees a slight grin. She notices that the blonde has tears in her eyes. Lexa brings her back into their hold and as the tempo picks up a bit, so does their swaying. They don’t move around the floor much. Lexa chooses not to say anything about the tears in Clarke’s eyes, and holds her tighter.

After another minute or so, the song ends and both women can’t find it in themselves to pull away from the other. Unfortunately, Raven does that for them by pulling on the back of Clarke’s shirt and yelling, “Shots!”

Clarke tries to throw on a quick grin for Raven and she can’t bring herself to look up into those green eyes right now. She follows Raven to the bar. God knows that she needs a drink right now.

“What was that about?” Lexa hears Octavia ask from behind her.

Lexa shrugs, her eyes still following the blonde that just walked away from her towards the bar. She couldn’t tell whether her heart was breaking or just flooding over with emotion. ‘Shit.’ She thought to herself. ‘Friendship.’ She shook her head and finally turned to Octavia.

“You alright?” The shorter girl asks.

“Yeah. Let’s get you some more drinks.” She half-smiled.

 

//

 

The car ride back home was quiet. Raven and Octavia had passed out almost as soon as they hit the leather seats of the back of Lexa’s Jeep. Clarke was also quiet, and Lexa wondered if she had royally screwed up suggesting that they dance together.

Music was playing softly through the speakers of Lexa’s vehicle and every once in a while, Lexa would glance over to Clarke who was staring out the window at the rain that had begun to fall. “You okay over there?” She asked, breaking their silence.

Clarke turned her head towards Lexa and smiled a small smile and nodded. “I’m okay.” She said, but Lexa could still the hint of tears in her eyes.

A few minutes later, Lexa found the courage to reach over the console and lay a hand on top of Clarke’s own that lay in her lap. Clarke jumped a little, but didn’t make a move to retract. She also didn’t turn to look at Lexa; she just turned her hand over and intertwined their fingers, squeezing Lexa’s hand ever so gently. Friends held hands right?

The rest of the ride home was silent still, but they left their hands tangled up together, neither one of them wanting to let go of the other. It was really late when they pulled up to Clarke’s apartment building and Lexa offered to walk Clarke up to her place. She would only be gone for a minute, so she left Raven and Octavia passed out in the Jeep.

When they got to Clarke’s door, she dug through her purse to look for her keys. She quickly unlocked the door before walking halfway inside and turning to Lexa. “I had fun tonight.” She said quietly.

“Yeah?” Lexa asked, because she was starting to think that the blonde regretted coming.

Clarke nodded. “Thanks for the dance, cowgirl.”

The side of Lexa’s mouth turned up into a smirk and she narrowed her eyes at Clarke. There was a very brief silence between them and Clarke stood up on her tip toes just a little bit to lean up and place a very light kiss to Lexa’s cheek. She pulled back just as quickly as she had started. “Goodnight, Lexa.” She said before retreating into her apartment.

Lexa was left stunned and in silence in the middle of the hallway. She brought her hand up to the place where Clarke had just kissed. God. This woman made her feel like such a teenager again.

“Goodnight, Clarke.” She whispered to no one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope that you guys liked it! Thanks for reading! :)
> 
> Just a little random information...I am from the south and I don't usually listen to country music, but my friends and I do go occasionally to a honky-tonk bar about an hour from here and dance with older people. It's quite hilarious, but fun.
> 
> True story. :) Don't knock it till you try it.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another update so soon?? I had the day off, so I put myself to work. Hope you guys like it. :)

“Hey, Clarke.” Costia said, as she got up from her place at the table.

Clarke walked up to the other woman with a bright smile. “Hi, Costia.” She said back before Costia pulled her in for a hug. “Thanks for calling me.”

“Well, I thought that today would be just as good as any other for us to hang out.” Costia grinned. The two women sit down at the table that Costia held for them. They were in downtown Dallas at a small café that Costia suggested. The girl had called Clarke out of the blue to see if she wanted to go out and get some coffee and Clarke happily obliged.

“Definitely.” Clarke replied with a smile. “How have things been?” Clarke still felt a little bit awkward hanging out with her ex’s ex while she and her ex were trying to work things out and be friends… It’s all very confusing.

“Pretty good, I guess.” Costia said, softly while looking down at her menu and Clarke could tell that something was bothering the girl. She just wasn’t entirely sure on how to handle it, or if she even should. “I can’t complain.”

“Is everything alright?” Clarke asks, looking up from her own menu to see Costia across the table. “I’m sorry, I just – I don’t want to overstep.”

Costia begins to shake her head as she lays her menu back down on the table in front of her. “It’s fine, Clarke. Really. I’ve just had something on my mind a lot recently and well… that’s really why I called.”

Clarke shot an eyebrow up in confusion. What could Costia have on her mind that’s bothering her so, that involves Clarke? “I’m sorry… I’m a little confused.”

“I’ve just been wondering about Lexa.” The girl says, and Clarke is sure that her eyes are much wider than they were just a second ago. “How is she? Is she okay?”

“Ummm…” Clarke rubs the back of her neck with her hand, feeling mildly uncomfortable. “I – She’s okay I guess. I’m not entirely sure. We haven’t really talked that much in the past week or so.”

Costia starts to think that Clarke thinks she’s just asking about Lexa for her own selfishness, but that’s entirely false. Costia knows how much Lexa cares for Clarke, and she really just wanted to know if they were able to work anything out. “I’m sorry, Clarke. It was inconsiderate of me to ask you. It’s just I thou – I don’t know… I thought that you and her might – you know?”

Clarke’s eyes flutter shut for a split second and all that she can see is green. When she opens them back up, she already knows that Costia can see the sadness in her eyes. It’s gotten to be too strong to hide here lately. Her emotions have been heightened immensely. 

“God. I’m sorry, Clarke.” Costia breathed out, and reaches across the table to place a hand on top of the blonde’s.

Clarke began shaking her head and tried to put on a somewhat grin before looking back up to Costia. She knew that there were tears in her eyes now. “No. It’s fine. I just – we’re trying to work on becoming friends again, building our trust back.” The blonde says calmly. 

A somewhat disturbing thought randomly made its way into Clarke’s brain just then, and she was scared to even ask if it were true. But she does.

“Did you guys – did you break up because of me?” It made her sick to even think it. They were a good couple and because of her they weren’t together any longer. She thinks back to that night when Lexa chased after her during movie night and Lexa admitted that she still had feelings for Clarke. Had Lexa admitted those feelings to Costia?

“Clarke…”

“You did.” Clarke brings her hands up to her face to try and hold back the tears that are begging to fall. “God, Costia. I am so sorry. I didn’t –“

“Clarke. I broke up with Lexa.” Costia said softly, and Clarke slowly began to move her hands back down to her lap. “I noticed how she had become so distant with me. She wasn’t doing it on purpose, but her mind was elsewhere. It was with someone else, and so was her heart. I called her out on it, that night after she punched Ryder for dancing with you. That was just so unlike her, and I knew that something was up. She admitted everything to me; the fact that she still had feelings for you, but she had feelings for me too. It was tearing her up inside, but I knew that she loved you more, so I let her go. It would have been selfish of me to ask her to stay in our relationship if she was in love with someone else.”

“She left me.” Was all that Clarke could bring herself to say; all of this new information was eating her alive.

“I know, and she had to live with that feeling of self-hatred for herself for five years. She thought that she deserved to feel like that, and maybe she did, but not anymore. She needs to be able to move on from that.” Costia said.

“Why are you telling me this?” Clarke asked.

“I’m not entirely sure.” Costia chuckled. “Lexa’s is a great person, Clarke, and so are you. I just want you both to get your ‘happy endings’.” The woman smiled kindly at Clarke, but Clarke couldn’t really manage to smile back, so she just nodded her head.

“I don’t know if I can do that, Costia.” Clarke said after a few minutes off silence. “I mean I don’t even know how this ‘friends’ things is going to work out. I can’t think about anything more than that.”

“I understand that, Clarke, but don’t you think that it might be a little hard to be ‘just friends’ again if all you want to do is be around her, hold her hand, kiss her…” Costia smiled when Clarke looked up to her with a confused look. “Hey. I dated her too. I know the feeling.” Both women laughed.

“Thanks for telling me.” Clarke said to Costia. “About Lexa. I’m just sorry about the break up.”

“Hey… Who am I to get in the way of true love?” Costia smiles and Clarke can’t help but grin back, although she’s not entirely sure if this conversation helped anything at all. It actually made everything worse. Now she’s more confused, but she would definitely not tell Costia that.

 

//

 

Ding ding.

Lexa heard the bell ring that notifies her when customers come into the bar, the only thing was, they were closed. “On my way!” Lexa yells from upstairs in her office. She jogged down the steps, keeping her head down the whole way to make sure that she didn’t miss a step.

When she makes it downstairs to the bar area, she looks up and her green eyes merge with blue ones, and she’s fairly certain that she can’t breathe. She hasn’t seen Clarke in over a week. The last time she saw her was when she left Lexa standing in the hallway of her apartment building after she kissed Lexa’s cheek. Lexa has wanted to see her, to talk to her, but she couldn’t bring herself to. If Clarke wanted to talk to Lexa, she would initiate something. Lexa wasn’t going to push Clarke into something that made her uncomfortable.

“Clarke! Hey.” She said a little too loudly, but she was just so surprised/excited to see the blonde.

“Hi.” Clarke said softly with a smile on her face, and God how Lexa has missed that smile. She’s certain that her heart is melting, along with the fact that she still can’t breathe. Lexa’s dead. She’s dead. 

Death by Clarke.

“How are you?”

“I’m doing good. The gallery’s been so busy, I just haven’t had time for much socializing, you know?” Clarke smiles again.

Death by Clarke.

“Oh yeah.” Lexa grins, now beginning to feel a little awkward thinking about the last time that they were together. “I understand that. The bar’s been crazy.”

“I’m proud of you.” Clarke says and it takes both of them by surprise. “I mean – You know – you’ve been keeping up a really good business here. Dad would have been proud of you too.”

Lexa smiles a half smile before looking down at the floor. “I’m not too sure about that.”

“Of course he would be, Lex.” Dammit. Word vomit, Clarke. 

Lexa looks up at the sound of the familiar nickname. It’s been so long since she’s heard it… from Clarke anyway. Clarke smiles at her, trying to fight her way through the awkward air. “Thank you.” The brunette says in return.

Clarke nods and says, “Thank you.”

An eyebrow pops up above a green eye in puzzlement. “For what?”

“For buying this place. For keeping it ‘Jake’s’ and working so hard to keep it going.”

“Of course. I couldn’t imagine it being anything else.” Lexa smiles. The air fills with silence now, but it’s not the awkward kind that had originally been there. It’s a more comfortable quietness, and Lexa just wants to stand there and stare at Clarke all day. Not creepy at all. She decides to try and lighten the mood a bit and work at the ‘friendship’ thing. “Did you come here for a reason or did you just want to see my beautiful self, Griffin?” Lexa grins and Clarke swears that Lexa’s grin is in her top three things that Lexa does that make her swoon.

Not that she has a list of things that Lexa does that make her swoon…

Clarke definitely doesn’t catch herself staring at the long legs in denim shorts in front of her. She honestly didn’t come here to look at Lexa’s beautiful self, but it was definitely an added bonus. “No, smartass. I came to invite you to the cabin this weekend.”

“Wait. THE cabin?” Lexa asks.

“The one and only.”

“I’m not sure – I don’t know, Clarke.”

“Come on, Lexa. Everyone is going to be there. Jasper, Maya, Monty, Miller, Harper, Monroe, Raven, Octavia, and Bellamy.” The cabin belongs to Jasper’s family and it is massive. It sleeps like forty-people and is every bit as elegant as a cabin can be. They use to throw parties there all of the time in college. Some of the best memories of Lexa’s life happened at that cabin and that’s why she isn’t entirely sure about going. All of those memories involve Clarke… and Clarke was going this time as well. Of course she wanted to go. She would go to the ends of the earth just to see Clarke for a split second, but she’s not sure if she could go to that cabin for a whole weekend with Clarke Griffin and stay ‘just friends’. “Pleeeeaaaassssseeee….” Clarke begs and flashes Lexa that big beautiful smile again.

Death by Clarke.

“Okay okay…” Lexa grins and throws her hands up in surrender. “I’ll go!”

Clarke looks very pleased with herself before she turns to head toward the door. “I’ve got to get back to the gallery.” She says, walking out the door. “And Lexa…”

Lexa hums and raises both eyebrows.

“It didn’t hurt that I got to see your beautiful self.” Clarke smiles and walks out the door.

Death by Clarke.

 

//

 

“Wait. You did what?” Raven said, after she almost choked on the Dorito that she was eating. She had barged into Clarke’s apartment a few minutes ago once again with her spare key and went straight for the kitchen, grabbing the bag of chips. Clarke acted like she was pissed off, but in all honesty she liked unexpected visits from her friends. They kept her on her toes.

Clarke fidgeted in her position on the sofa and crossed her legs. “I invited Lexa to the cabin this weekend.” She said again like it was the most obvious thing that she could have done. “Is that a problem?”

“Hell no it’s not a problem. I freaking love Woods. I’m just surprised is all.”

“Why? We’ve been hanging out.”

Raven rolls her eyes. “I know. I know, but this will be different. It’s a whole weekend gone. That means that sleeping will be involved. Or at least beds will be involved…” Raven wiggles her eyebrows before she gets smacked with a couch cushion. “Ow. Plus there will be hot tubs and swimsuits and lots and lots of alcohol.”

“Raven. We are adults. I can handle myself around Lexa for a few days. Everyone else will be there too, and plus, Lexa doesn’t drink.” Clarke rambles on, almost as if she were nervous. Almost.

“But you do.” Raven wiggles her eyebrows up and down again, and then busts out laughing when Clarke hits her again with a pillow.

“Raven. Stop. There will be nothing going on between Lexa and I. It’s not like that anymore with us. We’re just friends.” Clarke says it like she’s trying to convince herself. I mean clearly she has a physical attraction to her ex. Who the hell wouldn’t? It’s like she’s Aphrodite and Brad Pitt’s love child, but she could not have those thoughts. She’s pretty sure that she can find other things to put her mind to this weekend than having thoughts of Lexa Woods.

“Okay.” Raven chuckles sarcastically before rolling her eyes. She turns towards the TV and starts flipping through the channels, knowing that the conversation has ended for good.

Clarke is scanning through her phone, not paying any attention to her friend beside her. She’s checking her Facebook and Twitter notifications when she gets a text message. She laughs out a loud, and it actually makes Raven jump beside her. “What?” Raven asks.

“Nothing.” Clarke replies, still looking down at her phone. “I just read a stupid joke.” Raven seems to buy it and turns back to the television screen.

LEXA: I’m getting a head start on packing. Should I take my Spongebob pajamas or the Daffy Duck ones?

Clarke is still smiling to herself. She’s almost 100% positive that Lexa does not own any Spongebob or Daffy Duck pajamas.

CLARKE: Please tell me you’re joking.

LEXA: I guess you’ll have to wait and see.

CLARKE: Don’t make me regret inviting you.

LEXA: Fine. I’ll just bring my black lacey set… Maybe with a garter.

Clarke chokes on air when she reads Lexa’s last message and she is quite certain that her entire face is a bright shade of red. “Are you okay over there?” Raven asks, eyeballing her friend. Clarke just nods, still coughing on air. “Clarke. You’re turning red.”

“I’m fine.” The blonde finally manages to get out once she’s finished her coughing fit. She could see a smirk, out of her peripheral vision, forming on Raven’s face.

“Are you and Woods sexting?”

“What?! God no, Raven!” Clarke practically yells and slaps her friend across the arm. Raven is bent over laughing so hard at how her friend reacted. She must have hit a certain nerve because the blonde’s face was even redder now, if that was possible. “We are definitely not sexting!”

“So it is Woods then?”

“I hate you.”

“You love me.” Raven says turning back to watch TV, silently laughing at how giddy Clarke is looking at her phone.

CLARKE: Maybe just stick with a t-shirt and pajama shorts.

LEXA: If you’re sure.

And Clarke already knows that wherever Lexa is right now, she’s got that famous shit-eating grin plastered all over her face. Clarke can’t help but smile. She could do this. She could be just friends with Lexa Woods.

CLARKE: I’m sure. Just please god no Spongebob or Daffy Duck.

And before she realizes what she just sent, or didn’t send in this matter, it’s too late.

LEXA: So the black lacey set can go in the ‘maybe’ pile?

“Clarke, you’re red again.” Raven says in a sing songy voice, poking her blonde friend on her cheek. Clarke jumps across the couch and lands on Raven, hitting her with a pillow over and over again in the process. After Clarke gets a few more solid hits in, she hears a very familiar voice.

“Hello? Clarke?”

Oh God. Clarke goes scrambling around the couch looking for her cell phone before she finds it in between two cushions. She picked it up and was met with gorgeous green eyes.

“I think that you might have accidently Facetimed me.” Lexa smiled.

“Uhh…” Clarke was sure she was still red and quickly tried to recover herself, running her hands through her hair and straightening her shirt. “I’m sorry. I didn’t realize. Raven was being an ass.”

“Sup, Woods.” Raven leans her head over on Clarke’s shoulder and grins a toothy grin at the phone.

“Hello, Raven.” Lexa says back. “Clarke, is she bothering you? I know of several ways to get her to stop.” Clarke laughs and looks to the side towards Raven.

“You wouldn’t dare.” Raven says and then it’s Lexa’s turn to laugh. Clarke thinks that Lexa’s laugh is the most beautiful thing that she’s ever heard and may or not be on her ‘things that Lexa does that makes me swoon’ list.

“That’s right. I’ll spill all of your secrets.” Lexa did her best impersonation of an evil villain type laugh.

“I hate you.” Raven said, looking into the camera on the phone. She quickly got up and walked to the kitchen, huffing the whole way there.

“Problem solved.” Lexa grins.

“My hero.” Clarke grins back and then there’s a few moments of silence because, well…. Now it’s awkward. “Well, let’s see the Daffy Duck pajamas.”

Lexa’s face split into a smirk at the comment. “I was just kidding. I was never cool enough to have character pajamas.” She sighs. “I guess I’ll just have to wear my –“

“Don’t say it!” Clarke interrupts her and Lexa chuckles. The blonde knows that she would turn all shades of red at the mention of Lexa’s black lacey underwear.

“What? I was just going to say my Dallas Cowboys shirt and blue boxers.” Lexa says with an over exaggerated wink.

“God. Why are we friends again?”

Lexa’s eyebrow shot up. “So we’re friends?”

Clarke sighs. “Of course we are. How could I not be your friend?”

“How could you be?” Lexa shoots back. Clarke quickly looks over her shoulder to see if Raven is still in the kitchen. She is, so Clarke gets up and walks into her bedroom. The blonde sits down on her bed and leans back against the headboard.

Clarke begins to shake her head. “Please don’t.”

“What?”

“Stop treating yourself like shit over something that happened so long ago. We’ve talked about this.” Clarke says firmly.

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” What Clarke doesn’t say is how heartbroken she still is over it. She can never erase the thoughts from her mind of what could have been if Lexa wouldn’t have left her back then. She wasn’t mad anymore. She could definitely never hate Lexa, even though she tried to several times. She was mostly just sad. Sad that they may never have the same relationship again and also sad that Lexa beats herself up so much about it. No one is as hard on herself as Lexa Woods is. “What are you doing?” Clarke asks when she notices Lexa bending down and the phone screen is swaying back and forth.

A few seconds later it stills and the brunette leans up with a kitten in her arms. “Oh my gosh. How freaking cute you are.” Clarke says in a baby-talking voice with a big smile on her face.

“Aww… Thanks, Clarke. You’re kind of cute yourself.” Lexa grins again.

Clarke is already a bright crimson color. “I was talking to the cat… but thank you.” She half smiles before looking back at the kitten. “Wait. Aren’t you allergic?”

Lexa nods her head. “But I couldn’t leave it out in the rain by itself. I’ll take it to the humane society in the morning.”

“You better make sure and take some Benadryl before you go to sleep.”

Lexa rolls her eyes with a small smile on her face. “Yes, mom.”

There are another few moments of silence, but it’s fairly comfortable. Clarke can tell that Lexa is now moving around in a bedroom. She assumes that it’s Lexa’s. She’s adjusting the covers on her bed before she sits the phone up on her nightstand, facing towards her. She turns on her side and snuggles under the covers. “I like seeing your face.” Lexa says sleepily, and Clarke chuckles at how tired the girl looks. She doesn’t think that Lexa has realized what she just said, until the brunette’s eyes go a little wider. “Umm… I mean – I” 

“I like seeing your face too.” Clarke says softly, interrupting Lexa’s ramblings. She then moves into the same position that Lexa is in on the screen, moving to prop her phone up on the nightstand. Clarke grins when she notices that Lexa is about to fall asleep. “It’s late. I should probably let you go.”

“No.” Lexa said, opening her eyes and then her voice turns softer. “Stay on here with me? At least until I fall asleep?” Lexa knew that it was a long shot asking Clarke to stay on the phone with her, but she thought that she’d at least give it a try.

“Of course.” Clarke said, surprising even herself. “Goodnight, Lexa.” But she hears nothing in return because the other girl is already fast asleep. It doesn’t take long before Clarke herself is asleep; her phone still connected to Lexa’s. 

The call stays connected until their phones go dead.

 

//

 

It’s Friday morning and the girls are finishing packing all of their luggage into Clarke’s SUV. The drive to cabin usually takes about two hours, so they wanted to get a fairly early start to their day. Once all of the luggage was packed in tight, the girls loaded up. Clarke was driving and Octavia was in the passenger seat, while Lexa and Raven got into the back.

“So everyone else is meeting us there?” Clarke asks and Octavia nods her head. As soon as they take off, Octavia is scrambling to hook up her iPod to the stereo. 

Lexa is in the back, with her glasses on, trying to read a book and Clarke thinks that Lexa is so freaking cute in glasses. She keeps stealing glances in the rearview mirror, making sure that none of her friends catch her.

Octavia finally settles on a song. There’s a loud cymbal crash at the very beginning and the music quickly turns into an Indian style of music mixed with a bit of a pop undertone. It’s ‘Buttons’ by the Pussycat Dolls.

“Hell yeah!” Raven and Octavia both yell. “Jinx!” They both roll their eyes before they begin to dance in their seats rather exotically.

“Oh god.” Lexa groans as Raven starts rubbing up against her. “What’s the matter Woods?”

Clarke burst into laughter before she joins them in the dancing, but only barely because she is driving. Raven, Octavia, and Clarke all sing the lyrics of the song as loud as they can. Raven is still rubbing up on Lexa and the green-eyed girl is trying to hide her amusement. Octavia is reaching across the console to unbutton Clarke’s button up shirt, while Clarke is doing a somewhat belly roll.

I’M TELLING YOU TO LOOSIN UP MY BUTTONS BABY  
BUT YOU KEEP FRONTING  
SAYING WHAT YOU GOING TO DO TO ME  
BUT I AIN’T SEEN NOTHING

“You guys are so embarrassing.” Lexa groans, putting her head in her hands. The other three women start to laugh, and Lexa can’t help but peak out from between her hands to watch Clarke dance.

“Your glasses are fogging up there, Woods.” She hears Raven whisper in her ear.

“Shut up, Reyes.” Lexa says, but without turning her head towards the girl because she’s pretty sure that she wouldn’t be able to tear her eyes away from Clarke even if she wanted to. Raven notices Lexa’s incessant staring, but chooses not to say anything. She’ll have plenty of opportunities to embarrass Lexa this weekend.

It’s only when the song ends that Lexa is able to remove her gaze from Clarke, but before she does Clarke turns slightly in her seat to see Lexa. The blonde smiles and then winks at Lexa before turning back around to face the road. ‘She winked. She freaking winked at me.’ Lexa thinks to herself. She feels like a teenager and doesn’t even care.

Death by Clarke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Can't wait to write about their weekend at the cabin. If you have any suggestions, feel free to leave them in the comments section. Thanks for reading, guys. :)
> 
> Follow me on Twitter @asuzh90


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the wait guys! I promise after this weekend, my schedule should be back to a fairly normal one. I hope you guys like it! Let me know what you think in the comments. Kudos are also appreciated. :)
> 
> Follow me on Twitter @asuzh90

The girls pull up to the cabin around noon, and they all pile out to stretch their limbs. The drive there was a lot better than originally expected. They danced and sang and generally just had a good time enjoying each other’s company.

“I see that everyone else has already made it.” Raven says, throwing a look at Clarke. “Thanks a lot, Griffin.”

“I wasn’t aware that there was a race going on.” The blonde bit back.

“Yeah, yeah.” Raven said sarcastically before pointing at Lexa. “Woods, get my bags.”

Lexa turned to look at Raven. She was originally staring at Clarke… well maybe not staring, but you know… Okay she was staring. “Why the hell would I carry your bags, Reyes? You’re perfectly capable.”

Raven shrugged. “It was worth a shot.”

Lexa scoffed before turning to the vehicle, she saw Clarke struggling to get her two suitcases out of the SUV. She quickly ran over to help her. “Here. Let me help.” The blonde gave her a shy smile and allowed Lexa to help her get them out of the vehicle. Once the bags were out, Lexa threw her backpack on and grabbed her duffel before quickly taking Clarke’s two suitcases in each of her hands.

“Lexa, stop. I can get those. You’re going to hurt yourself.” Clarke said, eyeballing the brunette and was really surprised that she was even doing this. 

“I’ve got it, Clarke. I can carry your bags as long as you’ll hold the doors open for me.” Lexa smiled, and Clarke returned it. The two started walking towards the cabin, they were just a little bit behind Raven and Octavia when Raven turned around to look at them.

“What the hell?” Raven said with a scoff.

“What?” Lexa said with a smirk. She knew what Raven was complaining about. Lexa helped Clarke with her bags after Raven asked Lexa to carry her’s.

“So, that’s how it’s going to be then, huh?” She said at Lexa before turning back around to walk towards the cabin. “It’s so on, Woods.”

“Don’t be jealous, Raven!” Clarke called out teasingly before Raven flipped them the bird over her shoulder. This only caused Lexa and Clarke to laugh more.

Once they were inside the lodge, they saw Jasper, Bellamy, Monty, and Miller sitting at the bar in the kitchen. They seemed to just be sitting around drinking and making small talk.

“What’s up, bitches?” Octavia exclaimed from her place in the foyer. “Did you miss us?”

“Maybe just a little bit.” Bellamy said as he walked towards his little sister to envelop her in a tight hug.

Raven walked closer to the kitchen where the guys were and dropped her bags with an exaggerated sigh. “Where are Maya and Harper?”

“They’re out in the hot tub already.” Jasper said, pointing out the back door onto the very luxurious deck. 

“Those skanks.” Raven said, causing all of the guys to start laughing.

“If you want a bedroom, there’s only one left so you better hurry.” Jasper smiled. “Everyone left will have to stay in the living room. Sorry.”

Octavia stepped up with peculiar look on her face. “What? This place sleeps like a thousand people.”

“Ahh…yes, but my parents are having the whole third level renovated. It’s a mess up there.” Jasper replied and as soon as the words were out of his mouth Raven and Octavia started sprinting up to the second floor to grab that last room, without thinking of the consequences.

“I don’t think so!” Lexa yelled as she ran after them; knowing full well that if Raven and Octavia got the last room, then Lexa and Clarke would be left with the living room. She wasn’t sure that she could be alone with Clarke like that. Clarke stayed downstairs, laughing at how childish her best friends were being.

“It’s good to be back, huh?” Clarke deadpans, looking over to where the guys were standing. The comment makes them all laugh. 

“How about a drink, Griffin?” Bellamy asks, walking up to the blonde with a chilled beer in his hand, which she gratefully accepts.

 

//

 

Lexa makes it to the bedroom right after Octavia and Raven do and she gives them both a stern look before Raven sticks her tongue out at the taller woman. “How old are you again?” Lexa asks sarcastically.

“You’re the one that chased us for a bedroom.” Raven replies. “Now who’s being childish.”

“Raven….” Lexa starts slowly, hoping that Raven will catch on before she has to start this conversation by herself. “If you and O take this room together, then that leaves me and Clarke….” Raven still hadn’t caught on. “Alone.” Nothing. “Together in the living room.”

“Jesus, Raven!” Octavia exclaims. “Lexa is trying to tell us that if we leave her alone with Clarke, she won’t be able to keep it in her pants.”

“What? That’s not what I was saying, O.” Lexa said, her eyes widening. “Clarke will be uncomfortable, surely.”

“It’s alright, Lex.” Raven finally says. “I’ll sleep with you in the living room. O and Clarke can take this room.”

The look that crosses over Lexa’s face is one of pure confusion. She watches the girl closely. “That was way too easy. What’s going on?”

Raven shrugs and smiles at Octavia and then back at Lexa. “By the end of the night, there’s no telling where everyone will end up.” Raven takes her bags and walks out the door back downstairs.

“Wait! What does that mean, Reyes?” Lexa calls, but all she is met with is Raven and Octavia’s laughter.

 

//

 

It’s late evening, and everyone has all of their bags put away and their beds claimed. Since it was their first night there and they were all kind of tired from their trip, they opted for ordering pizza. Bellamy decided that he would cook burgers the next night. 

The whole gang sits around a large fire pit out behind Jasper’s family’s cabin. Everyone is sipping on cool beers and just catching up with each other. Some of them haven’t seen each other in a long while. Of course, Jasper and Maya are next to each other and Lexa really wants to tell them to get a room. Monty and Miller are paired up with Octavia and Raven, chatting about ‘blowing shit up’ from what she gathers. Most likely some idea of Raven’s. Clarke, Monroe, and Harper were all sitting together, laughing and reminiscing about college and Lexa was next to Bellamy. They sit further away from everyone else; no particular reason, that’s just where they ended up.

“How are things going with you and Clarke?” The man beside her asks, and she’s not really taken off guard. They talk every once in a while. After she and Octavia became friends all of those years ago, she thought that she might as well befriend her brother too, and it stuck.

Lexa shrugs and takes a sip from her water, her eyes not leaving the blonde in across from her. The fire between them seems to make Clarke’s hair glow even more and Lexa swears that she’s an angel. “It’s going.”

“Really? You aren’t going to talk to me about it?” Bellamy sighs and leans back in his chair.

“There’s nothing to talk about really.” Lexa finally replies. “I mean, we are working on the whole ‘friends’ thing, and I am so grateful that she’s giving me this chance to be back in her life, at least in some way. It’s just…” Lexa looks back up across the fire and her eyes meet blue ones. She tries to swallow the dry lump that has formed in her throat. Clarke grins at Lexa before turning back to talk to Monroe and Harper.

“It’s just…. What?” Bellamy asks. “It’s hard to be friends with someone when all you want to do is jump her bones?” He smirks and Lexa smacks his leg with her hand.

“No, asshole. Well… I mean of course I – “ Lexa shakes her head and sighs, not missing the chuckle that comes from Bellamy. “Of course I do, but it’s not about that to me. Not right now. She gives me butterflies, Bell.”

Bellamy starts to crack up before she hits him once again in the leg. “I know it’s stupid, but she does. Every time that I’m around her, I seem to gravitate towards her, but I have to pull myself back because that’s not what she wants. I can’t believe how much I still care for her after all this time.”

“Umm… duh.” He says, interrupting Lexa’s rambling of her feelings for Clarke. “You guys are soul mates.”

Lexa laughs sarcastically and takes another sip of her water. “We use to be. Until I screwed it up and everything went to shit.”

“You just have to give it time, Lexa.” Bellamy leans back up out of his chair and places a soft hand on the brunette’s shoulder. “Clarke loves you. Whether she admits it or not. I can see it in the way she looks at you. Just give her time.”

There were a few moments of silence before Lexa turned her head to look at him. “That’s the deepest thing you’ve ever said to me.” She grins and he swings his arm around her shoulder.

“You’re welcome.” He says.

 

//

 

“How’s the gallery going, Clarke?” Monroe asks from her seat beside the blonde. “I heard that you’ve been keeping busy.”

“Yes. Things have been pretty crazy, but I am so thankful for the business. Next time you’re in town you’ll have to stop by.” Clarke grins.

“I’ll definitely do that.” Monroe smiles back.

“So, when did you and Lexa get back together?” Harper asks and Clarke chokes on her beer. “You okay?”

How could Harper possibly think that they were together? They haven’t been around each other much since they arrived at the house. Maybe she saw Lexa carrying her bags for her, and Clarke blushes a bit when she thinks about how sweet the gesture was. Luckily the fire around them covers the blush on her face. “Uhh…. We’re not together. Just friends.” Is that what they were? Clarke was surprised to catch herself telling others that she and Lexa were now friends after everything.

“Oh. God. I’m sorry, I just assumed….” Harper said.

“No, no. It’s fine.” Clarke says, looking across the fire to find Lexa. The brunette is having what looks to be a pretty meaningful conversation with Bellamy. The way that Lexa tenses up when Bellamy says something to her, has Clarke worried. She wonders if something is wrong, but she’s tries to push it out of her mind. If something were wrong then she or Bellamy would tell her.

“You know… This may be overstepping some kind of boundary,” Harper says, catching Clarke’s attention and she turns back around to face her. “But in college, I only hoped that I would find someone someday that I loved as much as you and Lexa did.” Harper sighs. “So, I’m so sorry about everything between y’all.”

Clarke only nods her head at first. It warmed her heart to hear Harper say such nice things about her and Lexa, but it also broke her heart. Harper was right. She had never loved anyone like she did Lexa and she would probably never find a love like that again. Clarke knows that Lexa loved her like that too. She’s just entirely too confused to think about this right now and way too sober. “Thanks, Harper.” She half grins and chugs the rest of her beer.

 

//

 

“I have gathered you all here tonight for one simple reason.” Raven says, from the middle of the fire pit where everyone has crowed around, moving closer together. “Never Have I Ever.” She says and grins when she hears a few cheers followed by a couple of boos, which she assumes comes from Lexa and Bellamy because sometimes, they’re just like sticks in the mud. “Everyone got their drinks?” Everyone nods, but Lexa who is now sitting in between Bellamy and Clarke.

Clarke doesn’t want Lexa to feel left out of the game… well, actually she knows that Lexa could probably give two shits about the game, but she wants her to play. She leans over a bit to say something to Lexa, low enough so no one else would hear. “If you want to drink, you can.” She knows that Lexa isn’t drinking because she promised Clarke that she wouldn’t do it anymore. She had gotten too out of control. Lexa looked at her with a raised eyebrow. “I wont’ let you over do it. Okay?”

Lexa grins a little and very hesitantly nods. The blonde gets up to fetch Lexa a drink from the cooler and is back in no time, handing the chilled bottle to her friend. “Thank you, Clarke.” Lexa says softly, as if only meant it for Clarke to hear. Clarke nods back.

“Okay. You all know the rules.” Raven says as she sits down beside Octavia. “Bellamy, you can go first.”

Bellamy lets out an exasperated sigh and leans up, putting his forearms on his thighs, beer bottle in hand. “Never have I ever…. Cried or flirted my way out of a speeding ticket.” He grins, remembering a story that Octavia told him back in college.

No one drinks. “I call bullshit, Griffin!” Bellamy says, pointing at Clarke.

“What? What are you talking about?” The blonde tries to act like she has no idea what he’s talking about, but she most certainly does.

“I know for a fact that you’ve flirted you’re way out of at least one. College. Campus security… That ring any bells for ya?” Bellamy said, grinning from ear to ear.

Clarke groans loudly. “Uhhh… fine! Okay. Yes. I may have flirted my way out of a couple of tickets. So what?”

“I think that ‘flirted’ is too nice a word.” Octavia spoke up. Shit. Clarke forgot that Octavia was with her at least one of those times. Clarke said nothing. “Clarke, you pulled your shirt down so low and practically shoved your goods in his face and said, ‘Do I still have to get a ticket?’”

Clarke is absolutely mortified. Every one of her friends is laughing hysterically and she leans over and throws her hands over her face. “Oh. My. God.” She says, and she can hear chuckling from next to her. Clarke looks up and sees Lexa looking at her with a very amused look. “What?” The blonde snaps, but it’s a playful one.

“Nothing.” Lexa shrugs. “Just thinking about that time that – “ Clarke practically jumps on Lexa and flings her hand over the brunette’s mouth because she knows exactly what she was about to say.

Even though the moment started as goofy, they both realized their proximity; Clarke leaning across Lexa’s lap with one hand on Lexa’s bare knee and the other covering the girl’s mouth. Clarke can’t seem to tear her eyes away from Lexa’s. Luckily, everyone else is still laughing within their groups and doesn’t really notice. At least she thinks that they don’t.

Lexa’s heart is pounding and even though they’ve only been in this position for literally two seconds, she feels like time stops. She realizes though that she needs to be the one to change the dynamic, and keep up her friend charade. Not that she wasn’t Clarke’s friend, she just felt like so much more. The brunette sticks out her tongue, licking Clarke’s hand and the blonde withdraws it. “Yuck.” Clarke says, as if she is irritated, and Lexa is laughing.

“You love it.” The brunette says and Clarke just glares at her teasingly.

“Drink, Griffin.” Bellamy says, pointing out the fact that she still hasn’t taken a drink. She obliges with a lot bigger sip that she really had to. She feels flushed from being so close to Lexa. It could be the fire and the alcohol, but she doubts it.

“Your turn, Clarke.” Raven says and Clarke sits there for a moment deciding what she wants to say.

“Never have I ever gotten a tattoo that I regretted.” Clarke said, finally grinning from ear to ear. She had to get Bellamy back somehow. She hears him groan and starts to laugh. He turns his bottle up to take a big swig and then glares at Clarke.

“What tattoo do you have that you regret?” Octavia asks her older brother with a raised brow.

“He’s got a fox on his hip.” Clarke chimed in.

“I hate you, Griffin.” That only makes her laugh more.

“That girl he used to date…” She looks at Octavia. “Fox…”

“Bell, please tell me that you did not get a tat of a fox because of that skank.” Octavia commented, but there was a hint of a smirk on her face. The look that he gave her was the only answer that she needed. She burst into laughter and everyone else quickly followed. 

Miller also had to take a drink, admitting that he had a big number ‘2’ on his back so that the people behind him would know what place they were in. This also caused an uproar of laughter.

“Hey, Lex.” Raven said, catching everybody’s attention. “What about those lips tattooed on your hip?” 

Lexa is sure that she had turned beet red, luckily she thinks the fire has hidden her blush. At least from the people furthest from her. Even though she was a little bit drunk, she remembers the night she got that tattoo vividly. It was in college and she, Clarke, Raven and Octavia had all went out clubbing together. Raven and Octavia eventually went home, but Lexa and Clarke stayed out later and thought that it would be a good idea to get tattoos in their drunken state. Lexa decided that she wanted Clarke’s lips on her in more ways than one. Clarke put on a lot of red lipstick and kissed a piece of paper, leaving a perfect stencil of her lips. They gave the tattoo artist the paper and he gladly traced them and tattooed it to Lexa’s hip. 

No one knows that their actually Clarke’s lips that are permanently on her body. No one but Clarke. Lexa looks over to Clarke and those blue eyes surprisingly seem to be a little bit glassy. Does Clarke remember that night as vividly as she does? 

“I don’t regret it.” Lexa said softly, but loud enough that the others heard her. Her eyes haven’t left Clarke’s and Lexa’s lips turn up a little in the corner. Clarke manages to break her stare from Lexa, both girls clearing their throats in the process.

“Alright. Whatever you say, hot lips.” Raven says before continuing on with the game.

The game lasted about another half hour before everyone decided that it was time to call it a night. Raven and Lexa took the couch bed while Clarke and Octavia took the upstairs room. Octavia was long gone. She was already snoring and Clarke could not seem to get her mind off of Lexa. She tossed and turned before she finally rolled over and grabber her phone off the nightstand. Maybe it was the alcohol that was still floating around in her system, but Clarke quickly typed out a text.

CLARKE (1:06AM) – You don’t regret it?

 

//

 

Downstairs, Lexa is equally as fidgety. Raven fell asleep only a few minutes ago. Lexa finally decides to get up and walk outside. She walks out to the edge of the water where she had spotted a hammock earlier. She clumsily falls into it, glad that none of her friends were around to see it. She didn’t have too much to drink, but she could still feel it in her system. She lay there for several minutes before her phone dinged and she looked down to see whom it was from. Her eyes widened when she saw Clarke’s name flash across the screen, quickly opening the touchscreen on her phone.

She must have read over that text message for ten minutes before she drew up the courage to reply. It was probably the alcohol talking, or maybe not, but Lexa sent out her reply; albeit was very blunt.

LEXA (1:17AM) – The only thing that I ever regretted was leaving you.

CLARKE (1:23AM) – Lexa…

Lexa saw the three dots flashing, meaning that Clarke was writing something. She waited for what felt like ever. She felt her stomach in knots and she honestly just wanted to be sick. It hurt so much to be around Clarke and not be able to touch her. Everything reminds her of them. 

Obviously, Clarke rewrites her message a few times because the dots disappear for a bit and then reappear. And then the message comes through.

CLARKE (1:27AM) – I don’t regret us.

 

//

 

The next morning, the whole gang rolled out of bed at the smell of Lexa’s cooking. It smelled heavenly and it didn’t take long for the dining table to fill up. She woke up early; she couldn’t sleep. Matter of fact, she’s fairly certain that she didn’t go to sleep at all. 

Clarke was all that was on her mind. ‘I don’t regret us.’ That was what the message said. Lexa couldn’t bring herself to text back. She had absoulutey no idea what to say, and she’s pretty sure that Clarke wouldn’t have wanted her to say anything else anyway.

Bellamy was the first one downstairs, followed by Raven who only had to roll off of the couch bed and walk five feet into the kitchen. The others weren’t that far behind.

“Lexa Woods, are you making us breakfast?” Jasper asks teasingly.

“I thought that all you drunks might want something good to eat this morning.” Lexa said in reply, but not turning to look at her friends. She knew that Clarke would be there. It’s like she could almost feel her sapphire eyes burning a hole through her back. So she stayed facing the stove for a few more minutes. Finishing up the last of the waffles that she was making. She turned around with a heaping platter of said waffles and all of her friends practically started drooling.

“Are those your famous pecan waffles?” Octavia gasps. You would think that her friends haven’t eaten in days.

“Yep.” Lexa said, popping the ‘p’ at the end.

Everyone gathered around and starting grabbing waffles and throwing them onto their own plates. Jasper and Miller seemed to devour theirs before they even hit the plate. “What about Clarke? She’s allergic to pecans.” Raven asks, her mouth full of food.

“It’s fine.” Clarke says gently with a grin towards Lexa. “I’ve got yogurt in the fridge.” The blonde continues, and walks towards the refrigerator. Lexa turns around, walking back towards the stove and grabs another small plate of waffles and holds them out to the blonde before she can open the cooler.

Clarke looks at Lexa really confused. “I made you some without pecans.” The brunette said with a smile and Clarke returned the smile. The blonde was pretty sure her heart was beating out of her chest and she’s so glad that her friends were really loud eaters because she would have swore that they could’ve heard it.

How can something so small make her feel this way? Lexa remembered and obviously had Clarke on her mind while she was cooking. Clarke reached out and grabbed the plate from Lexa, and their hands brush against each other. Both women clearly feel the amount of energy they both give off. Green meets blue and they have to break their trance quickly because they feel other eyes on them.

“Thanks, Lex.” Clarke says sweetly and quickly gives Lexa’s forearm a squeeze before turning around and joining the other’s at the table. Lexa doesn’t move for a few seconds. She’s still frozen in place and all she can think about was the touch of Clarke’s hand to her own. The feel of Clarke’s hand squeezing her arm as if the girl was trying to say something more. 

Lexa finally breaks out of her trance and joins the others for breakfast. It’s a big table that fits all of them easily. Chatter quickly feels up the room while they all talk about their plans for the day. No one seems to notice how quite Lexa and Clarke become. They are at opposite ends of the table and they exchange glance after glance at each other. Lexa thinks that Clarke looks almost as if she were confused about something. They never really smiled, there were only traces of one from Lexa.

“Sound good to you, Griffin?” The blonde is startled to learn the Raven was talking to her and she had no idea what the girl was even talking about.

“What?”

“We decided to just hang out and go fishing at the lake, and there’s a couple of canoes. Tonight we’ll just party around the campfire again. Sound good?” Raven asked again.

“Yeah. That’s fine with me.” Replied the blonde, before she chanced another glance at the green-eyed girl on the other end of the table.

 

//

 

Lexa and Raven were upstairs in the cabin, getting dressed in the guest bathroom since they had no actual room. Raven chose to wear a pair of black athletic shorts and a t-shirt since she was planning on fishing. Lexa did not fish, so she did not dress accordingly, although it was still very casual. She wore cut off denim shorts. They were almost too short, but she shrugged it off. Not really caring, because she was on ‘vacation’. She opted to pull on a white V-neck to pair with the denim.

“You’re so unfair.” She heard Raven groan. 

“What? Why?” Lexa asked.

Raven waved her hands all around Lexa. “How can you make that outfit look sexy?” This causes Lexa to laugh at her friend.

“Raven? Is there something I should know?”

The shorter woman shrugged. “If there was, you’d be the first to know.” Raven winked teasingly and Lexa just rolled her eyes.

“Let’s get out of here. I need some air.” Lexa said before turning and walking out of the bathroom.

When Raven and Lexa made their way outside, the met up with Octavia and Bellamy who were stringing line through their fishing poles. Of course, the first thing that Lexa looked for was Clarke. She spotted her quickly, sitting on the edge of the water in the gravel. She looked to be in a deep conversation with Monty. It almost made her a bit jealous. She wanted alone time with Clarke, but knew that it would be hard to come by and probably a little awkward. Lexa was sure of her feelings, but Clarke seemed okay with being friends.

“Lexa!” She spun around when she heard the voice of Harper coming from the pier. She and Monroe were standing there holding a canoe with their hands. Most likely so it wouldn’t float away. “Want to join us?”

Lexa nodded with a smile and quickly joined the other two girls. The canoe was plenty big enough for the three of them, and the water was incredibly calm. Lexa was happy just to sit and take in the sights. Mostly the sight of a certain blonde on the shoreline, but a sight nonetheless.

She had never really been around Monroe that much so she didn’t really know how to take her, but she and Harper seemed to be pretty good friends and Lexa knew Harper. The two of them played soccer together in college and Lexa’s pretty sure that the girl use to have a crush on her. At least that’s what Clarke always said. When they were together around Harper, Clarke always tensed up and got really irritated. When Lexa would ask what’s wrong, she would reply, ‘She’s into you. I don’t like it.’ Or Lexa’s personal favorite. ‘Bitch better step back.’

Lexa smirked to herself at the memory. She would always reply, ‘There’s only you, Clarke.’

“So Lexa, how’s life treating you these days? You still with Costia?” Harper asked with a raised brow and Lexa can tell that she’s insinuating something.

Lexa only smiles a little and responds. “Life is pretty good right now. Not much to complain about. And no…I’m not with Costia.” The admission makes the other girl’s smile widen and Lexa only looks back to the water’s edge to take in Clarke.

All of a sudden, Lexa feels the canoe shake a little. She turns around and it looks like Harper plans to move closer to Lexa, but then the canoe starts to rock harder as she steps. “Harper!” She hears Monroe screech from the other end of the small boat. “We’re going to fl – “. Monroe doesn’t get the exclamation out before the three of them are thrown overboard as the canoe flips.

 

//

 

Clarke is basically in tears on the water’s edge when she sees Harper, Lexa, and Monroe’s canoe flip. She’s laughing hysterically along with the rest of the gang. After a few minutes, the three girls have swum to the shore, dragging the canoe with them. Harper and Monroe quickly run inside to change as Lexa finishes pulling the canoe out of the water.

Octavia happens to turn and see the look on Clarke’s face. She looks back and forth between the blonde and Lexa and lightly chuckles to herself. “You thirsty, Griffin?” Octavia comments mockingly. It earns her a swift punch to the arm, but Clarke’s eyes never leave Lexa.

Lexa looks like a freaking goddess, Clarke thinks to herself. She can’t tear her eyes away. Her denim shorts are soaked and her white shirt is basically see through now. Clarke can see Lexa’s navy colored bra brightly shining through the thin material along with every toned muscle in the brunette’s stomach. Clarke starts to think that she’s dreaming and that she’s been thrown into some weird ‘Baywatch’ type slowmo clip. The brunette is walking toward her, running her long fingers through her soaked hair and Clarke can’t remember to breathe.

‘This isn’t right. Lexa’s my friend. We are friends. That’s it. She’s just an attractive friend. Very freaking attractive.’ The blonde thinks to herself.

Unfortunately, Lexa must catch Clarke staring with her mouth slightly open. In this moment, Lexa feels like being very bold. “See something you like, Griffin?” She winks as she walks past the blonde, grazing the other girl’s shoulder in passing.

Clarke hears Octavia laughing beside her. “God, Clarke. Be a little more obvious.” Clarke has no comment. Had she really been that obvious? Shit. Keep your composure, Griffin. 

Friends. Friends. Friends.

 

//

 

A few hours passed by and the group was becoming hungry; or in Raven’s words…Hangry. Everyone had been drinking since about 4:00PM and it was now 6:00PM; well everyone but Lexa. She decided that one night of drinking was enough for her on this trip. She honestly just wanted to keep herself sober just in case she got the opportunity to talk to Clarke. The words of Clarke’s text to her the previous night were still etched into her brain. That’s all she could think about all day. She didn’t want to make it obvious though, so she did try to have a little fun. Lexa is dancing around the fire pit outside with Jasper, Maya, Monroe, and Harper. Maya had hooked up her phone to a Bluetooth speaker and went from there.

Of course, Jasper and Maya were dancing together, but they quickly allowed Lexa to join them since Monroe and Harper were dancing together. Octavia and Clarke were sitting in the hammock by the water with a clear view of their friends dancing and having fun. Bellamy, Monty, Miller, and Raven were around the grill. The older Blake sibling was grilling hamburgers and carrying on a conversation with Monty and Miller. Raven was just kind of standing there, most likely scoping out the food.

Back on the dance floor, ‘Ride’ by Ciara was playing and Lexa noticed how Harper gravitated towards she and Jasper and Maya when Monroe grew tired of dancing. It didn’t take very long until Harper was right up on her. She really didn’t think too much about it because they were just a bunch of friends dancing like they would anywhere else, but Lexa still stood there a bit awkwardly when Harper placed her back to Lexa’s front. The blonde in front of her threw her arms backwards and around Lexa’s neck and was moving her ass a little too close to the brunette’s crotch. Lexa basically just stood there; she couldn’t bring herself to place her hands anywhere on Harper. It just felt wrong. She didn’t really know why, because she’s always danced like this when she, Octavia, and Raven would go clubbing.

Luckily for Lexa, the song ended after a few minutes and she finally let out a breath that she didn’t even realize that she was holding. Harper seemed to notice the fact that Lexa looked very uncomfortable with the situation and stopped her incessant dancing around her. “Thanks for the dance, Lex.” She winked at the taller woman and Lexa felt goose bumps form on her skin. Not the good ones either. She could only pull a fake half-smile on and continue dancing a bit with Jasper and Maya when a more upbeat song came on.

Back on the other side of the fire, sitting in the hammock, Clarke and Octavia were making small talk; talking about a giant piece that Clarke had been commissioned to do. In all honestly, both girls were definitely far beyond tipsy. They had both been drinking for around three hours now and the empty beer bottles on the ground beside them was evidence of that.

“How are things with you and Lexa?” Of course, Clarke couldn’t make it through this day without someone asking her about her relationship with the brunette. Octavia just had to ask.

Clarke shrugged. “Good I guess.”

“You guess?”

“Well, yeah. I mean we’re talking a little more now and trying to hang out with you guys together. I’ve only been home for like four months, O. I’d say that we’re doing just fine, considering.” Clarke said and she really didn’t mean to sound so harsh, but it did come out that way.

“I get it. I just love you both and want you to be happy.”

“Thanks, O.”

“Have you guys hung out any?” Clarke turned to look at Octavia with a raised brow. Octavia knew that they had hung out. She and Raven were with them every time. “I mean alone?”

“No. Definitely not.”

“Why do you say it like that?” Octavia asked, generally concerned and wanting to know what was going on in her friend’s head.

The blonde sighed and took a big gulp of her beer, finishing that bottle off. “I don’t know. I guess I just don’t feel comfortable being alone with her for an extended amount of time.”

“Don’t trust yourself, Griffin?” Octavia grinned and it earned her a slap to the back of the head. “Ow. I’m kidding. But you know that you can trust Lexa, right?”

Clarke scoffed. “Can I? Look what happened last time she had all of my trust.”

“Clarke…”

“I know. I’m sorry. I’m just trying to get past everything, you know? It’s tough. I mean I lov – I’m glad that we’re trying to make this friendship work.” Clarke caught herself and hoped that Octavia didn’t notice her almost slip up. She would always love Lexa, no matter how hard she tried not to, but she just couldn’t be in love with her. At least that’s what she keeps telling herself. “I just need more time to open up to her and trust her a little more, you know?”

Octavia nods and puts a hand on the blonde’s shoulder. “I know. You take all the time you need.” Clarke smiles at her fondly before she hears a familiar song come one the speaker. Any and every time that song, ‘Ride’, came on she always turned it.

That song made her feel physically sick, but at the same time it made her feel butterflies in her stomach. Like a schoolgirl. Octavia seemed to notice how tense Clarke had gotten. “Shit. Clarke, I can go change it.” Octavia knew what was going through Clarke’s mind. She had been there all those years ago. Clarke couldn’t answer though because she was too focused on the sight in front of her. Across the fire, she could see Harper grinding into Lexa’s front with her arms thrown around her neck. All Clarke could see then was red.

She tried to break herself from the trance that was Lexa, when Octavia spoke up again. “Clarke… Lexa doesn’t even look like she’s enjoying it. She actually looks really awkward.” Octavia wants to chuckle at how stupid Lexa looks right now, but she doesn’t because of Clarke.

“She’s an adult. She can do as she pleases.” Clarke says, hopping up from the hammock and almost tipping Octavia out of it. The blonde threw her empty bottle on the ground and stormed off. Octavia knew better than to chase her right now. She watched as the blonde enters the cabin while everyone else was standing around outside and having a good time.

Octavia jumped up as the song ended and walked towards Lexa on the ‘dance floor’. She grabbed the sleeve of Lexa’s shirt and pulled her away from Jasper and Maya. “What the hell, O?” Lexa said, brushing the shorter girl’s hand off of her.

“You need to take over damage control.”

“What?” Lexa said, with a confused look on her face. What was her friend going on about?

Octavia pointed towards the cabin and tried not to raise her voice too high. “Do you realize what song that you just danced to? With another girl. In front of your ex…whom you’re trying to be ‘friends’ with.”

The realization hit Lexa like a brick right to the face. “Shit.”

“Shit is right.” Octavia replied. “What are you going to do abo – “ Before Octavia could finish, Lexa takes off at a hurried pace back towards the cabin. “You better fix this.” Octavia said quietly so that no one could hear her. Not even Lexa.

Lexa walks into the dark cabin. There were hardly any lights on and she quickly searched through the bottom floor of the place, looking for Clarke. She wasn’t on the first floor, so Lexa traveled up to the second; swinging doors open as she went. She finally came up to a closed door at the end of the hall. She recognized it as Clarke and Octavia’s room. She really wanted to say that she didn’t hear the sniffles coming from the other side of the door, but she did. She did hear them and it broke her heart. She was such an idiot.

She grew some courage after a few minutes, and slowly opened the door. Clarke was lying on the bed facing the door, tears falling from her eyes. When she heard a creak in the floor, she opened her eyes to see Lexa standing in the doorway. “Clarke…” Clarke quickly sat up in the bed, wiping away the tearstains with her hands. She didn’t want Lexa to know the hold that she still had on her apparently. “Clarke, I – “

“Lexa, please get out.” The blonde said just barely. She couldn’t bring herself to look at the brunette. Lexa stood there for what felt like an eternity. “Now.” Clarke almost growled and it made Lexa flinch.

Lexa doesn’t know where her newfound courage was coming from, but it was coming from somewhere and she made her way to the edge of the bed, kneeling in front of Clarke and taking her hands. “Lexa…” She heard Clarke breathe.

“I’m so sorry, Clarke.” The brunette started. Blue eyes still would not look up at her. “I’m an idiot. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

“You know what that song is, don’t you?” Clarke said finally looking up. Her glassy eyes shining with the light of the moon shining through the window. It was really the only light in the room. “Tell me that you don’t remember it.”

“I do, Clarke. I would never forget.” Both knew the story, but neither of them wanted to speak of it. Not now. The beginning of their sophomore year in college, the two of them plus Octavia and Raven went out clubbing on night. They did it way too often, and this night was no different from the others. Clarke and Lexa were just two best friends dancing with each other all night. Something felt different that night, when Lexa looked at Clarke’s bright blue eyes. She couldn’t pry her eyes away from the way that Clarke moved and held Lexa tight against her. Their hips moving in time with the beat and each other. At the time, Lexa thought that it was probably the stupidest thing that she was ever going to do, but as she looks back at it, it was by far the best decision that she ever made. Lexa leaned into Clarke that night, April 16th 2009, and felt Clarke’s soft lips on hers for the first time. She’s not exaggerating when she says that that kiss changed her life. She could never forget it…. but just so happens that the song that was playing while they shared their first kiss was ‘Ride’.

Lexa. You’re such an idiot.

“Then how could you do that?” Clarke asks, tears still falling from her face no matter how hard she tried to hold them back. She thinks that she may be being a bit juvenile, getting mad at Lexa for dancing with someone else like that to that song, but she didn’t care at this point. Partly because she was mad at herself for feeling something that she hasn’t felt in a really long time. Jealousy. “How?”

“Clarke, it didn’t mean anything to me. Harper is just some girl. I’m so sorry that I was so stupid. As soon as that song came on, I should have noticed. I should have backed away.” Lexa said sincerely and Clarke knew that she was sincere. That’s what made everything so much worse. Lexa made it incredibly hard to hate her. 

The brunette squeezed Clarke’s hands a little, coaxing the girl to look back at her. Her courage came out of nowhere again and she lifted one of her hands to place it against Clarke’s tearstained cheek. The blonde didn’t flinch a bit at the touch and it honestly surprised Lexa. She could swear that Clarke leaned into the touch, in fact. “Clarke… You know my feelings for you. I would never mean to jeopardize your trust in me again. I’m trying…. I’m trying to be the best that I can be for you. I know that I will never be what you deserve, but I want to try. I don’t know if you even still want to be friends with me or maybe something…. more, but I will wait. I will wait for you, no matter how long it takes. It’s only ever been you.”

Lexa hadn’t noticed, but she was crying with Clarke. Both of their shirts had tearstains down the front of them and their faces were equally red and tired. They sit there forever, with Lexa kneeling in front of Clarke. One hand on Clarke’s and the other caressing her cheek. Clarke’s eyes are still closed when she says, “I’m tired.”

Lexa stands and helps tuck Clarke in, without any argument from the blonde. When Clarke is settled in, Lexa turns to leave the room and just before she opens the door to leave she hears, “Stay?” It was a very unsure question on both parts. Lexa turned to meet blue eyes before walking back towards the bed. She kicked off her shoes and climbed in behind the blonde, laying flat on her back with her hand behind her own head.

After a while, Lexa thought that Clarke had fallen asleep. Her breathing had leveled out and she fell quite, so it startled her a bit when Clarke turned around, now facing towards Lexa and laid her head on the brunette’s chest and a hand on her stomach. Not saying a word. A shocked Lexa slowly brought her arms down, letting one wrap around Clarke and the other on her hand on Lexa’s stomach.

It’s not long until the both finally doze off. Both dreaming of the other no matter how much they try to deny it.

They don’t hear it when Octavia and Raven open the door, looking for both of them. The two short girls quickly closed the door quietly.

“Holy shit.” Raven whispered. “Finally.”

“I love love.” Octavia grinned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Clexa will rise. :)
> 
>  
> 
> Hope you enjoyed this chapter.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! Sorry that it took so long. Life is more than a little crazy right now. I hope that you enjoy this update. Let me know what you think in the comments.

Lexa opened her eyes slowly; the bright morning sun coming from the lone window in the bedroom was almost blinding and she brought her hand up to rub her eyes. As her eyes acclimated to the intensity of the light, she happened to remember where she was. She turned to look beside her in the bed and there was no one there. A part of her was relieved that Clarke was gone. She knew that the blonde would more than likely regret asking Lexa to stay the previous night and she really didn’t want to have that awkward situation, but the other part of her was sad. She had loved the heat of Clarke’s body against her own last night. It was comforting and she can’t remember the last time that she slept so soundly.

As she lay there, wallowing in her own different emotions, the bedroom door burst open and Raven ran through and jumped on the bed, straddling Lexa in the process. “Wake up, sleepyhead!” Raven exclaimed.

“Raven, get the hell off of me.” Lexa said, getting up and tossing Raven to the side.

“Someone’s grumpy this morning.”

“I’m not grumpy. I just don’t like being jumped on right when I wake up.” Lexa said, rolling her eyes. She looked down at her body and realized that she was still in her clothes from the day before. She had forgotten about getting into bed with Clarke, still in her everyday clothes.

“You must have been tired last night… or drunk, if you slept in your clothes.” Raven grinned.

“I didn’t drink.” Lexa groaned and walked towards the bathroom. “Will you bring me my bag? I’m going to take a shower.”

“Sure thing.” Raven smiled before exiting the room. She had seen Clarke and Lexa together last night in the comforts of Clarke and Octavia’s bed, but she didn’t want to say anything. She figured that one of their friends would tell her if they wanted to. She wasn’t going to push.

Raven made her way downstairs to retrieve Lexa’s bag when she ran into Clarke in the living room. “Morning, Griffin.”

Clarke only sipped on her coffee and nodded a bit in Raven’s direction. Raven wondered if she was regretting staying in bed with Lexa the previous night. She has no clue as to what caused that and pondered if Clarke would fill her in. “Rough night?” Raven asked, and she meant it. She wanted to make sure that Clarke was okay.

“No. I’m fine. Just still trying to get woke up.” Clarke half smiles. She notices Raven grabbing Lexa’s bag. “Is she up?”

Raven nods. “Yeah. Just getting in the shower. I’m taking her her bag.”

“May I?” Clarke asked, surprising not only Raven, but also herself.

“She’s showering… You sure you want to go up there?”

“Oh… Umm… No. Go ahead.” Clarke said embarrassingly, clearing her throat.

Raven walked over to where Clarke stood and placed a hand on the blonde’s shoulder. “You should talk to her.” Raven said, trying to be a rock for her friend. “I know that she would want you to.”

“And I want to, but I don’t know what to say. I think that I kind of embarrassed myself last night.” Clarke commented and looks to meet Raven’s eyes. The blonde shakes her head and looks down to her feet. “I did something that I shouldn’t have. I crossed a line that didn’t need to be crossed.” Raven didn’t say anything. She wasn’t too sure as to what she would say. The brown-headed girl raised an eyebrow at her blue-eyed friend as to encourage her to go on. “I asked her to stay with me last night…” Clarke sighed, shaking her head again. “I had been drinking a lot and I was just really emotional and needed someone to just lie there with me. Lexa just happened to be there.”

Raven begins to nod her head, choosing her next words wisely. “Are you sure that it’s just because she was there? Do you regret it?”

“Okay, maybe drunk Clarke just wanted Lexa to be close to her for a while, but I do regret it. I crossed that line and now I’m not sure as to what Lexa will think. I don’t want her to think that I’m leading her on or something because I’m definitely not.”

“We both know that both drunk Clarke and sober Clarke wanted to be close to Lexa.” Raven said with a grin, but not wanting to really joke around about it. Clarke was serious about this and so was she.

“I can’t want that, Raven.”

“And why not?”

“I can’t let myself feel for her like that again. I won’t. It hurt too much. I want to be her friend, but I’m finding that easier said than done.” Clarke sighed.

Raven pulled Clarke into a tight hug and held her there. “Clarke, Lexa loves you, but she will not cross a line. She wants to earn your trust back. If friends is what you want from her, then friends is what she will strive for.” Raven feels Clarke nod against her shoulder. “Lexa was just a friend trying to comfort another friend last night. She messed up and was trying to make up for it.”

Clarke pulls back and gives a small smile to her friend. “Thanks for talking to me, Ray. I’m such a mess.”

“Hey. We’re all messes sometimes. That’s life. We just have to do our best to get through it and you will.” Raven takes Lexa’s bag back into her hands. “I better get this to her. We don’t need her fine ass walking around in the nude. Too much of a distraction.” Raven smiled and Clarke chuckles, but quickly shakes her head and tries to rid herself of thoughts of Lexa without clothes on.

 

//

 

Once Lexa was showered and dressed, she slowly made her way downstairs. She really dreaded the teasing that she was sure to get from Raven and Octavia for spending the night with Clarke. Surely they saw them when Octavia came upstairs last night to get in the bed.

Luckily, the only person that was downstairs when she got there was Raven. “Someone looks a little less grumpy after their shower.”

“Guilty.” Lexa said, walking towards the Keurig machine to make a cup of coffee. “Where is everyone?” ‘Where’s Clarke’ is what she wanted to say.

“They’re all outside. Getting a head start on the days activities.” Raven replied.

Lexa nods and grabs her mug when the machine is through dripping. “I think that I want to make dinner tonight.” She said quietly. She needed something that would keep her busy for a while and her mind off of a certain blonde that was sure to be awkward around her today.

“Yeah? Whatcha making?” Raven grins.

“I’m thinking steaks and potatoes. Maybe with a salad. What do you think?” Lexa asked before she takes a sip from her coffee.

“Sounds like you better be made of money if you want to make all of these guys steaks.” Raven grins. 

“Money isn’t an issue, Raven.” Lexa says firmly.

“Are you sure you’re not making steaks just because your steaks happen to be a certain blonde’s favorite meal ever?”

“So, maybe Clarke likes my steaks. Sue me. I like them too and I would like to have one tonight.” Lexa glares at Raven and the other woman laughs at her.

“Whatever you say, Woods.” Raven gets up and grabs Lexa’s purse before tossing it to the taller woman. “We have to go to the store though.”

“Okay. Let’s go.”

 

//

 

After a few hours, Lexa and Raven return from the store with all of the ingredients that Lexa would need for tonight’s meal. Plus plenty of alcohol to keep the other house guests happy. Lexa turns when she hears the cap pop off of a bottle of beer.

“Want one?” Raven asks and Lexa shakes her head before turning back to the refrigerator. “You can have a couple of beers, Woods. You won’t get crazy.”

“I don’t want one. If I want to talk to Clarke sometime tonight, then I need to be coherent.”

“Why do you want to talk to Clarke tonight?”

Lexa turns to look at her friend again. “I’m not stupid, Reyes. I know that you and Octavia know about the…. Sleeping arrangements last night.”

“So what? Friends cuddle.” Raven grins.

“I hate you.” Lexa said, glaring at her friend. “And we weren’t cuddling. I was just there comforting her because I made a complete ass of myself last night with Harper. I didn’t mean to fall asleep. I just – I couldn’t leave her.”

“It’s okay, Lexa. Just talk to Clarke about it.”

“It’s not okay. She had been drinking and now it looks like I took advantage of the situation. I’m trying to earn her trust back and I keep screwing it up. God…. I’m such a mess.”

“You’re definitely a mess.” Raven smiles. “But you’re our friend and Clarke knows that. She’s just as big a mess as you are. We know that this whole situation is hard on you both, but look how far you’ve come. Things will be okay. You just have to communicate your thoughts to her and not just me or O.”

“You’re right.” Lexa says, shaking her head. “I can’t keep holding my comments inside. If I want Clarke to trust me again, then I’m going to have to start communicating with her…. No matter how awkward it may be.”

“That’s what I like to hear.” Raven says spinning around in the bar stool that she’s sitting in before she notices someone coming through that back glass door. “Griffin! What’s up?” Lexa quickly turns around to see the blonde that Raven is talking to. God. She’s so gorgeous. Why did she have to be so beautiful? 

“Raven.” Clarke grins and nods at her before looking to Lexa. “Lexa.”

“Hey.” Lexa smiles. ‘Hey. Really? You’re an idiot, Lexa.’ She thinks to herself.

There’s a bit of silence before Raven breaks it. “Wellllll…” She says, drawing the word out longer than needed. “I’ve got to run talk to Bellamy real quick. You kids have fun.” Before Lexa can protest, Raven is up and out the door. She’s really going to kill her for leaving her alone with Clarke.

The blonde slowly walks over to where Lexa is standing in the kitchen and startles Lexa when she pulls the brunette in for a hug. “Thank you. For last night.” Clarke says into the brunette’s hair. “Thanks for being there. You’re a good friend, Lex.” Lexa is fairly certain that her heart was going to beat out of her chest. The proximity to Clarke was suffocating, but in this moment she didn’t care. Clarke can always make her lose her breath. She doesn’t care. She could think of no better way to die. The ‘friend’ comment didn’t go unnoticed by her though, but she didn’t say anything. She was just glad that Clarke didn’t really make it awkward.

The blonde pulled away and smiled at Lexa, her hand still lingering on the brunette’s shoulder. “Whatcha making?” Clarke asks, breaking the silence that they found themselves in.

Lexa shook her head and tried to break herself out of the trance that Clarke Griffin had her in. She cleared her throat. “Umm… Steaks. I’m about to start on the marinade.”

Clarke grins and removes her hand from Lexa’s arm. “Need help?”

“Sure.” Lexa smiles back and they fall into place in the kitchen, preparing supper for their friends.

 

//

 

“Oh my gosh. This smells amazing!” Maya exclaimed, as she walked through the kitchen to make her plate, followed by the rest of the group.

“Everyone just grab a plate and we can all just go eat outside. It’s too pretty to stay inside.” Clarke said. After everyone made their plates, Clarke and Lexa made theirs and joined their friends outside. There was really no order of seating. There really wasn’t even a table. The friends just kind of scattered about and found somewhere comfortable to sit. Everyone else was already grouped up around the fire pit, so Lexa started to walk towards the water with her food.

“Where are you going?” Clarke asked the brunette.

“To the hammock. I’ll sit there to eat.” Lexa smiled and Clarke grinned back.

“Can I join you?”

“Of course.” The two settled into the hammock in the sitting position and put their plates in their laps. There was comfortable silence amongst them as they ate. Lexa tried to ignore the moans coming from the blonde as she ate the steak that Lexa had made. She turned her head to chance a look at Clarke and she saw the girl devouring the steak. She couldn’t help the chuckle that left her lips.

“What are you laughing at?” Clarke smirked.

“Nothing.” Lexa smiled, shaking her head. “I’m guessing that the food is satisfactory.”

“Hell yes it is.” Clarke said and then took another bite of steak. “I’ve missed this so much.” Clarke’s eyes grew wide. “The steak I mean…. It’s a really good steak. You make the best.”

“Ahh…” Lexa said, looking back down at the plate in her lap.

“I mean… I’ve missed this too.” Clarke says, gesturing between herself and Lexa. “It feels good to be able to hang out again.”

“It does.” Lexa half smiled before taking a bite of her salad.

After a few minutes, Clarke decides to try and talk about some of the things that they never talk about. She wants to be able to talk to Lexa like they used to and she wants Lexa to know that she can talk to her. “So, how’s Anya doing?” Clarke asks while eating a bite of salad.

Lexa turns to smile at the blonde. No one ever asks her about her sister. No one ever asks her anything personal in any way and she has to say that it’s a breath of fresh air. “She’s good. It’s been a while since I’ve seen her. She’s always incredibly busy.”

“She still with the Cowboys?”

“She is. She is head of the merchandising department now.”

“Ooohhh… She’s a big wig now. I’m happy for her.” Clarke smiles.

“Me too.” Lexa nods before looking back at her plate. 

“So she’s still able to get you those Cowboys tickets then? Do you still go?” Clarke asks. Lexa used to always go to the Cowboys’ home games and she would always take Clarke with her. It got to be there Sunday night thing in the fall months.

“She does still get them. I’ve only been to like one game this year though. It’s not as fun going alone and you know Octavia and Raven don’t care much for it.” Lexa replies. “Which is fine. I can stay at the house in sweat pants and watch it just as easily from my couch.”

Clarke takes a swig of her beer and sets it back on the ground before she clears her throat. “Well, next time you need company… Just let me know.”

Lexa looks over to Clarke wondering if Clarke really means it. Is she saying that she wants to hang out? Just the two of them? Alone? ‘Don’t look too much into it Lexa. You’re friends.’ The brunette thinks. “I’d like that.” Lexa says with a grin.

“Me too.” Clarke smiles back. “So… Is Anya dating anyone these days?” This question makes Lexa laugh out loud. 

“Hell no.” She is still laughing. “You know how Anya is. She’s too controlling. She would much rather be by herself and just have all of her random hook ups.”

Clarke laughs at this too. “You’re right. I can’t really see her with anyone.”

“She is in the middle of an adoption right now though.” Lexa says seriously and Clarke looks over to her with a raised brow. “He’s six. His name is Aden and he is the sweetest kid I’ve ever met.”

“You’ve met him?”

“I have. They will make each other very happy. That kid has been through a lot in a short amount of time.” Lexa says, shaking her head.

“Well, he’ll be lucky to have you as an aunt too.” The blonde smiles. “You’ve always been great with kids.”

Lexa’s smile widens. “It’s because I’m awesome. Kids love awesome.”

Clarke scoffs and pushes Lexa with her hand, knocking her back in the hammock. Luckily the brunette was finished with her food because the plate fell to the ground. They were both laughing. “You’re great with kids because you act just like one.”

“Whatever, Griffin. You’re just jealous.” Lexa say, sticking her tongue out in the process.

“And thank you for just proving my point.” Clarke grins and Lexa rolls her eyes. Clarke can’t get over how easy this conversation is going. It’s like their conversation last night changed things between them…. Made them more comfortable with each other or something. She’s missed this so much. This comfort that she’s always gotten from these kinds of moments around Lexa. Her heart warms at the thought.

The blonde gets up from her place on the hammock and it almost flips Lexa out. “Want anything else?” She asks Lexa.

The other girl shakes her head. “No. I’m good. Thank you. Get the others together and let’s do something.”

“Yes ma’am.” Clarke says walking back towards the rest of the group.

 

//

 

“This is not what I meant when I said get the gang together and let’s do something.” Lexa mumbles but Clarke hears her and laughs. The group has settled around the campfire in a circle per Raven’s request to play a game of pick up lines. They used to play it all of the time in college. It was always fun to get their friends riled up and competitive. It also caused lots of laughs.

“The rules are simple!” Raven exclaims even though most of them already know the rules. Probably the only ones that don’t are Monroe and Maya. They’re the newbies to the group. “We go around the circle. You have to use your best pick up line on the person next to you to try and make them laugh. If you laugh, you’re out. It doesn’t matter if you’re the one saying it or the one it’s being said to. There can be physical contact if need be. Flirt it up and make your opponent crack under pressure. We will start going counter-clock wise and eventually change direction, that way everyone gets a taste of the other’s lines.” Raven laughs and is joined by Octavia.

“I hate this game.” Lexa says crossing her arms across her chest.

“Whatever, Woods. You used to love this game and you always kicked our asses.” Bellamy said from his place beside her. 

Lexa only just realized that she was sitting in between Bellamy and Clarke. Which means that she and Clarke will have to try and make each other laugh. Great. This won’t be awkward at all.

“What’s wrong, Lexa? You look a little pale.” Clarke grins. “You scared?”

Oh it’s so on now. “You wish.” Lexa grinned and there was the competitive spirit that Clarke was so attracted to.

The order of the circle going counter-clockwise was as followed: Bellamy, Raven, Octavia, Monty, Jasper, Maya, Miller, Monroe, Harper, Clarke, and Lexa. This was going to be interesting.

“Okay.” Raven said, settling down in her seat between Octavia and Bellamy. “You get the privilege of going first big Blake.” She says looking at Bellamy. “Do your worst.”

Bellamy cleared his throat and turned his body towards Raven and they both tried to be a serious as possible. “Are you a beaver...Because dam.” Everyone other than Raven began laughing at how stupid he sounded. 

“Is that the best you got, Blake? No wonder you never bring any girls home.” Raven said before turning towards the younger Blake sibling. “You can just call me Nemo, because I’m never afraid to touch the butt.” It takes everything within Octavia not to bust out laughing at that. Raven knew that Octavia had a thing for ‘Finding Nemo’. She has probably been waiting to use that line on her forever. Maya and Harper are practically in tears. It was going to be all too easy to knock them out of the game.

Octavia doesn’t break. She spins around to look at Monty. He was already trying not to laugh and she hadn’t even said anything yet. This was going to be easy. “”Is that a cellphone in your back pocket? Because that ass is calling me.” Yep. Too easy. Monty burst into laughter and Raven pats Octavia on the back.

“That’s my girl. I’m so proud.”

After the first entire round through the circle Monty, Maya, Monroe, Miller and Harper were all put out. None of them could hold back their laughter. This only left Bellamy, Raven, Octavia, Jasper, Clarke, and Lexa. “Okay.” Raven said. “My turn and this time we are changing directions.”

“Shit. Bellamy said. He knew that Raven would knock him out of the game by saying something entirely too inappropriate.

Raven slowly leans up and practically straddles Bellamy. There are no rules against touching in anyway. She turns her head towards Octavia a little before saying, “You might want to close your ears baby Blake.” Octavia does as told because she really doesn’t want to think of Bellamy in any kind of weird way and she knew that Raven was about to make it weird. Raven leaned forward and whispered in Bellamy’s ear, but it was loud enough that the rest of the circle heard it. “Do you come here often or wait until you get home?” Bellamy couldn’t hold in his laughter, mainly because it was the only thing that he could do to not think about what Raven just said. She was practically his sister and it was just…. Weird. “Hell yeah!” Raven exclaimed, fist pumping in the air. “I think he might have gotten a little excited.”

“Whatever, Reyes.” Bellamy said before getting up and going to sit with the other eliminated players.

“Okay, Lexa. You got this.” Octavia said. “Knock Clarke’s ass out of this game.”

“Hey!” Clarke exclaimed, looking over Lexa’s shoulder at Octavia. “I will win this entire game thank you very much.”

“Wanna bet?” Lexa asked as she turned towards the blonde. Clarke could feel her heart beating out of her chest. She was nervous to see what kind of line Lexa would feed her. She really shouldn’t have gotten herself in this game, or at least not sitting beside Lexa. The brunette cleared her throat and if she was nervous too, then she wasn’t showing it. “Your eyes are blue like the ocean, and baby… I’m lost at sea.”

Okay. That was super corny, Clarke thought to herself, but also so hot. She shifted a little in her position, hoping that she wasn’t giving away how awkward this was with Lexa. There was no laughing from anyone, only a comment from Raven. “Are you kidding me, Woods? You’re not actually trying to get into her pants…. You’re trying to make her laugh.” Lexa spun around and glared a hole through Raven’s head before turning back around to Clarke, but the blonde had already turned towards Jasper. She easily knocked him out with some line about corn.

It was Octavia’s turn to try and get Raven and she thought that she had just the one to make Raven laugh. She mirrored Raven’s position that she was in earlier on Bellamy, straddling the other girl and bringing her lips to Raven’s ear. “Are you an elevator? Because I wanna go down on you.”

“Dammit, Octavia!” Raven laughed. “You had to go and get all dirty and seductive on me!”

“You taught me well.” Octavia said before slipping off of Raven’s lap. “And then there were three.” She commented, looking over at Clarke and Lexa. “I think that it’s about time to knock Woods off of her pedestal.”

“We’ll see about that, Blake. Let’s spin it back around.” Lexa says, and Octavia just nods. It’s not long before Lexa is right up in her face, only inches from Octavia’s lips. It is taking everything in Lexa not to bust out into a fit of laughter right now. 

Clarke is sitting behind Lexa, and she definitely wasn’t going to admit how hot Lexa looked right now, looking into Octavia’s eyes.

Lexa reached up and grabbed Octavia’s boobs and the look on Octavia’s face almost makes Clarke lose it. It’s definitely hilarious. There’s a reason that Lexa has always won this game. She’s ruthless and hot as hell. “Your breasts remind me of Mount Rushmore. Can I put my face on them?” Lexa barely whispers but Clarke and Octavia both heard her loud and clear.

Octavia turns several shades of red before she finally laughs and Clarke joins in. “Jesus, Woods. I am so turned on right now.” Octavia says before joining the loser’s circle.

“”You’re welcome.” Lexa says, winking at the younger Blake before she spins around to face the blonde. Clarke tries her hardest to put on her best brave face, even though she is terrified of what is about to happen. It’s weird though…. she wants it to happen. “Are you sure you’re up for this, Griffin?”

“You’re going down, Woods.” The blonde smirks. Since it’s Clarke’s turn, she takes a deep breath and throws her arms around Lexa’s neck and the brunette’s breath hitches at the closeness of the situation. Shit. What had she gotten herself into? “Lex…is that a keg in your pants? Because I’d love to tap that ass.” Lexa’s eyes go wide and the whole loser’s circle burst into laughter. Clarke looks rather pleased with herself, even though Lexa doesn’t crack a smile. 

The brunette shoots an eyebrow up and quickly places her hands on the blonde’s waist, pulling her into her lap and startling Clarke. Clarke’s arms are still around Lexa’s neck, but they both just stay that way because it may be a while before one of them is knocked out. If only they each knew how quickly the other’s heart was beating right now…. It was definitely intense right now and all eyes were on them. 

“You got this, Griffin!” Bellamy yells. “Be strong!”

Lexa grabbed Clarke’s attention back by slightly squeezing her waist. “Clarke, you’re just like my little toe.” Clarke looks very confused and amused at this point. “Because I’m going to bang you on every piece of furniture in my home.” Clarke is sure that her face is beet red, but she refuses to let Lexa win. But…. oh. my. God. That was hot. Clarke tries to push the thoughts of her and Lexa on random pieces of furniture out of her mind.

She clears her throat and Lexa is already getting settled in, preparing herself for the worst. Clarke’s hands are in Lexa’s baby hairs at the back of her neck, and the act sends chills through Lexa’s entire body. “Lex,” The way the Clarke says her name alone, sends shivers down the brunette’s spine. “That outfit…” Clarke looks down at Lexa’s shirt and then back up to those gorgeous green eyes before leaning in next to Lexa’s ear. Clarke can feel Lexa’s grip on her waist tighten and the blonde almost wants to laugh then, but she doesn’t. “Would look great on my bedroom floor.” Lexa takes a big gulp of air and squeezes her eyes, hoping that Clarke couldn’t see how…. frustrated she was right now.

“Dammit.” Clarke says. “I thought that that would work.” She puts on her best pouty face.

“Not a chance.” Lexa manages to get out. Her heart is pounding. The laughter of the other’s behind them seems to drown it out and Lexa is starting to think that she likes this way too much. ‘Alright’…. Lexa thinks to herself, ‘it’s time to win this.’ Lexa brings one of her hands up to caress Clarke’s cheek.

“Oh shit…. this is it! Woods is about to win.” They hear Raven say.

“No way. Griffin’s got this.” Monty says.

Lexa slowly moves her thumb across Clarke’s cheek and those blue eyes are practically making Lexa melt, but she has to win… Her thumb grazes over Clarke’s bottom lip and the blonde’s lips part just slightly. The brunette can feel the hot breath coming from Clarke’s mouth, and she swears that she feels Clarke’s legs tighten around her waist. “I’ve got an oral exam later. Can I practice with you?”

“Shit.” Clarke basically whimpers and Lexa is the only one that hears. Both of their eyes are wide, but then Clarke narrows hers. “That was pretty good, Woods but there’s no way you’re beating me.” Clarke’s throat is dry but she can’t let Lexa know the affect that she’s having on her.

Lexa doesn’t know how long she’s going to last. She honestly just needs to get up and go take a very cold shower. Whatever Clarke says next…. Lexa plans on laughing. She can’t take much more of this and it’s really getting out of hand anyway. Pushing the ‘friends’ boundaries and everything.

To Lexa’s surprise, Clarke stands up and pulls Lexa up with her, but she’s quickly pushed up against the tree that was directly behind them.

“Holy shit.” Octavia says. 

“Clarke…” Lexa says quietly as she closes her eyes. She’s finding it extremely difficult to look at Clarke right now. She feels like she’s about to explode. This was all too much for her to handle right now.

“What’s wrong, Lex?” Clarke says in her best sultry voice. “Afraid you might lose?” Clarke’s hands are on Lexa’s waist and squeezing ever so slightly. 

“Oh my god.” Lexa whispers, her eyes still closed, and the statement comes out like a pant. This almost makes Clarke laugh right then and there, but she stands strong.

The blonde leans up next to Lexa’s ear grazing her lips past it and sending electricity through both of their bodies. “You’re such an amazing piece of art…. I just want to nail you up against every wall in my house.”

It’s all that Lexa can take and she bursts into laughter and this whole situation. It’s ridiculous. She wasn’t going to let Clarke affect her like that. The rest of the group is laughing too. “Did I just win?” Clarke grinned and removed herself from Lexa.

“Unfortunately.” Lexa smiled. “You put up a good fight, Griffin. I guess my seduction skills aren’t what they used to be.”

“Don’t sell yourself short.” Clarke says with a wink and turns towards the rest of the gang to do a victory dance. Lexa smiles and starts to walk back towards the cabin. 

“Where you going, Woods?” Raven asks.

“To shower.”

 

//

 

It was late and everyone had sauntered off to their beds for the evening; everyone except for Lexa. There was no way that she was going to be able to sleep right now. Not after the ‘game’ that they played earlier. She’s been playing every second of it back in her memory and as much as she enjoyed it, she’s regretting it. She was supposed to be trying to earn Clarke’s trust back. She had gone too far. They both had gone too far and it was playing with Lexa’s emotions tremendously.

Lexa was lying out by the shoreline in the hammock, enjoying the cool breeze of the night. She had a light jacket on over her t-shirt with some sweat pants. Being in the cabin on a night like tonight, with everything that happened, would only feel more suffocating.

The only light source around was the brightness of the moon that reflected off of the lake. It was a gorgeous night and she was then thankful of her decision to stay outside tonight. The quietness that had surrounded her was broken when a voice behind her startled her and almost knocked her out of her hammock.

“Lexa?”

“Holy sh – “ Lexa turned her head and tried to balance herself in her makeshift bed. “Clarke…. You scared the shit out of me.”

“I’m sorry. When I saw that you weren’t in the living room with Raven, I figured that you’d be out here.” The blonde smiled.

Lexa returned the grin and sat up in the hammock, placing her feet on the ground. “You figured, huh?”

Clarke hummed and nodded her head before looking out over the water. They both sat there in silence for what felt like an eternity. Neither of them really knowing what to say…. As usual. This was starting to become their ‘thing’.

“I’m sorry.” Lexa said softly, shaking her head when Clarke looked over to her. “About tonight. I shouldn’t have played that game. I crossed the friend boundary. It won’t happen again.”

“You’re not the only one that got carried away, Lexa.” The blonde replied, moving to sit down beside Lexa on the hammock. “That was on me too.”

Lexa nodded her head ever so slightly. “I’m still sorry. I’ve been working on trying to earn your trust back and… then I do something stupid like that.”

“Lexa….” Clarke breathed out softly. “I do trust you.” She turned her head around to meet those gorgeous forest-green eyes. She can only look for a second though before it becomes too much. As hard as she’s been trying to ignore the feelings inside her, she now just has to accept that they’re not going to go away. Lexa was and always would be a big part of her life in some sort of fashion. It was time to accept the inevitable. That absolutely did not mean that she was ready for anything more than friends with Lexa, but in her mind now…. It wasn’t out of the question.

“How?” Lexa asks, bewildered. “How can you trust me so easily, Clarke?” The way Lexa says her name sends shivers down her spine. “I broke your heart.”

Clarke turned her head towards Lexa with a half-grin in place, and Lexa noticed the tears forming in those blue eyes that she loved so much. “You did break my heart…” Clarke started and then she shook her head. The words that came out of her mouth next baffled the both of them. “But you took the biggest piece with you. I don’t think that I could ever not trust you. Even after everything. You’ll always hold the biggest piece…. I guess its just time that I accept that.”

Lexa had to turn her head to try and keep her emotions in check. This girl…. This girl beside her was the only person that could ever make her feel this much. It was scary, but she would gladly be terrified for the rest of her life if she could spend it with Clarke.

“Please say something.” Clarke finally said, and Lexa hadn’t realized how long they had sat there in silence.

Clarke hears Lexa let out a small chuckle and she raises an eyebrow. “What?”

“Nothing.” Lexa replied. “It’s super corny.”

The blonde beside her shrugs and leans over to nudge Lexa with her shoulder. “I like corn.” They both laugh at how big of dorks they are before Lexa speaks again.

“It’s just… You’ve always had my heart too. My whole heart.” Lexa shakes her head, realizing how ridiculous she sounds. “The thing is… I never wanted it back. I realized that if I wasn’t with you, then I didn’t want to love again. Nothing ever came close to comparing to you.” Both girls now had tears in their eyes and neither one of them cared that they were starting to fall down their cheeks. Clarke looked down, and slowly took Lexa’s hand in her own, intertwining their fingers in the process. Lexa also looked down at their hands and rubbed a thumb over the top of Clarke’s palm before she hesitantly brought them up so that she could place the softest kiss to the blonde’s hand.

“Are you staying out here tonight?” Clarke asks softly and Lexa only nods, looking back out at the water. “Want some company?” Lexa looked to the blonde only to nod her head again. She slowly leaned back on the hammock and Clarke joined her. The blonde leaned her head over onto Lexa’s shoulder, their hands still tangled together, and they fell asleep under the moonlit night.

 

//

 

The gang had packed up and left the next day fairly early in the morning. Octavia had to be back in Dallas to show a house to a newly married couple. They had all gotten back to their separate apartments and it had been a couple of hours of unpacking and doing laundry, when Clarke heard her cell phone ding with a message notification. She dropped the laundry basket onto the couch and grabbed her phone from the coffee table.

LEXA: How about a Cowboys game next Sunday?

CLARKE: Your place or mine?

LEXA: Neither. Anya gave me some tickets. You in?

CLARKE: Umm… Hell yeah.

LEXA: That’s what I like to hear. It will be good to have a friend go with me that actually likes football.

CLARKE: It’s just for the football though. Not the company.

LEXA: Bullshit. You know just how charming I am.

CLARKE: Obviously not as charming as me. I am the one that won the game.

LEXA: Please don’t bring that up again. It wasn’t my finest moment.

CLARKE: I beg to differ.

Wait…. Was she flirting with Lexa? She honestly didn’t mean to, but it just kind of came out that way. She felt nervous at first, as if she really shouldn’t have done that, but then it hit her. She doesn’t want to flirt with anyone other than Lexa, and it’s been a while since she’s gotten to. She was going to relish this moment.

LEXA: I’m not quite sure what that means. Are you saying that I’m fine?

Dammit. Clarke can already see the shit-eating grin forming on Lexa’s face without actually seeing the woman at all.

CLARKE: That’s not what I said.

LEXA: You insinuated it.

CLARKE: Nope.

LEXA: Clarke, you’re blushing.

Even though Lexa was just messing with Clarke, the blonde had definitely been blushing. She’s missed this and she’s not really afraid to admit it anymore.

CLARKE: Goodbye, Lexa. I’ll see you Sunday.

LEXA: You better plan on seeing me before then.

CLARKE: If you’re lucky.

LEXA: I’m feeling lucky.

CLARKE: Goodbye, Lexa.

LEXA: Goodbye, Clarke.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you guys think? I put these games in here for fun because they're games that me and my friends play from time to time. They're really quite hilarious. 
> 
>  
> 
> Anyways....Thanks for reading again. I'll try to have another up sooner rather than later.
> 
>  
> 
> Follow me on Twitter @asuzh90


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...I couldn't sleep last night, so here's another update. :) Let me know what you think in the comments.

Several days passed after the group of friends had gotten back from their cabin trip. Clarke hadn’t really spoken to Lexa since the girl asked her to go to the Cowboys’ game with her in just a few more days. She was busy at the gallery all week, working on different commissions that she had gotten called to do.

Clarke walked through the door of her apartment on Thursday night, clothes practically dripping in paint. She had made such a mess today, but she really had a good time. Right away, she noticed a certain aroma floating through the air of her apartment. It smelled amazing, and she turned to corner of the small foyer she saw where it was coming from.

Lexa was in Clarke’s kitchen, standing over the stove with earphones on. By the looks of it, she had been here a while because there were several different foods splayed out across the kitchen counters. The taller woman was wearing a pair of very form fitting black skinnies with a forest green tank top. Clarke noticed her brown boots beside the door, and she can’t believe that she didn’t see them on her way in. The brunette’s hair was pulled back into a ponytail about midway up her head, and her hair was bouncing along with her. Clarke just realized that she herself was grinning from ear to ear watching the girl dance around the kitchen with her earphones on. 

For whatever reason, this whole scene was starting to make Clarke feel very nostalgic and a little bit emotional. She used to come home all of the time to a very peppy Lexa, dancing and singing around the kitchen, preparing Clarke’s favorite meals. She doesn’t know how long she’s standing there, but she finally decides to move. Clarke doesn’t want to freak Lexa out when she eventually turns around.

The blonde makes her way over to the bar stools at the kitchen island and Lexa has still yet to notice her. Clarke sits down and leans over the island to grab a cherry tomato off of the platter there. She quickly tosses it at the back of Lexa’s head and the brunette spins around, green eyes wide and full of shock.

“Clarke!” Lexa exclaimed, startled by the fact that the blonde was there and she began to wonder how long she had been sitting there. Lexa removed her earphones and grinned nervously at the girl in front of her. “I didn’t realize that you were here.”

“This is my home. Do I need to call the cops?” Clarke smiled.

Lexa straightened her back up and leaned over the island on the other side, facing Clarke. “You can… But I’m taking the food with me when I leave.”

Clarke nodded her head in an upward position, trying to conceal another smile that was trying to fight its way onto her face. “Is your kitchen broken?”

“It’s not.” Lexa says, shaking her head. “I just thought that a certain friend of mine might like a good home cooked meal when she got back from work.”

“That’s very…. Domestic of you.” Clarke says shyly, her blue eyes sparkling. Lexa has to look away for a second to regain some composure. Clarke is so beautiful, even sitting here in jeans and a t-shirt, covered head to toe in paint.

Lexa cleared her throat before looking back at Clarke, and motioning her finger up and down in the air in front of Clarke’s body. “I’m not artist, but isn’t the goal to get the paint on the canvas?”

“Oh, hardy-har-har.” Clarke says sarcastically. “You’re hilarious.”

The brunette shrugs before grabbing a cherry tomato and popping into her mouth. “I try.”

A few more moments of comfortable silence, and stolen glances later, Clarke speaks. “Not that I’m against beautiful women breaking into my apartment to surprise me or anything, but how’d you get in here?” Clarke honestly didn’t mean to be so blunt and almost flirty with Lexa… It just sort of happened. A blush quickly took over her face and ears and she really hoped that Lexa couldn’t see it.

“Just how often do beautiful women break into your apartment to surprise you, Griffin?” Lexa puts on a sly grin and it makes butterflies appear suddenly in Clarke’s stomach. “Is there something that I should know?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?”

“I’m not sure that I would.” Lexa grins and Clarke grins right back. She’s missed this terribly. Their witty banter and playful tactics was always one of her favorite aspects of their relationship. They were best friends…. who just happened to be in love. But that’s how it’s supposed to be, isn’t it?

Lexa clears her throat, noticing how long they’ve been staring at each other. “Raven gave me her spare key. She and Octavia will be here soon.”

“They’re coming too?” Clarke asked and hoped that she didn’t sound or look as disappointed as she felt. Not that she didn’t love Octavia and Raven, but she was honestly looking forward to spending some alone time with Lexa.

“Yep.” Lexa nods and turns back around to the stovetop. “Now go change. Food will be ready soon.”

“Yes ma’am.” Clarke grins and Lexa turns her head over her shoulder to look at the blonde and roll her eyes. “I’m going to shower real quick.”

 

//

 

“Oh my god, Lexa.” Raven moans across the table, causing the other three girls to start giggling. “This is some top-notch shit.”

“You’re calling my food ‘shit’, Reyes?” Lexa says, raising her eyebrow and attempting to be as intimidating as she can be.

“Hey.” Raven threw her hands in the air as if she were surrendering. “I said it was ‘top-notch shit’. Get it right.”

“It’s perfect.” Clarke says and it immediately earns her a wide smile from the green-eyed girl across from her. Raven and Octavia have definitely noticed all of the glances that their other two friends have been giving each other, but chose not to say anything to embarrass them. This was finally going good and they didn’t want to chance it.

“Thank you, Clarke.” Lexa says bashfully.

Clarke realizes that perhaps she’s been staring at Lexa a little too long before she decides to change the subject. She clears her throat. “So, ummm – who’s down for a movie?”

“Sounds good to me.” Octavia replied, finishing the food that was left on her plate.

“I would, but I have a pretty early class in the morning.” Raven pouted.

“You can just stay the night here, Ray. My place is closer to the college anyway.” Clarke said, hoping that her friends would all decide to stay. “You can all three stay.” The blonde hesitantly looked over to Lexa who seemed to be deep in thought.

“Okay. Thanks, Clarke.” Raven replied, getting up and putting her plate in the sink in the kitchen. “I’m picking the movie.” The girl said before running into the living room and jumping over the couch to make her way to Clarke’s media stand.

“I’ll be there in a second. I’m going to clean the kitchen.” Clarke says, standing up from her place at the dining table and heading towards the kitchen. “O, you and Lexa help her pick out a fairly decent movie this time, please.” The blonde smirked when she heard Raven groan.

Octavia entered the living room to help Raven look for a movie and Clarke was standing at the sink when she heard a noise behind her. She turned around to meet green eyes and a wide grin. “Go. Sit, Clarke. I made the mess. I will clean up.”

“Absolutely not.” The blonde said, shaking her head and turning back around to face the sink. The closeness to Lexa had her breath labored. “You cooked. I clean. That’s how it works.”

“We’ll do it together then.” Lexa says, and she jumps over to start washing the dishes and Clarke automatically slides in next to her to dry them and put them up in their rightful place. The way that they fall into the routine is almost scary.

“You didn’t have to do all of this, you know?” Clarke said, after a few moments of silence. She looked over to Lexa while she was drying the last dinner plate and placed it inside the cabinet above her head.

The taller woman just shrugged. “I wanted to.”

“Well, I guess now I will just have to come to your place to make you dinner.” God, Clarke. Flirt much?

Lexa grinned. “Please, God no!”

Clarke acted like she was physically hurt by the comment as she placed her hand above her chest. “I’ll have you know that I’m a good cook.”

“Not unless something has changed in the past five years.” Lexa laughed and Clarke’s mouth hung agape.

“I know you just didn’t….” Clarke said quietly, stepping closer to the girl in front of her.

“Oh.” Lexa replied, also stepping a little closer to the blonde in front of her. “I did.”

It took no time for Clarke to take the damp towel that she was holding and spin it around to pop Lexa on the leg. “Ow. Shit. I’m sorry!”

“It’s too late for that.” Clarke laughs as she chases the other woman into the living room where Lexa falls into the fetal position on the couch. Clarke stands above her, popping the towel at her. “Apologize.”

“I apologize.” Lexa manages to breathe out in between laughs. “You are an amazing chef, Clarke Griffin.” The blonde finally let up on her attack before sitting down on the couch beside Lexa.

“That’s what I thought.” Clarke huffed, and once again Raven and Octavia just exchanged knowing looks, but decided against making any comment towards their friends.

 

//

 

The movie ended later that night, and Clarke had fallen asleep in between Lexa and Raven on the couch. Octavia was also asleep, but she was in the recliner alone and comfortable. “Should we wake them?” Raven asks, looking to her side, over Clarke’s head at Lexa.

Lexa shakes her head. “No. O looks comfy how she is. Will you go pull the covers back in Clarke’s bed? I’ll take Clarke in there.”

Raven gave Lexa a shit-eating grin and the other woman only rolled her eyes. “Yeah. Sure thing, Woods.”

Raven left the living room to go into Clarke’s bedroom and Lexa stood up from her place on the couch, stretching her limbs before leaning down and placing one hand behind Clarke’s back and the other under her legs. The older woman easily lifted Clarke from the couch, and noticed how the blonde startled a little. “Shh…” Lexa hummed trying to soothe the girl back to sleep. “I’m just taking you to bed.”

“I’m not that kind of girl.” She hears Clarke mumble and Lexa looks down to grin at the girl who is already back asleep. Lexa manages to get Clarke tucked into her own bed in her room before she turns to look at Raven.

“You stay in here with her.” Lexa said to Raven. “I’ll take the couch.” Raven nodded in agreement and piled in beside Clarke, as Lexa made her way back out into the living room.

All four girls were asleep before too long and the apartment was quite; at least for about an hour. Lexa was awaken by a noise that she heard coming from the bathroom. At first she nodded it off, but the sound kept coming and she began to get worried. She got up from her position on the sofa and marched down the hallway towards the bathroom in question. The noise was louder now and she knew exactly what it was. Lexa slowly pressed the bathroom door in to peek in a make sure that everything was all right. “Clarke?” Lexa whispered when she saw the blonde on the floor. She quickly ran into the bathroom and knelt down beside Clarke. “God. Are you okay? What’s going on?”

The blonde shook her head, and Lexa noticed the tears that were in her eyes and the stains that were on her cheeks. “I don’t know.” Clarke said quietly, as if she were embarrassed. “I’m so sick.”

“Shit, Clarke.” Lexa said, bringing her hands up to hold back Clarke’s hair when the girl began getting sick again. “Shit. This was my food wasn’t it?” Of course it was Lexa, you idiot. This is just your luck.

After Clarke’s next round of puking, she looked up to Lexa and shook her head. “No. It wasn’t yours. I ate at some sketchy burrito place for lunch. Bad idea.” The blonde mumbled before once again getting sick.

“Come on.” Lexa said after a few minutes. “I’m taking you to the E.R.”

“What? No.” The blonde argued, but it was no use.

“You’ve obviously gotten food poisoning, Clarke. They’re going to need to get some fluids in you.” Lexa said and the blonde nodded her head in agreement. Lexa stood up from her kneeling position in the bathroom floor to help Clarke stand as well. “Do you have your insurance card and ID in your wallet?” The blonde nods again. “Okay. Let’s get you seen about.”

 

//

 

“You feeling any better?” Lexa asks as she walks into Clarke’s room in the emergency room. They had been there for over an hour and a half and just now got placed in a room. The nurses went ahead and got Clarke started on IV fluids, while they waited for the doctor to get there. Unfortunately, they couldn’t find her vein in her arm so they had to put the IV in through her hand. Which hurt like a bitch. Clarke could feel the cool sensation flowing through her arm to where it was almost numb.

“I am.” Clarke smiled a lazy smile; the after math of all of the being sick was finally catching up to her. “Thank you for taking care of me.” Lexa grinned back at her before sitting beside Clarke’s bed in a stiff chair. “What is that?” Clarke pointed to the clipboard with papers that Lexa was holding in her lap.

Lexa grabbed a pen out of her purse before turning her attention to the papers. “Just some papers that they want you to fill out. You know. Typical medical stuff.” Clarke held out her hand as if to take them from Lexa. “I’ll do it, Clarke. You rest.”

Clarke grinned and laid her head back down on the soft pillow and curled up into the warm blanket that the hospital provided her as Lexa began to read the papers.

“Name. Clarke Jane Griffin. Age. 27. Height. 5’5”?” Lexa turned her head to look at Clarke and the blonde nodded. “Weight...” Lexa looked back at the girl.

“Oh my gosh, Lexa. You can’t just ask a girl her weight.” Clarke grinned, hiding half of her face under the warm covers as she turned on her side to face Lexa. “I honestly don’t know, Lex. Just make something up. Something believable.”

“Aye aye, Captain.” Lexa says with a mock salute before she turns her eyes back to the papers in front of her, jotting down a number that Clarke couldn’t quite make out. “Sex…” She looks over to Clarke and grins before looking back at the clipboard in her lap, making what looked to be a very exaggerated check mark on the page. “Yes, please.” This earned her a slap on the arm and she couldn’t help the giggle that came from her mouth.

“How old are you again?” The blonde asked, rhetorically before smiling back at Lexa even though the brunette wasn’t looking at her at the moment. God. This girl. She could always make her feel better and she realized that Lexa would always go above and beyond to make sure that Clarke was safe and taken care of. “Thank you.” Clarke found herself saying again, and Lexa looked up to the blonde, raising an eyebrow.

“You’ve already said that, Clarke and it was unnecessary the first time.” Lexa grinned a sleepy grin before yawning and placing the clipboard on the table beside her. She turned her body in the chair so that she could face more towards Clarke.

“I know. It just – you didn’t have to take care of me.”

“I will always take care of you, Clarke.” Lexa smile is lazy and sleepy, but she won’t fall asleep. She has to be up to watch Clarke and make sure she’s okay.

The blonde swears that her heart is pounding out of her chest. She feels like she will implode at any second. Lexa, the beautiful girl in front of her, was making it extremely hard to be just friends with her and while that thought would have never entered Clarke’s brain only a few weeks ago, she was still hesitant about it. The thought of going all in with someone again was terrifying. Not just someone, but THE someone that broke her heart all of those years ago.

She hadn’t noticed, but the two of them stared at each other for what felt like an eternity, yet it didn’t feel weird. It was like they were both trying to figure out what the other was thinking. Like they were trying to look into each other souls. The serenity didn’t last for long though, when the door swung open and the doctor walked in.

Shit. Abby.

“Clarke?” The older woman asked with wide eyes as she stuck her hands deep down into the pockets of her scrub jacket. She looked back and forth between Clarke and Lexa and each time she looked at the brunette, the looked turned into a glare. “What are you doing here? What’s wrong?” She stepped closer to the bed and Lexa saw Clarke flinch through her peripheral vision automatically causing Lexa to lean towards Clarke more.

“Mom? What are you doing here? You’re not an E.R. doctor.” The blonde asked and Lexa could tell on the monitor across the room that Clarke’s heart rate picked up just a bit.

“I’m a doctor. They were short staffed, so I volunteered.” Abby looked from her daughter back over to Lexa. “I would like a word with my daughter alone, please.”

Clarke noticed how Lexa’s jaw clenched and she rotated it side to side. It was her telltale sign that she was frustrated or irritated. Clarke reached over to grab the brunette’s hand and give it a light squeeze, causing Lexa to break her death glare from Abby to look over to Clarke. Her green eyes immediately softened when they met blue ones. “I’ll be fine.” The blonde almost whispers. She thinks maybe if she sends Lexa on some sort of errand that that would take her mind off of leaving Clarke alone with her mother. “Will you bring me back some ginger ale or something?” Lexa nods before hesitantly standing up from her chair and letting go of Clarke’s hand. She made sure to give Abby another much needed glare before exiting the room.

“Why is she here?” Abby finally asks, breaking the tense silence that had settled between mother and daughter.

“Don’t start, mother. She’s my friend and she was at the house when I got sick. She brought me because she was worried.” The blonde replied, trying to keep her composure. She really didn’t feel like arguing or having this conversation right now.

Abby walked closer to Clarke before settling down in the chair that Lexa had just left. “How are you feeling?” The older woman asked and Clarke couldn’t believe how soft she sounded in that moment.

“Better than I was feeling a few hours ago.”

“It was right of her to bring you. You needed fluids.”

“Her name is Lexa mom… and you’d do good to remember it.” Clarke bit. She was sick of her mother referring to Lexa as ‘her’ or ‘that girl’.

“So all is forgiven between you two then?” Abby asks with a raised brow. She truly was curious.

Clarke wondered why her mother even cared. She hates Lexa, and always has. She hated the fact that her daughter was dating another woman and Lexa just happened to be the other. “All is forgiven, but we are just friends. We are working on trust issues… not that it’s any of your business.”

“So you want to be back with her?”

“That is also none of your business.” The blonde replied. She was so over the conversation right now.

“Clarke… I just don’t understand.” Abby started, looking into her daughter’s eyes, seemingly trying to be understanding. “Why? Why her? You could have every young man that you come in contact with, yet you still choose her? A woman?”

“That woman – Lexa… just happens to be my best friend, and she has shown more compassion to me in the eleven years that I’ve known her than you have my entire life. It doesn’t matter that she’s a woman. I’ve never found anyone else that I would rather be with.” Clarke feels her eyes turning glassy and filling with unshed tears. 

“Clarke, what she did to you – “ Abby didn’t get to finish before Clarke interrupted her, almost spitting.

“Was awful… Yes. She broke my heart, but she’s trying to make up for that. I know Lexa, and she will try the rest of her life to make up for that, which is more than what I could say about you. You don’t care about me… Please… just leave me alone.”

“If what you’re looking for is an apology, Clarke, then you will not find that from me. I have always done what I thought was best for you. I do not regret anything I did.”

“Go.” Clarke begins to sob. “Leave me.”

“Clar – “ Abby begins but is stopped by a strong, lingering voice.

“Abby… You need to leave. Now.” Lexa says from the door behind the older woman.

Lexa flinches when Abby spins around and gets too close to her face. “What makes you think that you can take care of my daughter better than me? I don’t know what she sees in you…”

The strong jaw of Lexa was now firmly clenched again, and even through watery eyes, Clarke could see the restraint that Lexa was trying to use. If it had been anyone else, then they would probably already be on the ground. “Clarke can take care of herself. I just choose to be in her life so that she doesn’t have to do it alone.” Lexa says firmly and her stoic expression in unwavering. She slowly looks over Abby’s shoulder to Clarke to see that the blonde is still crying, before she looks back to the older woman. “As for what she sees in me… I will never know. She is the only good thing about me.” Lexa inhales a big gulp of air, closing her eyes in the process. She can’t believe that she just said that, but… Well here she is. Can’t go back now. “Please leave, Abby. She doesn’t need this now.”

Surprisingly, Abby only glares at Lexa one last time before leaving the room saying, “I’ll send another doctor.” Lexa has on hand in her jacket pocket and the other is clenching and almost crushed bottle of ginger ale. Clarke notices, but doesn’t say anything. She knows how angry Lexa can get, but she’s always been able to hold it in rather well.

“I – umm… brought you this. It’s the only one I could find.” Lexa says quietly as she slowly makes her way back over the chair beside the bed. 

“Thank you.” Clarke says softly, wiping her hands over her face to rid herself from any lingering tears. She snuggles back up in the warm blanket of her hospital bed and turns to look at Lexa. The other woman is slumped back in the uncomfortable looking chair with her eyes closed. They sit there in silence for what feels like an eternity.

The new doctor comes in and feels them both in on how Clarke is doing fine, but he wants to keep her overnight to make sure that she’s getting all of the fluids and electrolytes that she needs. Of course Clarke groans and complains which only makes Lexa grin a little bit and pick at the blonde at how childish she was being, earning her a slap on the arm.

The nurses get Clarke settled into a new room in the hospital, rather than being in the emergency room stall all night. One nurse, named something Tsing, makes sure to bring Clarke several warm blankets for her bed, knowing how cold the hospital can get, especially at night. Lexa comes into the room, presumably after filling out more papers for Clarke and her green eyes meet Clarke’s blue. “Shouldn’t you be asleep?”

The blonde grins a lazy grin before yawing and stretching her arms above her head. “I was waiting to make sure that you go home and get some rest.”

The brunette shakes her head as she walks further into the room, standing above Clarke’s bed. “Nope. I’m not leaving you.”

“Lexa…”

“Clarke…”

“Stop mocking me.” The blonde throws on a fake pout.

“I’m not.” Lexa grins. “Mockery is not the product of a strong mind, Clarke.” She laughs when Clarke sticks her tongue out at her and then moves to sit in the chair beside the bed.

“Go home, Lexa. You are not sleeping in that chair all night.” The blonde says when the brunette plops down into the chair.

“Go to sleep, Clarke.”

“I can’t sleep while you’re sitting there uncomfortable.”

“I’m fine.”

“And so modest.” Clarke grins, causing Lexa to grin back. Clarke looks at those green eyes a little while longer before she scoots over and pats the empty space beside her. “You can sleep with me.”

The brunette shakes her head furiously. “No. Then you won’t be comfortable. I’m good here, Clarke.”

“Alexandria Woods, you get your ass in this bed right now.” She honestly tries her hardest to sound fierce and intimidating, but it doesn’t really work because Lexa only laughs at her causing Clarke to pout.

“Okay, okay.” Lexa sighs, standing up from her chair and kicking her shoes off before sliding under the blankets beside Clarke. “But you better not steal all of the covers.”

Clarke is really starting to think that she might have made a huge mistake inviting Lexa into her very tiny hospital bed. The closeness is almost suffocating. She feels like she can’t breathe, but honestly, she’s not even sure that she cares right now. They are both on their sides, faced towards each other and Lexa’s eyes are shut. Clarke can only stare at the girl and wonder how anyone can be that beautiful. A part of her wants to feel so lucky that Lexa is her friend, but another part honestly just wants to jump her bones right here… but that would be totally inappropriate, right? Yes. Inappropriate for sure. She wasn’t ready. Not yet.

“You’re staring.” She hears the girl say, and it truly did startle her. She was beginning to think that the brunette was asleep. Lexa’s eyes are still closed, but there is a hint of a grin on her face.

“No I wasn’t.” Lies, Clarke. All lies. This causes Lexa to pop one eye open and grin at the blonde across from her and Clarke can only respond with a smile of her own.

“Go to sleep, Clarke.” She feels like she’s said this a million times tonight. The blonde glares at her before turning over so that her back is facing Lexa. Lexa is thanking the heavens that she’s not hooked up to any sort of machine right now. She is sure that her lung capacity is faltering and that her heart rate is sky-high. This girl…this always happens, and yet the thought of dying from either one of those things isn’t that bad as long as she can lay here with Clarke all night.

“You’re staring.” She hears the blonde say as she looks back over her shoulder at Lexa with that smart-ass grin she always gets when she thinks that she’s right about something. Lexa does nothing but glare at her and the blonde only rolls her eyes and reaches her hand back to latch on to Lexa’s, bringing it to lay her arm around Clarke’s waist and her hand falls onto the blonde’s stomach. Lexa is sure that she could die right now and be perfectly happy. Was Clarke starting to…Did she still have some sort of feelings for Lexa? She would just have to wait and see. She would definitely not be the first to make a move. This was all on Clarke now.

Lexa mustered up enough courage to scoot closer to Clarke, tightening her grip around Clarke’s waist, but only for a second. She always did like to be the big spoon…she’s not going to lie. Lexa moves her head so that it is behind the blonde’s head and she gets an eyeful of golden locks and she catches the scent of a vanilla shampoo. She honestly didn’t mean to… it just kind of happened. She was caught up in the moment when she leaned forward and placed a lingering kiss into the golden blonde hair. She catches herself rather quickly before pulling back, but is stopped when she feels a warm hand placed on her own. Clarke gives Lexa’s hand a tight squeeze before letting it fall back to her side. “Goodnight, Lexa.” The blonde whispers.

“Goodnight, Clarke.”

 

//

 

A couple of days passed from the night at the hospital, and Clarke and Lexa had only spoken a couple of times over texts. Mostly, Lexa checking in to make sure that Clarke was feeling okay. Clarke had to admit once again how much she’s missed someone caring for her that way.

It’s finally Sunday evening and Clarke is at home trying to find something to wear to the football game with Lexa. “Holy shit, Clarke.” Raven says from Clarke’s bed, stuffing a Dorito into her mouth. “It’s just a football game. Why are you freaking out?”

Clarke pokes her head from out of her closet and looks to Raven. “I’m not freaking out.” The blonde groans before she slips out of the outfit that she just tried on and throws it to the ground with the massive pile of clothes that has started to build.

“It kind of looks like you’re freaking out.” Octavia giggled. “Is this a date?”

“What?” Clarke chokes out, sucking in air and it entered through the wrong pipe. “This is most definitely not a date. I’m not ready for that.”

“Ohh… So a date with Woods isn’t out of the question then?” Raven pokes, looking over to Octavia with a grin and receiving one in return.

“Raven…”

“What? It’s a legitimate question.”

“Okay. I admit that there are some feelings there, but I’m still not ready to be with her like that. Not yet. It’s just hard. It’s so freaking terrifying.” The blonde admits and she honestly feels a little bit of a weight lifted off of her shoulders from telling that to her friends.

“We get it.” Octavia smiled. “You need to take all of the time that you need.”

Suddenly, there is a knock on the door and Clarke’s eyes widen. “Shit. She’s here early.” Raven jumps up to go answer the door and grins when she sees Lexa standing there in denim skinnies with her Cowboy’s hoodie on. 

“Sup, Woods?”

“Raven.” Lexa nods as she walks through the door. “Where’s Clarke?”

“She’s in her room. She’s can’t find anything to wear. Obviously, she doesn’t go to sporting events often.” Raven laughs and receives a smile from her taller friend.

“Here.” Lexa said, handing Raven a bag. “Take her this.” Raven lifts an eyebrow in question and stares at the other brunette for a second. “It’s one of my Cowboy’s jerseys. I figured that she might need something to wear.” In no time flat, Raven is out of the living room taking the bag to Clarke and a few minutes later the blonde emerges wearing said jersey.

This causes Lexa to smile. “It looks good on you.”

“Thank you.” Clarke smiles a genuine smile and it’s like all of her nerves about tonight disappeared as soon as she looked into those green eyes. “How did you know that I didn’t have an Cowboys’ stuff to wear?”

Lexa shrugged and grinned shyly at the blonde in front of her. “I just knew that you’d be freaking out about what to wear. You always do.”

“What? No I don’t.”

“Yep.”

“No.”

“Whatever, Griffin.” Lexa smiles and walks towards the door to hold it open for the blonde. “You ready to get out of here?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well? What did you think? Am I doing okay? I'm sorry... I know it's really a slow burn, but I wanted it to feel real and not rushed. Does that make sense? Thanks for reading, guys! :)
> 
> Follow me on Twitter @asuzh90


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's up, guys? Sorry for making y'all wait. I hope that you enjoy this chapter. 
> 
> *There is a slight trigger warning involving sexual harrassment towards the end of the chapter.*

“Hell yeah!” Clarke cheered as she and Lexa exited the stadium after the football game. “That was a great win! Did you see that last touchdown?”

The brunette beside her began to chuckle at how excited Clarke was acting. She hasn’t seen this side of the blonde in ages. “I did.” Lexa had been so nervous all night. She barely managed to see any of the game. She was way too focused on the beautiful blonde that was in very close proximity to her. Her mind had been racing all night, along with her heartbeat. Clarke’s smiles and cheers were possibly one of the best things that Lexa has ever seen or heard. She’s missed this. Being friendly with Clarke. She’s missed it terribly.

“Wow. It’s been ages since I went to a game.” Clarke commented.

“Yeah?”

“Yep.” Clarke said, popping the ‘p’ off of her tongue and making Lexa smile. Clarke had had a few beers at the game and you could definitely tell that it loosened her up a bit. Before the game, it was like she was just a big ball of nerves. Almost like she really didn’t want to be around Lexa, by themselves at least. The two women walked a good ways from the loud roar that was still coming from the stadium. Lexa really didn’t want to call it an evening just yet. This was the first time that she and Clarke had really spent time together without their other friends. She’s beginning to think that she needs something to calm her nerves as well.

“You want to get out of here?” Lexa asked suddenly and Clarke’s eyes widened slightly. “Uh – I mean to go get some drinks or something?” Lexa corrected herself, not realizing what it sounded like she was asking Clarke.

“Sure.” Clarke grinned and Lexa led them to a nearby sports bar that they used to go to when they were in college.

“Wow. I can’t believe that this place is still here.” Clarke laughed.

Lexa led Clarke to a small table in the front corner of the bar, it was more quite there; a little ways from the television sets and speakers. “It hasn’t been that long, Clarke.” Lexa grinned.

“I know, I know.” The blonde replied, as she took her golden locks into her hands and began to tie her hair up in a high ponytail. She finally looks over to Lexa, she feels like she has been avoiding those green eyes all night. Mostly because the feelings that she got when she did scared the shit out of her. “It just feels like another lifetime ago.” Lexa nodded and signaled one of the waitresses.

“What’ll it be, Griffin?” Lexa asked Clarke with a half-smile.

“Are you going to drink anything?”

“I may have a couple.”

“Okay.” Clarke says, looking over to the waitress who was practically stripping Lexa with her eyes. The blonde clears her throat to get the girl’s attention. “I’ll have a Jack & Coke.” The girl taking their order nodded and looked back over to Lexa with a big smile and Clarke honestly just wanted to push the girl away from her – no. Not her anything. 

Come on, Griffin. Friends…

“And what about you?” The waitress asked, standing much closer to Lexa than necessary. The brunette didn’t notice though because she was too busy staring at the blonde across from her.

“Same.” Lexa said before smiling at Clarke, still not able to take her eyes off of her and her bright smile. Lexa had forgotten how addicting it was. Well… Honestly, she hadn’t forgot. She has dreamed about that smile for years. 

The waitress practically scoffed and left to go retrieve their drinks.

“So…” Clarke finally said after she’d realized that green and blue had been staring at each other for longer than friends should stare at each other. “What have you got planned for –“ Clarke was interrupted when her cell started to ring. She looked over apologetically to Lexa and looked down to see what the caller ID said. “I’m sorry. I might need to take this. It’s a friend from L.A. and he never calls.”

Lexa grins at Clarke and nods, telling the girl that it was fine. She couldn’t help but wonder who ‘he’ was. It almost made her jealous. Almost. It’s none of her business really. She and Clarke are just friends and it really doesn’t matter who Clarke talks to.

Or maybe it does.

“Sterling, Hi.” Clarke said, answering the phone while still sitting at the table. “How are you? I’m good. Listen, I’m out right now with my – friend.” The blonde says, looking back to Lexa and grinning. “Oh…yeah. Okay. No. I will figure something out. Thanks, Sterling. You too. Bye.” She puts her cell phone back into her purse and lets out a sigh, looking a bit irritated.

“Is everything okay?” Lexa asked, leaning over the table a little bit. She noticed the perplexed look on Clarke’s face. Her smile had faded for a moment.

“Yeah.” Clarke answered, looking up to meet Lexa’s gaze. “They are shutting this storage unit place down in Los Angeles…. where the rest of my stuff is being kept. I have to go get it… like soon.”

“You still have stuff out there?”

“I do. Looks like I’m going to have to book a quick flight to L.A. this weekend.” The blonde sighed.

“What all do you have left there? Can someone not send whatever it is to you?” Lexa asked, because she was curious and she didn’t want Clarke to feel like she had to go if there was someone there who could just ship her things to Dallas.

The blonde begins to shake her head. “No. It’s mostly paintings. My paintings that I just didn’t have the heart to throw away. I don’t trust anyone there with them.”

“What about Finn?”

Blue eyes shot up and practically glared at Lexa before she realized how perplexed the brunette looked. Clarke hadn’t thought about Lexa not knowing how bad Clarke and Finn’s relationship had ended. Finn was an asshole. “Ummm… No. Finn and I are definitely not on good terms.”

“Oh. Clarke, I’m sorry. I just assumed that you split amicably because of the distance thing.” Lexa said. She really was sorry.

“It’s fine.” Clarke says with a half-grin and shaking her head. “He couldn’t keep it in his pants. I should have seen it before I actually did.”

“His loss.” Lexa said softly and nodded her head down to try to catch Clarke’s gaze. The blonde grinned at her and she honestly, thought that she was just going to melt into a puddle right there in the bar. A big gay puddle. Clarke’s smile was one of her favorite things in the world.

“Do you want to go?” Clarke asked, suddenly.

“You sick of this bar already? It used to be your favorite.” Lexa asked with a raised brow. That’s the only reason that she brought the blonde here. She remembered how much she liked the atmosphere.

Clarke started shaking here head and grinning. “No, Lexa. It’s a great bar. I meant do you want to go with me this weekend to L.A. to help me pack up my stuff for shipping?” Lexa’s eyes grew wide and Clarke thought that maybe she ought not to have asked that. Why in the hell would Lexa want to fly all the way to Los Angeles for just a couple of days to help her pack up her shit? Clarke began to worry that Lexa would say no and she would be left there looking like an idiot in awkward silence.

“Yeah, Clarke.” Lexa smiled. God. That smile. “I’d be happy to help.” Lexa honestly cannot believe that Clarke just asked her to fly out to L.A. with her for the weekend. Just the two of them. Holy shit. All of a sudden she felt really nervous, and was trying her best not to let it show. 

Ok. Obviously it showed because Clarke reached over and placed her hand on top of Lexa’s on the table and Lexa is fairly positive that she just felt a jolt of electricity run from her hand all the way up her arm.

“Hey. You don’t have to go if you don’t want to. I was just asking. We’re friends now. You won’t hurt my feelings if you say ‘no’, Lex.” The blonde smiled and Lexa’s heart started pounding at the sound of her nickname coming from the blonde. God. Lexa was such a freaking teenager.

“No. I want to.” Lexa said, almost a little too eagerly. “I just – are you sure?”

“Yes, Lexa. Why wouldn’t I want you to go with me?”

“I can think of several reasons.”

“Lexa just shut up. You’re going with me.” The blonde said firmly, but her voice was playful. Lexa smiled again when she saw the corner of Clarke’s lips lift up and…. Shit. Lexa was staring at Clarke’s lips. 

Look away, Lexa. 

The brunette quickly looked down at her drink, hoping that Clarke hadn’t noticed her trailing eyes. She wanted so badly to look back to Clarke and to her lips and let the blonde know exactly what she wanted, but she couldn’t. Not yet. If there was going to be anything more between them… That would Clarke’s call.

“Ok, Clarke. I’m in.”

 

//

 

A couple of hours later, Lexa reenters her apartment building after dropping Clarke off at hers. She had had a great night. Of course, any night with Clarke was a great night. Lexa only hoped that Clarke had had a good time as well. All that the brunette could think about right now though was the fact that she was going to Los Angeles with Clarke in like five days. She was freaking the hell out.

She made her way to her apartment and entered; sauntering towards her bedroom. She slung the door open and she’s really glad that she hadn’t already begun to strip because her other two idiot friends were sprawled out in her bed. “What the hell are you guys doing in my apartment?” Lexa exclaimed. “How the hell did you even get in here?”

“Lexa… You do know who you’re talking to, right?” Raven grinned and Lexa only shook her head.

“Why are we friends?”

“You love us.” Octavia beamed.

Lexa was obviously emitting some sort of nervous vibe. She was hoping that her friends wouldn’t catch on… they did. “Whoa. What’s wrong with you, Woods?” Raven asked.

“How was the date?” Octavia added.

Lexa started to remove her hoody, socks, and shoes before she joined them on the bed. Luckily, Lexa’s bed was big enough to fit the three of them at least semi-comfortably. “It wasn’t a date.” The older woman sighed.

“Whatever you say, Woods.” Raven replied. “What’s got you all worked up? Did you kiss her?”

“What? No.” Lexa commented, looking at Raven and Octavia with wide eyes and the other two women only laughed at her. They were having way too much with this whole ordeal.

Octavia sat up and stared down Lexa, trying to hide the smile from her face. “Well, what is it then?”

“Someone called her while we were getting drinks. She has to go to L.A. for the weekend to pack some of her stuff up to ship it back here.” Lexa answered.

“And that’s got you frustrated why?”

Lexa sighed and sat up too, taking both of her hands and rubbing them down her face a few times. “She asked me to go with her.”

“No way.” Raven grinned from ear to ear. “She did not.” Lexa nodded, and felt like she was going to be sick. “Holy shit, Woods! That’s fantastic!”

“What?”

“You can’t tell me that you’re not excited as hell to spend the whole weekend with Clarke. Alone. Without us.” Octavia smiled.

“Well, the ‘without you guys’ part is enough to get excited about.” Lexa deadpanned. Octavia and Raven feigned hurt at the same time, making Lexa chuckle a bit. “I’m just freaking out.”

“Obviously.”

“I just – you guys know. You know how I feel about her. I just don’t want to mess this up.” Lexa waves her hands around in the air, gesturing to nothing in particular. “Whatever this thing is that we’ve got going on. This friendship. It’s so much more than I ever expected to get from her. I don’t want to screw it up again.”

Octavia crawled towards Lexa and placed both of her hands on the taller woman’s shoulders, giving her a small, sincere smile. “Lexa… You won’t screw it up. You and Clarke are endgame. Just keep being you. That’s who she fell in love with in the first place. Just give her time. She needs it.”

Lexa nods and returns the sincere smile that both of her friends are now giving her. “Thanks. I’m just… I don’t know. Nervous. I feel like a freaking teenager waiting to go on their first date or something.” The brunette chuckled a little before the other two girls joined in. “So… are you guys staying the night?” Lexa asked her friends after a few minutes of silence.

“You know it.” Raven grinned and both girls slid under the covers in Lexa’s bed.

“I didn’t mean in my bed.”

“Get over it, Woods.”

Lexa sighed and got up to go to the bathroom to wipe her make up off and brush her teeth. She changed into her most comfortable pajamas and climbed back into bed beside her friends. She grabbed her cell phone off of her nightstand and noticed that she had two new text messages. One from Anya.

ANYA: How was the date?

LEXA: It wasn’t a date.

ANYA: Ok. How was the ‘non-date’?

LEXA: You’re having too much fun with this. Have you been talking to dumb and dumber?

ANYA: Nope…ok. A little. So… how was it?

LEXA: It was good. I couldn’t focus on anything other than her. I probably looked like a moron all night.

ANYA: Haha. You probably did. Mouth hanging open, drooling and everything.

LEXA: You’re not helping.

LEXA: She asked me to go to L.A. with her this weekend. To pick up some stuff.

ANYA: Oh shit.

LEXA: Yeah.

ANYA: And you said you’d go…right?

LEXA: What do you think?

ANYA: I think that you were probably drooling or crying or some shit saying, ‘Yes.   
Clarke. I would go anywhere with you.’

LEXA: I hate you.

ANYA: You love me. I’ve got to go though. Keep me updated. Talk to you later, sis.

Lexa sighed and exited that conversation. Her sister had obviously been talking to Octavia and Raven way too much. She couldn’t help the smile that came across her face though. Even though her friends and sister teased the hell out of her all of the time, she knew that they were behind her. 100%. Lexa flipped back to her other new messages and smiled when she saw who it was from.

CLARKE: I had a really great time tonight.

LEXA: Yeah? I did too.

CLARKE: Most definitely. :) Thank you.

LEXA: For what?

CLARKE: For being you. I’ve missed my friend. I’ve missed you.

‘Holy shit.’ Lexa thinks to herself and doesn’t realize how fidgety she had gotten or the big gulp of air she took in and almost choked on. “Are you and Griffin sexting, Woods?” She hears Raven say in the darkness. She could have sworn that she and Octavia were asleep.

“No, Raven. We are not sexting. We are grown women. And we’re just friends.”

CLARKE: I’m sorry. Was that too much?

Lexa read the text and realized that it had been a while since Clarke sent the last message. Of course she knew that Lexa was freaking the hell out.

LEXA: No! No… I mean, obviously I’ve missed you too.

CLARKE: I’m glad that you are coming with me to L.A. I can definitely use some back up.

LEXA: I’m happy to help, Clarke.

CLARKE: Goodnight, Lex. Sleep well.

LEXA: Goodnight, Clarke.

 

//

 

“Where are Raven and Lexa?” Clarke asked Octavia as the two women walked into the airport in Dallas. Octavia offered to drop off Clarke, and Lexa was already with Raven so they would do the same.

Octavia stopped when she found her and her friend a seat in the lobby and they both sat down. “They’re on their way. Raven said that Lexa had to stop and get one more thing.” Clarke nodded her head and began looking through her carry on bag to make sure she had everything that she would need. The two friends sat in silence for a while before Octavia spoke up again. “Why did you ask Lexa to go with you?”

The blonde stopped searching through her things and looked up to her dark-haired friend with a curious but almost sad look. Clarke shook her head and leaned back in her chair, after putting her bag back on the ground in front of her. “I honestly don’t know.”

“Do you want her to go?”

“I do.” Clarke said as she rolled her head over on the back of her seat to look at Octavia beside her. “I really do. I’m just… scared.”

“Scared? Of what?”

The blonde sat in silence for a bit longer, thinking of what she was truly scared of. She knew. She knew what it was that she was scared of, she just wasn’t sure that she wanted anyone else to know right now. Clarke sighed and sat up in her seat, leaning over and propping her elbows on her thighs. “Of her.” The blonde said, looking back over to Octavia. “Of being alone with her.”

“Clarke… You know that Lexa would never do anything to make you uncomfortable. She won’t jeopardize your friendship. She cares too much about you.”

Clarke shook her and let out a small sarcastic laugh before taking her hands and rubbing her face a few times. “I know. I know that she would never. It’s not her that I’m worried about.” This definitely caught Octavia’s attention and she raised her eyebrows in question, so Clarke continued. Too late to go back now. “I still care about her, O. I tried not to. I was so mad at her and I was more mad that I couldn’t hate her if I wanted to.”

“It’s okay that you care about her, Clarke. You guys are friends. You’ve both been working so hard together. Lexa’s been trying to earn your trust back and you’ve been understanding and patient with her.”

“Yeah. Of course I’ve noticed the effort that she puts in… but when I say ‘care about her’ I mean I still – “ Clarke wasn’t able to finish her comment before Raven and Lexa walked through the glass sliding doors.

“What’s up, bitches?” Raven grinned and came to a halt right in front of her seated friends. Clarke stood up to hug Raven and noticed Lexa over the other girl’s shoulder. She seemed quiet…shy almost, but of course their magnetic freaking eyes merged together and neither one of them could look away. Clarke grinned at the taller woman who gave a lop-sided grin back.

“Alright you two.” Octavia interrupted their obvious ‘stare-fest’, and Clarke realizes how awkward she herself is being. “Let’s get y’all on that plane.”

The four girls grabbed the bags and headed to the terminal that they needed to be at. They get there just in time and Raven and Octavia hand Lexa and Clarke their bags. “Thanks, guys. We’ll see you in a few days?”

“You got it, Griffin. We’ll pick you both up on Monday.” Raven grinned. “Don’t do anything that I wouldn’t do.” Of course Raven couldn’t keep quiet long enough for them to get on the plane. Clarke glared at her and her pale skin started to blush. She gave Octavia a quick peck on the cheek and turned around to board the plane. Lexa also glared at Raven before flipping her off and grinning at Octavia.

“We’ll see you guys, later.” Lexa said, before spinning around and following Clarke onto the plane. 

Once the two were seated and had put their carry-on bags above their head, Lexa offered Clarke her window seat. She knew that Clarke was terrified of planes; even though she wouldn’t admit that, and she also knew that Clarke would much rather have a window seat. Both girls sat there in silence for a few minutes until it was really just becoming awkward. Lexa noticed how tense Clarke’s hands were where she was gripping onto the small arm rest in between them. Absentmindedly, and because it was something that she use to do all of the time when they travelled together, Lexa placed her hand on top of Clarke’s and gave it a squeeze. The brunette immediately felt the blonde relax a bit before blue eyes looked up to meet hers and smiled a small smile.

Good God. She loves this woman.

Friends, Lexa.

Lexa stood up for a moment to grab her bag out of the carry on container above them. She had forgotten something. She digs around in her bag for a minute or so before she sits back down and looks over to Clarke. The blonde is looking at her with raised brows. “I, um – I got you this.” Lexa held out her hand to Clarke and there was a pack of Bazooka bubble gum in her palm. “Made Raven stop on the way here so I could pick it up for you.”

Clarke has always been afraid of flying, but Lexa had always made it better for her. Trying to calm her in anyway that she could. Lexa knows that Clarke doesn’t chew bubble gum… ever. Unless she’s flying. The blonde will only chew one brand and that’s Bazooka. It’s what Jake used to give the two girls when they would all travel together. For whatever reason, chewing it calmed Clarke down a bit. It made her think of her dad.

Sapphire blue eyes look back up to meet green after gazing at the palm of her hand for a few moments. Lexa noticed the tears forming in the blonde’s eyes and one single tear rolling down her cheek. Hesitantly, Lexa reached up to cup Clarke’s cheek and used her thumb to wipe the tear away. “How did you remember that?” The blonde finally manages to say. Lexa retracts her hand, knowing that she was wanting to lean in and take Clarke’s soft lips with her own.

Lexa shakes her head to get back with the program and clears her throat. “I might be an asshole, Griffin, but I know more about you than I know about myself.” Clarke grinned and took the gum out of Lexa’s hand. 

“You’re not an asshole, Lexa.” Lexa didn’t say anything. She just leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes. She couldn’t look at Clarke without wanting to pull the blonde over into her lap and show her just how much she loved her. The feelings were coming back all too real and all too quickly. Lexa had to focus. Focus on her breathing. Focus on their friendship… but not focus on Clarke’s eyes, her gorgeous smile, or anything else about her. She really shouldn’t have agreed to this trip. This was a mistake.

The plane started up the tarmac at a very fast pace before taking off. Lexa heard a breath hitch next to her, before she felt a soft hand in her own, followed by a head of blonde hair lying on her shoulder, and that was it. The walls that Lexa had just tried to put up only moments ago had vanished. All she wanted to do was comfort Clarke. To protect her. Lexa intertwined their fingers after a moment and leaned further back in the seat, laying her head over on top of Clarke’s.

“Thank you.” She heard the blonde barely whisper, and the two friends fell asleep like that for the entirety of the flight to Los Angeles.

 

//

 

“Hi. We’re here to check in.” Clarke said to the man sitting at the front desk of the hotel that she and Lexa were staying at for the next few nights.

The man put the newspaper down that he had been reading and grinned at both women before getting out of his stool and making his way up to them. “Of course. Name?”

“Griffin.”

He typed the name into the computer in front of him and started to accept payment for the blonde before Lexa jumped up and handed him her card. Clarke practically glared at the brunette and Lexa only smiled down at her before saying, “I’m paying, Griffin.”

“No.” Clarke said firmly, shaking her head. “I asked you out here with me. You’re not paying.”

“Watch me.” Lexa grinned before nodding at the man in front of them. “Go ahead, sir. I owe her.” The man nodded with a smile and swiped Lexa’s card before handing them their room key. “One room?” Lexa got that smart-ass look on her face, looking over at the blonde who was now blushing. The brunette can’t help but pick at Clarke about this stuff. “I’m not that kind of girl, Clarke.”

“Since when?” Clarke asked joking before jerking the key out of Lexa’s hand, trying to hide her smirk, before making her way over to the elevators. She heard Lexa thanking the man at the des before the brunette caught up with her. “I only got one room…” Clarke stated, pressing the button on the elevator without looking over at Lexa. “But there are two beds.”

“I was only kidding, Clarke.”

“Let’s just say if there was only one bed… you’d be in the ‘doghouse’ tonight.” Clarke stuck her tongue out at Lexa before entering the elevator.

“Ouch.” Lexa replied, feigning true hurt by grabbing at her own heart. “You wound me with your hateful words.” Clarke only rolled her eyes and attempted to hide the smile on her face. 

Lexa saw it though.

 

//

 

Lexa whistled as the entered their hotel room. “Damn. These are nice rooms.” She looked over to Clarke who was placing her bags on one of the beds. “No wonder they cost me a fortune.”

Blue eyes snapped up to meet green ones and they narrowed. “Ha. Ha.” Clarke said sarcastically. “I think I already regret asking you to come.”

“Whatever, Griffin. You know I’m the life of the party.” They grinned at each other before unpacking their bags in silence. When she was through putting her things up, Lexa plopped down on her bed with an exaggerated sigh. “I’ve never been to L.A.”

“Never?” Clarke asked, shocked and Lexa shook her head, still looking up at the ceiling. “Well…” Clarke said, walking over to Lexa’s bed and grabbing the brunette’s wrist to pull her up from the bed. “I think that we should see the sights. Don’t you?”

“What? No ,Clarke.” Lexa said softly, shaking her head. She looked down to where Clarke was still holding her wrist and she was sure that her hand was now numb from the tingling heat that came from the blonde’s touch. “You used to live here. You don’t want to show a tourist around.”

“I don’t want to show a tourist around. I want to show you around.” This caused Lexa to smile… a real genuine smile. Those were hard to come by lately, but they seemed to multiply when she was around Clarke. “I can show you where my old gallery used to be?” It was more of a question than a statement.

“I’d love that.” Lexa replied, still smiling that big, stupid smile that only Clarke could make her smile.

“Let’s get out of here.” Clarke smiled back and Lexa felt her own breath hitch, getting stuck somewhere in her chest and she was sure that she wasn’t getting any sort of oxygen to her body. She didn’t care though. Clarke’s smile was all that she needed.

 

//

 

“Wow, Clarke. This is really nice.” Lexa said genuinely as both women walked up outside of Clarke’s old gallery location. “I’m sure it was a thousand times better with your work in it.” She grinned and looked over to Clarke who was looking down at her feet.

“You like it?”

“I do.” Lexa said, looking back over to the building in front of them and taking in the architecture of the place. “Although, I like your place in Dallas a lot better.”

“How come?”

Lexa wasn’t sure on how to answer Clarke’s question without being really straightforward, but she really didn’t know any other way of saying it. “Because you’re closer to home.” Lexa grinned, but what she really wanted to say was ‘because you’re closer to me.’

Clarke smiled a small, shy smile, looking up at Lexa with her beautiful blue eyes. Standing there in all of her magnificent glory. “Would you have said that three months ago?” The blonde asked.

“What?”

“That you were glad that I was closer to home.”

“Clarke,” Lexa started. “I might have been scared shitless that first night that I saw you come into the bar, but…I also don’t remember the last time that I was that happy.” Clarke began to walk up the sidewalk, quietly and Lexa followed closely behind her. They walk a good ways and Lexa was beginning to think that maybe she had said something wrong. Clarke’s silence was frightening.

The blonde suddenly came to a halt and Lexa almost ran into her. “Did I say something wrong?” Lexa asks.

Clarke still didn’t turn around. “I, um – “ Lexa could tell that Clarke really didn’t know what to say and it terrified Lexa to no avail. The blonde turned around and Lexa swears that she heard a gasp come from the girl. Possibly because they were much closer than they both thought that they were. “You want to go get a drink?”

Not what Lexa was expecting… or hoping for, but it would do. “Yeah. That sounds good.” Lexa smiled. “Actually, Anya is town for some merchandising summit. She wants to meet up with us for drinks. Shall I ask her to come?”

“Yes. Please. I haven’t seen Anya in years.” Clarke grinned shyly. “Sterling wants to meet too, so I will just tell him to meet us as well.”

Lexa nodded. “What’s the address of the bar?”

 

//

 

“Clarke Griffin!” A man’s voice called from behind their table at the bar that Clarke had taken them to. Clarke spun around and had a beaming smile on her face before jumping up and rushing to give the man a hug. “I’ve missed you.”

“I’ve missed you too.” Clarke replied before dragging him back over to their table and looking to Lexa. “Lex, this is Sterling Foster. Sterling this is Lexa Woods.”

The blonde headed man stuck out his hand with a big smile and Lexa gladly accepted it. “It’s nice to meet you, Sterling.”

“You too.” He grinned and looked back over to Clarke. “Damn, Clarke. You always get the good ones.”

Clarke was absolutely sure that her entire face was cover in red at Sterling’s words. Of course he would think that she and Lexa were together. Dammit. She’d forgotten how when she was living here and she’d meet with Sterling that she would almost always have some sort of date. “Umm…”

“We’re only friends.” Lexa said, before Clarke could get around to it and the blonde looked up to her to mouth ‘I’m sorry’ before the three of them took their seats.

“Oh, man. I’m sorry.” Sterling said, signaling the waiter. “I only assumed you were together. You know how Clarke’s always got some form of arm candy.” At that Lexa looked over to Clarke with a quizzical look on her face. Clarke refused to meet Lexa’s gaze, and Lexa could tell that that is something that Clarke didn’t want her to know. “Well, since you’re available…” Sterling says, looking at Lexa and wiggling his eyebrows.

Lexa almost laughs a bit. “You’re not my type.”

“Not your type? I’ve got blonde hair and blue eyes just like Griffin over here.” He smiled and Lexa had to admit that the man’s smile was definitely contagious.

“Yeah. You’re not female.”

“Ahh…” He said, clicking his tongue as if he were disappointed. “That’s too bad.”

“Okay.” Clarke barged in. “Enough hitting on my friend.”

“You jealous, Clarke?” Sterling grinned. 

“What? No, um – I… never mind. Let’s just get some drinks.” Clarke said, feeling yet another blush surge to her face. She really should have filled Sterling in on her relationship with Lexa. This was all backfiring on her.

For about half an hour the three of them made small talk. Sterling and Clarke mostly talked about Clarke’s move back to Dallas and how she was liking it there, asking her if she had met anyone special and Clarke was really hoping that Lexa didn’t notice when she looked over to her at the question. Sterling asked Lexa what she did for a living. She told him that she owned a bar, but she didn’t go in to detail that it used to be Clarke’s fathers. She knew that she and Clarke would have to explain the situation to him, and she really didn’t want to have to put Clarke through that.

After another few minutes, Lexa heard a very familiar voice coming from behind her. “Lexa…” Lexa jumped up and practically ran to give her sister a tight hug.

“Oh my god. I’ve missed you.” Lexa says, squeezing Anya tighter.

“You too, kid.” Anya smiles and follows Lexa back to their table, where Clarke stands. “Clarke Griffin…” The older woman says, pulling the blonde in for a hug.

“In the flesh.” Clarke says and she winks when she sees Lexa over Anya’s shoulder. They pull apart from the hug and take their seats. “Anya, this is Sterling. He’s a friend of mine.”

“Hey, Sterling.” Anya smiled, taking the man’s outstretched hand. “It’s great to meet you.” He leaned over to kiss Anya’s hand and Clarke almost lost it.

“You’re such an idiot, Sterling.” Clarke laughed.

“Hey now! Some women enjoy my smooth moves.”

“That’s right, Clarke. Some of us do enjoy smooth moves.” Anya says and then looks back to Sterling and winks.

“Whatever.” Clarke says, rolling her eyes and scooting her chair closer to Lexa’s. Lexa doesn’t know if it was just some sort of subconscious move or not, but she was enjoying Clarke’s presence nearer to her.

 

//

 

Time was flying by and the four of them were having a great time, catching up and learning things about one another. It was just great to be in the presence of friends. Especially friends that didn’t try to torment Clarke and Lexa about their relationship. It was definitely a breath of fresh air.

Sterling eventually asked Anya to dance with him, and she accepted. The dance floor was packed, mostly with people around their age, enjoying their Friday night out. Lexa really wanted to dance. She had had a couple of drinks and was just feeling like letting loose, but she was definitely not going to ask Clarke to dance. That didn’t go so well last time. It was too intimate, and Lexa knew that Clarke still wasn’t fully comfortable with that.

“Clarke?” The blonde spun around quickly and Lexa noticed the fear in her blue eyes.

“Finn?”

“What are you doing here? I though you moved to Dallas.” The man said, running his fingers through his hair. Lexa could tell that Clarke was definitely not comfortable with this guy being here. She didn’t know exactly what went down between the two of them, but she wasn’t going to let him pull anything.

“I did. I had to come back to grab a few more things.” 

“Can we, uh – can we maybe talk?”

“Why?”

“Because I feel like things ended badly. I miss you.”

Clarke scoffs and rolls her eyes. She notices the puppy dog look he gives her and she finally accepts his outstretched hand. “I’ll be back in a minute.” Clarke says, looking over to Lexa and very hesitantly the brunette nods.

Around fifteen minutes had gone by and Lexa was starting to get very antsy. She had a very weird feeling in the pit of her stomach and she didn’t like it at all. She stood up from her spot at the table and headed towards the back of the building where she had last saw Clarke and Finn.

She heard them before she saw them. The voices were coming from a hallway towards the back, behind the bathrooms.

“Finn. Please. Get off of me.” Clarke says, and her voice was trembling with fear. “You’re scaring me, Finn.”

“Clarke, baby… I know that you’ve missed me just as much.” The man brings his hands up and grabs at the blonde’s chest, squeezing too hard.

“Don’t, Finn. Please.” Clarke was practically sobbing by now and his weight against her was just too much for her to push away. He started to kiss down the side of her neck and Clarke was hitting him in his side with her fist. It’s like he was on something and it didn’t even phase him.

“Hey! What the hell are you doing?” Lexa screamed, running up and pushing him off of Clarke. She pushed him hard enough that he fell into a wall and sat on the ground. He was laughing manically. Lexa took Clarke’s face in her hands and bent down so that she could see her better. “Are you okay?” She asked, searching Clarke’s body for sign that he had hurt her. “Are you alright?” The blonde nodded. She was crying too hard to answer Lexa right now.

Obviously Anya had saw the whole thing and rushed over with Sterling. “Lexa, what the – “

“Get her out of here.” Lexa said firmly, handing Clarke over to her sister.

“Lexa.” Anya tried again.

“Now!”

Anya pulled Clarke out through the bar and out the entrance, but not before telling Sterling to watch Lexa. He stayed behind but didn’t get too close. He could see that Lexa was fuming and it might not be best to get in her way. Plus he knew what an asshole Finn was.

Lexa marched closer to Finn, who was still sitting on the floor laughing. She grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and pulled him up to his feet before slamming him into the wall behind them. “You don’t touch her!” Lexa yelled before bring her fist around to meet his face. “Do you hear me?” Another hit. “If I ever…” Hit. “See you around her again…” Hit. “If you ever…” Hit. “Touch her again…” Hit. “I will kill you.” One final punch to his jaw and he falls to the ground. Lexa makes sure to get a couple of kicks in before Sterling is pulling her off of Finn and out the back door.

“Come on, Lexa. We have to get you out of here.” It took some strength on Sterling’s part, but he managed to get her far enough away that he could let her go. Anya was waiting with Clarke out back of the bar when Sterling and Lexa tumbled out.

“Lexa.” Anya said, walking up to her sister as if she were going to check her wounds on her hands, but Lexa ignored her and walked right past her towards Clarke.

Once again, she takes the blonde’s face in her hands and Clarke notices how Lexa is trembling. She also notices the blood covering her hands. Probably both her own and Finn’s. “Are you okay? Did he hurt you?” Lexa asked, quietly as if they were the only two there. Clarke shook her head, still crying slightly. She was embarrassed. Embarrassed that she let Finn get to her. Embarrassed that she had caused Lexa to step up and hurt someone. Lexa pulled Clarke to her and kissed the blonde’s forehead and then her temple before pulling her all the way in for a tight embrace. Clarke wrapped her arms around Lexa to where there was no possible way that they could be any closer in that moment. She doesn’t know how long they stood there, but eventually Anya cleared her throat, pulling them apart.

“Let’s get you two back to your hotel.”

Lexa nods and takes Clarke’s hand in her own before following her sister and Sterling. The walk to the hotel doesn’t take that long. Sterling and Anya say their goodbyes to Lexa and Clarke in the lobby with the promise of seeing them again before they head back to Dallas.

The two women finally make it back to their room. Lexa tells Clarke to hop in the shower and that she would bring her some fresh clothes to sleep in. The blonde does as she’s told and when she exits the shower, she sees her pajamas lying on the counter in the bathroom. She dresses and leaves the bathroom only to find Lexa sitting in the floor against her bed. Her eyes were red and swollen as if she had been crying and Clarke immediately sits beside her. “Lexa? What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“I shouldn’t have let you go off with him.” The brunette says softly, not looking up to look at Clarke. “I should have stayed with you.”

“Lexa…” The blonde says, scooting closer to her friend and putting her arm around Lexa’s shoulders, pulling her even closer. “This was all Finn. There’s no way that either of us knew what he was going to do.”

Lexa shakes her head, trying to stave off the tears that fight to come back out. “I could’ve killed him.” She says, finally looking up to meet Clarke’s gaze. “I wanted to kill him for touching you like that…for pushing himself on you like that. I felt sick.”

What do you say to something like that? What do you say to someone who would have actually killed another for your safety? “Lex… Thank you. For being there. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t have been there.” They sit in silence for what feels like hours, Clarke squeezing Lexa’s shoulders every once in a while so that the brunette knows that she’s there.

After what felt like an eternity, Clarke spoke up. “Go shower, Lex. We both need rest.” Lexa stood up without saying anything else and grabbed her things from her bag before heading into the bathroom. Clarke made her way over to her own bed and crawled under the covers before tears started to fall from her eyes. She felt overwhelmed with emotions. 

Fear, because she was still scared by the whole situation that was Finn trying to force himself on her and also fear for his life once she saw how Lexa looked at him. 

Sadness, because this was her fault. She shouldn’t have walked away with Finn in the first place. She should have stayed at that table with Lexa. She forced Lexa into beating the shit out of a person.

Love, because after everything that they’ve been through, she could still see Lexa’s love for her. It was unwavering. It was strong. It was infinite. It scared the shit out of her. She knew now what she was feeling, but it wasn’t the right time for it now. She would definitely have to have a talk with Lexa about their feelings when they got back to Dallas.

Clarke heard the door to the bathroom open back up and she felt her heart leap in her chest at how beautiful Lexa was with no make-up and her damp hair. She was gorgeous. She was everything and Clarke wanted to cry again at the realization. Lexa turned off the lights in the room before heading towards her bed.

“Stay with me.” Clarke says softly, and she mentally slaps herself for saying it. She was only thinking it; she didn’t mean to voice it aloud. Too late to turn back now. She wanted the comfort of Lexa curled up beside her. She wanted the warmth of their bodies pressed together. She wanted a lot of things, but as long as she was close to Lexa…at least in this moment…she would be happy.

She hears, rather than sees Lexa kneel at the side of her bed. She could almost feel her minty breath in her face. She repeats herself so that Lexa knows what she wants in this moment. “Stay with me.”

“Are you sure?”

Clarke nods, but then realizes that Lexa can’t see her. “I think so.” It was the truth. She knew that she wasn’t ready for their relationship to move forward just yet, but she wanted Lexa beside her. She wanted to feel her and the soft, comfortable, protective vibe that she has always given off around Clarke. She wanted it at least for the night.

Moments later, Clarke feels a dip in the bed behind her and the covers being lifted up. She feels Lexa near her, but that’s as far as she goes. She can feel the heat of the brunette’s body under the covers and it comforts her. She spins around to face Lexa who is also on her side. She can barely see her. The only light in the room is coming from the blue of the moon through the window behind them. Neither of them says anything and Clarke inches closer and tucks her head under Lexa’s chin, her lips dangerously close to Lexa’s neck. She can feel the other woman’s breath hitch in her chest and throat. She can feel the rapid pace of Lexa’s heartbeat…it matches her own. Her courage grows even more when she wraps her arm around Lexa’s waist and pulls her even closer before the green-eyed girl does the same, wrapping her own long arm around Clarke. She tightens her hold, as if she thinks she might lose her again.

A few minutes later, Clarke can hear Lexa’s breaths even out and the brunette starts to snore quietly. This brings a smile to Clarke’s face. God. She’s missed this. This closeness. This feeling of comfort… of something… stronger. She feels tears start to well up in her eyes again, but she doesn’t let them fall. Instead, she nuzzles further into Lexa’s neck, her lips grazing the skin there before she says, barely over a whisper, “I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So...what did you guys think? Did Clarke surprise you there at the end with her confession in the darkness? Too bad, Lexa was asleep. I wonder how long she will wait before admitting her feelings to Lexa. We shall see! Let me know what you thought in the comments and kudos are definitely appreciated. Thanks, guys!
> 
> Follow me on Twitter @asuzh90


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Here's another update. Let me know what you think in the comments. This chapter is all Clexa.

Early morning comes. It’s still dark outside. The only light source in the room is still the blue light that comes from the moon. Lexa shifts a little as she wakes up from her slumber. She shifts until she can’t shift any more because something is stopping her. She realizes where she is and whom she’s with. Her heart rate picks up, as well as her breathing. It’s starting to become choppy and rigid.

She’s lying on her back and feels a warm body up against her under the covers of the bed. Much like they were the previous night when they fell asleep, Clarke is right up against her chest. Lexa’s head resting on top of the blonde’s, and a very numb arm is draped under Clarke where it comes out on the other side and splays across the girl’s back. She feels something though. Something different. Something foreign to her…at least in the past few years.

Lexa’s sleep shirt has risen up to where it rests just under her rib cage, and a warm, smooth hand lays atop her abdomen, almost gripping her even though Clarke is asleep. Lexa starts to panic a little. She thinks that Clarke will definitely regret asking her to stay in her bed last night.

Lexa lies there for a few more minutes, trying to decide the best way to get out from under Clarke without waking the woman. She comes up short. There’s really no way for her to exit the bed without waking her. Should she wake her? Say my arms asleep? Or should she just lie there, enjoying the comfort of being this close to Clarke?

She’s wanted this for so long. Wanted this feeling of comfort, of home. Clarke would always be home to her. She decides on just staying there. She will deal with whatever the fallout is when it comes. She slowly falls back asleep, dreaming of days passed when she didn’t have to be afraid of something like this.

After a couple of more hours of sleep, Clarke starts to emerge from out of her slumber. She wiggles around in her spot for a couple of minutes before an angelic voice brings her to terms with where she is and whom she’s with.

“Okay. Don’t freak out.” She hears the voice say softly and she wonders what Lexa is talking about…or if she’s even talking to Clarke. 

She remembers asking Lexa to stay with her last night. She remembers how good it felt to be wrapped up in Lexa’s arms. In the arms of someone who loves her. She felt safe there. The voice comes again…”Clarke?”

“Yeah?” Clarke mumbles into a warm, soft patch of skin. And that’s when it hits her. Her face is buried into Lexa’s neck, her lips grazing the skin there. She can feel the chill bumps that have started to grow there, more than likely from the feel of Clarke’s warm breath against her. Her head shoots up without really thinking about the consequences and she hits something hard.

It was Lexa’s chin. 

“Shit.” Lexa mumbles as she falls back against the headboard. “Ow. God – shit.” The brunette continues reaching up to grab her chin and possibly her tongue. She feels like she might have possibly bit it off. Before she can reach her own face though, there are two very warm hands there already.

“Lexa? Oh my god. I am so sorry.” Clarke says as if she’s scared to death of what she’s done. Blue eyes boar into green ones and all of a sudden she can’t feel that pain anymore. Not when Clarke is here. Not when Clarke is holding her like this. “Are you okay?”

Lexa begins to nod her head before she starts to laugh. “What are you laughing about?” Clarke asks, with a quizzical but amused look on her face.

“Us.” Lexa says between giggles and Clarke thinks it’s possibly the cutest thing that she’s heard in a while. “We’re such a mess.” It’s at this that Clarke begins to laugh too. There has never been a truer statement said. They were definitely a mess.

The two women laugh for a bit longer before Lexa starts to get up from the bed. She doesn’t get far though when she feels a soft hand grab her wrist. She turns her head around to look at the blonde beside her. She’s already back tucked under the covers, snuggling up to them as if she were freezing to death. “Don’t leave yet. It’s too early. And it’s cold.” Clarke practically pouted and Lexa wanted to reach over and warm her up really quick. 

The brunette smiles at the pair of blue eyes across from her. “I’m going to the bathroom. I’ll be right back.” At this, Clarke nods and lets go of the other woman’s wrist. After a couple of minutes, Clarke is almost asleep again when she feels a slight dip in her bed. She opens her eyes and smiles when she see’s Lexa there, lying on her back, hands behind her head, staring at the ceiling.

“Whatcha thinking about?” Clarke asks faintly.

Lexa turns her head a bit, hand still behind her head, when she grins. “I thought you were back to sleep.”

“I told you I was cold.” Clarke huffs and this causes Lexa’s grin to widen. “Come here.” The blonde demands, her mouth hiding behind the sheet that she has pulled up against her face.

Lexa’s grin that she keeps giving is starting to feel like a permanent fixture. She starts shaking her head ‘no’. She honestly doesn’t know why her brain chose this moment to tease Clarke. She wants nothing more than to be all the way up against the blonde.

“Lexa. Get your ass over here.”

“Nope.” She smiles again.

“I’m going to put my cold feet on you.” Clarke says, a mischievous smirk taking residence on her face.

“You wouldn’t da – “ Before Lexa can get her words out and finished, she feels the sensation that is Clarke’s freezing cold feet against her legs and she gasps and pulls back her legs, all while she turns over on her side. “Dammit, Clarke.” She knows how bad she hates cold feet.

The blonde is laughing uncontrollably, her head now all the way under the sheet that she’s holding. Lexa surges forward and begins to tickle Clarke through the sheet. “Apologize.” Lexa says in between Clarke’s laughs. God. That has to be the most glorious sound in the world. 

Well, there is one more ahead of that, but she can’t think of that. Not right now. She shakes her head to bring herself out of her thoughts and continues to tickle the blonde girl under the covers. “Stop. Lex – God. Stop!” Clarke wails from under the covers.

“Apologize.”

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I was just cold.” Lexa can practically hear the pout in her voice. She ceases her hands from tormenting the girl any longer. They settle into a silence after the laughs die down. Clarke is still under the covers completely.

After a few minutes, Lexa scoots down and joins her under the sheets. She pulls the blanket over her head as well and inches over closer to the blonde. That’s when she notices that the girl looks like she might cry. Tears were forming in her sapphire eyes. “Clarke? What’s wrong?” Lexa asks, her tone was one of worry.

The blonde shakes her head and tries to throw on a smile. “I’m so sorry, Lexa.”

“For what?” She knew that she was no longer apologizing for putting her cold feet on her.

“I’m not being fair to you.” Clarke starts and her eyes finally meet Lexa’s. “I – I want to be close to you. You make me feel comfortable. You make me feel safe. I jus – I can’t…”

“Clarke…” Lexa says softly, moving ever so slightly closer to the blonde across from her. “You have absolutely no reason to apologize to me.”

“I just can’t…reciprocate the feelings that you have for me. Not yet.” She added at the end because it was just really inevitable that her feelings would only grow from here. That’s what Lexa does to her. “I just want to be close to you. That’s terrible isn’t it? I just don’t want you to feel as if I’m leading you on.”

“Clarke. Stop apologizing to me. Please. I don’t deserve it. I have more than come to terms with us being friends. I just want you in my life, Clarke. You make me feel safe too.” Lexa tries to hold back her tears and smiles at Clarke. “If you just need someone to be close to, I can be that for you.”

“I don’t need to be close to someone.” Clarke says quietly, and she notices how Lexa might have flinched a little at her words. She was definitely scared to say what was on the tip of her tongue, but it came out anyway. She was too distracted by those forest green eyes that always boar all the way down into her soul. “I need to be close to you.” Need. That’s what she said and she absolutely meant it, even though it scared the shit out of her. She was slowly giving Lexa back this hold over her, and it was terrifying.

They both lie there in silence for a few minutes. Lexa is completely shocked at what Clarke just admitted to her. ‘I need to be close to you.’ Her heart was pounding out of her chest and she felt as if she would die right then and there.

It only got worse when Clarke started moving forward. The blonde was now right up against her, their fronts pressed together, but Lexa could tell that Clarke wanted her to lie back. So she did. She lay back on her back and Clarke moved even closer, draping her arm across Lexa’s stomach. Clarke must have felt her jump slightly because those gorgeous blue eyes looked to meet Lexa’s and she asked, “Is this okay?” Lexa only nodded, she couldn’t form any words. Before lying her head down, Clarke hesitantly placed a soft kiss on Lexa’s bare shoulder. It took everything within Lexa to hold back a whimper. Clarke’s head ended up on Lexa’s chest and her index finger, on the hand that was draped across Lexa’s stomach, was drawing small circles there. Lexa thanked God that she had the common sense to pull her shirt down earlier, so that Clarke wasn’t touching her skin directly. She’s sure that she would have lost it.

“Are you sure that this is okay, Lexa?” The blonde said after a minute and Lexa realized that she didn’t have her arms around Clarke. That’s probably what made her ask the question.

Lexa brings her arms down slowly. One of them rests on Clarke’s back and the other reaches down to lace with Clarke’s fingers on her stomach. “Clarke…this is more than okay. As long as you’re happy, I’m happy.”

Another few minutes go by and Lexa thinks that Clarke might have possibly fallen back asleep until the blonde speaks. “You remember that time we were in Houston at that one bar…what was the name of it?”

Lexa grinned because she knew exactly what Clarke was talking about. “Arkadia?”

“Yes.” Clarke said, and Lexa could feel her smile on her chest. “Remember when that guy kept flirting with me and you walked up behind me and started publically showing him that I was yours?” Clarke laughs at the memory. The guy had been so pissed off that she was with another woman.

“I remember very well.” Lexa smiled at the memory. “How could I forget? That was the first time that we ever had sex in - “

“I’m going to stop you right there.” Clarke exclaims, interrupting Lexa and both girls start to laugh. “We can’t talk about this now.” Lexa could see the blush creeping up the blonde’s neck and all the way through her face up to her ears.

“Sorry.” Lexa smiled again. “Wouldn’t want to get you all hot and bothered.”

Clarke looks up to glare at Lexa, but they both end up laughing again. “I knew that I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

“Well… since we’re lying here reminiscing, remember when we were in your dad’s office in the bar studying for finals and he walked in on - “ Lexa started but was interrupted by Clarke again.

“Yes. I remember. There was definitely no studying going on.” The blonde interjected quickly, the blush still lingering all over her skin.

“Really? I thought that we were studying anatomy?” Lexa replies sarcastically and this earns her a slap on the stomach.

“Lexa.” Clarke laughs. “I was trying to be serious and remember good times together.”

“Clarke, I don’t know about you, but we had lots of good times together…most of which included no clothes.”

“You’re such a child. I swear.” They both laugh again. “We didn’t just have sex all of the time.”

“Trust me. I know. Most of my favorite memories involve me, you, pizza, wine, and Netflix.” Lexa grinned down at Clarke who was grinning up at her.

Clarke hummed. “I miss that.”

“You don’t miss the sex?” Lexa asked with a smart-ass grin, knowing that it would rile Clarke up.

“Oh my god!” Clarke exclaimed, jumping up and attacking Lexa with tickles and more cold feet.

 

//

 

“So this is the place, huh?” Lexa asks after she and Clarke walk up to a nearly deserted storage unit place.

“Yep.” Clarke replied, although Lexa could see the anxiousness in the blonde’s eyes. Something was in here that Clarke didn’t want to see… or something that she didn’t want Lexa to see.

“We going to stand out her all day?” Lexa asks, trying to break the tension and lighten Clarke’s mood a bit. Clarke didn’t look over to her, she only half-smiled before letting out a sigh. Lexa walked closer to her friend and placed her hands on her shoulders. “Is everything okay? Would you like me to leave?”

“No.” Clarke finally managed to say. “I want you here, it’s just – “ Lexa notices the red undertone that Clarke’s pale skin begins to take on. “This is so embarrassing.”

Lexa grinned a bit before asking, “Why? You have no reason to be embarrassed in front of me, Clarke.”

“It’s mostly my paintings.” Clarke finally says, bringing her hand up to point at the single storage locker. Lexa steps out of the way and back to Clarke’s side. “Ones that I just couldn’t make myself get rid of…ones that I couldn’t bare to look at.”

This peeked Lexa’s interest, but she could see the pain and sorrow wash over Clarke in that instant. “I don’t understand.”

Clarke exhales and turns, finally, towards Lexa. She almost loses her words when her blue eyes meet Lexa’s. God she loved those eyes. It was one of the reasons that her favorite color in the world was green. It was also a reason that she painted with it all of the time, most of the time it was somewhat unconsciously. “Some are of my dad.” She starts and Lexa nods sadly, as if that’s what she were expecting Clarke to say. “Most are of you.” Clarke can see. She can see that Lexa tries to hold back her confusion and bewilderment. Little did Lexa know, that the paintings that were in this building were nothing compared to the ones that she had actually thrown away. Or ripped. Or punched through. Or threw other paints on just to ruin the picture she had created, trying to get those eyes out of her mind. Five years of suffering. Five years of green.

“Me?” Was all that Lexa managed to croak out.

Clarke nodded. “Some are from before. Some from after.” Lexa only nodded in acknowledgement in what Clarke had said. “Lexa…some of them are – “ Clarke started and looked back to meet those green eyes. She might as well go ahead and tell her. She was going to see them anyway. “They’re angry.”

Lexa shook her head and threw a sad smile onto her face. “I would expect them to be.”

“I just wanted you to know. I didn’t want you blindsided.”

“Clarke, if anyone deserves to be blindsided, its me, but I appreciate you forewarning me.” Lexa says with a half-smile before grabbing the blonde’s hand in her own. “You ready?” Clarke nodded and Lexa let go of her hand to bend down and unlock the padlock with the key that Clarke had handed her.

The noise that the door made as is rolled up into the ceiling was deafening and irritating. It reminded Clarke of nails on a chalkboard. The sound made shivers go up and down her spine. Or that could have just been the anxiety of going through all of her old paintings with Lexa beside her.

Yeah. It was probably the latter.

“Okay.” Clarke started, throwing on her game face and walking into the unit. “There should already be shipping containers in the back.” She steps on her tip toes to look over the piles of things and pointed her finger in the direction of the boxes. “There. Can you get them, please?” She turns around and asks Lexa who is still standing outside the unit. She was waiting for permission to enter. She knew that Clarke was uncomfortable about the whole situation.

“Yes ma’am.” Lexa grinned before entering and crawling over separate piles, slowly and carefully. Clarke rolled her eyes at the ‘yes ma’am’, but can’t shake how Lexa’s grin makes her feel. And her willingness to help and understand. She was sure that her heart would burst soon, if her feelings kept growing like this. Seriously. How can someone’s feelings only continue to grow like this? It can’t be normal. Clarke tries not to linger on the thought for too long.

After a few minutes, Clarke begins to wonder what’s taking Lexa so long finding the shipping boxes. “Lexa?” The blonde calls out, tilting her head slightly over her shoulder behind her to where Lexa should be. “Did you find them?” No answer. “Lex?” Clarke calls out again as she stands up from her squatting position where she was looking through a box of smaller paintings. She walks back behind her, weaving in and out through multiple boxes of her things, when she reaches the back and sees the brunette squatting down looking at a painting. Of her. It’s one of the larger pieces that Clarke has done. It’s a straightforward shot of Lexa from right under her collarbone and up. Her head is tilted down and you can see every sharp line of her jaw and cheekbones as if you were looking at the real thing, her long brown hair is loose and dangling over her bare shoulders. She’s looking up slightly in the painting, green eyes shining, yet dark at the same time. The painting has a little bit of an abstract undertone to it, so to anyone else, they probably wouldn’t realize that it was Lexa. ‘Too bad Lexa realized who it was.’ Was what Clarke was thinking.

They stood there in silence for what felt like an eternity; the brunette still in a low position staring at the canvas in front of her, taking in every detail. After another moment, she looks up at the blonde beside her and Clarke’s face is completely blushed. That she is sure of. 

Clarke thinks that Lexa’s fabulous green eyes begin to look almost glassy, as if she were trying to hold back tears. The older woman finally stands and looks back down towards the piece that has captivated her for the past several minutes. She starts shaking her head and slings her hand up to gesture at the work. “Clarke…this is beautiful.” Lexa must notice how embarrassed Clarke seems to be about the whole situation, even though she has no reason to be, so she attempts a joke to lighten the mood. “How on earth can you make me look like that?” She asks, pointing back down to the canvas.

She sees a small grin form on the blonde’s blushing face. “I paint what I see.”

‘Shit. Why did she have to say that?’ Lexa thinks to herself. She wasn’t expecting that, maybe something a little more teasing, but not that. All she can do is attempt to swallow the dry lump that has formed in her throat, and grin at the gorgeous blue-eyed girl beside her.

“Come one.” Clarke finally says, with a small, but beautiful smile on her face. “Let’s get these packed and ready for shipping. Then we can go get some dinner.” Lexa nodded and started grabbing the boxes from the back.

“How will you get these back to Dallas?” Lexa asks, stuffing bubble wrap down inside a box with a couple of large paintings.

Clarke is sitting on the ground labeling all of the boxes so that she knows what’s what when she gets them back home. She might decide to put a few in her gallery or in her apartment maybe. Not the ones of Lexa though. That would be creepy, right? “Sterling will get them all shipped out first thing on Monday morning. He works for the man that owns this place.”

Lexa nodded her head in understanding. “How do you know Sterling?”

“I used to date – “ Clarke caught herself before going any further. Most likely, Lexa did not want to hear about Clarke’s love life. 

“You and Sterling used to date?” Lexa had a puzzled, yet amused look on her face. “I cannot see that.”

“No.” Clarke grinned. “We did not date. I, um. – I used to see his sister.”

“You dated his sister?”

“I didn’t say date.” Clarke said, and she was sure that her face was back to its shade of red like it usually was around Lexa. “We just kind have… had fun.”

Lexa has to admit that she definitely doesn’t like the thought of Clarke being with anyone else. Especially another woman. She didn’t realize how it would affect her talking to Clarke about past relationships. It hurt, but it was her fault. She couldn’t complain about anything. “Ahh…” Was all that Lexa managed to say, looking down at the crate that she was sealing up.

“What?”

“Nothing.”

“Lexa…”

“Clarke…” Lexa said back, mocking Clarke’s tone. The blonde rolled her eyes, trying to hide the amusement on her face. “It’s just weird.”

“What is?” Clarke asked. “Hearing about me and other people?” Lexa only nodded, getting back to work on stuffing another box with paintings and bubble wrap. Clarke grinned. “So… did you date anyone else besides Costia? I’m sure the girls were lining up for miles and miles when they found out that you were single again.” Clarke was only teasing Lexa, but she noticed the frown form on her face. It probably hurt as a reminder of her leaving Clarke. Clarke knows that Lexa regrets it…but what can they do now. It’s in the past.

After a few minutes, Clarke didn’t think that Lexa was going to answer her, but she finally did. “Costia was the only other person that I dated.”

“I don’t believe that.” Clarke grinned, trying to lighten the mood.

“Scout’s honor.” Lexa replied, holding her fingers in the air. This caused Clarke to let out a snort before she gave Lexa a questioning look. “I said that Costia was the only person I dated. I didn’t say that I didn’t at least try to have fun too.” Clarke made herself laugh at this, but she still felt a small pang of jealousy in her chest. Ok. A lot of jealousy. “The way that Sterling talked last night, you were quite the womanizer.”

“Oh God.” Clarke huffed as she finished up another box. “We are not talking about this anymore.”

“That bad, huh?” Lexa grinned.

“Yes. Okay. I pretty much had someone different every week…” Clarke was too embarrassed to look up at Lexa so she missed the wince of pain that crossed Lexa’s face. She didn’t mention that she only had someone different every week because she was trying to get Lexa out of her head. It never really happened. “It wasn’t my proudest moments. The only person I ever dated was Finn.” Clarke finally looked back over to Lexa, trying to put on a brave face and see the kind of reaction that the brunette had. 

Clarke saw Lexa’s jaw clench tighter and moved side to side as if she were grinding her teeth down. This was one of Lexa’s tells that she was angry. “Hey.” Clarke said softly, putting a light hand on Lexa’s shoulder. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have started this conversation.”

Lexa shook her head and tried to throw on a grin for her friend. “No. It’s not that. It’s good that we at least talked about it. I just hate him so much. His name makes my blood boil. I’m just glad I was here with you so that I got to kick his worthless ass.”

Clarke smiled a sad smile and pulled Lexa in for a side-armed hug. “Me too, Lex…. I’m glad you’re here too.”

 

//

 

Lexa and Clarke finished packing up all of Clarke’s belongings that were left in the storage unit after a couple of more hours. Neither woman can remember the last time that they smiled so much. They sat around, packing up boxes and reminiscing about all of the stupid stuff that they used to do in college. When they were finished, the retreated back to the hotel to get freshened up before they went out to dinner. Clarke had suggested a nice restaurant that she used to eat at quite a bit when she was living there. 

It was a light, fun atmosphere in the restaurant. The place was fairly small but it was packed to the brim. Clarke and Lexa were sat at a small table not far from the small stage that hosted a house jazz band. “No wonder you like this place so much.” Lexa grinned, looking around, taking in all the elements that made this place great. “This band is amazing.”

“I know, right?” Clarke smiled, turning to look back behind her to look at the stage. She turned back around to face Lexa and grabbed the menu from in front of her. “Just wait until you try the food.”

Lexa skimmed over the menu for a few minutes before she asked Clarke, “What do you suggest?”

“Well…” Clarke said, clearing her throat and getting serious. She couldn’t hide the smile though because she knew that Lexa always makes fun of her about how serious she is with her food. Lexa grinned over her menu. “I can never pick between two different things. I absolutely adore the coriander scallops with orange-ginger dressing, but I also like the, uhh – “ Clarke all of a sudden couldn’t focus. She was too mesmerized by Lexa’s grin and her green eyes. Those green eyes that she has never once not dreamed about. She tries to find her wit about her again. “I really like the leg of lamb with fennel butter and the orzo and asparagus. They are both amazing.” She has to look back down at her menu and clear her throat once more. She is fairly certain that her face is red with blush. Damn blush. Her body is always giving her away.

Clarke notices Lexa make a certain kind of face. She forgot how picky Lexa is when it comes to food. She’s never been adventurous about her food. Clarke hopes that she is able to find something on the menu that she will eat. “Which one have you decided on?” Lexa asks, her green eyes still held it their gaze at the blonde across from her.

“I…I, um – “ Get it together, Griffin. Jesus. “I haven’t. I can never decide until the waitress asks me.” She laughs at herself. “I don’t like making decisions.”

Lexa smiled again and Clarke is sure that her heart stopped then and there. Damn blush again. “I know.” The brunette said before the waitress walked up and startled them both.

“Hi. I’m Trisha. May I start you off with something to drink?”

“Yes. Umm… Your best Chardonnay?” Lexa half states and half asks, looking over at Clarke to make sure that that’s okay. The blonde grins and nods in approval. “Please.” Lexa finishes and looks back to the server.

“Are you ready to order as well, or do you need some more time?” Trisha asks with a smile and Lexa doesn’t miss how she stares at Clarke. Lexa clears her throat to draw the waitress’ attention back to her.

“We’re ready.” Lexa says and Clarke looks confused before Lexa grins at her again. “She’ll have the coriander scallops and I think I’ll take the leg of lamb.”

“With the saffron orzo and asparagus?” The girl asks and Lexa nods.

“That’s the one.”

“Alright. Well, I will get your order in.” Trisha replies and nods at Lexa and then she looks back over to Clarke with a beaming smile. The blonde, however, is definitely not focused on Trisha. Her eyes are trained on the green ones across the table. “Can I get you anything else?” Clarke doesn’t hear her.

“A water with lemon for me, please.” Lexa says, drawing the girl’s attention back to her once more and the girl looks more than a little irritated which makes Clarke smile even bigger at Lexa. “And…” Lexa nods her head over at Clarke. “She’ll have a water with lime.” Clarke grins and she’s pretty sure that she has looked like the biggest doofus all night on account of all of her smiling. She just can’t help it. Lexa is so gorgeous and funny and perfect… and sexy when she’s being confident and taking charge of the conversation. Clarke fidgets a little in her seat, trying to get her mind back into some sort of working order. “Right, babe?” Lexa smiles that shit-eating grin of hers and Clarke is definitely thinking that she needs a doctor. Like stat.

All Clarke can do is grin and nod back, while their waitress practically stomps off.

“Babe?” Clarke finally asks with a raised brow. “Really?”

Lexa throws her hands up in mock surrender, the grin still plastered on her face. “Hey. I didn’t like the way she was looking at you.” Lexa knew that Clarke wanted to say, ‘We’re not together’, but she didn’t…so Lexa continued. “She only wanted you for your body.”

The blonde across from her burst into laughter, a little too loudly for the atmosphere that they were in and Lexa couldn’t help but join her. The laughter died down after a couple of minutes before Clarke spoke again. “Why the hell did you order the leg of lamb? You’re so picky.”

“I am not.”

“Lexa…” Clarke grinned across the table. “You are.”

The brunette shrugged. “Ok. So I’m a little picky, but I thought that I’d branch out a bit. Try new things. You said you could never decide what you wanted of the two, so I made the choice for you. You get both.” Lexa smiles. “We’ll share.”

Clarke’s sure that her heart is beating a tattoo of sorts into her chest. Her breathing seems to pick up at the way that Lexa smiles at her and she wants nothing more than to close the distance between them…but she can’t. Not yet. “You’re the best. You know that?” Clarke says with a grin.

“I get told that quite often.” Lexa smirks. “Besides…I saw an In-and-Out close to the hotel. If this doesn’t do it for me, we can swing by there on the way back.”

Clarke laughs and then nods. “Ice cream too?”

“You bet.” Lexa winks and that’s it. Clarke is dead.

 

//

 

RAVEN: Clarke, how’s it going with you and Woods out in L.A.?

CLARKE: Really well. We had dinner earlier and then went and got ice cream.

RAVEN: Aww. You two are just too cute.

CLARKE: We’re just friends.

RAVEN: You’re still cute.

CLARKE: Whatever. I’ll call you tomorrow. We will leave around lunch.

RAVEN: Why are you cutting me short?

CLARKE: We’re back at the hotel. Talk soon. Love you.

RAVEN: Oh… Get it, Griff.

“Raven says ‘hi’.” Clarke says, looking at Lexa as the brunette opens the door to their hotel room later that night.

“I’m sure she said a lot more than ‘hi.’” Lexa replies with a smirk as she kicks off her shoes and plops down onto her bed. “Will she be picking us up at the airport tomorrow?”

“I think so.” Clarke answers as she too removes her shoes and starts grabbing her pajamas out of her bag. “I’m going to change. Want to watch some Netflix when I’m done?”

Lexa grinned that amazing grin; the one that has Clarke’s heart melting into the deep pit of her stomach. The one that makes her almost lose her breath every time that she witnesses it. The one that she fell in love with all of those years ago.

Who’s she kidding? She fell in love with everything about Lexa Woods all of those years ago, and to her surprise, she still is. 

“Sure thing.” Lexa said, sitting up in bed and reaching for her own pajamas. “What were you thinking about?”

“I kind of thought about starting ‘Lost’.” The blonde answered.

Lexa’s eyes widened and she reached for her own chest as if her heart were exploding. “Clarke Griffin…you haven’t watched ‘Lost’?”

“I’m guessing that you have?”

“Get your ass changed and get back in here. Pronto. This show will change your life.” The brunette said, as she almost started taking off her shirt, but realized that Clarke was still in the room.

Clarke laughed and walked into the bathroom. “I think that you’re being a little dramatic there, Woods.”

“Think what you will.” Lexa hollered loud enough that Clarke could hear her in the bathroom. The brunette had just shed her shirt and moved to put on a loose black tank top. “You will be thanking me for making you watch it later.” Her jeans came off and she pulled on a pair of red tempo shorts, before pulling her hair up into a ponytail.

A few minutes later, Clarke exited the bathroom in an oversized Cowboys t-shirt and Lexa was really hoping that the blonde was wearing shorts because from where she was sitting, it didn’t look like she was. The blonde bent over in front of the dresser to retrieve her laptop out of her bag and Lexa really, really tried not to look. She really did try.

She failed miserably.

“Okay.” Clarke huffed as she turned around. Lexa immediately moved her eyes towards the ceiling. Not obvious at all, Woods. Real smooth. Clarke plopped down on her own bed with her laptop and patted the spot next to her. “Well come on. You can’t watch from way over there.”

Lexa swallowed the dry lump in her throat before slowly sliding off of her bed and moving over to Clarke’s. She lay down on top of the covers because Clarke was under them. She really didn’t think that she could make it through the night if her leg was brushing the smooth skin of Clarke’s under the sheets. “Here.” Lexa said, looking at Clarke. “Want me to hold it?” She nodded at the laptop in Clarke’s lap.

“You don’t have to.”

“I don’t mind, Clarke. You need to be comfortable. This show is everything.” Lexa said teasingly and she made Clarke laugh. God. She loved that laugh. She tried to ignore the thumping of her heart as Clarke smiled and handed her the laptop. 

Lexa fixed a pillow behind her, up against the headboard so that she was half sitting, half lying down. She placed the laptop on her stomach and began navigating to Netflix. “What’s your Netflix login?”

“I don’t have one.” Clarke blushed and then giggled at the look of shear terror on Lexa’s face.

“Oh my God, woman. Get your life together.” The brunette joked before using her own username and password to log in. She quickly found ‘Lost’ since it was already in her queue, and pressed play. “Are you ready for this?”

Clarke nodded and smiled before pressing up against Lexa and laying her head softly onto Lexa’s shoulder. Both tried to overlook the obvious electricity that surely flowed through their bodies at the touch.

They were well into the second episode when Clarke got quite. She had had Lexa in stitches, laughing at her commentary like:

“God. Kate is hot.”

“Oh…so is Sawyer.”

“There were really that many survivors?”

To which Lexa replied:

“Yep. Kate is for sure hot.”

“And that’s a big ‘ew’ on Sawyer.”

“Clarke, this isn’t a true story.” With an added eye roll for effect.

Lexa noticed that Clarke had indeed fell asleep, still cuddled up into Lexa’s shoulder. The brunette quickly paused the episode and shut the laptop, moving it carefully and quietly over to the nightstand that sat between their two beds. As much as she wanted to stay in this bed, wrapped up in the pretty blonde’s arms, she knew that she should get up. Clarke might not like her being in her bed again tonight, even after their conversation that they had earlier that morning.

She slowly moved away from the blonde and started to roll out of the bed, trying to ignore the pain in her chest after leaving the blonde alone there in her bed. Before she could get all the way out though, a firm hand latched onto her wrist. She looked down to catch the blue-eyed gaze that immediately locked her into an all too familiar trance. “You’re not leaving are you?” The blonde asked softly, her voice filled with the tiredness of the day.

“Well…I had planned on it. You fell asleep.” Lexa grinned.

Clarke closed her eyes for a split second as if she were thinking hard about something. “If you’re not comfortable with it, then you’re not going to hurt my feelings, Lexa. I’m a big girl.” The blonde says with a smile, releasing Lexa’s wrist from her grasp. “Just know that I meant what I said this morning.” Clarke took a deep breath. They had already had this conversation and she still can’t believe it and she most certainly cannot believe that she is about to say it again. She knows how Lexa feels about her. She knows how she feels about Lexa. She knows that she isn’t ready for anything else…but she also knows that she wants to be close to Lexa. She likes the way that Lexa makes her feel safe and comfortable no matter what. “You make me feel safe.”

All that Lexa does is half grin before she gets out of the bed completely and heads to the bathroom. Clarke knows that she shouldn’t, but she feels her heartbreak just a little bit. She closes her eyes, trying to will herself into holding back the tears that she most definitely doesn’t need to let fall. Especially here. Especially in front of Lexa.

Even though her eyes are closed, she can still see the lights being turned off. Her eyelids becoming darker with the room. She flips over in her bed facing the wall, trying not to let out a sad sigh. After a couple of more minutes, she jumps when she feels the bed dip behind her and the sheets being lifted up for a slight second. She immediately feels the warmth of Lexa’s body right behind her own, and then she feels a strong arm being wrapped around her waist, pulling her just a bit closer. She can feel Lexa’s warm breath on the back of her neck through her blonde hair. Clarke can’t stop the wide grin that takes over her face in that moment, and she can’t see that Lexa is doing the same thing.

“Is this our thing now?” Lexa asks softly.

Clarke grins again with a shrug. “Maybe.”

 

//

 

The flight back home went a lot better than the previous flight. Lexa made sure that she still had the Bazooka bubble gum for Clarke and she managed to use her iPad for them to watch a couple of more episodes of ‘Lost’.

Clarke ended up texting Raven and telling her that she and Lexa would just get a cab back to their apartments, so that Raven didn’t have to come all the way to the airport to get them. When in reality, she just wanted to spend some extra alone time with Lexa. She told Lexa that Raven wasn’t available to pick them up and that they would just have to get a cab.

Clarke was hopeless. Really.

They both got out at Clarke’s apartment and Lexa carried the blonde’s bags up for her. She sat them inside the door and smiled at Clarke. “You don’t want to come in?” Clarke asked the brunette.

Lexa shook her head with a grin. “I should probably go. I need to check in at the bar and make sure that it hasn’t been burnt down.”

“I’m sure that Wells did just fine watching the place for you.”

“I’m sure that he did too, but I need to at least attempt to be some sort of a professional. I’ve been out gallivanting with pretty girls all weekend.” Lexa pulls out her overly confident, sexy smile that makes Clarke feel in all the right places. She tries to hide the flush that takes over her pale skin.

“Girls?” Clarke asks cheekily. “You mean that there was more than one? I can’t believe you.”

Lexa rolls her eyes with another grin before, surprising both Clarke and herself, leaning down a placing a soft, lingering kiss onto the blonde’s cheek. The brunette really doesn’t know where this newfound confidence came from. She mentally slaps herself though because she wants this to be all Clarke. She wants Clarke to want her back. It has to be her decision. As she pulls away, she manages to say, “There’s only one.” Before she winks and walks back down the hallway, leaving a very flustered blonde standing in the doorway.

Shit. Clarke was screwed. 

She didn’t know how much longer she could hold out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think? Let me know in the comments. Clarke is so screwed. This whole 'holding out' thing just isn't really working for her. :)
> 
> Follow me on Twitter @asuzh90


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys! It's update time! Let me know what you think in the comments! :) Love you all!

“So…you’re telling me that nothing happened? Nothing at all?”

“No, Raven. For the tenth time, nothing happened.” Clarke breathed out, as she finished washing out her paintbrushes from the day. She had managed to get quite a bit of work done and was feeling very accomplished. As she squeezed her brushes out, she began to scrub the paint off of her hands. “We are just friends. Nothing else.”

“Would you tell me if something did happen between y’all?”

Clarke chuckled and shook her head. “Probably not. No.”

“Dammit, Clarke. I’m trying to live vicariously through you.” The brown-headed girl made out an over-exaggerated pout and plopped down on the stool at the bar in Clarke’s gallery. “I haven’t gotten laid in forever.” Raven made sure to draw out the ‘forever’ part and it made Clarke roll her eyes.

“Raven… I’m not getting laid.”

“You just told me that you wouldn’t tell me if something were happening.”

“You’re impossible.” Clarke huffed, sitting down beside Raven at the bar while drying her hands off on her apron. “Can we change the subject please? Lexa and I have been back from L.A. for like a week and you and O keep bugging the hell out of me about it.” The blonde laughs, thinking about the first conversation that she had with Raven and Octavia when she got back. They were trying in their own ways to be subtle about asking about what all had happened between she and Lexa. Clarke wouldn’t budge. And she still won’t. “I can only imagine what you two are putting Lexa through.”

“Woods told us all kinds of juicy details.” Raven smirks and takes a gulp from her water bottle, while keeping eye contact with Clarke. She almost spits out her water and chokes when she notices how wide Clarke’s eyes got and the terrified look on her face.

“What?” Clarke asked, her mouth agape. Had Lexa really told them about all of the progression that they seemed to have made while away?

Raven began to laugh as she sat her water bottle back down on the counter. “God, Clarke. Chill. I’m kidding.” The blonde let out a sigh of relief. “So… something did happen.” It wasn’t a question then. Raven had caught her. Hook. Line. And sinker.

“I hate you.” 

“You love me.” Raven grinned again, but through her hands up in surrender when Clarke glared at her. “Okay…okay. I will stop asking.”

“Thank you.” About the time that that conversation ended, Raven got a phone call and stepped out of the room for a minute. Clarke used this time to check her own cell phone and see if she had missed anything important. She tended to stray away from her phone while she was at the gallery. Matter of fact, most days she left her phone at the apartment. She dug through her purse for a few minutes and came up short. Today must have been one of the days that she left her phone at home.

After a moment, Raven returned with a frown. “What is it?” Clarke asked with a furrowed brow.

“That was the school. I have to go in and cover a couple of night classes for some art professor.”

Clarke almost choked on her water this time. When she regained her composure and got over her giggles at the look that Raven was giving her, she spoke. “You? Teaching an art class?”

“Yuck it up, Griffin. I was actually going to ask if you wanted to join me.”

The blonde shook her head furiously. “No, thank you. I have had a long day… and I started today. It sucks. Real bad.” Raven chuckled. “It’s not funny. I just want to go home and put on my sweat pants and eat junk food and watch ‘Lost’.” Clarke pooched her bottom lip out at her friend and batted her eyelashes.

“God. Fine. You’re starting to sound like Woods.” Raven commented, rolling her eyes in the process. “Well… I best be going. The art world cannot go on without my presence.” The brown-headed girl walked out the door, but not before flipping the bird at the blonde behind her.

 

//

 

After another hour or so, Clarke headed home from her gallery. She wasn’t lying to Raven. The day had been long and tiring, although she did get a lot accomplished. That she was proud of, but she still couldn’t wait to get changed into something more comfortable and pile up on the couch. She was digging through her purse for her keys as she approached her apartment door. Not paying any attention to where she was stepping whatsoever, she screeched when she tripped over something in front of her door and almost fell in the process. It was a living, breathing something.

“Lexa?” Clarke asked with a confused look at first, but it quickly turned into one of amusement. “Were you just asleep in front of my door?”

The brunette stood up, her face still dazed and confused. “No.” Lexa replied. “I’ve only been out here for like ten minutes. I just had to close my eyes for a second. It’s been a long day.”

Clarke’s grin fell from her face slowly. “Is everything alright?”

“Yeah. Everything is fine. It’s just been one of those days. Very long and very busy. I left Wells to close up.”

“What’s that?” The blonde asked, pointing to a brown paper sack that Lexa was clutching on to. “Did my dealer leave that here?” Clarke grinned and Lexa only rolled her eyes.

“Funny.” Lexa grinned a tired grin and handed the bag to Clarke. “No. I talked to Raven almost an hour ago when I was leaving the bar. She said you weren’t feeling too great. I went by that gourmet chocolate place that you like.” She finished, gesturing at the bag in the blonde’s hands.

“That place is still there?” Lexa nodded and Clarke’s smile widened. “Lexa… there’s no way that you went all the way across town and got here in under an hour.”

The brunette shrugged and Clarke would never admit how adorable that she looked when she was so tired. “So, I might’ve gotten it a couple of days ago, but couldn’t come up with an excuse to randomly bring you chocolate… I though that cramps was a pretty good excuse.” She smiled and Clarke’s heart melted, along with the chocolate that was probably melting under her death grip on the bag. She didn’t realize that she had been clutching it so hard.

“No one needs an excuse to bring me chocolate, Lex.” Clarke grinned and leaned over placing a light peck on a Lexa’s cheek. “Thank you. You’re seriously the best.” She turns, sticking her keys in the door finally and opening it up. “Come on.”

“I don’t want to intrude, Clarke and I may not be the best company. I’ll probably fall asleep within a couple of minutes.”

“Lexa, you’re not intruding. You paid the toll.” Clarke smiles and holds up the bag in her hand and the comment makes a small chuckle roll off of the brunette’s lips. Clarke has to try her hardest not to stare. “If you fall asleep, you fall asleep. You can stay here.”

Lexa nods and follows the blonde into her apartment. Clarke runs around, picking up random items lying around the space. She doesn’t really know why she’s worried about it. It’s only Lexa. Lexa that has seen her place in the worst possible shape. Well…not this place, but her others. They lived together for over two years for Christ’s sake.

“I’m going to run change into something a little more comfortable.” Clarke says, walking into her bedroom, leaving a smirking Lexa on the couch.

“I’m too tired tonight, Clarke!” Lexa yells from the living room and she hears a roar of laughter coming from inside the bedroom. She loves Clarke’s laugh. Just hearing that has made her day so much better already.

A couple of minutes later, the blonde exits her room and is trying to hide the smirk growing on her face when Lexa grins at her. Clarke quickly picks up a throw pillow and hurls it at her friend. “Perv.” She states, but she can’t hide the grin any longer. “Get your ass up. I laid you some sweats and a t-shirt out on the bed in there.”

“You’re the best.” Lexa grins, getting up from her spot beside Clarke on the couch and walking to the room. She too exits in a couple of minutes, sporting Clarke’s UCLA t-shirt and grey sweatpants. Lexa drops back down on the opposite end of the couch that Clarke is on, their legs parallel to each other as they both lean back against their own armrests. The blonde is quick to throw a blanket over their legs and hits play on her Netflix queue. “You’re already on season two?” Lexa asked with a grin and a raised brow. Clarke nods, as she chews on her chocolate. “I’m so proud.” Lexa says, throwing a hand over her heart.

About halfway through the episode, Clarke notices that Lexa isn’t paying attention at all. She’s been looking at her hands, which are in her lap, the whole time. Something’s bothering her. Clarke can tell. She reaches over to the coffee table and presses pause on the remote that lies there. Green eyes immediately look over to meet hers. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.” Lexa says, firmly and Clarke can definitely tell now.

“Lexa. It’s not ‘nothing’. What’s the matter? You’ve been spaced out. Something’s wrong. You can talk to me.” The blonde says, shifting so that she’s sitting straight up now with her legs crosses in front of her.

Lexa shifts too; sitting up and putting her feet on the ground as she leans over and places her forearms on her thighs. She exhales audibly while staring at her hands again. “Finn is trying to sue me.”

“What?” Clarke asks, her mouth agape and it isn’t long before a form of fury burns in her blue eyes. “Why? And since when?”

“I got the call a few days ago. Apparently, he’s needing some kind of plastic surgery to fix the damage that I did to his nose.” Lexa almost wants to smirk, but she doesn’t.

“And you’re just telling me this now?”

Lexa’s eyes shoot up at the tone of Clarke’s voice. Her green eyes search the blue ones beside her and she can see that Clarke is visibly upset about just now finding out. “It’s my problem, Clarke. Not yours.” Lexa shakes her head and let’s out a sigh. “I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

“The hell you shouldn’t have. Did you not think that I needed to know that my ex is suing you for beating him half to death after he harassed me? You seriously didn’t think that that was something that I needed to know?”

“Why are you mad at me about this?” Lexa asks, trying to keep her temper and voice under control.

“You should have told me.” Clarke says, standing up and walking into the kitchen. She paces around for a minute or so before reaching up into the cabinet above the refrigerator and grabbing a bottle of whiskey. She doesn’t miss Lexa rolling her eyes. “What? I can’t drink my problems away too?” Clarke immediately regretted saying that when she noticed Lexa flinch at her words.

“This isn’t your problem, Clarke. Plus, Finn has no case. If he does take this to court, he will lose. Sterling and Anya were both there. They will testify against him. I’m sure that there were other witnesses too.” Lexa is up now too, walking towards Clarke’s bedroom. She closes the door and doesn’t notice the confused look on the blonde’s face across the room.

A few minutes later, Lexa emerges with her own clothes back on. She grabs her coat off of the back of the chair in the kitchen. “Where are you going?” Clarke asks, after she downs her second shot of whiskey.

“Home.” Lexa sighs, shrugging the arms of her jacket on and pulling her long hair from out from under the collar. “I need to go home.”

Clarke let’s out a sarcastic, almost evil chuckle, before pouring another drink. She knows that she shouldn’t, but she does it anyways. It’s almost like she wants to push Lexa away. Like she’s scared to death at how close they’ve become over the past several months. She doesn’t think about anything else. Only the fact that she’s scared and pissed off. “That’s what you’re best at isn’t it? Running away.”

Lexa pauses at Clarke’s hurtful words. She was almost out the door, but she walks back in a half a step. “You think that I don’t know what this is about? You don’t think that I know that it’s more than just cramps that’s got you feeling like this?” Her green eyes are dark with anger and sadness. “I know that this isn’t you being mad at me about not telling you about Finn.” Clarke shakes her head and drinks another big gulp out of her glass. “This is about your dad.”

The blonde spins back around to face Lexa in an instance. “You don’t talk about him.” She practically spits and she is definitely feeling the alcohol at this point. “You don’t get to. You weren’t there.”

“I was there, Clarke. You know that.” Lexa runs her fingers through her long brow hair nervously. “I know that it’s the anniversary of his death in a couple of days.” Clarke looks up to her with tear filled eyes. “Five years.” Lexa states. “It’s been five years and I know that it still hurts you like it happened yesterday.”

“Stop.” Clarke says, throwing a hand up to keep Lexa from getting close to her.

“It hurts me too.” Lexa almost cries. “He was like a father to me too. I loved him.” Lexa notices that Clarke is shaking tremendously and huge tears begin to stream down her pale face. The older woman steps forward to try and comfort Clarke, but it immediately pushed back. 

“Leave me.” Clarke cries.

“Clarke…”

“Get out!”

“I’m not going anywhere.” Lexa says, crossing her arms over her chest, tears still swelling in her own eyes. The sad blue ones across from her aren’t helping things.

“Lexa. I swear to God. You need to leave now.” Clarke basically growls.

“I said I’m not leaving. I’m not leaving you. Not like this.” Lexa says, trying to be calm and help calm Clarke down too. It doesn’t really work. Clarke takes the bottle of whiskey, leaving her glass, and storms off into her room, slamming the door in the process.

Lexa takes a few deep breaths, trying to calm herself once again. Shit. Tonight did not go how she was expecting it too. She knew that Clarke was upset about her father; she just didn’t know how to bring it up. She probably shouldn’t have brought it up the way she did. It just kind of fell out. It was probably for the better. They needed to talk about it. (Even though they really didn’t talk. It was more like screaming.)

The brunette strode over to the couch, once again removing her jacket and shoes, before lying down. She covered up with the blanket that was still lying there and tried to stifle her own sobs. She knew that there was no getting in Clarke’s room to check on her. She had heard the door lock after it was slammed earlier. She would just have to wait her out.

 

//

 

After several hours the sun began to rise and eventually it brought with it it’s blinding light that snuck through the curtains of Clarke’s living room window. It seemed to shine directly onto Lexa’s face and she started to stir from her sleep. She was confused for a minute or so. The sun never wakes her up in her apartment, but she realizes that she’s not in her apartment. No. She’s in Clarke’s. 

She immediately remembers the fallout from last night. She broke the news to Clarke about Finn, which made the blonde angry with her because she hadn’t told her sooner. Her anger was already elevated though because of Clarke’s emotional state. Tomorrow, on Saturday, it will be five years since Jake had died. Lexa knew that it would more than likely be a really tough time for Clarke. Hell, it was even a touch time for Lexa every year. Jake had been like a father to her. He was her family, because Clarke was her family.

Lexa huffs and slowly sits up so not to get a dizzying headache. She slowly rubs her hands over her face and attempts to untangle her hair. She eventually does and pulls her thick mane back into a messy bun. She’s really just trying to postpone the inevitable argument that’s about to happen when she knocks on Clarke’s bedroom door. Except when she gets up from her position on the couch, she can see Clarke’s room door standing wide open. She walks towards it. “Clarke?” Lexa says softly, peeking her head through the door. The blonde isn’t in there. Lexa then makes her way down to the bathroom. Perhaps Clarke was in there…. She wasn’t.

‘Did she seriously leave me in her apartment without waking me?’ Lexa thinks to herself. How long had she been gone? ‘Where would she go? It’s only Friday. Maybe she left to go to the gallery.’

Lexa quickly throws on her jacket and shoes and is out the door. Not really caring that she looks like a hot mess, still wearing yesterday’s outfit.

It’s only a few blocks walk from Clarke’s apartment to her gallery, so Lexa makes it there fairly quickly. Unfortunately, the door is locked and all of the lights seem to be off. She knows that it’s a fat chance, but she takes out her cellphone and dials Clarke’s number. Unsurprisingly, she doesn’t answer.

LEXA: Clarke. Please answer your phone.

Lexa then dials Raven’s number. Maybe their friends had heard from her this morning.

“Woods! What’s up? To what do I owe the pleasure of getting to hear your voice this morning?” Raven says on the other end of the line.

Lexa doesn’t waste time with pleasantries. “Have you or O talked to Clarke this morning?”

“Umm… I haven’t.” She hears Raven seemingly turn to ask Octavia if she had heard from Clarke. “O says that she hasn’t either. Why? What’s wrong?”

“We had a fight last night. I stayed at her place because she started drinking and she was upset, but she locked me out of her room. When I woke up, she was gone.” Lexa sighs and rubs her eyes. God. She had messed up. Again. They had been doing so well. They came so far in the past few months.

“Shit.” Is all that Raven says and it definitely doesn’t help Lexa’s feelings any.

“Where could she have gone, Raven?”

“God. I don’t really know, Lexa. Maybe she had breakfast with a client or something. She does that pretty often.”

“You think?” Lexa asks, hoping that that is indeed where Clarke is and why she isn’t answering her phone calls or texts.

“I mean, maybe. I honestly don’t know.” Raven replies. “Just give her a little longer and call again. I’ll try to call her too and I’ll let you know if I hear from her.”

“Okay, Raven. Thanks. Keep me posted.” Lexa says before hanging up and calling Clarke again. Still no answer. Lexa finds herself walking several blocks, trying to clear her head and wait for some sort of message from Clarke. She walks around for nearly two hours, circling back towards her blonde friend’s apartment and sitting on a bench in front of Clarke’s building.

LEXA: Please just let me know that you’re safe.

The brunette is really taken aback when her phone dings only a couple of minutes later.

CLARKE: I’m fine. I don’t need you to protect me. 

LEXA: I didn’t say that you needed protecting. I’m worried about you. I just wanted to know that you’re safe.

CLARKE: Now you know. Please leave me alone, Lexa.

LEXA: Please tell me where you are. We need to talk.

CLARKE: I’m in my apartment.

‘What? When the hell did she get back?’ Lexa thinks to herself, but immediately jumps up from the bench that she’s sitting at and sprints up four flights of stairs. She’s out of breath and sweating a little because she is still wearing a jacket, but she brings her hand up to knock on the door. The door, however, swings open before her knuckles can rap on it.

Sad, blue eyes refuse to meet her own. Clarke is definitely exhausted and has absolutely been crying and Lexa’s immediate response it to step forward and bring her hand up to the blonde’s cheek. Clarke instantly pulls away. She is still standing half in, half out of her doorway with her hand still on the knob. “What do you want, Lexa?”

‘I want you.’ Is what Lexa really wants to say, but now is most definitely not the time. Clarke is upset. She only needs a friend. “I just wanted to be here for you. I’m sorry. I should have told you about Finn as soon as I found out, and I’m sorry about what I said about Jake. I know that it’s hard for you. I want to here for you.” She repeats and tries to hold back the tears in her eyes.

Clarke is looking down at her feet, too afraid to look up into those green eyes. She knows what they do to her. She knows that they will only weaken her. She doesn’t need that right now… Or it could just be the fact that she’s freaking terrified of how well things were going with she and Lexa. It’s like as soon as she found some sort of ‘out’, she took it. Clarke is using this as her excuse instead of her fear. “I don’t want you here, Lexa.” Since she’s not looking at the woman in front of her, she misses the flinch at her hurtful words.

Lexa hates to think that that may be true. Did Clarke really not want her here or was she just trying to push her away because she was scared? Scared of Lexa leaving her again. “Clarke…”

“Lexa, please… don’t.”

“Look me in the eyes and tell me that you don’t want me here, Clarke.” It beginning to be almost impossible to hold back the damn tears that are starting to sting her green eyes.

After several moments, the blonde looks up slowly, bringing her sapphire eyes to meet Lexa’s forest ones. They both try not to focus on the other’s glassy eyes. Too afraid that they might each break. “I don’t want you here.” Clarke finally says softly, yet firmly. She tries not to notice the physical pain that crosses the brunette’s face, and just like that, the door is shut again. Leaving a sobbing Lexa in the hallway.

 

//

 

A couple of hours after an emotional Clarke left an emotional Lexa standing in the hallway of her apartment building; the brunette is still (against her better judgment) sitting in the middle of the hallway waiting. She’s not too sure what exactly she’s waiting for, but she’s not leaving. She won’t leave. Not again. Not when Clarke is upset and needs someone. No. Lexa will stay put…just in case.

“Lexa?” She hears a voice call from the other end of the hallway. She looks up to see that it’s Octavia. She and Raven are walking her way and she wonders if Clarke had called them. “Why are you sitting out here?”

“She asked me to leave.” Lexa replies, looking back down at the floor and shaking her head. “She said that she didn’t want me here.”

“When did she say that?” Raven asked. “You know that she doesn’t mean it. She’s just a little extra emotional this week.”

“Two hours ago… I think that she does mean it. I think that she might regret us getting as close as we did, which I completely understand… It’s just that… I want to be there for her. I’m not leaving. Not this time. I will wait as long as I have to.”

“You’ve been sitting out here for two hours?” Octavia asks, looking to her side to see Raven’s reaction as well. 

“I think that maybe we should get you home… to the shower.” Raven adds, earning a glare from the taller woman that’s sitting in the floor in front of them. “Come on.” Raven says softly, bending down to take Lexa’s hands in her own and pulling her up. She does meet some resistance, but she can tell how tired Lexa is.

“I can’t leave, Raven.”

“Clarke will be fine, Woods. Octavia will stay here with her. I will take you home… if you’re both up for it later, then you can come back over to talk to her. Okay?” Raven comments and Lexa gives a very hesitant nod after a few moments.

“Please tell her that I –“ Lexa shakes her head. She really doesn’t know what she wants Octavia to tell Clarke. “Just tell her that I’m here. When she wants to talk. I’m not going anywhere.” Octavia nods and enters the apartment of their friend, closing the door softly behind her.

“Come on, Lexa.” Raven says, throwing her arm around Lexa’s shoulder and walking her down the flights of stairs in the building. “Everything will be fine.”

 

//

 

“Clarke?” Octavia calls from inside the apartment. She heads straight for the blonde’s room and slowly pushes the door open. “Hey.” The short girl says with a small smile when she sees Clarke lying in bed under the sheets. Her eyes are swollen and her cheeks are tear stained and red. She’s exhausted too. Just like Lexa had been. 

Octavia makes her way over to the bed and slides in on the other side, lying on her back and looking up at the ceiling. She waits for what feels like an eternity. She waits for Clarke to say something, but nothing ever comes. “You want to tell me what’s going on? And why there was hot, crying lesbian in your hallway?” Octavia grins a little, trying to lighten the mood and Clarke quickly glances over to her friend.

“What?” Her voice is even more low and raspy, possibly from her constant sobbing and lack of sleep. “Lexa’s still here?”

“She was. Raven just made her leave to go shower.”

“Did Raven go with her?” Clarke asks and Octavia nods. “Good.”

“So… what happened? Want to tell me?” Octavia asks again.

Clarke takes a deep breath and closes her eyes, trying to think back to where it all went wrong. “What it comes down to, is that I just freaked out.”

“You’re actually admitting that?”

The blonde nods, her eyes still shut tight. “The past few days have been hard because of…” She feels the tears start to burn again. She hates this. She hates being this emotional. She’s spent the past few years building her walls back up and they seem to have all crashed and burned in the span of less than a day.

“Your dad?”

“Yeah. It’s always hard around this time. I feel like it’s been even worse this year… you know? Being home. Being near the place where he’s buried. Being near all of these places that are filled with so many memories of him. It’s just hard.” The blonde says and lets her tears fall again. Octavia scoots closer and wraps her small arms around her friend.

“Whatever we need to do to help you, we will. We will be here for you. We know that it’s hard for you, but you’re our family Clarke and so was Jake. We will help you get through this again.” She tries to smile, but her heart only breaks further when she sees the look on Clarke’s face. She’s scared, and she immediately knows that this is not just about Jake. “What happened with Lexa?”

There was nothing but silence for several minutes. Octavia starts to think that she maybe shouldn’t have asked that, but then Clarke sits up in bed, resting her back up against the headboard. She brings her knees up to her chest and wraps her arms around them tightly. “You know how I told you and Raven about what happened with Finn in L.A.?” Octavia nods. “Well, come to find out… Finn is trying to sue Lexa.” Clarke says and Octavia’s eyes are wide and scared. “It’s okay. It won’t stick. There were too many witnesses. She told me all of this last night. I got mad at her for keeping it from me. She’s known for almost a week.”

“You got mad at her for that? Clarke… she’s been trying so hard and so have you. I thought that you had made so much progress with each other.” Her voice sounds full of sorrow. She’s sad for her friends. She knows how much they care for each other and she only wants the best for them both.

“I shouldn’t have blown up on her.” Clarke says, finally after a couple of more minutes. “I think that I was looking for an excuse to push her away.”

“What? Why?”

“Because I’m scared.” The blonde sighs and brings her hands up to her face to cover her tear filled eyes. Octavia sits up beside here and slings an arm around her friend’s shoulders. “I’m scared, O and I don’t know what to do.” She’s crying again.

“Why are you scared?”

“Because… I – My feelings – I wasn’t expecting this. I wasn’t expecting to feel this way about her anymore. I was hoping that maybe we could be friends, but I don’t see that happening. I want her. I want her in every sense of the way… and that petrifies me.” The sobs are coming in more now, causing her breathing to become more choppy and ragged. Octavia is almost afraid that she might be having a panic attack, but after another minute or so it all subsides. “Last time I gave myself to her fully… I was blindsided. She blindsided me and left. I can’t go through that again. I can’t, O.”

“Hey. Ssshhhh…” Octavia tries to calm her, pulling her in closer and holding her tight. “I know that you’re scared, Clarke. You have a right to be… but you can’t go through life being afraid of love. Sometimes, it’s worth the risk. Isn’t it? Doesn’t Lexa make you feel that way? Like you would abandon anything and everything to be with her? To just say ‘to hell with it’ and jump right in?” Octavia smiles and the corners of Clarke’s mouth begin to tug up a little.

“She does… but I just – I don’t know, O. What if she just thinks that she wants to be with me like that? What if something better comes up and she leaves me again? Breaks my heart again because I was too foolish and weak? I can’t do that again. It almost broke me last time… Shit. It did. I’m still putting the pieces back together.”

“I completely understand your hesitation, Clarke. I’m sure that Lexa does too. But… wouldn’t it be nice if somehow, someway… Lexa is the glue?”

 

//

 

“Wow. You smell a hell of a lot better.” Raven teases Lexa from her place on the couch when the taller woman exits the bathroom to join her.

“Shut up.”

“Want to talk about it?” Raven asks after Lexa leans her head back on the couch and closes her eyes.

“No. The only person I want to talk to doesn’t want to see me.” She lifts her head a bit and turns to look at Raven. “No offense.”

“None taken.”

The two friends sit there in silence for what feels like forever, both of them perfectly content with the stillness of the room. Raven can tell that Lexa can absolutely not sit still. She’s fidgety and her legs are restless, like they are trying to take over her body and hightail it downtown to Clarke’s apartment. “I always think,” Lexa starts, startling Raven out of her daze. “What if I hadn’t chosen to left Clarke? How would things have ended up? Would we still be together? Would we be married? Possibly have kids? I mean… what all did I screw up when I did that? Nothing in my life has ever been as good to me as she has. Nothing in my life has ever made me feel the way that she does. I’ve never loved anyone or anything more… So why? Why did I do that?” Raven has decided that Lexa is pretty much just talking to herself out loud. They are all rhetorical questions. Lexa knows that she won’t get any type of answer to those questions from Raven. “I’m such an idiot. I was my own downfall.”

“First of all… you have to stop living in the past. You and Clarke both. What do you feel now?” Raven says. After a beat, Lexa doesn’t answer. “That wasn’t one of your rhetorical questions, Woods. What do you want?”

“I just want her.” The older woman says, standing up and making her way over to the window in her living room. It’s beyond obvious that she can’t sit still, so she gets up to walk around. “I want to make her happy. I want her to feel the way that she makes me feel every time that I’m with her. Hell… every time that I see her. She’s my best friend. My human diary. She’s my other half… and I suppose that that is why I’ve felt so dead inside ever since that day five years ago.” Raven jumps up to retrieve a pen and piece of paper off of Lexa’s desk in the corner. “What are you doing?” The taller woman asks with a raised brow and tears still glassing over her swollen eyes.

“I’m writing this shit down. This is some wedding vow type shit. You’ll thank me one day.” Raven grins and Lexa rolls her eyes.

“It’s just the way I feel.” Lexa shrugged. “You asked me what I wanted… I just want her. I can’t focus on anything other than her. Her smile. Her eyes. Her voice. Her laugh…I mean, thinking of her… it keeps me awake at night and when I finally do sleep, I only dream of her and that makes me want to stay asleep forever. Right now. In this moment. I feel like being with her is the only thing that keeps me alive.” Tears are falling freely down her chiseled face, but she doesn’t care. All she cares about is Clarke and how she’s hurting right now. She only wants to go over there and hold onto her. Let her know that everything will be okay. Let her know that she will be there for her and she will never make that stupid mistake of leaving her ever again.

“Damn…I should have recorded that.” Raven smiles and it causes Lexa to chuckle and take her seat back by her friend on the couch. “On the real though… Clarke loves you, Lexa. That much anyone can see. She’s scared. She’s trying to push you away so that she doesn’t get hurt again. Kind of like you were scared five years ago.”

The look that Lexa gives Raven is one of confusion.

“You don’t think that in five years, I haven’t noticed the little black box that’s hidden inside your bed post?” Raven grins and Lexa’s eyes widen. “We’re best friends, Woods. I know this shit.”

“How?”

Raven shrugs. “I’m guessing that that was a deciding factor in your decision to leave too? You were going to ask Clarke to marry you, but were too scared? You thought that she’d end up leaving you like your parents did?” Lexa’s eyes were still wide and full of tears. How had Raven known about that this whole time and not said anything? “You jumped the gun.”

Lexa could only nod. After a few minutes, she finally spoke up. “I screwed up. You’re right. I was scared of her leaving me like everyone else had, but I also knew that I was holding her back. I thought I was doing the right thing.” They sit there in silence for a few more minutes and Lexa starts to wonder something so she has to ask. “Clarke doesn’t know does she?”

“About the ring? About you leaving because you were scared?” Lexa nods again. “No. I haven’t told her. Octavia doesn’t even know. Your secret is safe with me, Woods. I do have one question though… When the hell were you able to afford a ring like that back then? You were just out of college and broke like the rest of us. That ring is… it’s something else entirely.”

“You looked at it?” Lexa asked, although she really isn’t surprised. It’s Raven.

“Yep.” She says, popping the ‘p’ on the end.

Lexa lets out a very audible sigh and glances back over to Raven. “Jake… Jake gave it to me when I asked him if I could marry his daughter. It was his mom’s.”

“Holy shit.”

“Yeah…” More silence. Lots of it. “I didn’t get a chance to give it back before he… And I didn’t feel like Abby deserved to have it. Clarke deserves it, but I didn’t really know how to give it to her without having to tell her why I had it in the first place.”

“Holy shit.”

“Raven. You’ve said that.”

“I know, I know. It’s just… That’s some epic fairytale type love story shit.” Lexa laughs. Her friend is an idiot. “Clarke definitely needs that ring, but she needs you to give it to her. Down on one knee and everything.” Lexa’s eyes widen and Raven laughs this time. “Not anytime soon, dumbass. I just meant that that’s how it’s supposed to be. I just know it.”

“We’ll see.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So??? What did you guys think? I know, I know. It was a little rough, but I felt like some of that needed to happen. It's not all 'fairy tales and epic love stories and shit' like Raven would say. :) Thanks for reading guys!
> 
> Follow me on Twitter @asuzh90


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! This is update is a little shorter than most, I think, but it's because it may be a while before I can update again. I wanted to get something together to put out here. I hope that you guys like it. Let me know what you think in the comments, and thank you everyone for all of the lovely feedback that I have been getting. You guys are awesome!
> 
> xoxo

Four days… Four, long, miserable days had passed by since the day that Clarke told Lexa that she didn’t want her there. Ninety-six hours and counting since the last time that Lexa’s eyes took in the sight that was Clarke Griffin broke and crying and upset… much like herself. Her heart hasn’t ached this much in a long time. It’s miserable… Not knowing how Clarke is doing. Not being able to see her. To hear her. Lexa’s stomach has been in knots. A big, jumbled up mess of knots. She honestly doesn’t know how much longer she can take this radio silence.

Four days. It’s only been four days since her world felt like it was falling apart again, and yet it feels like it’s been so much longer.

Octavia had told Lexa that Clarke just needed some time to think. To clear her head. This almost killed Lexa because she only wanted to be there for Clarke on the anniversary of Jake’s death. She wasn’t able to be. Lexa hasn’t had much to go on as far as information on Clarke’s mindset the past few days. Raven and Octavia haven’t been around. Both of their schedules have kept them busy so far this week, so Lexa was left to her own devices. Sitting in the silence of her apartment during the day, and walking around like a damned robot at night in the bar.

Every time that she happened to catch a glimpse of blonde hair walking through the bar, she froze. Quickly deciphering whether or not it was her blonde.

No. Clarke wasn’t hers. Not anymore. They were only friends (that is if Clarke still wanted anything to do with her)… but how come it feels like they broke up all over again? Lexa was starting to feel like a lost puppy or a heartbroken teenager. She couldn’t handle it anymore.

After yet another long night at the bar, Lexa finally manages to get the placed emptied and closed up for the night. The walk back to her apartment seemed to get longer every night. More and more thoughts filled her head with every step, and with every thought came more heartache.

When Lexa finally enters her apartment, she’s quick to start shedding herself of her day’s clothes. She leaves a trail of them behind her as she makes her way to the bathroom down the hall. She turns the valve as far to the right as she can. She needed this. She needed this to burn the pain and sorrow of the past few days away and out of her mind. The water beat against her back, scalding her skin until it became red. Until she could no longer feel it. The pain. She stays under the showerhead for what feels like an eternity… or at least until she could feel the hot water start to dwindle away. She quickly lathers up her long, brown locks and just as quickly rinses them out. After a few minutes, she finds herself wrapped up in a towel, sitting on the edge of her bed. She’s shivering, teeth chattering, yet she can’t make herself find the energy that it takes to get up and change and fall back into bed.

Lexa isn’t too sure on how long she’s sat there, virtually naked and freezing, staring across the room at nothing, but suddenly her doorbell rings. She honestly doesn’t think too much about it. She assumes it’s just Raven or Octavia stopping by to make sure that she’s still alive and well…and showering. They are the only two that come over this late in the evening. She slowly gets up and makes her way to the front door of her apartment, still clutching the damp towel tight around her lean body. When she opens the door, the person that is standing there is definitely not one of the two people that she expected to see. Immediately, she can feel her face, and really her entire body flush when she realizes that she’s standing in front of her friend/ex-girlfriend in nothing but a small shower towel.

“Clarke?” She feels as if she hasn’t spoken in days. Her voice comes out hoarse and scratchy and she clings to the towel wrapped around even tighter now. Lexa tries to angle her body in a certain way that happens not to work out how she planned. It only makes her look that much more awkward.

The blonde is quick to avert her blue gaze elsewhere. First, she looks up to the rafters in the apartment and then back down, focusing on her feet. “God. I – I’m sorry. I’m – sorry, Lexa. I, uh… I should have called before coming over here.” Lexa is glad to see that she’s not the only one who’s flushed. Clarke’s pale skin shows red a lot easier than Lexa’s olive skin does. A small grin appears on Lexa’s face without her realizing it. “I’ll just – uh, I’ll go.” Clarke spins quickly and tries to make a break for it, but Lexa is quicker. Always has been.

The brunette quickly lets go of the towel with one hand and grabs for Clarke’s wrist, gently. “Wait. Don’t go.” Lexa practically whispers. She still can’t believe that Clarke is here. She’s here. At Lexa’s apartment. And Lexa’s… in a robe. “Uh, um… Just come in. Sit.” Lexa finally manages to get out without sounding like a complete fool. “Let me change real quick.”

Clarke nods only once and Lexa swiftly lets go of her wrist and grabs back at her towel uncomfortably. “I’ll be right back.” And like that, Lexa makes her way back to her bedroom, feeling simultaneously lighter, yet heavier. How does that even work?

She starts to think that maybe she should throw on something fairly nice and casual, but it’s Clarke… and it’s actually really late. Lexa decides to throw on a pair of black yoga pants and a red tank top. She then slides on a pair of black ankle socks to shield her bare feet from the cold concrete floor of her apartment. Before she goes back out into the living room, she feels like her chest may explode. Her breath is quickly becoming choppy and uneven. She closes her eyes and tries to focus on something else. Something other than the gorgeous blonde that’s only feet away from her in the other room. She can’t. She can’t focus, and it’s really unnerving. How, all of a sudden, does it feel as if it has been years again since she’s seen Clarke? 

“Okay. Get it together, Woods.” She says aloud, softly to herself. A small smirk comes across her face because that sounded like something that Raven would have said to her. Except that it would have been a little more along the lines of, ‘Come on, Woods. Get your shit together.’ She gives herself to the count of three to, indeed, ‘get her shit together.’

One.

Its just Clarke, Lexa. You’re best friend.

Two.

The only person in this world that you know more about than yourself.

Three.

“Okay.” She breathes out, a makes her way out of her bedroom and towards the living room. She grins a little when she sees Clarke sitting on the couch, fidgeting like she too is nervous. Lexa doesn’t know whether to be scared of that, or excited.

“Hi.” The blonde says, softly when she looks up to see Lexa.

“Hey.” Lexa replies, making her way over to Clarke, but not yet sitting down. She finds herself standing in front of a seated Clarke, and the other girl quickly stands up to join her.

“I’m sorry for barging in here this late, Lexa. I’m so so – “ Lexa doesn’t allow her friend to finish her statement before she’s pulling her in for a tight hug. Lexa quickly realizes what she just did and that Clarke may not be comfortable. 

Lexa pulls back to ask, “Is this okay?”, and a small smile forms on Clarke’s lips before she pulls Lexa back in. They stand there for what feels like an eternity. Neither of them wanting to let go of the other. Both of them thinking that if they do, then the other might say something to break them apart again. It’s Lexa who finally pulls away, still leaving a gentle hand on Clarke’s shoulder though. “Would you like a drink? Anything?”

“Coffee?” Clarke asks quietly and the corners of Lexa’s mouth start to tilt up in a small. 

“Coffee this late, Griffin? You won’t sleep.” Lexa smiles again before entering the kitchen and popping a K-cup into her Keurig machine.

“I haven’t been sleeping anyways.” Clarke says, and takes her seat back down on the couch. Clarke sits in silence for a couple of more minutes as Lexa finishes with the blonde’s coffee. Once she’s back in the living room, she sits down, putting enough space in between she and Clarke.

“Here.” Lexa says, offering the mug to Clarke and she gratefully takes it and holds it up in front of her lips, breathing in the aroma and allowing the steam to open up her senses. “How are you?” Lexa asks softly, looking into those damned blue eyes that seem to suck her right into their vortex every chance that they get.

“I’m… better.” Clarke finally answers, taking a slow sip from her mug and settling back into the crook of the couch where the armrest meets the back cushions. “Lexa…” She starts in again after the brunette also leans back on the couch, her green eyes not leaving Clarke’s. “I am so sorry for the way that I acted the other day.”

“Clarke, stop.” Lexa interjected, placing a calming hand down onto Clarke’s knee. “You have absolutely nothing to apologize for.”

“I do. God, Lexa… I was such an asshole to you. Of all people. The one person that got what I was going through. You knew. You knew without me having said a word about it.” The blonde starts shaking her head and leaning her head back on the cushions of the couch so that she can look straight up into the rafters of the ceiling. “You were only trying to help me.” Lexa could see the tears forming in her eyes, and this only made her squeeze onto Clarke’s knee even more. “You were trying to be there for me and I – I told you that… I told you that I didn’t want you there.” Clarke is crying now, and she has to lean up to place her mug onto the coffee table. Lexa can see the trembling in her hands. She wants nothing more than to take them, bring them up to her own lips and kiss them. To let Clarke know that she is here and she will do anything to keep her safe and calm. She doesn’t though. She doesn’t know what kind of epiphanies Clarke has had over the past few days, or if she’s even had any at all. Lexa doesn’t know if Clarke is still down for the whole ‘friends’ thing, or maybe even something more. It’s still Clarke’s move… and Lexa… She’d wait forever.

“Clarke…it’s okay. There was a lot of stuff going on. You had a right to be upset and emotional, and if I was getting on your nerves or in your way… then I’m glad that you told me that you didn’t want me there. It hurt… It definitely hurt, but I understood.” She said the last part half-heartedly. She really didn’t understand why Clarke had said that she didn’t want Lexa there. That she didn’t want to see her. “You didn’t need me there complicating things.”

The blonde starts to shake her head furiously. She lifts her trembling hands and tries to wipe away the tears that are distorting her vision. “No. You weren’t complicating things by being there… at least not in the way that you thought.” Lexa scrunches her eyebrows together in confusion and Clarke continues, although she can’t seem to meet Lexa’s gaze now. “I wanted you to be there.” Clarke huffs out a rather audible sigh and shakes her head again. “You’re the only person that I wanted to be there.”

“I, uh… I don’t understand.” Lexa replies, still confused as to why Clarke was acting the way that she was.

“You’re the only person that I wanted there because… I wanted you to hold me. I wanted you to hold me and tell me that everything was going to be all right. I wanted to be wrapped up in the comfort that is your arms. I needed you in more ways that I should have needed you. These feelings, these - they uh…” Lexa grabs Clarke’s hands when she looks like she’s about to jump up off of the couch and flee from the apartment. The tears are still falling, from both women now. Glassy, blue eyes look up to meet the forestry-green gaze of Lexa and the brunette doesn’t know whether her heart shatters in that moment, of if it grows. The look on Clarke’s face is one of sorrow, of fear… but it’s also one of something else. Something that Lexa hasn’t seen or felt in a long time. Hope. 

“I – I’m scared, Lex.” Clarke finally stutters out. “I’m just – I’m scared to feel what I’m feeling again. Last time… it didn’t end so well. I was being an asshole because I though that maybe if I pushed away, it would be easier. I was not expecting all of this…” She waves her hand around in the air at nothing really. “To come rushing back and consume me. Consume every part of me.” Lexa is fairly certain that her mouth is hanging wide open and that her tears will never stop flowing. She’s not even sure that she’s able to remember how to breathe. She’s glad that breathing is pretty much an involuntary process or else she would be blue, face down in the floor right now. “I’m just scared.” Clarke finishes.

To both of their surprise, Lexa quickly scoots over, right up against Clarke and lifts her into her lap to wrap her arms around the blonde. They are both still sobbing messes, but they don’t care. Clarke’s face nuzzles into Lexa’s neck, both of their tears running down the elongated piece of flesh now. Lexa places kisses across Clarke’s forehead and the top of her head, holding her tighter as if to never let her go. They sit like that, with Clarke’s hand fisting tightly into the fabric of Lexa’s tank top, for what feels like hours… and it probably was.

Lexa assumes that Clarke has finally worn out from the emotions of the night, and passed out in her arms. The blonde’s breathing seems to have evened out and she seems calmer now… at peace. “Clarke?” Lexa practically whispers, too afraid that she might wake her up if she isn’t up already.

To her surprise, she hears a faint hum against her neck and it sends shivers down her spine. “I’m uh – I’m going to take you to bed now.” She feels the blonde nod slightly, so Lexa stands up, her strength showing as she lifts Clarke up with her, still holding her tightly in her arms. She feels Clarke nuzzle in farther into the junction between her neck and her shoulder and the blonde’s hands tighten in the cloth of her shirt. Lexa walks them into her bedroom and bends over at the waist to softly place Clarke down onto the mattress and pull up the covers around her. Lexa pushes golden, blonde locks back out of Clarke’s beautiful, pale face and notices those blue eyes staring at her. Lexa can’t help the smile that forms on her face. “Do you, uh – do you want me to stay in here with you? I can take the couch.” 

“No. Stay.” Clarke says sleepily. “I want you to stay.”

“Okay.” Lexa whispers as she crawls over the blonde lying in her bed, to lie on the other side of her. Lexa lies on her side, but she leaves a little bit of space between them because she notices Clarke turning towards her. There’s probably almost a foot of space between their faces, and they just lie there and stare at each other (in a non-creepily manner) for several minutes until Clarke breaks the silence.

“Thank you.” 

“For what?” Lexa asks quietly. She doesn’t know why they’re talking so softly, as if there were someone else here. 

Clarke shrugs under the sheets of the bed. “For being so patient. So good. So understanding…” She trails off like she wants to say more, but ends up yawning instead. This causes another smile to form on Lexa’s face, and Clarke can see it even in the darkness that surrounds them. A few more minutes of silence seems to find them, but it’s still comfortable. Lexa is beginning to think that Clarke fell asleep again, but… “You’re my best friend, you know?” Clarke says matter-of-factly.

“Yeah?” Lexa asks with a sleepy grin on her face and Clarke nods a little without saying anything. Suddenly, Lexa feels the bed shift slightly, and she opens her eyes from where she had only closed them seconds ago. Clarke is right there. Their noses almost brushing, and the blue of her eyes, even in the darkness of the room, somehow still manages to take Lexa’s breath away.

“Is this okay?” Clarke asks softly, echoing Lexa’s question from earlier in the night. Lexa cannot manage words at this point. She only nods; the warm breath of Clarke has distorted her brain, and apparently all verbal skills.

And just like that, she feels those all too familiar lips on hers. They’re so soft. So much softer than she even remembers, and the taste is something otherworldly. Clarke tastes of coffee, and the salt from her earlier tears. Lexa’s heart is slamming against her chest and she just knows that Clarke can feel it as well. They are entirely too close for her not to feel it. The kiss is simple and soft, but at the same time… so complex and meaningfully satiating. 

It probably doesn’t last for more than thirty-seconds or so, and Clarke pulls back. It takes a minute for her eyes to focus in the darkness again once she opens them. Once everything is in focus again, she notices that Clarke is crying again, but there’s a hint of a smile found on her lovely face. “Hey.” Lexa says tenderly, bringing her hands up to cup Clarke’s cheeks. “Don’t cry.”

A sad chuckle leaves Clarke’s throat when she shakes her head gently and says, “You’re crying too.” Sure enough, Lexa was crying too. She hadn’t realized, but it really doesn’t surprise her. She’s only dreamt about this moment for the past five years, and it so exceeded anything and everything that she could have come up with. She’s happy. Clarke is here with her again. It will take some work, but the benefits are so worth the effort. Clarke is worth everything.

Lexa leans in, her hands still cupping Clarke’s face, and she begins kissing the tears away from the blonde’s face. Her eyes. Her cheeks. Her nose. Her jaw. And another small, but tender peck onto her full, smooth lips. When she pulls back, Clarke is smiling. She then nuzzles back into her spot between Lexa’s neck and shoulder and starts kissing her softly there before she says, “Goodnight, Lexa.” Her hands fist back into the material of Lexa’s tank top, and her legs entangle themselves with Lexa’s.

The brunette wraps her arms around Clarke’s waist, pulling her impossibly closer. “Goodnight, Clarke.” One of her hands makes its way just under the hem of Clarke’s shirt on her back, finding the smooth skin there. She rubs small circles there until she and Clarke both fall asleep.

 

//

 

Lexa has decided that she wants to get rid of every single window in her bedroom. The light that wakes her up the next morning is both blinding and irritating. She rolls over, her body a tangled up mess in the sheets of her own bed. She closes her eyes again, but only for a split second before she remembers something. She remembers gorgeous, glassy blue eyes and hair as golden as the sun that’s blinding her right this second. Lexa remembers tears and happiness and lips. Clarke.

She shoots up almost instantaneously in her bed. Shit. Clarke came over last night. They talked and cried and apologized and talked some more. 

They kissed.

Lexa quickly looks around her bed, around her room, to see if she could spot any sort of sign that what happened last night was most definitely not a dream. There was no blonde hair peeking out from underneath the covers of her bed. There were no shoes beside the bed where Lexa had taken them off for her last night.

Dammit. “It was a dream.” Lexa finds herself saying aloud. She brings her hands to slowly rub away at her face. Of course it was dream. It was too amazing. It was too nice. It was too spur of the moment. It felt so real though. Lexa feels her stomach plummet. 

If what happened last night was a dream, then that means that she and Clarke were still not talking to each other. It means that Lexa will pretty much be forced to go back into the real world like the malfunctioning robot that she’s been the past few days. A mindless, soulless zombie.

Lexa finally manages to slowly get up. She’s really surprised that she hadn’t fallen asleep in her towel after her shower. She looks down to see that she has own her black yoga pants and red tank top from her dream. “At least something was real.” She mumbles to herself as she pulls her long, tangled hair back into a messy bun. She reaches for her black, rimmed glasses off of the nightstand on her side of the bed and sets them on top of her nose.

Making her way out into the main area of her apartment, she has to admit that she was honestly hoping to be proven wrong and she would find a certain beautiful, blonde sitting at the bar stools, drinking coffee. Naturally, she was not proven wrong. There was no one there. Just her. She fumbles her way around the kitchen for several minutes, doing her normal morning routine. Grabbing her coffee mug and K-cup and starting the Keurig. While waiting for her coffee to brew, she always does push-ups on the rug in the living room and even though she really doesn’t feel like it today, she does it anyways. After a few minutes of push-ups, she starts to lift herself up off the floor, but when she places a hand on the coffee table to help lift her up, she sees something that makes her hand slip and she falls back down face first onto the rug.

She doesn’t linger on the floor long though. What had she just seen? She sits up, careful not to trust her hand on the table this time. There’s a ripped, yellow piece of paper from her legal pad lying there next to a red pen. She notices the handwriting immediately, and before she knows it, she feels her heart start to smile, and then her face.

Lexa quickly grabs for the paper and brings it up to her face, right in front of her glasses. She sits back on the couch, with a deep inhale of breath, and begins to read.

 

‘Lexa,  
I’m sorry that I had to leave this morning. I have a meeting with a client at 9 at the gallery. We will talk soon.  
XoXo,  
Clarke  
P.S. I was going to make you breakfast, but naturally you didn’t have anything.’

 

Lexa felt a huge, dopey smile start to form on her face. She reads over the letter a couple of more times before lying it back down on the coffee table and removing her glasses to wipe away the small tears that started to form. She laughs at herself for being such a love struck idiot, but she just can’t bring herself to care. “It wasn’t a dream.” She says to herself, the dopey smile still in place.

After a minute or so, sitting there in her own private utopia, she looks over to the clock above the table in the dining room. “9:30” She practically whispers. By the time that she gets ready and makes it down to the gallery, Clarke should be through speaking with her client. She jumps up, practically skipping across her apartment, to go change clothes.

Lexa decides to wear a pair of black skinny jeans with a black tank top and an open-faced red flannel shirt. Instead of her usual boots, she opts for her white Chuck Taylor’s instead. She leaves her hair in a messy bun, but tries to throw on at least a little bit of make up. She starts to remove her glasses and replace them with her usual contacts, but she remembers how much Clarke likes glasses on her, so…. “Glasses it is.” She grins, grabbing her keys and purse and making her way out the door. She almost runs into Raven as she walks out of the door, but she doesn’t stop because she’s practically sprinting. Lexa only turns her head a little and yells, “There’s no food here!”

Raven is left in the hallway alone. “Well shit.”

RAVEN: Lexa is being weird.

OCTAVIA: When is she not?

CLARKE: Hahahahaha.

LEXA: You guys do know that I’m in this group chat, right?

RAVEN: Yes. We do. Just wanted you to know that you’re being weird.

LEXA: Noted.

 

//

 

It was a little after 10:00AM when Clarke was finished with her first client of the day. The meeting went well and she now had a new lifetime client, more than likely. She was on cloud nine. Not because of her client. She had clients running out of her ears. She was on cloud nine because of Lexa… and there was only one Lexa. Clarke had finally grew a pair and fessed up to some of her feelings to Lexa last night. She was terrified. She thought that after the way she had treated Lexa the past few days that she would want nothing more to do with her. Luckily, that wasn’t the case. Of course Lexa was her usual understanding and patient self. They had talked some and cried a lot, and Lexa did what she does best. She listened, she held her, and she comforted her and made her feel safe.

Clarke hadn’t meant to stay the night, but by the time they were finished talking and crying, it had been really too late to leave and they were both exhausted. She also hadn’t planned on the kiss. It just sort of happened. She isn’t saying that she didn’t want it to happen…oh she wanted it to happen, but she kind of surprised herself. She was worried at first at what Lexa might think. Was she okay with it? She seemed okay with it. Clarke was really thinking about all of this too much. 

“It’s Lexa.” Clarke says to herself, standing in the supply closet of her gallery. “My Lexa.” She closes her eyes and all she can see is flashes of Lexa’s smile, of her forest-green eyes and she can hear her gorgeous voice and laugh. All of these things, both singularly and combined, are able to make Clarke’s heart melt.

Ding. Ding.

Clarke jumps when she hears the bell to the front door ding. “Just a minute!” She calls, removing her apron that she had just managed to get on. She wasn’t expecting a client for at least a couple of more hours. It must just be a walk-in.

Before she can turn around and exit the supply closet, she backs into a firm, solid figure. It scares her, and she jumps around to see who it is. The swollen, messed up excuse for a face terrifies her even more and she feels her heart jump up into her throat. She wants to scream, but a hand quickly muffles her voice.

“That would be a very bad idea, Princess.” The all too familiar voice of Finn says hoarsely. Clarke’s blue eyes are wide and she tries to push him off of her, but he’s too strong. He’s angry and that makes it that much worse. 

Finn reaches behind him and pulls the closet door shut. He sits Clarke down in the stool that she has placed in there for storage. “I’m going to remove my hand. Don’t make me have to hurt you, Clarke.” She doesn’t say or do anything. She’s frozen with fear as he indeed removes his hand from her mouth. He stares at her for what feels like an eternity and all that Clarke can think of is how she wished that she would have cancelled her meeting this morning and just stayed in bed with Lexa. Could this all just be a really bad nightmare? 

After several minutes, Clarke is finally the one to speak. “What are you doing here, Finn?”

“What?” He laughs, manically. “I can’t come see my favorite Southern Belle?”

“We’re over Finn. You don’t have a right to see me.”

“You know what, Princess? You’re right… I am most definitely not here to see you.” He smiles again, and Clarke honestly wants to be sick. She has an absolutely terrible feeling about this. “You’re going to take your phone.” He says calmly, pointing towards Clarke’s front pocket where her cell phone sits. “And you’re going to text your pretty little girlfriend and tell her to come see you here.”

“Lexa? Why Finn? You can’t sue her. There were too many witnesses. You deserved everything that you got and so much more.” There’s a growl to her voice, but she doesn’t miss the way that his lips turn up into a small smirk. He takes the back of his hand and slaps her once across the face, so hard that she almost falls backwards with the stool that she sits on. 

“You are right about me not being able to sue her, Clarke… but I think that she deserves much worse than that.” He grins, and Clarke’s stomach turns again.

“What do you mean?” She wants to cry at this point, but she won’t let him see her fear.

“Just get out your damn phone, Princess.”

“No.”

His face is full of anger and aggression. He reaches behind him, pulls up his shirt a little, and grabs something from out of the waistband of his jeans. Clarke does let tears fall then. It’s a gun.

“You know what this is, Clarke?” He asks, waving the small pistol around in the air with a crazed look on his face. “This is justice.”

“Justice for what exactly, Finn?” She asks, quietly as not to upset him even more. Her blue eyes are glassy and she can feel her vision start to falter a bit.

“Justice for what? Are you kidding me, Clarke? Look at my face.” He practically spits and waves his hand in the area around his marred face. He then leans over and presses the gun up under Clarke’s chin. He presses it harder and harder until her head is turned towards him and she’s looking up at the ceiling. Tears stream down her face. She’s scared, but she will most definitely not let him get to Lexa.

“I’d say it’s an improvement.” A familiar voice sounds from behind Finn and he quickly turns, but is immediately hit in the face with a cup of boiling hot coffee. He screams, and Lexa is quick to grasp a hold of his wrist, the one that holds the gun, and she twists trying to make him drop it. The whole time, she’s pulling him out in the hall, trying to get him as far away from Clarke as she can. Finn is stronger than he looks and Lexa is still fighting him for control of the deadly weapon that he holds in his grasp. Everything seems to happen in slow motion. Lexa can see Clarke over Finn’s shoulder, she screaming and looking for something to hit him with. Finn is grunting and using all of his strength against Lexa. He has her pressed up against the wall of the hallway and all of a sudden something clicks. There’s a look of terror that crosses over Lexa’s face that seems to flow almost instantaneously over to Clarke’s. 

The gun goes off and both Finn and Lexa fall to the ground. Everything is still happening in slow motion. Clarke’s ears are ringing from the gunshot in the enclosed area that they’re in. She immediately stops her hunt for a weapon of her own and runs over to where Finn and Lexa are lying on the ground. Clarke is screaming, but once again everything is subdued.

The blonde grabs ahold of the man that’s lying on top of Lexa on the ground and rolls him off of her. To Clarke’s surprise, there is no movement from Finn, and then she notices the hole through his stomach. His blood has soaked through his shirt and is now covering Lexa’s torso. The blood starts to run across the tile floor of the hallway and even though Clarke can clearly see that Finn is the one that’s shot and is lying lifeless on the floor, she jumps over and helps Lexa to her feet.

“Oh my God… oh my God.” Clarke cries, bringing her hands up to Lexa’s face and then back down her arms, lifting up her shirt to check Lexa’s stomach. She practically searches her entire body for any sign of a wound.

Lexa’s hands come up to Clarke’s neck, and even though she’s in a daze right now, she only cares about one thing. “Are you okay? Are you hurt?”

“I’m fine, Lexa… are you okay? Did he…”

“I’m okay, Clarke.” Lexa says and she notices that Clarke still has tears falling. Lexa pulls her closer and brings their foreheads together in between them. “I’m okay.” They stand there for what feels like a lifetime, breathing in each other’s presence. Breathing in each other’s safety.

“How did you – where… Why are you here?” Clarke stutters out her question. She started to wonder why Lexa was here in the first place. There was no way that she could have known that Finn was here after Clarke.

Lexa smiles a little. “I was coming to see you. To bring you coffee.” She pointed to the ground where she had flung the coffee cup at Finn’s face earlier. “And to ask you something.”

“What were you wanting to ask me?” Clarke asks, bring her arms back up around Lexa’s neck.

Lexa shook her head a little, looking down at the ground where Finn’s lifeless body lay. She looked back up to meet those blue eyes that she keeps falling more and more in love with everyday. “Is this a bad time to ask you out on a date?”

Clarke grins from ear to ear, her tears still glossing over her eyes. “It’s not the most ideal time… but I would love to go on a date with you, Alexandria Woods.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you think? Let me know in the comments, and kudos are greatly appreciated! I will try to get another update done as soon as possible. Thanks for reading! :)
> 
> Follow me on Twitter @asuzh90


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry that it took so long guys! I hope that you can forgive me! :) It's about time for a Clexa date, don't you think?

“Oh my god… Oh my god. I don’t kn – I’m freaking the hell out.” The very anxious blonde says frantically. “God… I’m such a mess.”

“Ya think, Griffin?” Raven and Octavia both start to chuckle and Clarke throws a glare their way. Her two friends are laid out on her bed in her apartment while she digs hysterically through her closet to find something to wear.

The day of the very long awaited date has arrived. Finally. It’s been almost a week since the day at Clarke’s gallery when Finn showed up with that gun. That alone was enough to have Clarke’s nerves completely shot and then this date with Lexa got thrown on top of that. Not that she didn’t want to go on the date, because she absolutely did. She was beyond ready… but that didn’t mean that she hasn’t been a nervous wreck the past few days.

Clarke has talked to Lexa everyday through text. There were a few instances where they shared some fairly lengthy phone calls and Lexa had surprised Clarke a couple of times at the gallery to bring her coffee or lunch, just to check up on her and make sure that she was doing okay. It took two full days for the cops to allow Clarke back into her gallery after the whole Finn incident. Every time that she walks by that spot in the hallway across from the supply closet, a feeling of fear washes over her and it’s like she’s teleported back to that day. Clarke’s heart sinks at the images that flash through her mind. Lexa’s face was full of fear, but it was also strong. The blonde can’t remember a time when she felt that scared, but of course Lexa protected her. That’s what she’s always done, or at least tried to do. Clarke can’t help but think, ‘What if something would have happened to Lexa that day? What if that gun would have been pointed the other way? Making a hole through Lexa’s abdomen.’ Clarke shivers at the thought every time that it passes through her mind.

That wasn’t the case, thankfully. Lexa was alive and well. She was actually due at Clarke’s apartment in just under an hour and Clarke immediately feels the return of those damn butterflies. The ones that are always around when Lexa’s around. Clarke wonders if she will always feel like this. It’s not a bad thing; it’s actually a really good thing. It keeps her on her toes and her heart races when she thinks about the possibility of ‘always’.

“Why are you two here again?” Clarke grins at her friends. “You haven’t helped me pick out anything at all to wear.”

“Clarke, we all know that Lexa prefers you with no clothes on.” Raven smiles and receives a high five from Octavia.

“And how old are you again?” The blonde deadpans. “Plus, I can’t really go out in public with no clothes on. Why won’t you two tell me where she’s taking me?”

“Are you serious?” Octavia asks. “Lexa will kick our asses if we spill the beans.”

“I will kick your asses if you don’t.” Clarke replies, but it comes out muffled because she has her whole body inside of her closet. Octavia gets up from her place on the bed and walks over to Clarke’s closet.

“Get out, Clarke. Let the master work.”

The blonde does as she’s told and plops down on the bed beside Raven. “You’ve been fairly quite today. Who are you texting?” Clarke asks Raven.

“Huh? Oh… uh – Bellamy. The Ark is playing in town this weekend.” Raven lies and then looks back down at her phone, trying to conceal the smile on her face.

LEXA: Raven… I’m freaking out.

LEXA: Do you think she’ll like where we’re going?

LEXA: Is the outfit that I showed you okay?

LEXA: How is she? Is she as nervous as I am?

LEXA: Raven! You have to give me something!

Raven almost laughs to herself, but remembers where she is.

RAVEN: Lexa. First of all… you need to chill the hell out.

RAVEN: I think that she will love where you’re going.

RAVEN: The outfit that you showed me is great. You’ll look so hot you won’t have it on very long anyways.

RAVEN: And I doubt that she’s as nervous as you. I don’t think that that’s possible.

LEXA: Why do I get the sense that you’re laughing at me right now?

RAVEN: Your sense would be correct if I weren’t sitting right next to a certain blonde and unless you want her knowing how much of a wreck you are right now, I cannot laugh.

LEXA: You’re with her? Is she okay? Is she regretting this? Is this serisouly something that she wants to do?

Raven rolls her eyes. She knows that her friend is over at her own apartment right now, probably sitting in the floor of her bedroom crying about how nervous she is and Raven understands. She understands that this is finally a second chance for Lexa. Finally a second chance for her and Clarke. They both deserve it. “Clarke?”

“Yeah?” The blonde asks, rolling over on her side to face Raven while Octavia still digs through Clarke’s closet.

“Can you please go call your girlfriend?”

“What? Why?... And she’s not my girlfriend.”

“Because she’s freaking the hell out and I wouldn’t be too terribly surprised if she’s having a damned panic attack as we speak. And please don’t tell her that I said that. She’ll kill me.”

Clarke’s face suddenly turns white and there is a look of fear that forms. “Is she – does she not want to do this?”

“What? Of course she does. You just have to see it from her eyes. This is her second chance with the love of her life. She screwed it up the first time. She’s terrified of messing up again.” Raven replies. 

Clarke only nods and after a couple of minutes, she gets up and retrieves her cell phone from her nightstand and exits her bedroom. She takes a deep breath as she walks into the living room and presses the call button.

“Hello? Clarke?” Lexa answers after the fourth ring and Clarke can tell that she’s been crying, or at least upset and nervous. Her voice sounds tired, exhausted really. 

“Hey.” Clarke says softly. “How are you?”

Clarke hears Lexa exhale a long breath. “Raven told you didn’t she?”

“Don’t be mad. She’s just worried about you. I am too.”

“I’m not mad. I just - I’m scared.” Lexa admits rather warily.

“Why are you scared, Lex? It’s just me.”

“Exactly. It’s you.” The brunette sighs into the receiver. “I already screwed this up once before. I never in a million years thought that I would be in this position again. I can’t screw this up again, Clarke.”

It feels like several minutes have passed before anyone says anything else, and then Clarke finally speaks up. “Lexa?”

“I’m here.”

“Is this what you want?”

“What?” The brunette sounds extremely confused by the question.

“Is this what you want? Do you want to go on this date? I won’t be mad at you for backing out now. I might be a little upset, but I won’t hold it against you. I promise.” Clarke clarifies.

“Clarke…” Lexa breathes into the other end of the phone. “I want this more than anything in the world.” She pauses for a while as if she’s thinking her next words through. “I want you more than anything in the world.”

The blonde can’t help the wide smile that spreads across her face; it almost hurts it’s so wide. There is definitely still some fear in Clarke’s mind, but the feelings that she has for Lexa absolutely outweighs the fear. “Good.” She says simply. “That’s good.” Clarke chuckles a little, letting out the nerves that she didn’t know were there in that moment. “I want this too.”

After several more minutes of comfortable silence, Lexa speaks up. “Clarke?”

“Yeah?”

“I should probably go now. I have to pick up a hot date in…” There’s a pause as if she’s looking at a clock; most likely the one on her cellphone screen. “Like twenty minutes.”

Clarke smiles and nods even though Lexa isn’t there to see her. “Yeah. You should probably go, but I bet that she wouldn’t hold it against you if you were say… fifteen minutes late. She might have had some things come up with her friends or something and got distracted…” Clarke grins again when she hears a small chuckle on the other end of the line.

“You’re probably right.” The brunette replies. “Goodbye, Clarke.”

“Goodbye, Lexa.”

LEXA: Raven. Change of plans. Get Clarke to wear something a little more casual. We aren’t going to that fancy joint tonight.

RAVEN: Aye, aye, Commander.

 

//

 

Ring. Ring.

“Shit. She’s here.” Clarke exclaims after jumping slightly from the noise that is her doorbell.

“Well, do you want me to tell her to go?” Raven grins.

“No, you idiot.” The blonde stands up and tries to smooth her shirt out, even though it really doesn’t need it. Raven and Octavia helped her pick out a pair of dark, tight fitting jeans. They paired them with a black, button-up blouse made of a sheer type material, so she had to wear a black camisole under it. Octavia voted for a nice pair of black wedges that Clarke never wears, while Raven voted on boots. In the end, the wedges won. “Do I look okay?”

“You look gorgeous, Clarke.” Octavia smiled and pushed her friend towards the front door. “Did you add the final touch?”

Clarke sighed and her face also turned a little red from blush. “If by ‘final touch’ you mean my black underwear, then yes.”

“With the matching, bra?”

Clarke groans and places a hand on the doorknob. “Yes. Now go.” She waves a hand in the direction of her bedroom and Raven and Octavia take that as their hint that they’re not wanted here right now. They both scuttle off to Clarke’s bedroom and close the door, but not all of the way. Clarke takes a deep breath, before slinging the door open revealing a fidgety Lexa. She looks gorgeous, as per usual. She’s wearing a dark wash, tight pair of jeans, much like Clarke’s, with a pair of short brown boots. Her button-up top is a light shade of denim and the long sleeves are rolled up to a three-quarter length. Lexa’s long, brown hair is down and flowy and Clarke absolutely adores it. Lexa steps through the door shortly after Clarke opens it.

“Clarke…” Lexa takes a gulp of air, and suddenly it’s like all of her nerves are gone. She feels comfortable. Clarke makes her feel comfortable and Lexa smiles wide thinking about how extremely nervous she has been all week… and it was all for naught. “You look… stunning.” She finally settles on the word choice that she was looking for, although no words could ever describe her feelings on Clarke’s beauty.

The blonde blushes and it’s always so easy to tell on her pale skin. A grin forms and her blue eyes sparkle. “You don’t look so bad yourself, Woods.” Lexa returns her smile and leans down to place a small, soft kiss to the corner of Clarke’s mouth. She then removes her hand from behind her back and hands Clarke a single white Iris. “An Iris, huh?” Clarke grins, twirling the stem in her fingers. “Any significant meaning?”

Lexa grins as well, because she knows that Clarke knows how much Lexa looks into this type of thing and how much she loves flowers. Clarke knows that Lexa probably looked up what each different type of flower meant. Clarke knows that Lexa puts a lot of thought and meaning into everything she does. That’s one of the many qualities that Clarke loves so much about Lexa.

The brunette offers a simple shrug. “Different meanings for different cultures. For the most part: hope, faith, and wisdom.” Lexa walks over to the kitchen to grab a vase out of Clarke’s cabinets as she continues talking, and Clarke follows her. “Hope… because I still have hope that it’s you and me until the end.” Lexa continues as she fills the vase up with water. Clarke smiles because it seems as if Lexa is nervous, but she resumes talking anyways. “Faith… because I have faith in us to make it that far.” She turns around to face Clarke and reaches behind her to place the vase on the counter. She takes the Iris out of Clarke’s hand and spins it a couple of times. “And wisdom, because… well, let’s just face it. I definitely need some after being such a dumbass last time.” Lexa smiles and leans over to place the flower in the vase. 

Clarke smiles and immediately throws her arms around the taller woman’s neck, startling her. “God…” The blonde starts, and barely shakes her head from side to side. Lexa notices a shimmer in her sapphire eyes, but doesn’t make mention of it. “You’re amazing.”

“I’m most definitely not amazing.” Lexa says as she slowly brings her hands to Clarke’s waist. “But thank you.”

“Hey.” Clarke says, tugging on Lexa’s long hair a bit causing her to smile. “You are amazing. You may not be perfect…” Clarke thinks about what exactly she wants to say and when she realizes it, she wonders if she should vocalize it. Of course she should. Lexa would. Lexa just did. God the brunette always had such a way with words. “But I want you. I want all of you. Your imperfections, your flaws, your mistakes…” Clarke leans forwards, while also bringing Lexa’s head forward until their foreheads meet and there are only inches separating them. “I only want you.” Lexa leans even closer, until their lips are just barely touching and they’re breathing in each other’s air. She turns slightly, bumping her nose against Clarke’s. Lexa smiles as Clarke does and then brings their lips to finally meet.

Clarke’s lips are so soft, yet they send a trail of fire throughout Lexa’s body. The slow, easy kiss quickly turns into one filled with even more passion. The blonde starts to run her tongue over Lexa’s plump, bottom lip, tracing its outline with the tip. Lexa instantly allows Clarke the access that she wants and their tongues meet, rolling over each other intensely. Lexa’s grip on the girl’s waist tightens and she lifts her up, like Clarke’s as light as a feather, and places her on the counter that’s directly behind them. She feels Clarke smile into their kiss, after taking a much needed, short break for oxygen. The blonde takes a tight hold onto Lexa’s long, brown hair, bringing her even closer. 

Lexa’s beginning to feel light-headed. She feels as if she’s drunk. Like Clarke is a drug that she needs so much more of. She’s intoxicating. Lexa’s hands inch their way under Clarke’s black blouse until she finds warm, smooth skin. The feeling sends a jolt of electricity through Clarke and she only intensifies their kiss as Lexa slowly moves her hands up the blonde’s sides, dragging her nails in the process. Clarke moans into their kiss and then they are quickly pulled apart by the sound of someone clearing their throat.

“Yeah. Sorry to interrupt, but we really didn’t want to hear you two getting it on so we’re just going to leave.” Raven says amusingly.

“Clarke, the ‘final touch’ was for the end of the date.” Octavia grins and Raven is right behind her giving Lexa a thumbs up.

The blonde’s face immediately turns red and Lexa realizes that her hands are still up Clarke’s shirt. She instantly removes them and starts running her hands through her tousled up hair, while Clarke jumps down from her spot on the counter and begins to smooth out her shirt once more. “No. You guys stay. We’ll leave.” Clarke says, taking Lexa’s hand in her own and dragging her to the door.

“Hey, wait. I want to hear about this ‘final touch’.” Lexa grins and Clarke notices that the brunette is having way too much fun with this. Clarke is obviously embarrassed by the situation, but things like this never seemed to bother Lexa.

“Later.” Clarke says, pulling her out the door, but Lexa sticks her head back in and speaks quietly to Raven and Octavia.

“Don’t forget to swing by my place and pick up.” Lexa calls, Raven nods, and Lexa is right back out the door.

“Why are we going to clean up at Lexa’s place?” Octavia asks with an amused look on her face.

“Woods cancelled their reservations at the fancy place. Said she had something more ‘Clarke’ in mind. Whatever that means.” Raven laughs. “Anyway… it involves them going back to her place, but she didn’t have time to pick up so it’s up to us as their best friends to make sure that this date goes off without a hitch.”

Octavia smiles and she and Raven exit Clarke’s apartment to head over to Lexa’s place.

 

//

 

As soon as they’re out of Clarke’s apartment building, Lexa leads the other girl to her vehicle that’s parked just up the sidewalk. Of course, Lexa opens the passenger door for Clarke while doing a crazy cheesy bow that makes Clarke laugh out loud.

“Where are we going?” Clarke asks when Lexa jumps into the driver’s seat of the vehicle and pulls her seatbelt on. 

Lexa wiggles her eyebrows. “I can’t tell you that. It’s a surprise.” The brunette chuckles when Clarke’s bottom lip juts out into an over-exaggerated pout. She can’t help herself, so she leans over quickly kissing the pout right off of Clarke’s face. She tries not to linger long because she’s afraid she’ll never stop. Lexa leans back and grins at Clarke and her dazed look with her kiss swollen lips. She puts the car in ‘drive’ and makes her way to their first destination.

“Are you still nervous?” Clarke asks after a few minutes of comfortable silence in the vehicle.

Lexa looks over slightly and gives her a small grin before reaching over the console and grabbing Clarke’s hand in her own. “Not at all.” She replies truthfully as she brings Clarke’s hand up to kiss her knuckles and lays both of their hands back in Clarke’s lap. “Are you?” The blonde grins and shakes her head ‘no’.

After several more minutes of driving, Lexa pulls the car up to their first destination. “The grocery store?” Clarke asks with a raised brow and Lexa chuckles at how lost her date looks.

“Yeah. I need your help getting some groceries.” Lexa grins and exits the vehicle before running over to the passenger side and opening the door for Clarke. The blonde very hesitantly steps out of the vehicle, her confused eyes never leaving Lexa’s. “Come on.” Lexa says as she intertwines their hands together and she tugs Clarke towards the store.

“We’re seriously doing this?” Clarke asks and Lexa giggles again and Clarke really doesn’t care what they do as long as she can be with Lexa and see her smile like that…she’s fine.

“Do you trust me?” Lexa asks, and almost immediately regrets it, because she knows that trust will be their biggest thing to get past.

The tip of Clarke’s tongue comes out to wet her lips before she answers. “I do.” Clarke can see the immediate proverbial weight being lifted off of Lexa’s shoulders, followed by an adorable, toothy smile.

“Then let’s go.”

They’ve been in the store for a while now and have quite the selection of things in their buggy. They’ve gathered several vegetables, oils, some pasta, a loaf of French bread… and Lexa makes sure to grab a carton of Clarke’s favorite ice cream when they walk past the freezer section. This causes the blonde to smile. 

Clarke has to admit that even though they are at a grocery store for their date, she’s having a good time. Lexa, of course, is perfect. She’s funny and smart and their conversations flow so easily. “Do we need anything else?” Lexa asks as they near the front of the store where the cashiers are.

“We? I thought we were doing your grocery shopping.” Clarke replies.

Lexa shakes her head. “Nope. They’re ours.” She grins when Clarke still looks confused. “So… anything else?”

Clarke gives up on trying to figure Lexa out and she smiles before saying, “Sour Patch Kids.”

“Sour Patch Kids? Really?” Lexa smirks and Clarke only nods. Lexa bends over to place a kiss to Clarke’s cheek and says, “I’ll be right back.” The older woman runs off down an aisle that’s near them and Clarke can’t help herself from smiling. She’s sure that her cheeks will stay permanently frozen like this. She doesn’t care though. Not a bit. She can’t remember a time when she was this happy and her heart practically melts at the thought that this is just a new beginning. One that they both deserve. She laughs when she sees Lexa round a corner quickly and almost fall. “One bag of Sour Patch Kids for you, m’lady.” Lexa says as she dumps the bag in the buggy and makes her way to the checkout line.

It doesn’t take them long to check out and make their way back to Lexa’s vehicle. The drive from the grocery store to Lexa’s apartment is only a few minutes long and she insists that she can carry all of the groceries by herself as long as Clarke would get the doors for her. They finally make it up to Lexa’s apartment and she is mentally praying that Raven and Octavia cleaned her place up a bit and are already gone.

“The key is in my back pocket.” Lexa says, with her hands full of bags and Clarke rolls her eyes.

“You did this on purpose.”

“What did I do on purpose?” 

Clarke sticks her hand in the back pocket of Lexa’s jeans and makes sure to grab her ass before she pulls the keys out. “You wanted me to get handsy with you.” Clarke grins.

“I actually didn’t think about it, but now I wish that I would have come up with something a little bit more creative.” The brunette smiles before entering the apartment that Clarke just unlocked.

Luckily, Raven and Octavia had come through in the clutch and cleaned up her apartment rather quickly, and she didn’t see any signs that they were still there. They only missed a navy Yankees cap and a few bills left on the kitchen table, but that was okay. “Tell me where all of this goes, and I’ll help put it up.” Clarke says, pointing down at the grocery bags on the floor.

“Actually, everything stays out except for the ice cream.” Lexa replies, and Clarke lifts a brow, but it suddenly dawns on her and she smiles wide. “I thought that maybe you would rather hangout here and make dinner together?” It sounded like a mix between a statement and a question. “And maybe watch some Netflix later?” Lexa is babbling now. She’s nervous. She’s starting to think that maybe she should have stuck with the dinner reservations. Clarke has made her way to stand right in front of Lexa. “If you would rather go out, we can – “

“No.” Clarke smiles and leans up to place a kiss to the underside of Lexa’s sculpted jaw. “This is perfect.” Lexa knew her better than anyone and Clarke doesn’t know why she doubted this date earlier. Of course Lexa wouldn’t take her to just randomly shop for groceries. She chuckles at the thought. “Okay.” Clarke says as she claps her hands together. “What’s the plan, Commander?”

“You’ve been talking to Raven haven’t you?” Lexa asks.

Clarke only laughs and then shrugs one shoulder. “She said that you’ve been super overbearing lately.”

“No I haven’t.” Lexa rolls her eyes and reaches down to get the ingredients for the pasta sauce out of one of the grocery bags. “I’ve just been… I don’t know – on edge.”

Clarke laughs again. “Well don’t be. I’m here… Now what do I need to be doing?”

“You can start chopping the veggies for the salad if you want. I’m going to get this sauce and the pasta started.” Lexa replies as she walks over to retrieve a couple of pots from a cabinet. “Want something to drink? I bought you some white Zinfandel the other day… I wasn’t sure if you still drank that or not.”

Clarke is already washing and prepping the vegetables to be chopped when she looks over her shoulder to smile at her date. “That sounds great actually.”

“Good.” Lexa stated, lifting her arm up into a tall cabinet to retrieve a long stemmed wine glass and then walking over to the chiller to remove a new bottle of Zinfandel. “Because it’s either this, water or Gatorade.” Lexa replies, and Clarke laughs as she washes a head of romaine. 

“Yeah… I’m not too sure on how great Gatorade would be with pasta and salad.”

Lexa fills a glass for Clarke before walking over to the blonde’s side and placing a hand on the small of her back. “Here you go.” She smiles as she sets the glass down beside the cutting board on the counter. Clarke looks up to her and meets her half way in a small peck on the lips. 

“Thank you.” Clarke grins. The butterflies in her stomach are most definitely still there, and her heart is still beating a permanent mark inside her chest. She can’t help but to think about how domestic they already seem. She smiles at the thought, but Lexa is already back in front of the stove working on the sauce. Clarke shouldn’t be surprised really… about how domestic they seem together already. It’s always been like this between them. They flow perfectly with each other and neither of them needs some big, grand, romantic date to enjoy the other’s company.

“You remember that time you almost burnt my dorm down your freshman year?” Lexa says, bringing Clarke out of her own thoughts and back into the real world.

“Excuse me? I definitely did not.” The blonde pretends to be offended. 

Lexa laughs as she pushes the pot of sauce onto one of the back eyes of the stove, and reaching for the other to fill with water for boiling. “Oh whatever, Clarke. There were three fire trucks there.” Lexa held up three of her fingers in the air. “Three.”

“I think that’s an exaggeration.” Clarke replies with an eye roll.

“Nope.” Lexa says as she shakes her head a bit, popping the ‘p’ in ‘nope.’ “Not at all. What were you even cooking?” Lexa asks because she honestly can’t remember, but she’s still grinning ear to ear at the memory of Clarke’s face as she freaked out about all of the smoke.

“Soup.”

“How the hell did you almost burn down my apartment by cooking soup?” Lexa laughs as she turns, placing her back against the counter while she waits for the water to begin to boil.

“I don’t know.” Clarke shrugs and Lexa continues laughing. “You’re such an ass.” She says, trying to hide the smile that yearns to form on her face. “I was making it for you. You were sick.” The blonde recalls, sticking her tongue out in the process and making Lexa laugh again.

Lexa slowly makes her way over to Clarke, stepping in behind the blonde and placing her hands on Clarke’s waist. “We weren’t even together then were we?”

Clarke shakes her head ‘no’. “I’m pretty sure that your roommate absolutely hated me.” She grins a bit and leans her back into Lexa’s chest. 

“Indra hated everyone.” Lexa laughs and leans down pressing a kiss to Clarke’s neck, causing the blonde to shiver. “I think that she really started hating you when we did start dating and you were sneaking into our room at all hours of the night.”

Clarke reaches back and smacks Lexa on one of her arms. “Hey. It isn’t my fault that you called me over there constantly to ‘fool around’.” She threw air quotes up with a smile. “You were always so needy.” She remembers Lexa texting or calling her at ungodly hours, wondering if Clarke was awake. If she was then Lexa would always ask her to come over and that they could fool around. Clarke laughs. “Why was that always your word choice?”

Clarke feels Lexa shrug into her back. “That was my thing then.” Lexa grins before placing another kiss on Clarke’s neck and backing away to go check on the boiling water. She tried not to smile at the groan that the blonde let out from her pulling away.

“Salad is done.” Clarke says after a few minutes of silence. She turns to place the bowl into the refrigerator because she knows that it will probably be another while before they actually eat.

“The pasta doesn’t like much. Then we can eat.” Lexa replies with a grin. She walks over to the refrigerator with an empty glass, to fill it with water. Lexa leans her back up against the counter and drinks from the glass, her eyes locking onto Clarke’s from over the rim of her glass. Those stunning blue eyes make her knees weak and wobbly. They make shivers run up and down Lexa’s spine every time. Those blue eyes are her kryptonite. “What is it?” Lexa finally asks. Clarke had been looking as if she wanted to say something but was too afraid.

Clarke walks the short distance over to her date and wraps her arms around Lexa’s back, pulling her in impossibly close. Clarke’s head is up against Lexa’s chest as if she were trying to listen for her heartbeat. As if she were trying to make sure that Lexa was real. “Nothing.” Clarke mumbles into the fabric of Lexa’s shirt.

Lexa sets her glass down, that she was still holding when Clarke assaulted her with an embrace, on the counter behind her. She quickly adjusted herself back to where she could wrap her own arms around Clarke. “Are you sure?” She asks, looking down at the woman lying against her chest. Clarke nods.

“I just want to hold you.” Clarke finally says, so soft that it was almost a whisper, but then she lifts her head up to look at Lexa. “Is that okay? Is that weird?” The question makes Lexa chuckle and she shakes her head ‘no’.

“Not weird at all. I swear you were reading my mind.” Lexa replies and Clarke only smiles up at her before resting her head back down on its previous position on Lexa’s chest. They stand there for what feels like an eternity, although it was probably around five minutes; with Lexa’s chin setting on top of Clarke’s head and her arms wrapped around Clarke’s torso so that her left hand could intertwine with her own right hand and rest on the small of the blonde’s back.

“We should probably check on the pasta.” Clarke says, moving her head a bit so that she could see Lexa’s face from that angle. Clarke laughs at the pout on her date’s face and uses her teeth to nip at Lexa’s collarbone playfully through her shirt before pulling away and walking to the stove.

“Ow.” The brunette exclaims, bring her hand up to rub on her collarbone. “Shit.”

“Wuss.” Clarke grins, getting an eye roll and finally a smile from Lexa.

“Pasta done?”

Clarke hums as she nods her head ‘yes’. “Here.” Lexa says, grabbing a slotted serving spoon and moving to the stove beside Clarke. “Let me mix it with the sauce. Will you grab the salad?”

“Of course.” The blonde replies and walks over to the refrigerator, grabbing the bowl of vegetables and sauntering over to the dining table. She returns in a few seconds to look through the cabinets for dinner plates and silverware. 

“Top cabinet all the way down on the right.” Lexa says as if reading her date’s mind. Clarke retrieves the plates and then digs around for some forks before returning to the table. Lexa isn’t far behind her with the bowl of pasta that she had just mixed. She sets it down but then runs back to the kitchen to grab her glass of water and Clarke’s glass of Zinfandel. “Here you go.” Lexa says with a soft smile before sitting down at one of the chairs next to Clarke.

“Thank you.” Clarke replies, but then she catches a whiff of something amazing. Something that she hasn’t smelled in a very long time. Something that reminds her of days passed. “That smell.” She then looks down at the pasta and points with her mouth half open. “Is th – is that my dad’s sauce recipe?”

Lexa nods. “I make it all of the time. Probably too much.” The brunette smiles an almost sad smile. “It reminds me of him.” She answers honestly. 

There are tears forming in Clarke’s eyes as she grins a little bit, but she doesn’t let them fall. She feels like she’s always getting emotional around Lexa these days. Maybe that’s a good thing… maybe that’s just her remembering their past and hoping for their future. “How do you even have the recipe? He never even taught me.”

Lexa smiled remembering the conversation with Jake. 

‘Now, I’m going to teach you my famous recipe, Lex. No one else knows it. You have to keep my legacy as an all-star chef going. Make it for my daughter. Make it for my future grandkids. You understand?’ Jake’s voice still resonates through her mind and she too feels on the brink of tears.

“He taught me one night while you were in class your junior year.” Lexa began. “Told me that he wanted me to carry on his legacy of being an all-star chef.” Lexa and Clarke both roll their eyes at that and laugh. “Said that I had to keep making it for you and – “

Clarke grins a little, still a bit of sadness from memories of her father in her eyes. “And what?”

“And for his future grandkids…”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.” Lexa replied, but didn’t know what else to say. She was afraid that she just made it awkward. “Let’s eat before it gets cold.”

 

//

 

“That was so good.” Clarke half states, half moans, causing Lexa to laugh. “I’m so full.”

“I’m glad that you liked it.” Lexa says from her standing position by the table, with their empty plates in her hands. She leans down to place a kiss to Clarke’s temple before heading back towards the kitchen. They fuss with each other about who would clean up, but then they just ended up doing it together. Lexa swaying in front of the sink while she washes dishes, bumping her hip against Clarke’s and smiling, only to receive an even brighter smile in return.

They finish cleaning the kitchen and move to the couch, but not before Lexa turns the light off so that they can see the TV better. She plops down beside Clarke on the couch and the blonde leans in and lays her head over on Lexa’s shoulder. “What are we watching?” Lexa asked as she turned her smart TV on to Netflix. “LOST?” She asks and smiles when she feels a nod on her shoulder. “Which episo – “

“Season three episode twelve.” Clarke answers before Lexa can finish the question.

They watch maybe ten minutes of the episode before Lexa asks softly, “Was this okay?” Clarke, on her shoulder, looks up to Lexa from a weird angle, causing Lexa to grin. “This date, I mean. Was it all right? I mean it wasn’t anything spectacular I know, but – “

“Lexa.” Clarke says firmly, sitting up more on the couch and pecking her lips against Lexa’s. “It was probably the best date,” She kisses Lexa’s jaw. “I’ve ever,” Her soft lips move down the Lexa’s neck. “Been on. Okay?” Her mouth goes back to Lexa’s neck, nipping and licking her way back up to Lexa’s ear. “Okay?” She repeats after Lex doesn’t answer, before pulling at the brunette’s earlobe with her teeth. She was definitely feeling a little more brazen.

“O – okay…” Lexa stutters out.

Clarke chuckles and reaches to grab the remote from the armrest beside her date. She hits the ‘pause’ button and throws the controller over onto the coffee table, before turning back to Lexa and moving so that she’s straddling the brunette.

‘Oh shit.’ Lexa thinks to herself. She can’t believe that this is happening. ‘Is this real?’

Clarke is also stuck in her own head. ‘Oh my God… oh my God. I can’t believe that I’m doing this. I mean, I want to do this… definitely. Is this too much? Is Lexa good with this?’

Lexa pulls her out of her thoughts by bringing her hand up to the back of Clarke’s neck and pulling the blonde closer to crash their lips together. ‘Guess that answers that question.’ Clarke thinks to herself, but not for long because her mind quickly becomes hazy at the taste of Lexa’s lips, her tongue. Clarke’s hands are caught tight in the soft denim material of Lexa’s button-up shirt, so tight that her knuckles go white. Lexa’s hands are on Clarke’s waist and they slowly begin their ascension up the soft, pale skin under the blonde’s black blouse. Her hands are so soft against Clarke’s skin as they trail up her ribs. 

They have to break away to breathe, but they’re quickly back at it. The passion in this one moment is almost overwhelming to the both of them. Both of their bodies, their skin feels like it’s on fire. Clarke slowly starts to grind herself down onto one of Lexa’s thighs below her, and she lets out a moan when Lexa’s lips move from her own lips to her neck and down to the juncture at her neck and shoulder. Clarke chuckles a little when she hears the brunette groan because she can’t get to any more new skin because of Clarke’s shirt. Lexa’s mouth moves back up Clarke’s neck, biting, sucking, and licking the whole way up to the blonde’s ear. She grips at the hem of the sheer black blouse and starts to pull. “Off…” She practically growls and Clarke lifts her arms up so that Lexa can remove the top completely.

Clarke feels chills at the newly exposed skin of her torso meeting the cool air of Lexa’s apartment. The chills are magnified by a thousand when Lexa’s hands start to graze up and down her bare sides again. The brunette kisses her way from Clarke’s lips, down her neck, towards the valley of Clarke’s breasts. She kisses over Clarke’s black, lacey bra and then pulls at the edge of the offending material with her teeth. “I’m guessing that this was the ‘final touch’?” She smiles up at a pair of gorgeous blue eyes, to only receive a nod from the girl still focusing on Lexa’s touch. Lexa is sure that she see’s Clarke’s eyes becoming glassy. She brings her hands slowly up Clarke’s back to where the clasp of the blonde’s bra is. “Is this okay?” Lexa asks softly and placing a kiss on the underside of the blonde’s jaw.

“Yes.” Clarke practically moaned out, as she was still grinding herself down onto the brunette’s lap. The black bra didn’t last even a second longer before it was being throw to the other side of the room by Lexa.

Lexa thought that she was in a dream. Never, in a million years, did she think that she would be back here one day. Back here, looking up at this woman. This woman who has always been and would always be her entire universe. Clarke was perfect. In more ways than one. “You’re so beautiful…” Lexa sighs, placing soft kisses across Clarke’s exposed chest before eagerly taking one of the blonde’s perfect nipples into her mouth. A loud moan escaped the woman on top of her and she bore down even harder onto Lexa’s lap. The brunette had a tight grip on Clarke’s hips, just above the waistband of her jeans, but she let the blonde guide herself. “I’ve missed this so much…” Lexa whispered as she let go of the breast that she had just been adorning with soft sucks and kisses, making her way back up to Clarke’s neck. She brought a hand up to move a few stray strands of blonde hair from Clarke’s pale neck, kissing her there softly before moving up to her ear. “I’ve missed you so much.” Lexa slowly brought her other hand up to caress the blonde’s cheek and that’s when she felt it. 

She looked up quickly to the goddess sitting in her lap. There were tears falling freely from Clarke’s cerulean eyes, making them even brighter. “Clarke…” Lexa says softly, just barely above a whisper. She was starting to think that maybe Clarke regretted this. Maybe this was all too fast for her. Her stomach bottomed out at the thought. “Are you okay?” Both of her hands up are both caressing Clarke’s neck now.

Clarke nods slowly before a small, yet sad smile forms on her face. “Yes.” The blonde replies and then brings her own hands up to Lexa’s face, rubbing her thumbs over the brunette’s chiseled cheek bones and then her lips. “I just – I …”

“Is this too much? I can – I can stop.” Lexa is still worried that they’ve crossed a major line that Clarke deeply regrets.

Clarke still feels tears flowing slowly down her face, but she can’t help herself. She’s so overcome with emotion; she’s bursting at the seams. She knows what this is. What this feeling is. She admitted it to herself and out loud to a sleeping Lexa two weeks ago in a hotel bed in Los Angeles. This was it… and it was terrifying. She knew how Lexa felt about her and she knew that Lexa was waiting for Clarke to let her know how she felt definitively. 

Clarke leaned in to press her lips softly against Lexa’s, but only for a moment before leaning back and pulling another small smile back onto her face. Lexa’s emerald eyes were filled with a look of anxiety and Clarke knew that she would be thinking too much about this. The blonde’s hands were still pressed against Lexa’s chiseled cheeks as she spoke. “I love you.” Clarke felt a metaphorical weight being lifted off of her shoulders. She felt lighter than she had in years. Those three little words, that held such big meaning, had finally come out. She felt Lexa’s jaw tighten in her hands and the brunette’s hands also tightened slightly around the blonde’s neck and shoulders. She almost chuckled at the look of relief and awe that came across Lexa’s face. Clarke leaned in again to kiss Lexa on the side of the mouth. “I.” Then on her nose. “Love.” And then passionately on her lips, taking both of their breath away. “You.”

When they broke away from each other again, it was Clarke’s turn to see tears falling down Lexa’s face, but there was also a smile. “God…” Lexa breathed out as if the weight of a thousand years had been lifted. “I love you so much, Clarke Griffin.” The brunette smiled again and began kissing the tears from Clarke’s face, neck, and down to her chest. “So, so much.” Lexa kissed her on the mouth once more, leaving them both no room for air. 

It wasn’t long before she felt the blonde start grinding back down onto her thigh. She brought both of her hands up to start palming at Clarke’s bare breasts as Clarke worked her magic with her tongue inside Lexa’s awaiting mouth. A moan fell from Clarke’s mouth as their kiss broke, but only for a second and Lexa caught the next with her own lips. Clarke’s hands came down from Lexa’s shoulders to start fiddling with the small buttons on the brunette’s denim shirt. It’s been a while since she’s done this, and her shaking hands weren’t helping the matter. She paused and started to climb off of Lexa’s lap, earning a confused look from the girl beneath her in the process. “Get up.” Clarke ordered and Lexa did just that, standing tall in front of the woman that she loves. And that loves her.

Clarke felt as if she could focus more, not having Lexa underneath her to distract her. Her hands move back to Lexa’s shirt and start back where they left off, undoing those damned buttons, and her mouth claimed Lexa’s once more. Once she got into the rhythm, it was only another moment or so before she was able to peel back the shirt off of Lexa’s shoulders, her lips never leaving the other woman’s. When the shirt was off, however, her hands descended to the button on Lexa’s tight jeans. She opened them and knelt slowly in front of this goddess of a woman, placing kisses down the toned expanse of Lexa’s stomach. She pulled the brunette’s jeans all the way down her sculpted legs and Lexa helped by stepping out of them. She looked up and her eyes widened at something that caught her eye. She had forgotten. 

Clarke placed a soft, lingering kiss on top of a tattoo of her own lips on Lexa’s hip. She looked up at Lexa in the process and noticed the beaming smile on the other woman’s face. Clarke smiled into the kiss on Lexa’s hip before standing and crashing their lips back together even more passionately than before. The whole time that their lips were moving against each other desperately, Lexa’s fingers were working on removing Clarke’s jeans and Clarke’s were eliminating the navy bra around the brunette’s chest.

Once both pieces of fabric were gone, Lexa leaned down to pick Clarke up from under her thighs, causing the blonde to yelp and then chuckle in their kiss. She nipped at Lexa’s bottom lip while wrapping her legs tightly around her love’s waist. Another gasp left her lips not long after that when she felt a hand slip between their bodies and into the front of her soaked underwear down into her wet folds. “God…” Lexa breathed into their kiss. She was breathless at the feel of Clarke. The blonde threw her head back with a loud moan when she felt a finger run across her clit.

“Lexa…” Clarke moaned out in between pants of breath. The brunette only answered with a hum because her lips were now moving frantically at the base of Clarke’s neck. Clarke was beginning to wonder just how strong Lexa actually was. She was still standing in the middle of the living room with Clarke wrapped around her waist, one hand behind the blonde’s back and the other working in Clarke’s underwear. Clarke groaned again and her nails dug into Lexa’s back. “Take me to bed.” She almost cried out when she felt the hand being removed from in between them and Lexa quickly carried them into her bedroom.

She laid Clarke down, gently on the bed and completely removed her underwear, tossing them to the side as if she never wanted to see them again. “Yours too.” Clarke commanded breathily and Lexa grinned. “I want to feel you.” The brunette did as told and then climbed on top of Clarke and brought their lips back together in a bruising kiss. Her hand almost immediately finds its way back down to Clarke’s core between her legs and she teases at the blonde’s entrance with one long finger. Clarke was so wet and they both moaned into each other’s mouth as Lexa buried her lengthy middle finger into the hot depths of Clarke’s sex. “Oh fuck… Lex – “

Clarke’s nails were not friendly on Lexa’s back as the brunette entered a second finger inside of the blonde, but neither one of them seemed to care. Clarke was breathless and panting. She was sure that she wasn’t forming any kind of coherent words. All that she could think about was the woman on top of her and the emotions that her lips were evoking against her own and the feeling of her fingers pumping slowly in and out of her. She was starting to feel hazy. She felt as if she were intoxicated. More intoxicated than she could ever get from any form of alcohol or drug.

Lexa could feel Clarke’s walls pulsing around her fingers when she added a third. The blonde beneath her arched her back up off of the bed in pleasure as she moaned Lexa’s name. “Lexa…” Clarke quickly brought her hand up to cup the back of Lexa’s neck and pull her back down to her mouth. As much as the blonde wanted Lexa’s lips a little further south, she wanted nothing more than to relish in the feel of Lexa’s lips against hers when she moaned out the brunette’s name. She’s waited too long for this. Lexa’s fingers pumping in and out of the blonde became a little more frantic and she knew that Clarke was close. She her walls were still tightening even more around her three long fingers. “Fuck, Lex – I’m gonna… I’m clos – “ Lexa’s mouth was still on hers, but her free hand came up to grasp at one of Clarke’s exceptional breasts.

“Come for me, Clarke.” Lexa gasped into their kiss and only moments later, Clarke was overwhelmed with the feeling of desire coursing through her body and she let go. The blonde was drowning in pleasure as she rode out a lengthy orgasm to a steady beat of moans, crying out Lexa’s name. Lexa’s lips were smooth and gentle against the neck of the girl beneath her and her fingers pumped slowly in and out of the blonde while she road out her climax. Lexa couldn’t stop looking at Clarke. She was so damn beautiful and she just had to say it. Her lips nipped at Clarke’s earlobe gently as the blonde was still a panting mess beneath her. “You are the most stunning thing that this world has to offer.” She whispers, kissing across Clarke’s jaw and back to her mouth.

After another moment, after she finally catches her breath, Clarke wraps her arms around Lexa’s neck bringing her down closer on top of her. The feeling of the wetness between Lexa’s legs against Clarke’s thigh definitely does not go unnoticed. They kiss for what feels like an eternity. All of time was lost on them, but neither of them cared. They had waited too long for this moment. Too long to be wrapped up in each other’s arms, in each other’s bodies. “I love you.” Clarke murmurs against Lexa’s kiss swollen lips.

“I love you more.” Lexa grins and kisses her again.

“Not possible.”

Lexa chuckles before leaning back a bit so that she can properly see the woman that she loves. “When I say that I love you more, I don’t mean that I love you more than you love me, Clarke.” She kisses her jaw. “I mean that I love you more than the bad days that are surely ahead of us.” She kisses her neck, along her pulse point, earning a low moan from the blonde. “I love you more than any fight that we may ever have.” She slowly grazes her teeth across the Clarke’s collarbone. “I love you more than the distance that may sometimes be between us.” She moves back up to bump her nose against Clarke’s and smile before placing another soft kiss to the lips that she loves so much. “I love you more than any hurdle that might try and come between us…. I just love you more.”

A single tear falls from Lexa’s face and down onto Clarke’s cheek to meet one of her own. “I swear…” Clarke starts, her voice low and husky, still worn out from before. “I couldn’t love you more than I do right now.” Clarke smiles. “But I know that when I wake up in the morning, I will.” Their lips meet passionately once more before Clarke flips them over and straddles the brunette under her. She places a swift kiss to Lexa’s mouth before speaking.

“Your turn.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So???? What did you guys think? Let me know in the comments. This was my first time ever writing smut, so I'm sure that it wasn't that great, but I greatly apologize. I hope that the message of their true love came across in that scene though. Love you guys!! :) 
> 
> Follow me on Twitter @asuzh90


	19. Chapter 19

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! First of all this is NOT an update. I will hopefully have one up tomorrow. After that one, there will more than likely only be one more chapter. 
> 
> SOOOO...... I need you guys to vote on something for me. I have two prompts that I want to do, but I can't decided which to write first.
> 
> The options are- Clarke teaches Lexa's adopted son in kindergarten. (Vague I know)
> 
> Or
> 
> (And this is pretty much because I'm a nerd and it's my all time favorite movie.) A 'My Best Friend's Wedding' AU. 
> 
> If you vote for the wedding one, I also would like to have your opinions on which girl you would like to see getting married and which one you want trying to crash it.
> 
> Let me know what you think!!! :) love you guys!
> 
> Follow me on Twitter @asuzh90

UPDATE TOMORROW!! :)


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Sorry that it took so long. I've been away on business trips the past few weeks and when I got back, I had to move into another house. Moving sucks, by the way. So here's the newest update. I hope that you guys like it. The next chapter will be the final one. It's bittersweet, but there will most definitely be another fic... like really soon. Let me know what you think in the comments and as usual, I really, really enjoy kudos. ;)

With the morning, came a terribly bright sunlight through the window of Lexa’s bedroom. The brightness of it woke Clarke up, but she still refused to open her eyes up entirely. At first, she had forgotten where she was. In fact, she had slept so soundly, it was almost as if she were in her own bedroom at home. Her level of comfort throughout the night had been through the roof and she smiles to herself when she remembers where she is. She peeks one eye open and turns around to her other side so that she’s not facing that God awful light this early in the morning. When she is completely turned around in bed, the sleepy smile on her face falls. Lexa isn’t there next to her. Of course Clarke, being Clarke, immediately jumps to conclusions… Maybe they had messed up, maybe Lexa wasn’t as ready for this as she had thought, maybe Lexa woke up next to Clarke and freaked the hell out. The blonde’s mind was racing and she was sure that her thoughts were physically written across her face, but then she heard the bedroom door creak open and the beautiful form of a goddess appeared in front of her, wearing a pair of sweatpants and a tank top.

“Good morning.” Lexa says softly as she climbs onto the bed and lies on her side right in front of Clarke. Her voice is quiet, as if she were too afraid to speak loud thinking that she might scare Clarke away. Truth is, Lexa had been terrified ever since she woke up. She couldn’t remember the last time that she was this happy and felt this much love in her heart. Well… she could, and it was with the same person, but she was honestly fearful that Clarke would wake up and freak out, immediately regretting the situation. The smile on the blonde’s face, however, told a different story and she felt the weight of worry being lifted off of her. Clarke sidled up next the Lexa, with a big smile, and buried her face in the crook of Lexa’s neck.

“Morning.” Clarke mumbles against the olive skin of Lexa and the warm breath tickles the brunette and sends shivers down her spine. Lexa immediately wraps her arm around Clarke’s waist and pulls her in even impossibly closer. “I thought that you had left.” Clarke says again, her voice sounding unsure in her statement.

Lexa pulls back a little bit so that Clarke can see her face and she raises a brow with an amused look on her face. “Well… this is my apartment.”

“I know. I just - I was scared.”

“Of what?”

“That you thought that maybe we jumped the gun or something.” Clarke replied shyly as she shrugged her shoulders. “I just kept thinking that - I don’t know… maybe last night was too good to be true.”

“Do you regret it?” Lexa asks, vocalizing the question that she’s been worried about ever since she woke up this morning. She smiles when Clarke shakes her head vigorously. 

“No… Do you?”

“Last night was quite possibly the best night of my life, Clarke.” The brunette spoke truthfully and from the heart and she’s almost entirely sure that her heart melts at the sight of the grin on Clarke’s face. Lexa brings her hands up to cups Clarke’s face softly, and she leans over to place a kiss on Clarke’s forehead, the tip of her nose, and then on her lips. The latter lingering for quite a while. “I love you.” She murmurs against Clarke’s gentle lips, brushing her nose against the blonde’s ever so slightly. 

Clarke’s cobalt eyes shine in the heavy light of the morning and they most definitely take Lexa’s breath away. The blonde’s voice is low and husky still from her night’s sleep as she brings her hand up to grab on to one of Lexa’s forearms that’s next to her face. “I love you… more.” Clarke says with a soft smile, referring back to their conversation from the night before. She leans back in to kiss Lexa and smiles in the process causing them to both start to giggle after a while.

“God…” Lexa groans.

“What is it?” Clarke asks with a curiosity written in the lines of her face.

“Nothing… I just – I – I can’t explain your eyes.”

Clarke chuckles a bit before raising a brow in amusement. “Is that a bad thing?”

Lexa shakes her head ‘no’ before she replies. “No. They’re just –“ She loses thought staring into the topic of this specific subject. “And the sound of your voice… it gives me butterflies.” Lexa admits and then almost automatically regrets it because she realizes what an idiot she sounded like. Clarke’s smile brings her out of her own thoughts and it spurs her on. “Your smile,” She starts again and brings a thumb to trace over Clarke’s velvety lips. “It makes my heart skip a beat. I just – Every time that I’m with you… I don’t know – I just feel so complete.”

A few stray tears fight to leave Clarke’s eyes and Lexa is quick to wipe them away gently. Clarke presses her lips to Lexa’s and the kiss last for a few moments before she pulls away. “God… you’re such a sap.” Clarke grins at Lexa teasingly.

Lexa’s smile widens and she shrugs one shoulder and brings a hand to push back a stray strand of blonde hair behind Clarke’s ear. “Yeah… but you love me.”

“I do.” Clarke says assuredly. “And I will never stop falling in love with you, Woods.” Clarke kisses her and they both practically melt into each other’s arms, accepting the warmth that the other has to give. The kiss lingers longer than it was meant to and they both lose themselves. Lexa’s tongue immediately seeks refuge inside Clarke’s warm mouth and the blonde is more than accepting. After a few seconds, Clarke pulls back, but only slightly, while she moves her body and rolls Lexa’s over, straddling her in the process. She crashes their lips together once more and her hands come up to move up and down Lexa’s arms, until they move down to the brunette’s sides and Clarke basically growls when she meets the soft material of Lexa’s tank top.  
Lexa, from underneath Clarke, tightens her grip on the blonde’s bare hips and begins to chuckle into their kiss before she pulls back to see a pouting Clarke. “What is it?”

Clarke takes a fistful of fabric, tugging Lexa’s top. “You have on too many clothes.”

The brunette’s smile widens and she laughs before pulling Clarke back down to meet her lips, but only for a short moment. “As much as I’d love to let you remove them… I’ve got breakfast waiting for you and I have to run over to the bar for a bit.”

“What? Why? It’s Saturday morning, Lexa.” Clarke almost whines and the smile on Lexa’s face doesn’t fade.

Lexa sits up in bed, holding tight onto the naked woman in her lap and pulling her closer. “Thanks for the day update, beautiful.” Lexa leans in to smile into Clarke’s collarbone before she nips at it slightly. “I’m going to make sure that Wells has everything that he needs for tonight.” The blonde raises a questioning brow and Lexa answers the unspoken inquiry. “I asked him to close for me.” Lexa shrugs and she brings Clarke in for a tight, warm embrace. “I want to spend the entire day with you.”

“Yeah?” Clarke asks as she slings her arms around Lexa’s neck and the brunette nods before accepting a soft kiss from Clarke. “Well…” Clarke says grabbing onto Lexa’s tank top as she hesitantly stands up from her place on the bed, pulling the other woman with her. “The rest of the day better be filled with a lot less clothing.”

Lexa laughs out loud as Clarke leaves her standing there and walks towards one of the brunette’s dressers. “What are you doing?”

“I’m looking for something to wear.”

“You just said that you wanted the rest of the day to be close free.” Lexa grins.

Clarke grabs a big t-shirt from one of the drawers and then starts to look for a pair of panties. “Are you going to tell me where some panties are or not?” The blonde asks and looks up to see Lexa with her arms crossed over her chest and she’s shaking her head ‘no’. “Lexa, if you’re wearing clothes… then I’m wearing clothes.” Clarke teases and laughs aloud when Lexa pouts out her bottom lip.

“I don’t like this idea.”

“Well, I don’t like it either… so hurry back.” Clarke grins.

Lexa crosses the room in only a few long strides from lengthy legs, before pulling Clarke in for a hug. “What do you want to do today?” Lexa mumbles into her blonde hair. “It’s supposed to rain all day I believe.”

“Good.” Clarke murmurs into Lexa’s chest. “Can we just stay in and cuddle… and other things?” Lexa feels Clarke smile into her chest.

“God.” Lexa chuckles. “I forgot how much of a horndog you are in the mornings.” This earns her a slap on the arm, but Clarke definitely doesn’t deny it. “We can do whatever you want, Clarke Jane Griffin… but I’m definitely going to cuddle the fuck out of you.”

Clarke pulls away with a loud laugh and leans up to kiss Lexa’s full lips. “Don’t be long then.” She says before nipping at the bottom lip. Lexa leans back in to kiss her and it’s like they just can’t get enough of each other, yet it’s always been like this with them. They could never keep their hands off of one another.

“I’ll be back as soon as I can.” Lexa whispers softly into Clarke’s lips. She moves to brush her nose against Clarke’s. “I love you.” 

Clarke bumps her nose slightly against Lexa’s and grins just as their lips brush gently over each other’s.  
“I love you more.” Clarke replies without any hesitation and kisses her once more. Lexa is sure that her heart is settling into a big gay puddle in the bottom of her stomach.

 

//

 

Clarke awakes a couple of hours later, on Lexa’s couch, to her cell phone buzzing loudly on the hard wood of the coffee table in front of her. She had fallen asleep after eating a very fresh and healthy breakfast that Lexa had prepared for her. It was amazing and she was quick to doze back off after having her belly filled. The blonde sits up from her prone position on the sofa and leans over to grab her phone. She smiles when she sees that it’s Lexa calling. “Hey.” Clarke answers softly and sleepily with a smile.

“Hey, baby.” Lexa replies and Clarke’s smile widens even further. It’s been entirely too long since she’s heard Lexa call her any form of pet name and she just realized how bad she has missed it. “Did I wake you up?”

“Yeah, but I need to get up anyways. When are you coming home?” It doesn’t even seem to faze either one of them when she says ‘home’ like it’s theirs together.

“I’m on my way…” There’s a little pause. “Umm – “

“Oh, god. What is it?” Clarke asks as she sits up even straighter on the sofa and leans forwards onto her knees. “Is everything okay?”

“Everything is fine… it’s just that – Raven and Octavia are on their way over there to ask me about how our date went.”

“Shit.”

This makes Lexa chuckle a little bit, but she too knows how annoying that this conversation is going to get and that’s even if Clarke is okay about them knowing all of this right away. “Are you okay with that? I mean… we can wait about telling them if you want. It’s up to you.”

Clarke lets out a long, audible sigh and huffs into the speaker. “We might as well rip the band-aid off and do it now.”

“Are you sure?”

The blonde’s sigh turns into a small laugh. “The only thing that I’m sure about anymore is that I love you and you love me… and that’s all that matters to me.”

There’s a little bit of a pause and Clarke thinks that she’s lost reception and dropped Lexa’s call, but then the brunette finally speaks. “That reminded me of the ‘Barney’ song.” Lexa jokes and then busts out into a laugh over the speaker of Clarke’s cell phone.

Clarke groans. “I take back what I just said.”

“No take backs.”

“You’re such a child.” 

“Whatever, Griffin.”

“I’ll show you ‘whatever’… you’re not getting any later.” The blonde huffs with a dumb grin on her face although Lexa can’t see it.

“What? Clarke… that’s not fair.”

“Should have thought about that before you made fun of my love confession.”

“I’m sorry… Baby.” Clarke can practically see that annoyingly, sexy smirk from here and she knows that Lexa’s caught on to how much she loves the pet name. Clarke decides to change the topic quickly because she knows that she will give in to Lexa and she’s not ready yet. She’s going to have way too much fun holding the guilt over Lexa’s pretty little head.

“Are you almost here or am I going to have to face our friends alone?”

“I am about to pull up. See you in a sec. I lo – “ Lexa is cut off when Clarke hangs up the phone and grins. Only a few minutes later, the door flies open and Lexa strides in with a pout that causes Clarke to giggle from the couch. The blonde doesn’t move to get up and Lexa makes her way over to her. “You hung up on me.”

“You were here… and you were being mean.”

“I wasn’t being mean.” Lexa retorts. “You better be nice to me or you want get any of these.” She says, holding up a bag of Sour Patch Kids in the process. “You left them in the car last night on the way from the grocery store.” The blonde reaches for the bag, but Lexa is quick to pull it away.

“Lexa…”

“Clarke…”

The blonde huffs and throws her arms across her chest and Lexa thinks that it’s quite possibly one of the cutest things that she’s ever seen. Her smile does nothing but agitate Clarke further. Lexa opens the bag and grabs a gummy out and sticks it halfway in her mouth while setting the bag on the coffee table. She then leans over and places her hands on Clarke knees that dangle off of the sofa. Her face moves much closer to the blonde’s and she can see how Clarke is trying to ward off a smile. There’s only maybe half an inch of space between their lips now and Clarke finally gives in and throws both hands behind Lexa’s head, pulling her closer and crashing their lips together over the sour candy. She quickly removes the candy from Lexa’s mouth and eats it, causing the brunette to giggle into her lips. Lexa pulls Clarke’s bottom lip between her own, nipping it slightly with her teeth and then licking the sour sugar away causing a low moan to exit Clarke’s mouth.  
Lexa leans over even closer and Clarke turns so that her back is lying flat on the couch and Lexa moves on top of her. Their kiss begins playful and a little messy, but quickly transforms into something deeper. Something more passionate. Clarke moves her tongue softly against Lexa’s lips, asking for a permission that only moments later she is granted. Lexa lets out a low moan out of her throat, but Clarke is quick to swallow it up and they both inhale deep breaths through their noses to try and stave off the need to come up for any more air. 

Clarke’s soft hands have moved up under the hem of Lexa’s tank top, and her nails scratch at the toned stomach of the brunette on top of her. Lexa sits up a bit, straddling Clarke more, and she starts to tug the soft material of Clarke’s big shirt up her torso. Correction. Her shirt… but it looks so much better on the blonde. Clarke is more than happy to oblige Lexa, so she raises her arms and in one swoop, Lexa has Clarke’s shirt off of her and the only thing that Clarke has on is a pair of Lexa’s underwear. 

“God…” Lexa moans before leaning down to capture the blonde’s full lips again, and she can’t help but grind herself down onto Clarke’s thighs. “You.” She says, kissing down Clarke’s neck to her collarbone. “Are the most.” Lexa kisses a path slowly down the top of the other woman’s pale chest. “Stunning woman.” She breathes against Clarke’s skin, in the valley of her cleavage. “I’ve ever seen.” And Clarke’s hands come up to the back Lexa’s head as the brunette takes an already erect nipple into her mouth. 

Clarke’s back arches high off of the couch as she moans Lexa’s name and she pulls Lexa in tighter as if she can’t get enough. Lexa works on Clarke’s ample breasts for a moment before making her way back up to her pale neck. Lexa is sure that she could get off of on Clarke’s moans and warm breath against her ear alone. Before long, Clarke’s pawing at the heavy material of Lexa’s sweatpants, trying desperately to get them down those long, tanned legs. When she’s almost successful and has the pants down to Lexa’s knees they both hear the door swing open… and by then it’s too late.

“Lexa! Tell us about this date – OH MY GOD!” Raven yells as she and Octavia plow through Lexa’s front door. 

“My eyes!” Octavia yells as she brings her hands up to cover her face and Lexa immediately falls down, placing her half clothed body on top of Clarke’s almost nude form, trying to hide her at least in the little bit.

“Guys! What the hell?” Lexa belts out. “Turn the fuck around.” They both do as their told and Lexa climbs off of Clarke and drags her into the bedroom and slams the door.

“Shit.” Clarke growls as she plops down onto Lexa’s bed, and Lexa is starting to think that Clarke is pissed off and rethinking everything. “I guess this is my fault. I said that I wanted to just go ahead and rip the band-aid off.” The blonde laughs and Lexa lets out a sigh of relief and then a chuckle before sitting down beside Clarke on the bed.

“I’m sorry. I got… carried away. I completely forgot that they were coming over.” Lexa sighed.

“Don’t apologize, Lex. I mean… did you see me trying to stop you?” Clarke smirks. “And actually – “ She says softly, looking down at her naked body and then back at the bedroom door before looking back to Lexa. “I say we finish what we started. They can wait.” Clarke says, biting her lip suggestively.

“Fuck…” Lexa breathes out before looking to the door and then back to Clarke and her bare body. She immediately tugs off her sweatpants as Clarke practically rips Lexa’s tank top off simultaneously. Lexa uses her strength to pull Clarke further onto the bed before they start to devour each other.

 

//

 

Both women exit Lexa’s bedroom a while later. Probably too long, but neither one of them can find it in themselves to care. Clarkes exits first with Lexa not too far behind. They can feel two sets of eyes on them from their friends who reside on the sofa in the living room. Clarke takes a seat on the recliner and Lexa continues on into the kitchen. Clarke raises an eyebrow, but Lexa doesn’t see because her back is to the blonde. She seems to be using the Keurig. She must need coffee. Clarke knows that she would like some as well, but doesn’t say anything.

The silence in the room is almost deafening. Clarke finally manages to pull her own eyes over to their two friends on the couch. She knows that her face is probably beet red by now, and she notices that both Octavia and Raven have those shit-eating grins on their faces. They still don’t say anything though. It’s like they’re waiting for Lexa to return and when she does, she hands a mug to Clarke and takes a seat on the arm of the recliner that the blonde is sitting in. Lexa acts as if she isn’t fazed by anything. 

“So…” Lexa breathes, finally breaking the awkward silence between friends. “What have you guys been up to?”

“What?” Raven asks with a sort of grunt. “You’re – you…” Raven sputters and this causes Lexa to chuckle into her mug as she takes a sip. She looks down at the blonde to see a small smile start to take over her features as well. “You’re seriously not going to talk to your two best friends about this – this… revolution that the two of you have obviously come to?”

Lexa looks down at Clarke who gives her a small nod as if she’s giving the brunette permission to speak about their newly forming… old relationship. “What exactly do you want to know?” Lexa huffs as she spins back around to look at her two shorter friends that can’t seem to get rid of their dumbass smiles.

“Well, obviously the date went well…” Octavia grinned and both Clarke and Lexa turned a few shades of red.

“Yes.” Lexa replied. “At least… I think so.” The brunette smiled a small smile and looked back down to Clarke. The blonde rolled her eyes with a grin.

“It was… wonderful.” Clarke answered Lexa’s unasked question even though they both discussed this last night before Clarke practically jumped Lexa’s bones.

“It must have been something for Clarke Griffin to put out on the first date.” Raven says and Clarke’s eyes widen causing Raven to chuckle.

“I hate you so much right now, Reyes.” The blonde practically growled and took another sip out of her mug. This was definitely one of the most awkward conversations that she’s ever had, but at least it was with her best friends. She can’t help the small grin that tries to form on her face, and it doesn’t go unnoticed.

“I mean… hell. Who could blame her?” Lexa states. “I’m fucking gorgeous.” Within a second, the brunette is being shoved off the arm of the recliner and to the floor. Luckily, she managed to not spill her coffee. She places the cup on the table in front of her as she laughs out loud and Clarke has to admit that that’s by far the best sound that she’s ever heard. Lexa crawls back over the side of the arm chair where Clarke sits and she sits up on her knees and rest her arms of the arm of the chair. She leans forward and places a kiss on the blonde’s shoulder and she doesn’t miss the smile in Clarke’s gorgeous blue eyes.

Raven starts to gag in the background causing Octavia to laugh and the couple to roll their eyes before Clarke leans over and Lexa meets her halfway in a soft kiss, both of them smiling into it, knowing that they’re causing a little bit of discomfort to their friends.

“Yep. You’re both still disgusting.” Raven says, although it’s obvious that she’s joking with them.

“Disgustingly adorable.” Octavia says, clapping her hands together and practically jumping in her place on the sofa.

“Thanks, O.” Clarke replies.

“So…” Octavia begins, and it’s clear that she’s trying to be a little more serious now. “What does this mean? For the two of you, I mean. I don’t mean to pry… it’s just exciting.”

Clarke looks down at Lexa where she’s still kneeling beside the recliner and smiles. “I don’t know.” Clarke answers. “I just know that I don’t want to be anywhere else than here with you.” She speaks directly to Lexa as if their friends aren’t even there. Lexa’s smile is tender and awestruck. Her green eyes are wide and teary and the look on her face causes Clarke’s heart to slam in her chest. The words go unspoken. They both know that they don’t have to say them in this moment. Not in front of company. At this point in time, that is something only for the two of them.  
I love you.

Lexa eventually gets up, when the conversation in the room begins to turn into more small talk than anything. Octavia’s work. Raven’s students. Lexa’s bar. Clarke’s artwork. They can talk about literally anything and everything. Lexa takes Clarke’s empty mug from her hand and takes it to the kitchen along with her own before returning.

“Woods, mind making me some coffee?” Raven asks.

“No.”

“What?”

Octavia and Clarke chuckle because Lexa and Raven are constantly bickering with each other.

“You barged in here like you owned the place.” Lexa replied. “You want coffee… make it yourself.”

“Griffin was butt-ass naked on your couch like she owned the place…” Raven joked and Clarke threw her a glare. “And you made her coffee.”

Lexa chuckled a little and moved to pick Clarke up, making her squeak before she sat down in the recliner herself with Clarke now in her lap. “Yeah… but she’s got a nice ass.” She smiles and pats Clarke softly on her behind.

Clarke throws her head back in laughter and Raven gets up to go make her own coffee, but then Octavia stands as well before speaking. “Raven, we can get coffee somewhere else. We should leave them alone.” Her smile never fades. It’s obvious to Octavia how in love Clarke and Lexa really are and how they need to just be alone right now. “We’ll talk later. Double date?” Lexa and Clarke both nod and say goodbye to their friends.

As soon as the door is shut, Clarke leans back into Lexa’s chest and let’s out an audible sigh. “You okay?” Lexa asks, placing a kiss to the side of Clarke’s neck.

Clarke hums in agreement. “I’m just glad that’s over.” She chuckles.

“Me too. But you know that we are just going to hear more shit from them now, right? Especially from Reyes.”

“I know, but… I kind of like it. Reminds me of the past.” Clarke smiles up at the ceiling from where she’s leaned back against Lexa’s chest.

It was Lexa’s turn to hum then, but it sounded a little distant as if she were thinking about something and clearly Clarke had heard it. She sat up and turned around with a look of worry covering her facial features. “What is it?”

Lexa softly shakes her head from side to side before her green eyes look up to meet those stellar cerulean ones. “Clarke… I’m so sorry for everything. I can never apologize enough. I caused us both so much unnecessary pain. I – I never…” She trails off and tries to hold back her tears and Clarke reaches down to tangle their fingers together tenderly. “I just… I love our past, but now… All I can think of is how much I want you in my future. I want you to be my future. My whole future.” She smiles a sad smile and she realizes what a dumbass she sounds like right now. “I realize that we only started… dating – “

“Yesterday.” Clarke finishes for her, but the smile on her face is wide and Lexa nods with a slight chuckle. “I do too.” Lexa raises an eyebrow in confusion at Clarke’s statement and the blonde continues, but not before placing her hands on either side of Lexa’s face softly. “I can’t wait to be your future, Lexa. And I hope that you’ll be mine too.” She leans in to capture Lexa’s lips with her own and she feels tears fall from the brunette’s face, but she doesn’t say anything, only kisses her more. “This is going to work, Lexa.”

“I’ll make it.” Lexa smiles before meeting Clarke’s lips again with her own.

 

//

 

Unfortunately, the weekend can’t last forever. It came and went by too fast in Clarke and Lexa’s opinion. It’s now Tuesday evening. They didn’t get to see each other on Monday or Tuesday due to schedules. Lexa had to host a big party at the bar and Clarke stayed up practically all night working on a commissioned piece for some big company’s lobby. They texted all day though and Clarke couldn’t believe how much Lexa could make her smile so much through just a single text.

Octavia had come over to have dinner with Clarke at her apartment and they were finishing cleaning the dishes now. “How’s Lexa?” The shorter woman asks as she picks up another platter to dry off. “I haven’t seen or heard from her in a couple of days.”

“She’s good.” Clarke replies and Octavia definitely takes notices of the small pout that flashes over the blonde’s face. “Just busy.”

“What’s wrong?”

“What?” Clarke asks with a furrowed brow.

“You looked a little… I don’t know. Sad.”

Clarke kind of chuckles to herself before she begins to scrub the last dish. “God, O. I’m such a mess. I never thought that I would fall this hard again.”

Octavia grins. “After one date?”

“After one date.” The blonde replies with a nod.

“So, why did you look sad just then?”

“I told you that I’m a mess.” Clarke grins and finishes the last dish before turning and leaning her back against the counter in the kitchen. She crosses her arms in front of her chest and Octavia doesn’t notice the tight grip that Clarke has on her own arms. “I’m not sad. Just pouty. Is it weird that I miss her so much and it’s only been two days?”

“A little bit.” Octavia teases. “But… I think that it’s a normal response to someone who has been through something like the both of you. You’ve been best friends since we were in like ninth grade… You went to the same college, still as friends… and eventually as lovers where you stayed for like four years. Having a relationship like you and Lexa had and it just stopping cold turkey and you don’t see each other for years… Now you’ve found your way back to each other. I think that it’s definitely a normal response. You don’t want to let her go.”

“You don’t think that maybe I’m moving too quickly in the feelings department?” The blonde asks with a slight shrug to her shoulders.

“Do you feel like your feelings are moving too fast?” Octavia throws the question back to Clarke.

Clarke doesn’t hesitate answering. She knows how she feels and she’s not ashamed of it. She might be a little nervous or timid about it, but that’s to be expected. Lexa is so worth it. “No. All that I want to do is be with her. I can’t stand the thought of not being with her. It makes my stomach hurt. Makes me feel sick. Like right now… I know that I would feel so much better if she were with me.”

Octavia’s smile widens and she moves to Clarke’s side and throws her arm around the blonde woman’s shoulders. “Everything will be fine, Clarke. After all of this time… you guys are going to make it. You love Lexa. Lexa is bat shit crazy over you. You are both all in to work it out this time.”

“Thanks, O.” Clarke answers. 

“No problem.” The shorter woman replies and removes her arm from Clarke’s shoulders. “I have to go now though. Call me if you need anything.”

“Will do. See you this weekend?”

“You know it.” Octavia smiles before exiting Clarke’s apartment, leaving Clarke alone in her thoughts. She smiles to herself when she thinks of Lexa. Lexa’s sense of humor. Lexa’s smile. Lexa’s eyes. Lexa’s full lips on her own… She could most definitely get lost in her thoughts of the brunette woman that she’s so deeply in love with. It’s crazy to think about how far they’ve come.

It’s getting late and Clarke walks through her apartment, switching off lights as she heads to her bedroom. She plops down onto the bed and pulls the covers up and over her body. Before she falls asleep, she texts Lexa, knowing that the brunette is extremely busy tonight at the bar with the private party.

CLARKE (10:33PM) – I hope that your night is going well. I’m headed to bed. 

CLARKE (10:34PM) – Miss you like crazy.

The blonde lays her phone down on the nightstand beside her bed, plugging it into the charger as she does so. She lets out a sigh with a smile before she shuts her eyes. She’s almost asleep when she hears her phone buzz beside her. Normally, she would just ignore the message until the next morning, but she decides that it could be Lexa and she reaches over for her phone once more.

She was right.

LEXA (10:57PM) – I miss you too, beautiful.

LEXA (10:59PM) – Sleep well. I’ll call you tomorrow.

Clarke smiles so big that it hurts her face. Here she is… almost twenty-seven and she feels like a teenager in love for the first time. She can’t bring herself to care how giddy she is. It doesn’t take long for her to fall asleep, still sporting a smile.

 

//

 

Bzzz. Bzzz. Bzzz.

Clarke awakes to her cell phone buzzing on the night stand beside her. She groans, wondering who in the hell is calling her. It has to be late. She feels like she hasn’t slept at all. Reaching over to retrieve her phone, she stretches before reading the caller ID. It’s Lexa. “Lex?” Clarke answers the phone. Her voice still raspy and low from her sleep.

“Hey.” Lexa replies softly. “I’m sorry to wake you. I know you’re tired.”

“No… no.” Clarkes says quietly, sitting up in the bed in the process. “I’m fine. What’s wrong, Lex?”

Lexa huffs into the phone before speaking. “Okay. First of all, don’t freak out.” Never the words to say to someone… especially if they just woke up. Lexa hears a gasp from Clarke’s end of the line. “I said don’t freak out. I’m fine. I just need a ride.”

“A ride?” Clarke asks, confused. “Of course. Where are you?”

“Umm… at the emergency room.” A meek voice comes from the phone.

“What? Lexa. Are you okay? What happened?”

“I’m fine, Clarke.” Lexa chuckles slightly. “I’m just a massive klutz is all. I cut my hand at work. Again. Wells dropped me off and I told him I’d be fine to catch a cab back to my apartment, but now I’m feeling a little woozy from some of the pain meds they gave me. Doc had to do stitches again.”

“I swear to God, Lexa.” Clarke stands from the bed and pulls a hoodie over her tank top to cover her arms. “You will be the death of me.” She chuckles. “I’m on my way.”

“Be safe.” Lexa says before the call is ended.

 

//

 

Meanwhile at the hospital, the doctor enters Lexa’s room again, but unfortunately it’s not the previous doctor. “Abby.” Lexa wants to spit, but she doesn’t have the energy to deal with Abby Griffin right now. “What are you doing here?”

“I work here, Ms. Woods.”

“You know what I mean.” Lexa bites.

“I came to see you actually. I noticed your name on the charts outside.” The elder Griffin moved in closer to where Lexa was sitting on the table in the curtained-off room. “How’s your hand?”

“What?” Lexa asks confused. She’s looking Abby up and down, wondering what she’s up to. This is the most civil that Mrs. Griffin has ever been with her. Something’s definitely got to be up. “What do you want, Abby?”

Abby let’s out an audible sigh before looking back up to meet Lexa’s gaze. “I was only wondering about Clarke. How is she? Have you seen her lately?”

Lexa scoffs in her face. “Are you kidding me? You cornered her no more than two months ago and practically told her how disappointed you were in her for trying to accept me back into her life. Told her what a failure she was in your eyes. I may have broken her heart all of those years ago, Abby, and I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to her, but you broke her spirit when she found out what you did. She has no real family. Not now. Not after Jake. Luckily, I love her more than enough to cover for your transgressions.”

“Are you through?” Abby bites back, glaring at the green eyes in front of her, but then Abby’s eyes seem to soften. “I know I messed up, Lexa.” Lexa is most definitely taken aback. One, for Abby’s confession because that woman never admits defeat to anything, and two, she can’t remember a time that Abby has called her Lexa rather than Ms. Woods. “I know how bad I screwed up my relationship with Clarke. After Jake, I went to some dark places… and that’s no excuse, but that’s what started it. I couldn’t stand the thought of someone swooping in to comfort and console her and leave me alone in my grief. I knew that you would and you had already hurt her once. Bad. I wasn’t going to allow that to happen again.”

“This wasn’t because of Jake. You’ve hated me since the day you met me when I was in tenth grade.”

“I have never hated you, Ms. Woods. I can assure you of that.”

“Yeah? Well… assure me.” Lexa retorts.

“You were always a great friend to my daughter. She lit when she was around you, like nothing that I’d ever seen before.” 

“So you hated me because Clarke liked me?” Lexa asks with a furrowed brow and so much anger and sarcasm dripping from her voice. She almost wanted to laugh. Almost.

“No.” Abby answers immediately, shaking her head in disagreement. “Like I said… I didn’t hate you. I just didn’t agree with – your – lifestyle choices.”

“Ahh…” Lexa nods her head back to look at the ceiling and chuckle. “You don’t like me because I’m gay.” It wasn’t a question… only an observation. Abby can only nod in response, and Lexa thinks that she almost looks ashamed. “You didn’t like that Clarke ended loving a woman.” Another statement.

“I was wrong.”

Lexa can’t help her mouth falling open slightly and her eyes widening in shock. She was wrong? Hell yeah she was. More than wrong, but Lexa can’t believe she’s admitting it. “What?”

“I was wrong for judging you by who you love. And I was most definitely wrong for interfering in yours and my daughter’s relationship back then.” Abby takes a deep breath as if it pains her to say any of this, but she’s trying to Lexa doesn’t argue. “I’m sorry.”

Was this happening? Or was she just on some really good drugs? Abby Griffin… the woman that has hated her all of these years and pushed her away and threatened her and Clarke’s relationship, is apologizing. It’s almost too much to handle, honestly. Lexa’s never really had any sort of real family other than Anya. When she met Clarke, Octavia, and Raven they became her family. As well as Jake She started to wonder if Clarke could ever love Abby the way that she loved Jake. Would Clarke forgive Abby? Lexa likes to think that she would, and if Clarke can forgive her so can Lexa. It’s just going to take some time.

“Okay.” Lexa nods. 

“Okay?”

“You’re most definitely not forgiven. You’ve caused Clarke so much pain in the past few months. You haven’t been there for her. I have no room to talk. I hurt her worse, but you’re her mom. She needs you in her life. You need to fix your relationship with her. Not me, Abby.”

“I want to fix it. I love my daughter more than anything.”

“Then prove it.” Lexa says softly. “You should probably go now. She’ll be here soon. She’s already going to be grumpy because I woke her up to come pick my clumsy ass up. I have a feeling that she won’t want to see you right now.”

Abby nods. “So you’re back together?”

“We are working on it. I love your daughter very much.”

“I know.” Abby drops her head as she walks towards the door. “You make her happy. That’s all that matters.” The older Griffin says before exiting the room and Lexa still can’t believe that she just had that conversation. Clarke isn’t going to believe this. Maybe she shouldn’t say anything just yet. She should let Abby do this the right way and apologize.

About ten minutes later, a beautiful blonde walks through the door and smiles a small sleepy smile when she see Lexa sitting on the table in the emergency room. “Hey, baby.” Clarke speaks softly as she walks towards Lexa. “Sorry it took me so long. I stopped at the desk and went ahead and filled out your release papers. How’s your hand?”

“It’s fine.” Lexa smiles a dopey smile and Clarke chuckles.

“They got you on the good stuff, huh?” The blonde jokes and Lexa nods. “Well, let’s get you out of here.”

“Okay.” Lexa stands and Clarke leans over to grab the brunette’s purse and slings it over her own arm. “Can I stay with you?” Lexa asks and Clarke thinks it might quite possibly be the cutest thing she’s ever seen.

Clarke leans in to place a chaste kiss on Lexa’s gorgeous pouty lips. “I wouldn’t have it any other way.”  
“I love you.” Lexa says softly before hugging Clarke and nuzzling into the pale skin of Clarke’s neck. Clarke melts in her arms and shivers as Lexa’s warm breath hits the sensitive skin on her own neck.

“I love you more, Lexa.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you guys think? I hope that you enjoyed it. Thanks for reading!
> 
> And also... thanks for everyone that's been voting on the two prompts that I was talking about. So... it's most definitely go to be the 'My Best Friend's Wedding' AU. I'm going to leave voting open though for who you guys want to be crashing/pining until I post the next update.
> 
> Love you guys! :)


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys!! This is it! I'm so nervous. I hope that you're not disappointed. Let me know what you guys think in the comments. Love you all!

CLARKE (6:47PM) – Babe, are you back yet?

LEXA (6:48PM) – No. My flight was delayed again. Looks like I may not make it back tonight.

LEXA (6:48PM) – I’m sorry, baby.

CLARKE (6:51PM) – You are not allowed to go to any other trips without me.

LEXA (6:52PM) – Lol. Deal.

LEXA (6:52PM) – I miss you.

CLARKE (6:54PM) – I miss you too, Lex.

Clarke is standing in front of her gallery, digging through her purse for her keys so that she can lock up. She’s huffing into the cool winter air, as she gets frustrated when she can’t find them. In all honesty, it’s not the keys that are frustrating her. She’s been counting down the days until Lexa was supposed to arrive home from a business trip. It was some sort of bar owner’s convention where you learn about new drink, new ideas… that sort of thing. It was in Chicago and Lexa’s been gone for a week now.

It’s been three months since their ‘first’ date and they’ve been right beside each other the entire time. Clarke can’t remember the last time, at least before this trip, that she and Lexa hadn’t slept in the same bed together. They were either at Lexa’s apartment sleeping or at Clarke’s. They practically lived together now. 

Naturally, the ‘honeymoon phase’ didn’t last forever. They fight every once in a while, but it’s never anything too serious. Just normal, everyday couple type things. The first time was because Clarke had to work late at the gallery and forgot to tell Lexa. She had also left her cell phone at the apartment, so when Lexa tried getting a hold of her… the brunette had no such luck. Needless to say, Lexa showed up at Clarke’s gallery at like midnight one night and practically drug the blonde home. Clarke couldn’t help the smile that started forming on her face though. It was nice to have someone that actually worried about her now. The fight didn’t last long. They never really do. The last one that they had, ended up with them not talking for almost a day, but their resolve broke eventually. Clarke remembers that being the last time that they hadn’t slept together in the same bed, and that was almost a month ago.

Clarke is finally able to retrieve her keys from the bottom of her bag, and gets the door nice and secure before turning around and almost running in to someone. Someone with a very familiar face. “Costia!”

“Clarke Griffin.” The other woman smiled and pulled the blonde in for a hug, in which Clarke gladly returned. “How are you doing? How’s the gallery?”

“I’m doing great actually. So is the gallery.” Clarke smiles from ear to ear when she pulls back from their embrace. It’s weird how they seem to be friends. Even after everything. Clarke is just really glad that Costia understood the whole situation and she doesn’t know if she can ever repay her for helping to push her and Lexa back on the right track. The right track being to each other. “Staying super busy. Trying to keep my mind from straying.”

“Straying?” Costia quirks a brow. “Are you seeing someone? And by someone, I mean a certain bar owner?” She smiles and Clarke returns it shyly.

“Yes.” Clarke nods her head and she can’t seem to remove the smile that’s plastered to her face. “For about three months now. She’s gone on a work trip right now and has been for a week. I need her home ASAP.” Clarke chuckles, causing the other woman to go the same.

“I’m so happy for the both of you, Clarke. Honestly. You both deserve the best.”

“Thank you, Costia. What about you? Met anyone worth talking about lately?” Clarke smiles.

Costia shrugs. “I’ve been on quite a few dates. Nothing too major yet, but there is this one girl who seems to be sticking out.”

“That’s great.” Clarke smiles. “Hey, listen. What are you doing right now?”

“Nothing really. I just thought that I’d go on a walk before it got too dark.” Costia replies as she tugs her bag tighter to her shoulder. “I just bought an apartment not too far from here.”

“Want to come hang out with Octavia, Raven, and I? We are having a movie and junk food kind of night. It’s my birthday today.” That’s the first time that she’s said it out loud. It feels weird saying it. She doesn’t know why, it just is. She usually doesn’t do anything for her birthday. Clarke isn’t too big on that type thing. She doesn’t like to be the center of attention all that often. The only thing that she really wanted out of the day, was to see Lexa and obviously that wasn’t going to happen.

“Your birthday? Awesome.” Costia smiles a genuine smile and pulls Clarke in for another hug. “How old?”

“Twenty-seven.” The blonde smiles.

“Well, if you’re sure… I would love to come celebrate your birthday with you and your friends.”

“Let’s do this.” Clarke smiles and turns with Costia at her side, they make the short walk back to Clarke’s apartment. The way there, the two women make short talk about people that Costia has been dating, works that Clarke has been hired to do, Clarke and Lexa’s relationship, which oddly enough, isn’t that awkward to talk about with Costia.

They get to Clarke’s apartment building and make their way up and down the hall to Clarke’s door. The blonde goes digging through her purse once more for her keys and she hears a noise on the other side of her door. Costia furrows her brows. “Raven and O must already be here. Unfortunately, they have a key.” Clarke smiles and finally finds her keys. She places them in the doorknob and slowly opens the door. As soon as she does, she’s hit in the face with a burst of confetti and people yelling ‘Happy Birthday’.

“Holy shit…” She says, almost too loudly. She couldn’t help it though, it startled her and she’s not too big on surprises. Clarke smiles though as she looks around and sees all of her friends. Raven, Octavia, Bellamy, Jasper, Monty, Harper, Maya. The one person that she wants to be there more than anything in the world isn’t there. She’s tries not to let the disappointment show on her face.

Raven and Octavia walk up to her and they both notice Costia at the same time. “Hey, Costia!” Octavia grins. “Long time no see.”

“Hello, Octavia.” She nods with a smile. “Raven.”

“I invited Costia over for girl’s night.” Clarke says. “But looks like it’s more than just girl’s night.” The blonde laughs. “Thank you guys so much. You didn’t have to do anything for me.”

“We most certainly did.” Raven says as she hands Costia a drink. “It’s not everyday that our baby girl turns twenty-seven.” 

Clarke rolls her eyes and chuckles. “Whatever. I’m going to run change shirts real quick.” She comments as she waves a hand in front of her, pointing out that her t-shirt is covered in paint. She makes her way to her bedroom and is greeted by all of the guests wishing her happy birthday and giving her hugs and kisses on her cheeks. Once she finally opens the door to her bedroom, she rests her head on the back of the door as she shuts it. Her eyes are closed and she lets out a distinct sigh.

“What’s the matter?” An all too familiar voice asks, dragging Clarke out of her thoughts and she opens her eyes in a flash. “You don’t like surprise parties?”

Clarke doesn’t say anything, but runs full speed towards Lexa and jumps in her arms. The jump almost knocks Lexa down but she ends up sitting on the side of the bed with Clarke in her lap. “What are you doing here?” Clarke asks, but it comes out rather slowly because every word if punctuated with a kiss to Lexa’s lips, her jaw, her nose, and her forehead.

“You think that I would honestly miss your birthday?” Lexa replies with one of the most beautiful smiles that Clarke thinks she’s ever seen as she wraps her arms around Clarke and settles her hands on the blonde’s lower back.

“I thought you were stuck in Chicago.”

“I was for a while, but I had to keep you thinking that I wasn’t going to be here.” Lexa grins deviously.

“Why?” Clarke pouts and Lexa is more than happy to jump on the chance of pulling Clarke’s lower lip in between her own, causing the blonde to let out a moan.

“It was a surprise. I couldn’t ruin it.” The brunette smiles.

Clarke wraps her arms around Lexa’s neck and pulls her in tightly, placing kisses on her lips and then down onto her neck. “I missed you so much. I was such a freaking wreck. I’m not even going to lie.”

This comment makes Lexa laugh out loud. “Well if you were a wreck, then I was just a catastrophe.” Lexa pulls a strand of blonde hair behind Clarke’s ear and grins. “I missed you too. Happy Birthday, baby.” She kisses Clarke tenderly, and pulls the blonde back with her as she lies down on her back, causing Clarke to laugh into their kiss. Lexa’s hands roam down Clarke’s sides and slowly rake up her paint stained shirt. 

Clarke pulls back looking extremely flustered now and Lexa almost wants to laugh because she knows the feeling. A week without Clarke is like a year without rain. “We can’t.” The blonde practically whispers even though her eyes keep flashing down to Lexa’s plump set of lips. “I have… guests.”

“It’s your party, beautiful.” Lexa shrugs with a grin. “You can do what you want.”

There’s a moment of silence as if Clarke is thinking, and then she clearly gives in. “Your damn right it’s my party.” She says before leaning back down from where she’s straddling Lexa’s body and crashes their lips together furiously. It’s Lexa’s turn to laugh into their kiss, but she never breaks it. Her hands return to pull Clarke’s shirt up and over her head in one swift motion.

In the meantime, Clarke’s shaking hands are fumbling around with the buttons on Lexa’s button up shirt, before she finally gives in and says, “Sorry.” Before Lexa can ask what she’s sorry about, Clarke is literally ripping Lexa’s shirt open and buttons go flying everywhere. Lexa’s green eyes go wide with a surprise and excitement. 

“That was my favorite shirt.” She says, but Clarke can tell that she’s only joking.

“I’ll buy you another one.” Clarke mumbles into the skin between Lexa’s breasts. In this moment, she’s extremely glad that the bra that Lexa is wearing clasps in the front. The garment doesn’t stay anywhere near them as Clarke sheds it off of her girlfriend and throws it to the other side of the room. Lexa’s right behind her, reaching her hands behind Clarke’s back and undoing the blonde’s bra in one motion, dropping it behind them.

Clarke’s nimble fingers start to work on the buttons of Lexa’s jeans, before she pulls the zipper down. Lexa helps her pull the heavy denim material away from her long, tanned legs and then they work on Clarke’s. The need to be skin to skin, after what seems like so long, is extreme. Lexa’s lips attach furiously to the pale skin of Clarke’s neck. Nipping and sucking like it’s her job. Her hands, both palming Clarke’s breasts, slowly start to move down the blonde woman’s stomach and Lexa slips her fingers around the elastic band of Clarke’s panties, shucking them off. Lexa’s hands return quickly and one slips down between them until it finds slick, wet, heat. 

The blonde woman on top of her let’s out a moan that’s probably too loud for their location, but neither one of them can bring themselves to care. Lexa doesn’t wait around before circling Clarke’s clit with her thumb a couple of time and then slipping two fingers into Clarke’s tight entrance. The blonde gasps out Lexa’s name and closes her eyes at the pleasant feeling. Lexa is looking at her, as she pumps in and out of her, as if she’s the most precious thing in the world. And she is. She really is. “You’re so beautiful.” Lexa says quietly, and she’s not entirely sure that Clarke heard her over her moans, but then the blonde is leaning down and kissing her fervently on the lips.

Lexa picks up the pace and adds a third finger, causing yet another loud moan to leave Clarke’s lip and the blonde buries her face into the space between Lexa’s neck and shoulder, shifting her hips in order to help Lexa out. Lexa’s mouth is right beside Clarke’s ear and she can feel the hot breath practically burning the skin on her neck. Clarke must wake up from some sort of dream as Lexa feels a hand slip between her legs as well. The brunette hums loudly in appreciation as Clarke enters her and starts to work her up as well.

Lexa is so glad to be home with the woman she loves. She’s more than missed her. She’s needed her. She’s wanted her. The emotions in the moment are high, as well as the passion and they are both so so close. She can feel it in the way that Clarke clenches tightly around her fingers. “I love you so much.” Lexa pants into the blonde’s ear. “More than anything in this world.” They both immediately seem to hit the wall of pleasure together. Loud moans and pants fill the air even more so now as the both climax together, and Lexa’s fairly sure that she can feel small drops of water on her shoulder. Clarke’s crying.

Once they’ve helped each other ride out their orgasms, Lexa slowly removes her hand from inside Clarke and brings her hands up to pull Clarke away from her shoulder and cups her face. “What’s wrong, Clarke?” Lexa asks, using her thumbs to wipe at her girlfriend’s tear-stained cheeks.

Clarke’s eyelids open slowly, revealing those deep pools of blue that Lexa is head over heels for. “Nothing.” Clarke smiles a wide smile, wiping away at her own tears. They’re happy tears. “Nothing’s wrong. Everything’s perfect. I love you.”

“I love you more.” Lexa grins and sits up so that she can kiss her woman properly. “Happy birthday, Clarke.”

“This was the best birthday ever.”

“I was that good, huh?” Lexa teases, quirking an eyebrow in the process.

Clarke laughs out loud and kisses her again. “That was insanely great, but not what I was talking about. It was the best because you were here with me.” Lexa hums into Clarke’s lips and smiles. “Will you be at all of my other ones?” The blonde smiles and Lexa pulls back again, not sure of what she’s talking about. “All of my other birthdays. I want you at my fortieth, my fiftieth, and ninetieth.” Clarke grins.

“I wouldn’t miss them.” Lexa says before Clarke starts pulling away with a smile on her face when she notices Lexa pouting.

“Babe… I would love to stay in here with you all night, but there’s a party outside. My party. I should probably go mingle.”

Lexa stands too and watches Clarke get dressed. She’s glad that she has all of Clarke’s permission to stare at her for however long she wants. “You not going to get dressed?” Clarke grins.

Lexa shrugs. “Maybe.” She’s thinking and Clarke can tell because the blond raises a brow in question. “Was that a proposal?”

“What?”

“You said you wanted me at your ninetieth birthday.” Lexa smiles. “Was that a proposal?” Clarke laughs a sweet laugh and she’s positive that her heart is pounding inside of her chest. They’ve only been back together for three months, but surprisingly the thought of being engaged and married to Lexa doesn’t freak her out in the least bit. She’s knows that it should, but she also knows exactly what she wants. And that’s to be with Lexa until her last breath.

“Do you want it to be?” The blonde asks bravely, causing Lexa’s eyes to widen, but she doesn’t giver her time to answer before she strolls over and kiss Lexa softly on the lips before patting her bare ass. “We will talk later, babe. Get dressed.”

Before Clarke can walk out of the door, Lexa’s voice stops her. “Clarke.” The blonde turns with a gorgeous smile. “Come back with me to my place after?” Clarke nods before exiting the room, leaving Lexa standing there naked with her heart beating out of her chest.

All Lexa can think though is, ‘For real though… was that a proposal of some sort?’

 

//

 

Lexa exits the bedroom a few minutes after Clarke and is immediately met with several knowing grins and eye rolls from their friends. Namely Raven and Octavia. She flips them off, making them both laugh, and goes to find Clarke. When she finds her girlfriend, she’s talking to a surprising face. Her ex-girlfriend.

“Costia.” Lexa says as she tries to throw on a smile. It’s not that she’s not happy to see her, it’s just that… it’s kind of awkward. To say the least. Lexa doesn’t know exactly what to do with her hands. She would normally place one on the small of Clarke’s lower back, or even stand behind her and wrap her arms around Clarke’s waist. Lexa feels it might be a little inappropriate or inconsiderate in Costia’s presence. She decides with just stick her hands in her pockets instead and Clarke gives her a weird look but Costia doesn’t seem to notice. “How are you?”

“I’m doing great actually.” Her ex smiles like this isn’t the least bit awkward… and maybe it isn’t. Lexa doesn’t like being put in situations like this. Why is Costia here in the first place? “I ran into Clarke in front of the gallery earlier and she invited me to a girl’s night with the others. Little did we know that it was s surprise party.” She chuckles, as does Clarke.

“Yep. Definitely wasn’t expecting that.” Clarke grins, looking up to her girlfriend’s face. Lexa is happy to return it, but she wants so badly to lean in and press a kiss Clarke’s lips. She decides to hell with it and does it anyway. Lexa can’t seem to stay away from the blonde. It’s like she’s a river and Clarke’s the ocean. She always finds her way to her.

Costia doesn’t seem affected at all by the kiss. In fact, she’s smiling at them. “I can’t tell you how happy I am for the both of you.”

“Really?” Lexa asks, and honestly she really didn’t mean to verbalize what she was thinking. It just kind of slipped out.

Costia laughed. “Of course. You were meant for each other. It’s very obvious.” She teases and Lexa can’t help the slight blush that begins to take over her ears as Clarke pokes her in the ribs.

“Uhh – “ Lexa stutters. “Thank you, Costia. It means a lot.”

“So… Lexa, what did you get Clarke for her birthday?” Costia grins, prodding the girl because she knows how much Lexa hates picking out gifts.

“Yeah, Lex. What did you get me?” Her girlfriend teases.

“It’s at home.” Lexa smirks, and then sticks her tongue out at Clarke. “You’ll get it later.”

Costia chuckles again. “You guys are too cute. But, I better run talk to Octavia for a bit before I head out. It was great to see the both of you. Thank you so much for the invite, Clarke and happy birthday.”

Lexa nods and Clarke smiles. “Thank you, Costia. We’ll talk soon.”

As soon as Lexa’s ex has walked off, Lexa lets out a breath that she didn’t realize she was holding and takes her hands out of her pockets. Clarke laughs. “What?” Lexa asks.

“You. You’re so cute and awkward when you’re uncomfortable.”

“What? I’m not cute and I’m most definitely not awkward.” Lexa pouts.

“Denying it makes it even cuter, just so you know.” The blonde says as she wraps her arms around Lexa’s neck and kisses the tip of the brunette’s nose.

“You don’t think I’m sexy?”

Clarke looks up to the ceiling and scrunches her eyebrows as if she’s thinking. This earns her a tickling from Lexa on her ribs and Lexa attaches her lips to Clarke’s neck and blows a raspberry there causing the birthday girl to shiver and cry out louder. “Stop!” Clarke laughs. Their friends have just learned to ignore them. The blonde slaps Lexa’s shoulder to make her stop. “You ass.”

“You don’t think that.” Lexa grins.

“Do too.”

“I swear you two are like five year olds.” Raven says as she walks by them to get to the kitchen. “Horny little fiver year olds.”

Clarke ignores her and Lexa furrows her brow at the odd statement, but she halfway expects something like that every time that Raven opens her mouth. “You’re not getting your birthday present now.” Lexa finally says, throwing her arms across her chest.

“Yes I am. Tell me what it is.” Clarke pesters and Lexa only shakes her head ‘no’. “Ok… give me a hint.”

“It comes in a little square box that can fit in my pocket.” Is all that Lexa says before strolling off and joining the rest of their friends around the food table. Clarke is left standing there, mouth agape and throat dry. Heart pounding all of a sudden and breathing labored.

“What?” She says softly aloud, so that she’s the only one that can hear it. Lexa can’t possibly mean… no. She doesn’t mean what Clarke thinks she means. She can’t right? It’s too soon. They’ve only been back together for three months… but it feels like a lifetime. They know each other like the back of their hand.

All of a sudden, Clarke is terrified… but in a good way. Her hands are sweaty and her throat is still dry, she has to make her way to get a bottle of water. She can’t pretend that she doesn’t want to spend the rest of her life with Lexa. That’s all she’s ever wanted really. Even when they weren’t together and Lexa had broken her heart all of those years ago… All she could think about were the ‘what ifs’ and the ‘could have beens’.

No matter how she looked at it, she realized that she never wanted anything more than for Lexa to propose to her. To hell with the rules of how long they should wait. To hell with what people thought of them. Clarke has waited too long for this. They’ve both waited too long.

 

//

 

The birthday party was winding down and Clarke offered to let Raven, Octavia, and Bellamy stay at her apartment since they had drank a little much. Clarke wouldn’t be there though. She was going to stay the night at Lexa’s. She absolutely couldn’t wait to curl up next to Lexa and fall sound asleep in her girlfriend’s arms. They hadn’t slept in the same bed in a week and she needed some cuddle time damnit.

Octavia and Raven told them to go on and that they would clean up Clarke’s place the next day. Clarke and Lexa did as they were told and started on the short walk over to Lexa’s apartment. “Did you have a good night?” Lexa asks Clarke as they stroll down the lit sidewalk arm in arm. 

“I did.” Clarke smiled a tired smile. “I’m glad that you were here.”

“Me too.” Lexa grins. After a few more minutes, she changes the subject. “How’s are things going with Abby? You haven’t mentioned her in a while.” Even though at first, Lexa didn’t know if she should tell Clarke about her run in with Abby three months ago at the emergency room, she did it anyways. She didn’t want to keep anything from Clarke. She knows that Clarke has had dinner with her mother a few times since then. Abby has really been trying to make amends and it makes Lexa so happy to see a little bit brighter smile every now and again when she speaks to her mom.

“Good. We’ve both been really busy, but I still talk to her every few days. We’re supposed to have lunch next week.” Clarke smiles and sticks her hand in the back pocket of Lexa’s jeans as they walk. “She wants you to come too, by the way.”

“Can’t wait.” Lexa deadpans, causing Clarke to laugh out loud. “I’m kidding… kind of. I’m just glad that things are working themselves out.”

“Me too.” Clarke yawns. “I’m tired.” Clarke says softly in between yawns and Lexa thinks it’s one of the most endearing things ever.

Lexa pulls Clarke tighter to her side and wraps her arms around the blonde’s waist. “As soon as we get home, I’ll grab you something to sleep in and we’ll pile up.” Lexa smiles.

“Can we cuddle?”

“Umm… duh.” Lexa says sarcastically and it makes Clarke laugh out loud.

The walk doesn’t take long at all and Lexa has to practically carry Clarke up the stairs because the blonde was so tired. Okay… maybe Clarke wasn’t that tired, but Lexa just likes being as close as possible to the woman that she loves. They enter the apartment and Clarke makes her way to the bathroom, leaving the door wide open. Lexa laughs at how domestic they are with each other still. She makes her way to the bedroom and grabs Clarke one of her own t-shirts and a pair of shorts to sleep in. Lexa changes into something similar while she waits for Clarke.

When Clarke is finished washing her face in the bathroom, she makes her way to the bedroom and Lexa is already in the bed with her glasses on, reading a book that Clarke swears the woman has read at least ten times now. “Are you ever going to finish that book?” Clarke teases as she changes into the clothes that Lexa laid out for her. Actually… she only changes into the shirt. She doesn’t bother with shorts half of the time. 

“I’m savoring it, Clarke.” This is her answer every time that Clarke teases her about her reading.

“Well, put the damn book down.” Clarke says as she jumps onto the bed and slider underneath the covers. “And cuddle with me.” Lexa chuckles and reaches across the blonde to place her glasses and book on the bedside table.

“You don’t want your birthday present?”

Clarke shoots up. How could she have forgotten? She only nods with a small grin. She’s entirely too nervous to form any words right now. Is this really going to happen? Clarke is sure that her heart is pounding out of her chest.

While Lexa is still reaching over to the night stand, she opens the drawer and pulls a small red box out. There’s a black bow tied around the top of it. Clarke feels her mouth go dry when she sees it and Lexa gives her a small, nervous grin before handing the box to Clarke. “Now, before you see it… I, uh – “ Lexa can’t seem to find her words and that makes Clarke even more nervous. “Just please don’t freak out.” The blond across from her gulps and looks down at the small red package in the palm of her hand. 

Clarke slowly pulls one end of the bow and it comes loose. Hesitantly, she lifts the lid of the box back and she immediately freezes. It’s still more than she dreamed of at this time in her life… but it wasn’t what she was expecting. It wasn’t a ring. “A key?” She asks quietly.

Lexa nods as if she’s scared to death of Clarke’s reaction. She’s hoping that Clarke doesn’t think that it’s too soon. “I hate being apart from you.” Lexa starts with a small smile. “I know that we pretty much stay with each other every night, but… I want to spend every waking minute with you, Clarke. I want you to be here so that I can make you breakfast in the mornings and dinner at night. I want to be able to see you and know that you’re safe. None of this is probably making any sense, but I would very much like it if you would move in with me.”

Clarke is flattered. She really is. She wants nothing more than to move in with Lexa. She feels the same way, but she is really hoping that Lexa can’t see the small flicker of disappointment on her face. ‘God, Clarke. Get yourself together. You’ve been together for three months.’ She thinks to herself.

“I would love to move in with you, Lexa. I feel the same way.” Clarke responds, leaning in to place a soft kiss on her girlfriend’s lips. Clarke freezes when Lexa pulls back with a raised brow.

“Is something wrong?” Lexa asks with a look of worry crossing over her face. “If you’re not ready – I mean… you don’t have to, Clarke. Not if you’re not ready.”

“No!” Clarke says a little too loudly. “I mean… I want to more than anything. I just thought – I, uhh…” She feels like a complete idiot. She doesn’t want to freak Lexa out, but hell… she’s going to say it anyways. “I thought that you were going to propose.”

It’s almost as if Lexa didn’t catch what Clarke had said at first, but then it registers in her brain and her eyes widen and her heart begins beating a tattoo against the inside of her chest. “You did?”

Clarke nods, feeling a little embarrassed. Ok. A lot embarrassed. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. It’s way too soon. I know.” She tries to pull a genuine smile on.

Lexa searches those blue eyes for any hint that that is what Clarke truly wants. Hell… Lexa is game. She would marry Clarke in a second. She would marry Clarke tomorrow, but she wants to make sure that her love has the wedding that she’s always dreamed about. The wedding that Jake had always dreamed that she would have. Lexa smiles, thinking about Jake talking about how he wanted Lexa and Clarke to get married. He even got into all the details like what colors they should use and what venue they should rent. “Do you want me to propose, Clarke?”

Clarke’s eyes flick up to meet Lexa’s forest green ones and she realizes that Lexa is serious. This is a sincere question. Clarke starts to think that Lexa can hear her heartbeat and the way her breath seems to barely come to her. Lexa reaches over and places a soft hand over Clarke’s and squeezes, bring the blonde out of her thoughts. She recalls the question and nods only once.

Lexa’s eyes are still wide, but a grin forms on her face. She stares at Clarke for a little longer before letting go of her hand and sitting up on her knees on her bed. She reaches over to one of the posts of her headboard and starts to unscrew the cap off of it. Clarke is watching her with bated breath and furrowed brows the entire time. Once the top of the post comes off, Lexa reaches her hand down into the hollow column before lifting another tiny box out. The box is black and old. That much Clarke can tell. What the hell? Clarke’s pretty sure that she’s about to have a panic attack.

Lexa sits back, cross-legged in front of Clarke and scoots as close as she can. “Lexa?”

“Yeah?”

“What is that?”

“Our past.” Lexa says, softly to a still confused Clarke. “And hopefully our future.” Lexa doesn’t wait any longer before she opens the small black box. Her fingers are trembling. All she can hear in the back of her mind is Jake saying, ‘Take care of my daughter, Lexa.’

Clarke gasps audibly when she sees the ring that is set in the box. It’s vintage, she’s for certain. That would explain the old box. It’s elegant and timeless. Simple yet sophisticated. It’s exactly her. She feels tears start to form in her eyes, or maybe they’ve been there and she just only noticed. “Lexa… I – “ She can’t speak. She still can’t believe that this is happening.

“Clarke…I know that our relationship has been rocky.” She chuckles a little, trying to hold back her own tears. “That’s an understatement, but… I believe now that the couples that are meant to be together are the ones that go through everything that will try to tear them apart and they come out even stronger than ever. I am not perfect. I’ll annoy the hell out of you sometimes, I’m sure. I will piss you off. I will say stupid stuff all of the time and then take it all back, but I can assure you, Clarke Griffin, that you will never find a person who loves your more than I do.” Lexa is outright crying now and she can’t bring herself to care or even wipe the tears away. She just lets them fall and she feels Clarke’s hands on her knees in front of her. They both smile through their tears. Happy tears.

“I will never stop showing you how much you mean to me.” Lexa continues. “The way that I fell for you all of those years ago, at that club when we kissed, was so instinctive. Like I was supposed to do that. Fall for you. And here am now, even more in love with you. I never thought that I could love you more, but it comes just as natural to me as breathing.” She leans over and places a kiss on Clarke’s lips and they taste like the saltiness of her tears. “You were my yesterday. You are my today, and you are all of my tomorrows. I hope.” She added with a smile that causes Clarke to chuckle and wipe away at her tears. “I want to spend the rest of my life with you. You’re my best friend. Always have been. Always will be.” She leans over again to kiss her love. Lexa pulls back but only slightly, resting their foreheads together. “Clarke Jane Griffin… will you marry me?”

Clarke nods her head a thousand times ‘yes’ and practically attacks Lexa’s face with kisses. “Yes.” Kiss. “Yes.” Kiss. “Yes.” Kiss. “A million times yes.” She kisses her fiancé again and Lexa’s smile is so wide that all Clarke kisses is teeth. The kisses last for what feels like an eternity, but neither one of them cares. They want this moment to last a lifetime, and now they have a lifetime together.

Lexa pulls back and removes the shiny ring from the box and brings Clarke’s hand up to her lips to press a gently kiss onto her knuckles before sliding the ring on. “Lexa…” Clarke is breathless from everything has happened in the past ten minutes. “This is beautiful. Where did you get it?”

Lexa smiles a shy smile. She really hope Clarke isn’t mad about the fact that she’s had this for ages and really planned on using it back then. “Jake.” Clarke’s eyes shoot up at her father’s name, but then she looks confused so Lexa continues. “I went to him one night. I told him that I wanted to marry you.” If Clarke’s heart could beat any harder, there would be a hole in her chest right now. “He told me that he wanted nothing more than for me to marry you and take care of you for the rest of our lives. He gave me this. It was his grandmother’s.” Lexa points at the ring.

“Wh – ho –when?” Clarke stutters, her brain isn’t functioning anymore. “Why didn’t you use it then?”

“I chickened out.” Lexa says, honestly. She’s not holding back. “And then everything happened. I’m so sorry.” To her surprise, Clarke leans over to kiss her.

“Lexa, all that matter is right now. You weren’t ready then… and who’s to say that I wasn’t either.” The blonde smiles a bit and receives one in return. She looks down at the ring on her finger and grins. “This is beautiful.” Tears are still freely flowing down her face and Lexa reaches up to wipe them away.

“I couldn’t bare to part with it. It was always meant for you.”

There are a few minutes of comfortable silence and shared glances and smiles. They are both still in shock. “Lexa…” Clarke says softly. “We’re getting married.” Her voice is excited. “Holy shit.”

“I know.” Lexa smiles.

“Does that mean that I can boss you around now?” The blonde teases.

“What? You already boss me around.” Lexa grins and pulls her fiancé in for a passionate kiss.

“Whatever.” Clarke says smiling into their kiss and then Lexa pulls away slightly.

“However,” Lexa grins a devilish grin. “I will give you full permission to wake me up anytime that you get horny. I promise not to get mad.” Clarke burst out into laughter, as does Lexa before they are back breathing in each other’s air. Their love overflowing throughout the apartment. This is right. This is how it’s meant to be. It’s not too fast. It’s them. It’s messy and weird… but it’s them.

“I love you.” Clarke says softly as she places another soft kiss on her future wife’s lips. “So, so much.”

Lexa’s green eyes meet Clarke’s blue ones and their smiles are almost blindingly bright. The brunette reaches up and tucks a few locks of golden hair behind her lover’s ear and kisses her once again. “I love you more.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay.... so I know that it moved a little quickly, but I don't even care because I love them so much. I hope that you guys liked it at least a little bit. Thank you all so much for reading. You're the best.
> 
> As for my next fic... the voting has ended and it was a landslide vote. It will be the 'My Best Friend's Wedding' AU... with a little twist, because Clexa is endgame. :) As for who will be the one crashing it... the voting was extremely close, so I will just surprise y'all. Stay tuned!! Hopefully within a few days the first chapter will be done. Don't hold me to it though.
> 
> Love you all! Follow me on Twitter @asuzh90


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